14121
NATIONAL CATHOLIC REPORTER JUNE 7-20,2013
8a MINISTRIES
Wife and husband open their home to LGBT youth By ELOÍSA PÉREZ-LOZANO
Though Deb Word has two biological chüdren, she has been a mother to about 15 others, all of whom have lived in her home in Memphis, Tenn., if only for a short whüe. Since December 2009, she and her husband, Steve, have been taking in youth who have been kicked out of their homes because of conflicts over their sexual and gender identities. "I have a gay son and a not-gay son," Deb Word, a parishioner at Memphis' Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, told NCR in a telephone interview. "I woiüdn't want to think that if I wasn't around to help, that they would be left on the street." The Words are involved in Fortunate Famüies, a national group of Catholic parents with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender chüdren that works to affirm and seek equality for their families. Deb Word is vice president and a board member for the group. But it was through the couple's local work with the Memphis Gay and-Lesbian Commimity Center that they first realized the need to minister to homeless LGBT youth. According to Deb Word, the community center held cooking classes and the staff noticed that the youth who attended seemed to come only to eat. The staff also kept hearing that kids were sleeping on the streets. Word and her husband decided to see if they could help. Since she had previously worked as a dining service manager for Mississippi State University where she fed 3,000 kids every day, she figured, "This was something I could do." If the LGBT youth who come to the community center are minors, the center's executive director, Wül Batts, wül work with various foster care services, but if they are 18 or older, he has an initial meeting with the youth to talk through their options. According to Batts, sometimes they win think they have absolutely no place to go, but then they uncover alternatives that hadn't initiaüy occurred to them. "A lot of the kids, after a whüe, wül think of somebody that they can caü to stay with," Batts said. "Tbat's usuaüy better because there's already some kind of relationship tbat they have with them." When no other options are avaüable, he contacts Word. The center's emergency services program, caüed Youth Empowerment Services, or YES, is modeled after a North Carolina program. The YES committee includes Batts, Word and a local psychologist. Though Batts is the one who does the initial screening, the Words decide who stays in their house and have them sign a contract. The youth have to decide whether they can live with rules, which include no drinking and no drug use. They also have a counseling session every week with the psychologist on the committee. If they agree to these conditions, the Words meet the youth at the center. Word and her husband wül take two people maximum because she has two bedrooms avaüable. If she can't take the person in, she wül help them find a place. Although people have stayed longer, most are three- to four-week stays. "Sometimes, they are able to come up with a plan B very quickly," Word said. "Sometimes we know ... there's
Deb and Steve Word
an apartment in their future and they can't get in it for a week or two." She has had opportunities to see some of the famihes interact and "some are just totaüy dysfunctional to begin with." "What we do is to try to model parents for them so that they can see ... there are parents out there who imderstand this and I can hug you even if she [your mom] can't," Word said. Because the youth feel comfortable living with them, some stay in touch afterward. When Kal Dwight came out to his parents as trans-male (female to male) at age 15, they kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. After a couple of years of living with friends and sleeping on couches, and even spending some time in Los Ángeles, he found himself back in Memphis, living out of his car. Dwight was volunteering at the community center when Batts suggested he stay with the Words. Dwight stayed with them for about a month. He had his own room, bathroom and pantry space in the Words' converted attic space. According to Dwight, the rules were not hard to foüow. "If somebody's doing you a favor, I'm not going to bring a bunch of people over," he said.
Dwight now has a more stable job and his own apartment, just down the street from the Words. Though his situation was more stable than most, Dwight says the Words have opened their home i;o many people who have reauy needed it. "If it weren't for them, there would be a lot of kids who are homeless because a lot of kids have come and stayed there." Rachel Cox, who goes by "Ray" is originaüy from Orange County, Calif, and was 19 years old when she moved out of her famüy home, where the atmosphere had turned tense after she came out as a lesbian. In 2009, she moved in with a best friend who lived in Memphis, the only person she knew there. After about nine months, they had a faüing out, so Cox packed up and left. Since she didn't have a place to stay, she went to the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center, where she was set up with the Words. Cox stayed with them for a week and a half because she was going to start classes at the University of Memphis and live in the dorms, but the session hadn't started yet. She was sick with a fever and took the week off from work to recuperate with the Words by her side.
H FELICIAN
"They made sure I ate and took care of me," Cox said. "It was like living with my famüy again." After she got better, the Words helped her move her things out of her old house and then into the dorms as weü. "For the next three to four months they would check in on a weekly basis ... and whenever I needed something I knew I could always caü them," Cox said. Though she has since left coüege and gone back to California, she appreciates her short time spent with the Words. "I knew that no matter what, they weren't going to kick me out," she said. "They were so accommodating. ... It was an amazing experience." Though Batts is the first point of contact at the center, most of the money spent on the youth stayir^ with the Words comes out of the couple's own pocket "In the four years that we've been doing this... it just seems that when somebody knows we need something, it arrives," Word said. "When we had three [kids] in the house for a very short time, a couple of times there would be a Kroger grocery card tucked in the maübox or the front doorfrompeople who... wanted to help." Batts describes the Words as "saints" and says that "it takes special people" to do what they do. He says they are the only ones currently taking in youth, though other famüies have participated in the past. People have good intentions, he said, but after their first experience taking someone in, they can't do it animiore because it is so difficult. "People generally react [to their work] ... by calling us saints or by caüing us crazy" said Word, who writes about their work on her blog, "This Catholic Mom" (thiscatholicmom-blogspot. com). "I know LGBT kids are not safe in our shelters. I have an empty room and it just seems to make sense to do it." [Eloísa Pérez-Lozano is an NCR Bertelsen intern. Her email address is [email protected].]
Rekindle Your Spirit...
C O L L E G E
he Franciscan College of New Jersey
Graduate Religious Education
The Journey Begins Here m STRESS •
ONLINE
• DEPRESSION
• ADDICTION ISSUES
(33 credits)
Master's Certifícate in Religious Education
ALOM ENTER
(18 credits)
(IB credits)
«TRANSITION
• RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
Master of Arts in Religious Education
Post-Master's Certificate in Religious Education
BURNOUT
flIm testimonials and biographv of rhis sculpture
A Residential Renewal and Treatment Center for Clergy and Men and Women Religious
All courses are online and residency is not required. All faculty received the Mandatum and hold doctorates. 50% nninisterial discount is available to qualified persons.
201.559.6077 Lodi, NJ I felician.edu
i--
•\
For Information please call us at 281-399-0520. 13516 Morgan Drive Splendora, Texas 77372 www.shalomcenterinc.org
Copyright of National Catholic Reporter is the property of National Catholic Reporter Publishing Company and its content may not be copied or emailed to multiple sites or posted to a listserv without the copyright holder's express written permission. However, users may print, download, or email articles for individual use.
8a MINISTRIES
Wife and husband open their home to LGBT youth By ELOÍSA PÉREZ-LOZANO
Though Deb Word has two biological chüdren, she has been a mother to about 15 others, all of whom have lived in her home in Memphis, Tenn., if only for a short whüe. Since December 2009, she and her husband, Steve, have been taking in youth who have been kicked out of their homes because of conflicts over their sexual and gender identities. "I have a gay son and a not-gay son," Deb Word, a parishioner at Memphis' Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, told NCR in a telephone interview. "I woiüdn't want to think that if I wasn't around to help, that they would be left on the street." The Words are involved in Fortunate Famüies, a national group of Catholic parents with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender chüdren that works to affirm and seek equality for their families. Deb Word is vice president and a board member for the group. But it was through the couple's local work with the Memphis Gay and-Lesbian Commimity Center that they first realized the need to minister to homeless LGBT youth. According to Deb Word, the community center held cooking classes and the staff noticed that the youth who attended seemed to come only to eat. The staff also kept hearing that kids were sleeping on the streets. Word and her husband decided to see if they could help. Since she had previously worked as a dining service manager for Mississippi State University where she fed 3,000 kids every day, she figured, "This was something I could do." If the LGBT youth who come to the community center are minors, the center's executive director, Wül Batts, wül work with various foster care services, but if they are 18 or older, he has an initial meeting with the youth to talk through their options. According to Batts, sometimes they win think they have absolutely no place to go, but then they uncover alternatives that hadn't initiaüy occurred to them. "A lot of the kids, after a whüe, wül think of somebody that they can caü to stay with," Batts said. "Tbat's usuaüy better because there's already some kind of relationship tbat they have with them." When no other options are avaüable, he contacts Word. The center's emergency services program, caüed Youth Empowerment Services, or YES, is modeled after a North Carolina program. The YES committee includes Batts, Word and a local psychologist. Though Batts is the one who does the initial screening, the Words decide who stays in their house and have them sign a contract. The youth have to decide whether they can live with rules, which include no drinking and no drug use. They also have a counseling session every week with the psychologist on the committee. If they agree to these conditions, the Words meet the youth at the center. Word and her husband wül take two people maximum because she has two bedrooms avaüable. If she can't take the person in, she wül help them find a place. Although people have stayed longer, most are three- to four-week stays. "Sometimes, they are able to come up with a plan B very quickly," Word said. "Sometimes we know ... there's
Deb and Steve Word
an apartment in their future and they can't get in it for a week or two." She has had opportunities to see some of the famihes interact and "some are just totaüy dysfunctional to begin with." "What we do is to try to model parents for them so that they can see ... there are parents out there who imderstand this and I can hug you even if she [your mom] can't," Word said. Because the youth feel comfortable living with them, some stay in touch afterward. When Kal Dwight came out to his parents as trans-male (female to male) at age 15, they kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. After a couple of years of living with friends and sleeping on couches, and even spending some time in Los Ángeles, he found himself back in Memphis, living out of his car. Dwight was volunteering at the community center when Batts suggested he stay with the Words. Dwight stayed with them for about a month. He had his own room, bathroom and pantry space in the Words' converted attic space. According to Dwight, the rules were not hard to foüow. "If somebody's doing you a favor, I'm not going to bring a bunch of people over," he said.
Dwight now has a more stable job and his own apartment, just down the street from the Words. Though his situation was more stable than most, Dwight says the Words have opened their home i;o many people who have reauy needed it. "If it weren't for them, there would be a lot of kids who are homeless because a lot of kids have come and stayed there." Rachel Cox, who goes by "Ray" is originaüy from Orange County, Calif, and was 19 years old when she moved out of her famüy home, where the atmosphere had turned tense after she came out as a lesbian. In 2009, she moved in with a best friend who lived in Memphis, the only person she knew there. After about nine months, they had a faüing out, so Cox packed up and left. Since she didn't have a place to stay, she went to the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center, where she was set up with the Words. Cox stayed with them for a week and a half because she was going to start classes at the University of Memphis and live in the dorms, but the session hadn't started yet. She was sick with a fever and took the week off from work to recuperate with the Words by her side.
H FELICIAN
"They made sure I ate and took care of me," Cox said. "It was like living with my famüy again." After she got better, the Words helped her move her things out of her old house and then into the dorms as weü. "For the next three to four months they would check in on a weekly basis ... and whenever I needed something I knew I could always caü them," Cox said. Though she has since left coüege and gone back to California, she appreciates her short time spent with the Words. "I knew that no matter what, they weren't going to kick me out," she said. "They were so accommodating. ... It was an amazing experience." Though Batts is the first point of contact at the center, most of the money spent on the youth stayir^ with the Words comes out of the couple's own pocket "In the four years that we've been doing this... it just seems that when somebody knows we need something, it arrives," Word said. "When we had three [kids] in the house for a very short time, a couple of times there would be a Kroger grocery card tucked in the maübox or the front doorfrompeople who... wanted to help." Batts describes the Words as "saints" and says that "it takes special people" to do what they do. He says they are the only ones currently taking in youth, though other famüies have participated in the past. People have good intentions, he said, but after their first experience taking someone in, they can't do it animiore because it is so difficult. "People generally react [to their work] ... by calling us saints or by caüing us crazy" said Word, who writes about their work on her blog, "This Catholic Mom" (thiscatholicmom-blogspot. com). "I know LGBT kids are not safe in our shelters. I have an empty room and it just seems to make sense to do it." [Eloísa Pérez-Lozano is an NCR Bertelsen intern. Her email address is [email protected].]
Rekindle Your Spirit...
C O L L E G E
he Franciscan College of New Jersey
Graduate Religious Education
The Journey Begins Here m STRESS •
ONLINE
• DEPRESSION
• ADDICTION ISSUES
(33 credits)
Master's Certifícate in Religious Education
ALOM ENTER
(18 credits)
(IB credits)
«TRANSITION
• RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
Master of Arts in Religious Education
Post-Master's Certificate in Religious Education
BURNOUT
flIm testimonials and biographv of rhis sculpture
A Residential Renewal and Treatment Center for Clergy and Men and Women Religious
All courses are online and residency is not required. All faculty received the Mandatum and hold doctorates. 50% nninisterial discount is available to qualified persons.
201.559.6077 Lodi, NJ I felician.edu
i--
•\
For Information please call us at 281-399-0520. 13516 Morgan Drive Splendora, Texas 77372 www.shalomcenterinc.org
Copyright of National Catholic Reporter is the property of National Catholic Reporter Publishing Company and its content may not be copied or emailed to multiple sites or posted to a listserv without the copyright holder's express written permission. However, users may print, download, or email articles for individual use.
