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April14, 2011

Revenge of the Trifucta, wait – F*CK the TriFucTaIt’s NATIONAL BEER DAY!!! So there I was, sitting at the bar at Beachwood, enjoying a glass of Ommegang Gnomegang (that’s a BEER for those of you that don’t know, not some crazy sex thing that we do) on a lovely Saturday afternoon. While talking with NECROFISHIAC about his upcumming trail with NICE HAIR FAG I nicely reminded him… “Hey don’t forget that the hares get $50 for BEER checks so make sure there’s plenty of good BEER on trail”. To which he quickly ambushed me with “HA! Guess what, you’re our Scribe!” (Insert deer in headlights look) CRAP! What just happened? How do I scribe? With an actual pen and paper? What?! I only know how to document the trail with photos! But since I can’t use that excuse anymore and I’ve flown under the Scribe radar for this long I guess it’s about time to do my VIRGIN SCRIBE! As luck would have it the night of the TriFucTa Revenge trail fell on National BEER Day!!! HOORAY BEER! History bit here…no I’m not that much of a BEER nerd, I copied it from Wikipedia. It’s on the internet therefore it must be true…

“New Beer's Eve is an unofficial holiday (we should get the week off) in the US celebrating the end of Prohibition in the United States. The beginning of the end of Prohibition in the United States occurred as a result of the Cullen-Harrison Act and its signing into law by President Franklin D. Roosevelt on March 23, 1933. Sales of BEER in the U.S would become legal on April 7, 1933 (HOORAY BEER!) provided that the state in question had enacted its own law allowing such sales (some states laws STILL date back to Prohibition days). The BEER had to have an alcohol content less than 3.2% (4% ABV) (BOO!), compared to the 0.5% limit of the Volstead Act, because 3.2% was considered too low to produce intoxication (except for DANCING QUEEN who thinks PBR is too strong and is often seen watering it down!). On the evening of April 6, FRUIT OF THE LOOM and SCREW CAP lined up outside breweries and taverns, waiting for midnight when they would be able to legally purchase BEER for the first time in over 13 years (Damn, that’s a long time with no BEER, I can’t remember the last time I went 13 days without a BEER). Since then, the night of April 6 has been referred to as "New BEER's Eve.”

Hash Website:www.lbh3.org Therefore, I propose that as a “drinking club with a running problem” it is our duty, hashers and harriettes, to celebrate New BEER’s Eve a hell of a lot more than that other attention whore Eve, you know the one - when the stupid year changes on the calendar. Woopity freakin’doo. OK, on to the trail…We arrived at the start super early so the hares could drop off the BEERchecks. Other early arrivals were VFW, ALWAYS JUICY, PINKY, TIT MITT and secretly sleeping in her car was wHOLE BLOW OUT. Apparently she had a “blow out” of a Hump Hash, couldn’t make it home but found her way to the next hash start. So she slept in her car all night and all day to wake up just in time for another hash. Atta girl! Another early arrival was ROYAL FLUSH who didn’t think the trail was going to be long enough so got in an extra 5miles before the hash - Overachiever. Not too long after, LAST TRAIN showed up with the BEER and about 20 other hashers piled out of his clown van. New Boot JUST LINDSEY (who was picked up by HAIRY TWATTER at the Hump Hash) showed up and the vultures started circling around the fresh meat. The revenge of the Trifucta brought out a few regulars and returners wearing the original Trifucta shirt: NICE HAIR FAG, VICTORIA SECRETIONS, PINKY, BACK DOOR WHORE and even JUST SAY NO TO CRACK made an appearance.

As the time got closer to BEER:30 more hashers started showing up like newly named UKULEIME and OUTDOOR SHIT. Others present were JOCK, ALOUETTE, WILD BILL, PASSING WIND, BOYZ R US, DWP, WRECT HIM, BROOM, SUPER SCAR, ASSHUNTER, FRUIT OF THE LOOM, MAXWELL STUPID, SCRATCH, POLLINATOR, JULIO CHILD, RIFF RAFF, J.A.K.O.B, IT’S A BUST, PACK MY CHUTE, KOWPADDY (with his stupid 2 fingers) and a hell of a lot more on this nice, sunny, SoCal day. Oh wait it was cold as f*uck!

As. soon as the hares were off it started to rain. There was talk of skipping the trail and just going for a BEER at Beachwood, since it was National BEER day. But most of us followed trail that lead out of the parking lot and down Main St. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, maybe the hares are going to have a BEERcheck at Beachwood. On second thought, that would mean we would have to share 8 pints among 60-70 thirsty hashers. As we ran down Main St., MORNING COCKTAIL saw that I was feverishly trying to run and write at the same time (which does not work, I can barely read my notes) and asked me “R U taking DICKtation?” I replied “No, I’m taking SNATCHtation.” We continued on to a BEERcheck at Clancy’s, where everyone crowded in trying to fight for a sip of the sweet HOP NECTAR. I tried to barge my way though saying “Press pass, make way, press pass.” I was a little late but fortunately I CHINK SO and BUSTER HYMEN shared their BEERS with me. Atta boys! It was then, at that very moment when I witnessed something that was worthy of Hash Shit! On this very sacred National BEER Day, PRINCESS OF INCEST was seen drinking WINE at a BEERcheck. Oh, the hop horror! From there the trail went down to and under the pier, along the beach and then up Seal Beach Blvd for what seemed like a rerunning of the recent SB 10k. Fortunately, we were not forced to run the entire course and were treated to a 2nd BEERcheck

Highlights from down-downs, if I can read my notes and understand what I was thinking. Apparently, KIND OF A WHORE moonlights as “WHO DAT WHORE” or as her 2 New Boots called her. A bunch of people got patches including NICE HAIR FAG - 35 Hare (Hair?) patch, and 4H returned in time to get his 269th patch hidden on ASS,

THE OTHER VAGINA. It was parents’ night out and that’s the most action they’ve had all year. PRINCESS OF INCEST made all the BOHICIANS that raided BUSTER HYMEN’S place during the Mormon Ride give back all of his gay porn, lube, etc. I was torn that I had to give back the “Bendover Bob and Strap-on Sally” dolls. They really shook up my Barbie playhouse. 2 YUNG 2 DO translated OBI JUAN ECOLI’s Hash Shit nominations which it eventually went to PRINCESS OF INCEST for drinking wine at a BEERcheck on National BEER Day. The ON ON was at Tilted Kilt (aka “Scottish Hooters” or “Kilts ‘N Cleavage”). Thanks to NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS for the BEER and HEAD FIRST for the dissertation on “real Buffalo wings”. ON ON SNATCH OF THE DAY

manned by the hairier of the hares NECROFISHIAC. Too bad he only had Miller Lite, but I guess it’s better than what they had during Prohibition which was no BEER at all! Oh, the malty misery! After the BEERcheck the trail went into Gum Grove Park to a turkey/eagle split, which I opted for the eagle. CHINBALL WIZARD took a timeout from his breakneck speed to reenact his attempt at Tarzan on the rope swing. We made it out of the park before they closed the gate (thank GUINNESS! I wouldn’t want to have to climb that fence again), the trail zigzagged through the neighborhood, on to PCH, over the SG River and to the ON IN. I saw NERCO pass me in his truck on the way to the ON IN. Does that count as a Hare Snare? How ‘bout a Gnome Snare?

LBH3 WEAKLY SNOOZE STATS Run Date: 4/7/2011 Run #: 1443 Miles: 3.5 Hares: Nice Hair Fag & Necrofishiac Place: Seal Beach, Pavilion shopping ctr, PCH & Bolsa Attendance: 81 New Boots: Mark Green,Lindsay Schneider, Richard Duncan, Drew Hill Returners: 4H, Ass the Other, Back Door Whore, It's a Bust, Just Say no to Crack, Not in Front of the kids, Riff Raff, Royal Flush, Sum Dum Chik, Aiden Hesse Patches: 4H = 269 Jane Fondle=50 Zamboneme=25 It's a Bust=25 Hare Patches: Nice Hair=35,Hare bag ON ON: The Scottish Kilt Run Notes: Very COLD! Started trail 3 min early(3 cop cars/rain) Beercheck on Main St., bike path by ocean, up Seal Beach to 2nd beer check Gum Grove Pk, trails in pk,, over the bridge on PCH to Remax building on 2nd St. Hashit: Princess of incest & Always Juicy for having wine at a beer check on National Beer Day.

Date 4-28 5-05 5-12 5-19 5-26 6-02 6-09 6-16

Run # 1446 1447 1448 1449 1450 1451 1452 1453

» Hares OPEN! See Victoria to Hare! Tit Mitt & Friends Whole Blow Out Victoria's Secretion Horney Toad & Yull Jack Off OPEN-See Victoria to Hare! 9-9 Split Kowpaddy Kowboy

REHASH: THIS DATE IN HASH HISTORY Run # 334 Date: 4/11/1991 (20 years ago) Place: Long Beach Hares: RIFF RAFF Miles: 4 Attendance: 48 For many years, the first Thursday night run was Long Beach Grand Prix Run. The third annual Grand Prix run began in a parking th structure of the mall at 6 and Pine that has now gone the way of the wrecking ball. AUTO ROTATE was minding his own business and enjoying a pre-run prelube when RIFF RAFF approached him, held out a flour-caked hand and said, “Will you scribe for me?” He was too stunned to refuse. RIFF RAFF took off 7.19893605 minutes late (according to FRUIT) and then headed into the mall. We followed trail through some streets and back alleys and down to the shoreline where we entered the spectator seating area of the Grand Prix course. We passed a multitude of port-apotties for which FASTLADY, ON CALL and others were greatly appreciative. We crossed 4 footbridges that went back and forth over the course and then we hit the pits. (Race security wasn’t so tight back then!) At the Villa Riviera, the pack became confused. Someone finally found trail and we realized we’d been fooled by a nasty backcheck. This caused many hashers to miss the beer check. The backcheck also enabled the slow folks (including EJECT, NURSE ME, BROOMHILDA and MOMSICKLE) to catch up to the pack. POPSICKLE was embarrassed to find himself trailing his wife. After another uneventful mile, we reached the on-in, and most arrived within a 5-minute time frame. Well, except for some shortcutters who felt sure that RIFF RAFF would lead them to Belmont Brewing Company and headed off in that direction in error. Down-downs included the awarding of the hashit to NURSE ME for “not cumming with RE-PETER during the week.” To no one’s surprise, the on-on was at Belmont Brewing Company where RIFF RAFF encouraged us all to try his favorite brew, Marathon. The Grand Prix runs were started in 1989 by JOCK and MINORBATOR, and up until this year we had only missed our annual Tour de Pits once - in 2006.

Receding Hareline

Comments Cinco de Birthday! Whole Blow Outta Here!

6-9's 6/9 Run

Location TBA TBA TBA PV Penninsula TBA TBA

Write-ups, Pictures, Hash Directions and other Blasphemy MUST BE RECEIVED by Monday 9pm. Otherwise, IT WILL NOT APPEAR IN THE SNOOZE! e-mail to:[email protected]

Mismanagement Committee 2011 Grandmasters: “Princess of Incest” (562)715-1708 “Chinball Wizard” (562)858-6353 Hash Cash: “Hi Speed Copulator” (562)822-8400 “6-9 Split” (562)858-6511 On Sec: “Special Head” (562)522-8774 “Morning Cocktail” (562)338-5826 [email protected] On Disk: “Mounds of Joy” (714)292-1035 “Passing Wind” (562)533-2246 Brewmeisters: “Last Train” (714)SLIMEUP “Veteran of Foreign Whores” (559)681-3866 Munchmeister: “Wrect Him” (562)228-5199 Trailmaster: “Victoria's Secretions” (562)381-5592 Haberdashery: “J.A.K.O.B.” (562)688-7572 “Kind of a Whore” (424)235-KOAW Hash Flash: “Whole Blow Out ” (714)386-WHBO “Ballsagna” (314)420-2654 Webmeister-Snooze: [email protected] Webmeister-General: “homoSAXual” – [email protected]

Thursday, April 21 2011, 6:30 PM Happy 420!

Run 1445 Hares Mounds of Joy, Obi Juan E Coli and 2 Yung 2 Du! Cost: $5 Location: Parking lot on Carson near Bellflower Blvd. in Long Beach TGuide: Look for Hashers! From South of Long Beach: 405 N, exit Bellflower, turn right, right on Carson, parking lot on Right Hand Side in Heartwell Park. From North of Long Beach: 5 S, 710 S toward Long Beach, CA-91 E toward Riverside, CA19/Lakewood Blvd. turn Right, Turn left at E Carson St, Cross Bellflower, parking lot on Right. I was gonna do the trail, but then I got high. I was gonna drink some f*ing beer. I did, and I got high. Now I’m doing a down-down, and I know why. Why? Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high. *Don't forget to carpool:)

Alouette Neva Higgins 707 Nancy Lane Fullerton, CA 92831