slim pickings
VIEWPOINT
slim pickings
Slight problem IAIN BALL talks of love lost on a lady too lean—and ponders his fondness for a fuller figure Sighing contentedly, Serena rolled over the duvet and reached for her pack of Marlboros. “One more?” I asked seductively, eyeing her buttocks. She shot me an over-the-shoulder look, eyebrows raised. “Don’t you want to?” I grinned rakishly. “’Cause I do.” “Are you serious?” she asked incredulously, blowing away a stray lick of her tousled blonde hair. “Wow, I don’t know how you manage it.” “Go on,” I urged. She exhaled smoke. “Not right now, sweetheart. Believe me, I’m more than satisfied.” “Please,” I begged her. “Why are you being so pushy?” “Just one more.” “For god’s sake,” said Serena sternly. “There is absolutely no way I can eat another doughnut.” “Try this one,” I said, offering her a double-chocolate cream with sprinkles. “They’re so good.” Sadly, Serena and I never really made it as a couple. We liked each other a lot, but something physical didn’t click. She was pretty, to be sure. She had grace. If she hadn’t been so busy reading Heidegger and Nietzsche, she probably could have tried being a model. But Serena was as skinny as a malnourished rake. And no matter how much she ate, no matter how often I piled more food on to her plate in the college dining hall, her metabolism just shrugged off the calories with a contemptuous laugh. And that was my problem. I was
108 VOGUE INDIA JANUARY 2012 www.vogue.in
young, and I liked to think that there was so much more to sexual attraction than simply how a woman looks. But I couldn’t stop myself imagining how exciting it would be if Serena’s butt weren’t quite so flat, so bony, so… nonexistent. She just had no flesh on her. At the time, looking near-anorexic was the fashion, and all the other women seemed to envy her, but I just couldn’t understand why. Serena was a stick. And I was skinny too, so when we made love it was like banging a pair of sticks together. But no matter how hard we tried, we never seemed to ignite. I guess every man’s tastes are different. Over the centuries, we have incrementally swollen and shrunk women’s breasts, hips and bottoms through idealised depictions of the female form in painting and sculpture, and then photography and film, to set the standards of perfection that we want women to aspire to. I like to blame my personal preference on the Flemish Baroque artist Peter Paul Rubens’ Venus At The Mirror, which I first saw as a kid; it held me transfixed. Judging by Venus’ ample buttocks, Kate Moss would have had to munch an awful lot of Belgian buns to have any chance of a modelling career in 17th-century Europe. But I think Rubens, who often took his young and well-proportioned wife Hélène Fourment as his model, was on to something timeless and universal (even though I’d say now that he was a little over-generous—my young fascination quickly moved on to Raquel Welch in One Million Years B.C.) And I’m certainly not alone. You’ve only got to look back at the history of painting and sculpture to see—despite the 20th-century Western flirtation with the skinny waif—that the curvaceous woman has
constantly swayed and sashayed in the masculine imagination with a pulsequickening fascination. For me, the undulating landscape of the hourglass figure—large breasts, slim waist, wide hips—is like a virgin territory yearning to be surveyed and explored. It calls out to the adventurer in me. There are no bony ridges there, no hard skeletal escarpments; only tender, sensual uplands and soft, fertile valleys, ever beckoning with a tantalising promise of warmth, pleasure, bounty. In other words, I think curvy women are hot. Am I making a purely aesthetic choice, or are instinctive, unconscious forces working on me? A 2004 Harvard study claims that women with hourglass figures usually have higher levels of the sex hormones estradiol and progesterone, making them much more likely to become pregnant than women with other body shapes. And a study of 16,000 women and children, published in the American science journal Evolution And Human Behavior in 2007, found that women with slim waists and wide hips have ‘significantly higher cognitive test scores’ than their skinnier rivals. The bigger the difference between their hips and waists, the brighter they were. Not only that, but their children also had higher IQ scores. So, there you go. Men instinctively find curvy women sexier because, on average, they’re more intelligent, more fertile and have smarter kids. Plus, they have great butts. But maybe Serena shared my aesthetic inclination. Eventually she married a plump investment banker called Sven. I hope you’re happy, Serena. Maybe things could have been different. If only you’d eaten more of those doughnuts. >
SOFIA SANCHEZ AND MAURO MONGIELLO/TRUNK ARCHIVE
Getting an ideal body isn’t always about losing weight. For some, it can be about putting on the pounds. A man fond of curves and a woman tussling with thinness share their tales from the dark side of skinny country
A HAND FULL
For writer Iain Ball, the softness of an hourglass figure is more appealing than fashionable bony angles
www.vogue.in VOGUE INDIA JANUARY 2012 109
slim pickings
Slight problem IAIN BALL talks of love lost on a lady too lean—and ponders his fondness for a fuller figure Sighing contentedly, Serena rolled over the duvet and reached for her pack of Marlboros. “One more?” I asked seductively, eyeing her buttocks. She shot me an over-the-shoulder look, eyebrows raised. “Don’t you want to?” I grinned rakishly. “’Cause I do.” “Are you serious?” she asked incredulously, blowing away a stray lick of her tousled blonde hair. “Wow, I don’t know how you manage it.” “Go on,” I urged. She exhaled smoke. “Not right now, sweetheart. Believe me, I’m more than satisfied.” “Please,” I begged her. “Why are you being so pushy?” “Just one more.” “For god’s sake,” said Serena sternly. “There is absolutely no way I can eat another doughnut.” “Try this one,” I said, offering her a double-chocolate cream with sprinkles. “They’re so good.” Sadly, Serena and I never really made it as a couple. We liked each other a lot, but something physical didn’t click. She was pretty, to be sure. She had grace. If she hadn’t been so busy reading Heidegger and Nietzsche, she probably could have tried being a model. But Serena was as skinny as a malnourished rake. And no matter how much she ate, no matter how often I piled more food on to her plate in the college dining hall, her metabolism just shrugged off the calories with a contemptuous laugh. And that was my problem. I was
108 VOGUE INDIA JANUARY 2012 www.vogue.in
young, and I liked to think that there was so much more to sexual attraction than simply how a woman looks. But I couldn’t stop myself imagining how exciting it would be if Serena’s butt weren’t quite so flat, so bony, so… nonexistent. She just had no flesh on her. At the time, looking near-anorexic was the fashion, and all the other women seemed to envy her, but I just couldn’t understand why. Serena was a stick. And I was skinny too, so when we made love it was like banging a pair of sticks together. But no matter how hard we tried, we never seemed to ignite. I guess every man’s tastes are different. Over the centuries, we have incrementally swollen and shrunk women’s breasts, hips and bottoms through idealised depictions of the female form in painting and sculpture, and then photography and film, to set the standards of perfection that we want women to aspire to. I like to blame my personal preference on the Flemish Baroque artist Peter Paul Rubens’ Venus At The Mirror, which I first saw as a kid; it held me transfixed. Judging by Venus’ ample buttocks, Kate Moss would have had to munch an awful lot of Belgian buns to have any chance of a modelling career in 17th-century Europe. But I think Rubens, who often took his young and well-proportioned wife Hélène Fourment as his model, was on to something timeless and universal (even though I’d say now that he was a little over-generous—my young fascination quickly moved on to Raquel Welch in One Million Years B.C.) And I’m certainly not alone. You’ve only got to look back at the history of painting and sculpture to see—despite the 20th-century Western flirtation with the skinny waif—that the curvaceous woman has
constantly swayed and sashayed in the masculine imagination with a pulsequickening fascination. For me, the undulating landscape of the hourglass figure—large breasts, slim waist, wide hips—is like a virgin territory yearning to be surveyed and explored. It calls out to the adventurer in me. There are no bony ridges there, no hard skeletal escarpments; only tender, sensual uplands and soft, fertile valleys, ever beckoning with a tantalising promise of warmth, pleasure, bounty. In other words, I think curvy women are hot. Am I making a purely aesthetic choice, or are instinctive, unconscious forces working on me? A 2004 Harvard study claims that women with hourglass figures usually have higher levels of the sex hormones estradiol and progesterone, making them much more likely to become pregnant than women with other body shapes. And a study of 16,000 women and children, published in the American science journal Evolution And Human Behavior in 2007, found that women with slim waists and wide hips have ‘significantly higher cognitive test scores’ than their skinnier rivals. The bigger the difference between their hips and waists, the brighter they were. Not only that, but their children also had higher IQ scores. So, there you go. Men instinctively find curvy women sexier because, on average, they’re more intelligent, more fertile and have smarter kids. Plus, they have great butts. But maybe Serena shared my aesthetic inclination. Eventually she married a plump investment banker called Sven. I hope you’re happy, Serena. Maybe things could have been different. If only you’d eaten more of those doughnuts. >
SOFIA SANCHEZ AND MAURO MONGIELLO/TRUNK ARCHIVE
Getting an ideal body isn’t always about losing weight. For some, it can be about putting on the pounds. A man fond of curves and a woman tussling with thinness share their tales from the dark side of skinny country
A HAND FULL
For writer Iain Ball, the softness of an hourglass figure is more appealing than fashionable bony angles
www.vogue.in VOGUE INDIA JANUARY 2012 109
