Day19 PracticeFAX ParentingSuccessEcourse
30 Days to Parenting Success Lesson 19: Stop & Practice F-A-X Today I know, you just had a practice day a couple days ago, but yesterday you learned the entire F-A-X Listening and problem-solving process. I want you to have time to process what you learned and put it into practice, because when you master F-A-X Listening you will: Have children who feel safe enough to let down their defenses and share the real issues they are dealing with. Have children who open up and give more than yes/no, oneword answers. Have children who express their feelings clearly and appropriately, without tantrums, yelling or being overly dramatic to get sympathy. Have children who calm down amazingly quickly. Have children who are good listeners with their siblings, peers, parents and extended family — and in the future, with their spouses, co-workers, supervisors and employees. Avoid common roadblocks that shut down communication and cause unnecessary conflicts. Know how to read and interpret non-verbal communication, so if someone is upset but not speaking, they will know you care. Know the one tool you can use to mediate conflicts between two children (siblings, peers), work out parent/child conflicts, make family decisions, solve family-wide problems, and even solve problems and enhance adult-to-adult relationships! Have children who are good problem-solvers and decisionmakers. In fact, they are so good, others come to them for advice. Have children who know how to face and conquer their fears. Have children who have positive sibling relationships and work out their problems by listening to each other, communicating their needs, and negotiating win/win solutions — independent from their parents! You will stop hearing: o Personal space disputes like, “He’s looking at me!” Or “He won’t leave me alone!” o Property wars like, “She took my toy!” “He won’t share!” and “She borrowed without asking! o Territorial issues like, “His stuff is on my side of the room!” o Tattling, but children will know when it’s okay to “tell” you about a serious situation. o Teasing or bullying. “Bullies” learn healthy ways to express themselves and resolve conflicts and “Victims” are empowered with assertiveness — both are freed from their roles!
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Success Stories My little person is not screaming and jumping up and down anymore. It takes more words to talk to my niece, but there are no more arguments or tantrums. I don’t avoid as much anymore because I have the tools to use to handle the situation. – Marina, Springfield, OH It’s unbelievable how simple these tools are but you would never think of them yourself. This workshop has depleted so much stress out of my life. Love Jody’s approach! -- Becky Self, Dayton, OH The entire course and resources have been extremely beneficial both personally and professionally. I noticed myself using the tools and language with so many families. I am sharing it with my colleagues. I am really excited about it professionally. It has helped me with my son by learning tools that have helped get him to be internally motivated. That had been a huge struggle. This was a big light bulb about things I need to change in my perceptions and my behaviors. The course is invaluable. -- Carrie Underwood, Springboro, OH
I liked that Jody stressed the fact that she would never teach us what not to do without first teaching us alternatives to try that have been proven to work. I learned so many tools in the class that will benefit me as a parent and as a partner. I was hesitant and skeptical about enrolling in the class and now I am so glad that I did. -- Robin Laake, Kettering, OH
30 Days to Parenting Success Physical fighting (not just roughhousing). “He pulled my hair!” Or “She pushed me first!” Have children who have fewer school problems. They: o Do their homework without you nagging or hovering. o Remember to take their homework and lunches to school. o Choose friends that are a good influence. o Get along with their teachers and peers. o
You can also take this time to check out some of the resources that will help you master not only the strategy and techniques of F-A-X Listening, but the art and heart of it, too.
ACTION STEPS: 1.
2.
When your child expresses a feeling, opinion, belief, or perspective — no matter how small and no matter how alarming — STOP, LOOK and LISTEN with full attention. Bite your tongue if you are tempted to give advice. Summarize what the child said and, if appropriate, ask your child what he/she wants to do about it. In the comment area of the online lesson, share what your child said, how you responded, and how the child reacted to your response. Did they calm down? That’s usually the result. The next time your child has a problem to solve, use the ProblemSolving Worksheet. It will walk you through the entire F-A-X Listening process. You’ll need Adobe Acrobat to open and read this document.
Here is a list of the recommended resources in this lesson: For more information on using this first step of the F-A-X process, read these articles on how to get children to open up and how you can handle emotional outbursts. To learn the problem-solving process in the most detail possible and hear suggestions for trouble-shooting at each step, get the “Solving Sibling Strife” Teleseminar. Check out my articles on “Halting Homework Hassles” or “Parent-Teacher Conferences” to learn how to apply the process to school problems. Get the session from the Lunch & Learn audio series called, “Children's Menu: How to Really Listen to Your Child,” to have more in-depth information about F-A-X Listening.
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Check out
http://askjjp.com/tele
or get the individual session: “Solving Sibling Strife” http://askjjp.com/sib
http://askjjp.com/lunchandlearn
or get the individual session: “Children's Menu: How to Really Listen to Your Child” http://askjjp.com/fax
They will help you learn and apply the skills in today’s lesson.
Page 1 of 2
Success Stories My little person is not screaming and jumping up and down anymore. It takes more words to talk to my niece, but there are no more arguments or tantrums. I don’t avoid as much anymore because I have the tools to use to handle the situation. – Marina, Springfield, OH It’s unbelievable how simple these tools are but you would never think of them yourself. This workshop has depleted so much stress out of my life. Love Jody’s approach! -- Becky Self, Dayton, OH The entire course and resources have been extremely beneficial both personally and professionally. I noticed myself using the tools and language with so many families. I am sharing it with my colleagues. I am really excited about it professionally. It has helped me with my son by learning tools that have helped get him to be internally motivated. That had been a huge struggle. This was a big light bulb about things I need to change in my perceptions and my behaviors. The course is invaluable. -- Carrie Underwood, Springboro, OH
I liked that Jody stressed the fact that she would never teach us what not to do without first teaching us alternatives to try that have been proven to work. I learned so many tools in the class that will benefit me as a parent and as a partner. I was hesitant and skeptical about enrolling in the class and now I am so glad that I did. -- Robin Laake, Kettering, OH
30 Days to Parenting Success Physical fighting (not just roughhousing). “He pulled my hair!” Or “She pushed me first!” Have children who have fewer school problems. They: o Do their homework without you nagging or hovering. o Remember to take their homework and lunches to school. o Choose friends that are a good influence. o Get along with their teachers and peers. o
You can also take this time to check out some of the resources that will help you master not only the strategy and techniques of F-A-X Listening, but the art and heart of it, too.
ACTION STEPS: 1.
2.
When your child expresses a feeling, opinion, belief, or perspective — no matter how small and no matter how alarming — STOP, LOOK and LISTEN with full attention. Bite your tongue if you are tempted to give advice. Summarize what the child said and, if appropriate, ask your child what he/she wants to do about it. In the comment area of the online lesson, share what your child said, how you responded, and how the child reacted to your response. Did they calm down? That’s usually the result. The next time your child has a problem to solve, use the ProblemSolving Worksheet. It will walk you through the entire F-A-X Listening process. You’ll need Adobe Acrobat to open and read this document.
Here is a list of the recommended resources in this lesson: For more information on using this first step of the F-A-X process, read these articles on how to get children to open up and how you can handle emotional outbursts. To learn the problem-solving process in the most detail possible and hear suggestions for trouble-shooting at each step, get the “Solving Sibling Strife” Teleseminar. Check out my articles on “Halting Homework Hassles” or “Parent-Teacher Conferences” to learn how to apply the process to school problems. Get the session from the Lunch & Learn audio series called, “Children's Menu: How to Really Listen to Your Child,” to have more in-depth information about F-A-X Listening.
Page 2 of 2
Check out
http://askjjp.com/tele
or get the individual session: “Solving Sibling Strife” http://askjjp.com/sib
http://askjjp.com/lunchandlearn
or get the individual session: “Children's Menu: How to Really Listen to Your Child” http://askjjp.com/fax
They will help you learn and apply the skills in today’s lesson.
