Hash Hotline: (562) HASHITT
Aug 5, 2010
With a sadistic smirk on my lips I jabbered on and on to my new intern, 12 years my junior, about these weekly gatherings I had been attending. My plan was to expose this Christian College Basketball Player to the passion for depravity and mischief that a Hasher knows. (And blow his mind!) Coercion of this lanky, ginger, eventually came from my placing great emphasis on the health benefits of running, the improvement in speed he is sure to find on the basketball court, the abundance of BEER, the frequent presentation of boobs by Hashettes, and the fact that most hashers are attractive women in their 20s (Sucker!) My prodding continued ad nauseum for weeks until eventually I cracked his will. I had to act immediately, before the option to chastise him severely for changing his mind had Passed. A couple of clicks on http://hash.org and BAM… “The South's Gonna Do You Again” Hared by Damian the AntiChrist and Spankee Yankee
I had never Hashed with Long Beach before, though I would frequently encounter Chin Ball Wizard, Howdy Do-Me (Both as a Man and a Woman), Ballsagna, Kind of a Whore, Weed Wacker, and others at LAH3. The rumors I had heard of LBH3 being “Anal” were immediately reinforced by my being required to fill out a home loan application before consuming even a sip of beer! At last the bureaucrats of LBH3 Mismanagement found our papers in order and we were deemed to be in compliance with Arizona Immigration Law SB1070. We were then presented with the “colors of the hash” and Just Andy and Just Brian stood-by for Pilsbury Blowboy’s Chalk Talk.
Hash Website: www.lbh3.org
I made my way over to the late 80s Chevrolet Molester Edition Conversion Van and filled my cup with IPA foam. About half way through my second cup of foam Damian the AntiChrist made some announcements and briefed us on local culture and proper application of the regional dialect before he took off running. I then threw back a final cup of what was presumably Bud before I was off and belching, hard and fast! …Down Cabrillo onto Oliver only to see the 3 forbidding bars marked at the bottom of the hill. Back up the hill towards the last check and back on trail. Things got straight forward for the next few miles with some serious uphill early in the game. When I hit the Check @ Bellmarin and Arcadia I opted to go uphill and followed Bellmarin to yet another 3 forbidding Lines marked on the ground. …The second time of many that I would grab my ankles to be viciously fucked Damian and Spanky that night. Now passing the hashers that were dumb enough to follow me while yelling “YBF!”, I made it back on course and down Arcadia to the first Beer Check. There Pot Ho was waiting with a cooler of Dixie and Southern Comfort. I convinced Just Andy that shots of SoCo were in order and poured the shots into Dixie cups. A few seconds later and I was off and running with the dogs! I mean real dogs/rodents that run fast. While holding a respectable 8:00/mi pace with several Chihuahuas in tow we were confronted by a Pit-Bull that we were able to subdue by flailing our arms and yelling. With the K9 conflict resolved, we finally got on into the thick of the urban Shiggy. At this point the SoCo had begun affecting me and I found great amusement by letting out a pronounce “Yeeehaaaaaw!” and watching the startled reactions of the San Pedro residents in earshot. Throughout the alleyways the bouquet of ripe dumpster and drying urine was overwhelming (The way I like it!). Somewhere in the alleyway between 8th and 9th several of us got Fucked before turning around and coming up on beer check two. I noticed the FRBs weren’t wasting any time with the chug n’ go method so I did the same. Soon after came the Turkey/Eagle. As I have a pendulous pair (wings), I took the eagle which was rewarded with a round ofbeer and a game of shuffle board @ Rebel’s Bar with the FRBs Chin Ball Wizard,
Howdy Do-Me, Pilsbury Blowboy, Just Brian, Just Andy and others present. After trying to explain the confederate garb to a local inebriate I eventually traded my bandana for an enormous shot of Tequila. Just as I put the shot glass down on the bar I heard “3-2-1 On-On” And I’m off running out the backdoor (could it be any more stylish?) of the bar through the alleyways of San Pedro. I was giving chase to Howdy Do-Me on Harbor Blvd when we came to arrows pointing On-Up the stairs. Then On-Down the stairs. Then On-Up the stairs AGAIN at San Pedro Plaza. Finally we turned on an alley adjacent with 9th and eventually reunited with the Turkeys. The final beer check had what Hashers referred to as “Screwdrivers” though they tasted considerably more menacing than that. At this point I realized my virgin New Boot was trashed, cherry popped running down his skirt and legs!
Figure : Just Andy On-On Left Armstrong
Figure : Stairs X3 When we reached the On-In Chin Ball had picked up on the fact that Just Andy was wasted and selected him as “Beer Bitch”. I was pretty messed up too and started ranting about philosophy and other ideas I have no business discussing in public, at which point I was asked by Damian to write this thing. Like a drunken fool here I am!
LBH3 WEAKLY SNOOZE STATS
After sobering up @ the On-After I was all smiles driving home with the double kick drum of 'As I Lay Dying' pounding out of the subwoofer with screeching guitars dominating the mids and highs. The side of my car covered in Just Andy’s Vomit as we roared down the Freeway. I couldn’t have asked for a better time.
Run Date: 7/29/2010 Run #: 1403 Miles: 4.9 Hares: Damian the AT & Retracted Place: San Pedro, Leland Pk on Upland Attendance: 76 New Boots: Bryan Collins, Brian Hartog, Andy Shannon Returners: Pot Ho, Retracted, Darth Vader, Mao Tze Tongue, Mike Gaber, Splitting Adams, Back Door Whore, Faggedy Andy, Coke Head, Tissue Tits, Titty Bear, Rodney Queen, Scratch & Sniff Visitors: Left Armstrong &Mr Cream--LAH3, Orca Hole Lick--Iguana H3, Whiteshoes--SFH3 New Names: Bryan Collins= Gay 4 Pay Hare Patches: Last Train=25 hare bag ON ON: San Pedro Brewing Co, 6th & Gaffey Run Notes: Confederate bandana's, 4 beer checks, rolling hills , streets and alleys of San Pedro, A to A Hashit: Chinball--racial profiling
8-19 8-26 9-02 9-09 9-16 9-23 9-30 10-7
Receding Hareline
Run#
Hares
1408 1409 1410 1411 1412 1413 1414 1415
Nice Hair Fag & Special Head Getting' Old Run Pillsbury Blow Boy & Fish Lips Blue Dress Run Calamine Crack Another Birthday Run Sin D Bare & Tweedle Me Tweedle's Birthday Run Victoria's Secretion Chinese Independence Day OPEN-Sign up to hare with Pillsbury Blow Boy! OPENOPEN
REHASH: THIS DATE IN HASH HISTORY Run # 1124 Date: 8/11/2005 (5 years ago) Place: La Mirada Hares: ALOUETTE & POOR AIM Miles: 4.6 Attendance: 81 This hot August night found us gathered at the La Mirada Recreation Center for the (I lost count) annual Lingerie Run. Pre-run activities included FAGGEDY ANDY paying his $4.00 to Hash Cash 69 SPLIT by tucking the bills into her cleavage. When hares POOR AIM and ALOUETTE made their pre-run announcements, scribe BACK DOOR WHORE noted ALOUETTE’s short, short, short outfit that revealed her “cute little buttocks.” Trail led through the park, past a cop car, teenage cheerleaders and a peewee baseball game. The pack finally found the beer check and then headed onto a horse path, which crossed “West Nile Creek” and led into the first of a series of tunnels. The check after the tunnel had FRBs IGGY, HOWDY, CUM NAIL ME and others going back and forth like ducks in a shooting gallery. Trail was found leading to a footbridge and some stairs where the chalk graffiti boasted “HARE SNARE 7:05 SPIDER, PIG IRON and O.F.F.” We then entered another tunnel where WET CLAM lived up to her name by getting her clam wet as she slipped in the mucky ditch water. After parading our lingerie through the Biola College campus (nice touch, hares!) we ended up running back through the park where we started. A jazz band serenaded us as we headed down the foot path to the on-in. CRACK and PINKY led us through down-downs that th th included a 15 Hare Patch for SPIDER, a 75 Hare Patch for POOR AIM, and a 400 Run hat for UNDERCOVER. WILD BILL and ALOUETTE received patches for cumming together 569 times. SIR LANCE A NUT was introduced as a first time visitor from the Larrikin Hash. Hashit nominations were spirited, with photographic evidence presented. SIN D BARE was the ultimate winner for something to do with “gay camo pants.” The on-on was at Lamppost Pizza. ALSO IN AUGUST 2005 – Run # 1125 on 8/18 – new boot Zack (later named HITTER IN THE SHITTER) does his first Long Beach hash run. .
Comments
City Huntington Beach Long or Seal Beach Herm/Redon/Torr TBA TBA
Write-ups, Pictures, Hash Directions and other Blasphemy MUST BE RECEIVED by Monday 9pm. Otherwise, IT WILL NOT APPEAR IN THE SNOOZE! e-mail to:
[email protected] Mismanagement Committee 2010 Grandmasters: “Pinky” (714)756-BYOB “Chinball Wizard” (562)858-6353 Hash Cash: “Hi Speed Copulator” (562)822-8400 “Passing Wind” (562)533-2246 On Sec: “Special Head” (562)522-8774
[email protected] On Disk: “Alouette” (714)526-7823 “Achey Breaky Fart” (714)224-2982 Brewmeisters: “Last Train” (714)SLIMEUP “Veteran of Foreign Whores” (559)681-3866 Munchmeisters: “Kammonawannaleia” (714)658-2595 “Wrect Him” (562)228-5199 Trailmaster: “Pillsbury Blow Boy” (562)498-2016 Haberdashery: “Bust'er Hymen” (310) 872-6638 “Princess of Incest” (562)715-1708 Hash Flash: “Snatch of the Day” (562)761-8289 “Venus De Penis” (714)907-3359 Webmeister-Snooze:
[email protected] Webmeister-General: “homoSAXual” –
[email protected] Thursday, August 12, 2010, 6:30 PM
87th Annual Lingerie Run
Run#: 1407 Hares: Poor Aim, Alouette and Virgin Hare Mike Location: La Mirada Thomas Guide 737 F1 Cost $5 (bargain of the decade) Find your way to the 91 Fwy and Beach Blvd, get off at Beach and go north, after you cross Stage Rd, prepare to make a left turn onto La Mirada Blvd, turn left at Imperial Highway and make a quick right into the Crossroads Shopping Center. If you miss the quick right, turn right onto Telegraph and another quick right into the shopping Center. LFH in Lingerie. Its time again for the annual celebration of the bedroom bustier. Show off all of Victoria's Secrets at LBH3. We dare you to dress hotter than Howdy. Poor Aim and Alouette will be sporting their finest as they break in a Virgin Hare in not-so-virgin territory. You may think La Mirada is hashed to death, but we found some new stuff that we think you will enjoy. On On On will be at Southern California Pizza and Brewing Company (what a concept!!!), in the parking lot of the start.
Alouette Neva Higgins 707 Nancy Lane Fullerton, CA 92831