5 secrets ebooks updated 2015
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows! They know them... You want them...
by Susie Miller, MA, MDiv www.susiemiller.com
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
5 Secrets Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows Table of Contents Welcome Letter
p. 2
Secret #1: They have a Strong Sense of Self
p.4
Secret #2: They Know Their “Why”
p.8
Secret #3: They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others.
p.12
Secret #4: They Choose to Cultivate & to Maintain a Positive Mental Attitude
p.16
Secret #5: They are Action Takers, not Excuse Makers.
p.20
Bonus Secret: Self Confident & Successful Women Practice Forgiveness & Self Acceptance
p.23
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows! By Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
Dear Friend, So often I meet women who long for more in their lives... More financial freedom, more time for their family, more balance, greater self confidence, better relationships and More Success. While they are equipped with the necessary skills and tools to achieve their goals, they often lack the inner self confidence and self awareness that it takes to implement those skills in order to really make a difference in their lives and in the lives of their families. This saddens me as I see the incredible potential and unique giftedness in each woman . And when I see this, I want to be part of education, encouraging & empowering her to have more, do more... BE More! If you want more from life, this book is for you. It is a starting place of 5 Secrets that you can begin to implement into your own life on your journey to more. This is not a quick fix. It will require time, effort, honesty & commitment to develop these characteristics. But I promise that if you invest the time and energy to grow personally and master these secrets, then you will be well on your way to creating the life of your dreams... A life with more self confidence, better relationships, greater success in life & business, more financial freedom that come from personal growth. It is Your time to create success in the areas that are most important to you. What do you want “more” of? What are you willing to do in order to get more, do more, BE more? Thank you for the privilege of going on this journey with you. Live with Intention ,
Susie www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Do you want more from life? Do you wonder why some women are living the life that you have only dreamed of? Are you tired of just getting by in your work or in your relationships? Do you want more self esteem? If you are ready to make some changes and increase your effectiveness, then these 5 Secrets of Self Confident & Successful Women are a great place to start! After working with countless women, I have discovered 5 Secrets that they all share which have contributed to their Life Success! If you are willing to master them, to infuse them into your character and personality, then you can create a better life for you and your family.
Secret #1 Self Confident & Successful Women Have a Strong Sense of Self Do you have a strong sense of yourself? Do you know your gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses? Are you comfortable in your own skin? Take a moment to answer these questions? They are the starting point for growing into a Self Confident & Successful Woman. Read the description below and see if you can see yourself as this woman. A woman with a strong sense of self knows her abilities & unique talents and she is willing to engage in life using her talents well. She willingly seeks opportunities to be involved in projects that will encourage her to grow. Quite often she invests her time and energies for the greater good. She does not need to be the center of attention, but she is comfortable if the attention is on her. She leads & mentors others in her own unique style, secure in her gifts and strengths. She is willing to take risks, to step out of her comfort zone and to learn and grow. She isn’t worried about what everyone else will think regarding what she says, does, or believes. A woman with a strong sense of self likes herself; she is comfortable in her own skin and when others are with her, they leave feeling better about themselves.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Self Confident & Successful Women know themselves and like themselves. Sure they have bad hair days, “fat & ugly days” like every woman does, but more often than not, they have good days, powerful & purposeful days. They have a strong sense of self that stems from an inner knowledge & embracing of “who they are” and “whose they are.”
Knowing “Whose you are” is the most important thing to know. Self Confident & Successful Women know “whose they are,” meaning they are rooted deeply in the fact that they are a Child of God. Knowing “whose you are” and “who you are” comes from a place of faith. I am very open about my belief in God. I am a Christian and my beliefs form the foundation of my life. (If you want to know more, contact me and I will be happy to share). That being said, I know that there are many faiths in the world today and my thoughts are offered here with respect for our differences. I do believe that there are some fundamental and universal truths. Almost all faiths acknowledge a creator, a universal power, that gives meaning and a sense of purpose to our lives. I call this Creator, God. I am convinced that we all long to be part of “something” or Someone bigger than ourselves. The knowledge that we belong to God gives us immeasurable value.
Do you know that you are a Child of God, a daughter of the Creator of the Universe? Knowing “whose you are” gives you the freedom to succeed and shine as a celebration of your created nature, in honor of the Creator. Self Confident and Successful Women are comfortable with their uniqueness and willingly share it with others. They know that they are gifted and are blessed to be a blessing to others. They are not shy or uncomfortable with their abilities because they know that God is the source of them, and that when they use their gifts and talents well, they bring honor to God. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
When we are not sure of who we belong to, of what our purpose is, or Who it is that gives true meaning to our lives, we are always on the hunt for someone or something to fill the void. Often, we seek the approval of others. Sometimes obtaining another’s approval will influence what we think of ourselves and what gifts and talents we allow to emerge, or what strengths we cultivate. When this happens, we never discover those things that make us unique, or get really comfortable in our own skin. Other times we strive to belong, even if it means diminishing our luster or hiding our gifts. Remember you don’t do anyone a favor or service by playing small or diminishing your gifts. However, when you embrace your wonder, share your unique gifts and talents, and choose to shine, you give others the permission to do the same.
Imagine if a group of women looked in the mirror and said to each other... “I love your________, (talent, wisdom, insight, ability, beauty) and because you use it and let it shine so brightly, I am free to love my______ and use it too! Thank you!” Can you imagine how the world would change?!
When I was younger, I had this picture in my room. I loved to imagine myself as the girl with Jesus’ hands on her face, looking into her eyes with love. It reminded me that Jesus knew me personally and I was special. This brought me great comfort. It gave me a solid sense of knowing “whose I was.” I invite you to imagine yourself as this girl, to take some time and be with God; think about the wonder of who you are. Just by virtue of your existence you are special! You are a child of God, a purposed creation, not an accident or act of fate, but a created being with a purpose that only you can fill. I am a Child of God and belonging to God means:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
There is NO ONE like you on the entire earth! No one has your fingerprint. No one has your DNA... NO ONE has your unique gifts, talents, life experiences or what you have to offer others!
Knowing “Who you are” is the next most important knowledge. Do you know yourself? You may be aware of your likes, dislikes, preferences, favorite books, television shows, movies, colors, activities and people. But do you really know your gifts, talents, strengths, weakness, characteristics, quirks and habits? These are the things that make you uniquely you. When you know who you are, then you can effectively use your talents and strengths, both in your personal and professional life. Doing so will bring you great satisfaction and success as you are a blessing and offer your products and services to others. Zig Ziglar, a renown businessman and sales trainer, teaches that you will have success when you have helped enough other people get what they want. This applies to every arena of life. “Who you are”: Your story & life experiences, your wiring, bents, strengths, weakness all combine to make you unique!
For example, I have a friend who is the “go to” girl for desserts. She is the best baker I know. Creating desserts is an art form for her. Whenever we have a party or dinner or any type of event, we ask her to make dessert. She is not in the “dessert business,” rather, it is an offering, a place for her to share her art and her heart. In turn, she derives great joy in sharing her talents. I have another friend who is “the one” you want praying for you... I think she has a direct line to God and she is a faithful prayer warrior. You want to be on her prayer list, because she actually prays for you; she doesn’t just talk about it, she does it. This is her gift, as she go through her days and does laundry, cooks, works and takes care of her responsibilities... she is in conversation with God about people.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Finally, I have a good friend and mentor who has turned her talent and strength into a fulfilling career, She is a writer & strategist. Her discernment, coupled with her ability to see the big picture and think strategically, has enabled her to help many others achieve success. In doing so, she has also created a successful business. She has embraced the fact that in helping others get what they want, you can gain what you most desire. Each of these woman are examples of the power that knowing “who you are.” When we know our unique talents, abilities, and strengths we are able to use them to create a meaningful and purpose driven life. When you embrace this truth that there is no one else just like you and that you were created for a unique and special purpose, you can change your perspective and thus your life. Imagine getting up everyday, knowing that there is a role that only YOU can fill, a task, a mission, a purpose just for you! Would knowing this and working toward fulfilling your unique purpose bring a sense of meaning to your day? Would it fuel your sense of self and increase your self confidence?
Take some time and think about what you are good at... what brings you joy, what do you do naturally or with ease? Think about the things that people ask you to do for them: these are your talents, gifts & strengths. Cultivate them.
Whatever you give to the world, however big or small, can only be given by you, and if you don’t give it, there will be a “you shaped” vacuum” that no one else can fill. Think about it! It’s true, there is only one YOU! Knowing “Whose you are” and “Who you are” gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This knowledge empowers us to make deliberate choices and to live by our priorities thus equipping us to be more intentional. These synergistically combine and empower us to create our best life. This is the first and most important secret that every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #2 Self Confident & Successful Women Self Confident & Successful women are in touch with their heart and with their desires... they know what they want most in life. They know their passions and a have clear sense of purpose. They know their “why.” This knowledge drives their daily schedule, their choices and how they invest their time, energy and resources. Knowing their “why” is what keeps successful women focused. It is the fuel that takes ideas into action, and the catalyst for continued commitment when difficulty and challenges arise. There will be days when we don’t feel like working, when we are discouraged, when the investment doesn’t seem worth the return. On these days, in these moments it is crucial to know our “why.” Without a passion and a purpose, there is no driving force to keep us on track and working from our commitment, not from the emotions of the moment. Successful women know this truth. Self Confident and Successful women know their “why.”
Do you know your Why? What is a “Why?” Your “Why” is your reason or purpose for doing something. It is bigger than a goal. It is not just what you desire, but the strong reason you desire it. It is beyond the physical realm. It has personal meaning deep within. It involves being part of something that you love to do. It is more compelling than any current distraction. It evokes deep feelings & passion. It motivates you to action.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
My “why...” I wanted to be home with my kids. Being available to them and being with them is very important to me. While I wanted to be involved in something fulfilling, that used my gifts & talents outside of my “mom & wife” role, that was secondary to my desire to be home with them. I wanted to be able to set my own schedule in any endeavors or work that I pursued. My priority was to fit my work around my life, rather than having to fit my life around my work schedule. This priority drove my choices, and helped me stay on track when I was tired, distracted or even discouraged. When my kids were teenagers, I knew it was important for me to be available, to be “around” when they got home from school and to be aware of the myriad of issues & struggles that come with the teenage years. They also needed me to drive them to the mall, to practices, to friends, to the store, to church, to everywhere! I couldn’t do these things if I was not at home and in control of my schedule. Quite often, my “why” provided the spark to stay on task when I didn’t “feel” like working. The benefits of an intentional choice, based on my commitment and purpose, far outweighed allowing the momentary feelings to prevail, and drove me to act. Knowing my “why” also offers a criteria for evaluating opportunities that arise, as I evaluate whether or not my involvement will contribute to achieving my “why.” Maybe you have a fulfilling career and long to be home, or maybe you love being home and just need more money at the end of your month. Maybe you have a passion for missions, or a cause that is close to your heart where you want to invest your time and money. There are a lot of “whys.” Taking the time to discover your personal “why” is important. Knowing our “why” brings clarity to our choices, equips us to make decisions based on our priorities, to say “no” guilt free, and work from our commitment, not from our emotions. Knowing our “why” is crucial to our success. Being able to focus on what is the most important thing, i.e. fulfilling your why, enables you to take the necessary steps and to make the difficult decisions that winners make. It takes the pull of the “seemingly urgent” and puts it secondary to the “pre-determined important”.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Your “why” has multiple components. It must address a need in your life or in the lives of others to be powerful enough to sustain you through the challenges that come with every endeavor. Your “why” must also be tied to your passions. Take some time to discover your “why” since it is an integral part of your success journey. It may be helpful to journal your thoughts and really “download your brain” since clarity usually comes as you go through this process of reflection. Usually our deepest desires are buried beneath the “noise” of the everyday. If you get stuck, ask yourself, “what do I want?” Write down your answers and ask again, till you get to the deeper answers. This will help uncover your “why.” I often ask my clients these questions: What breaks your heart, can make you cry and inspire you to take action? What makes you laugh out loud with joy and delight that comes just from being involved? What gives you inner satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment regardless of the external rewards? What would you fight for, take action for in spite of the odds being against you or even in the face of fear of failure? Using these questions you can discover your “why.” Now that my kids are grown, I am free to pursue other “whys” in my life. I am passionate about educating, encouraging and equipping women to become and to BE all that God intended for them. I have a heart for ministry. I love being part of the joy of discovery, growth and success my clients. This is what keeps me going on the difficult days or when I don’t “feel” like working or engaging in the messy process of growth. My “why” impacts how I schedule my days, and how I evaluate which commitments I will make. When I live with my “why” firmly implanted in my mind and use it as a criteria for decision making, I find it is easier to say “no” to the things that will distract me from creating the life I desire and achieving my “why.” www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Clearly identifying your “why” will help you to determine your goals, plan your schedule and evaluate your daily efforts to reach them. You will feel empowered as you take control of your time and make purposeful decisions regarding your time & resources. Knowing your why will provide a framework for making decisions and assessing opportunities, ideas and activities that while they may be “good” they may not be the “best” choice for achieving your why.
Self Confident & Successful Women chose to invest the time to discover their “why.” They understand the importance of a purpose driven life and of making decisions based on their priorities. They recognize the incredible power and responsibility of choice. In fact, Self confident and Successful Women do more than recognize choice, they embrace the power and responsibility of choice. Choice can be a scary power at times, because it requires us to acknowledge and accept that we are responsible for our lives. We make choices all the time that create the life we are living now. Where we are today is a result of all the choices we have made up until now. Choice is an awesome power, it enables us to create the life that we truly desire, if we are willing to live with intention.
My Why is:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #3 Self Confident & Successful Women Know their Strengths & Work from Them Self Confident & Successful Women know their strengths, talents, areas of giftedness and natural abilities. These are the areas they choose to invest their time in order to be the most effective and successful. Of course they are open to growing and getting better in every area of their lives. However, Self Confident & Successful Women are self assured and focus their time and energies on using their unique talents, strengths and abilities to create success, to live their life purpose and to bless others in the process. There are a few important areas to discuss regarding knowing our strengths and working from them. Of course, we must identify our specific areas of strength, as well as realize that it is an intentional choice to focus on working from them to create our success. Additionally, once we develop this habit, it is equally important consistently choose not to compare ourselves with others. Self Confident and Successful Women have mastered these areas of Secret #3. Do you know what your strengths are? Your strengths are your natural gifts, abilities talents. You perform them easily and with a high degree of effectiveness and excellence. They are usually things that you feel confident engaging in as well as energized and a sense of satisfaction. Sometimes people find it hard to identify their strengths. One effective my clients find helpful is to think about what others ask you to do for them, to volunteer for, or in what areas they seek out your help. This will provide clues to what you are naturally good at because this indicates what you offer to your friends without even thinking. They know to come to you for help in these areas since you have already reveled it is an area of your talent or strength. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
A second exercise is to write down all the things that you like to do. Usually, you enjoy doing the things that you excel at, or that come with ease, while you probably tend to avoid those areas in which you are less skilled. It is not prideful to say that you are good or gifted at doing something. When we acknowledge our talents we can be grateful to the Talent Giver and use our strengths to serve others. Another clue to discovering your strengths and weaknesses is to determine tasks that make you tired. For example, I can work with people, write or teach for hours and not feel drained...I may even feel energized. But put me in front of an excel spread sheet and I am heavy lidded in no time! I am thankful that my husband/business partner has strengths in these areas!
Indentify your strengths: I am good at:
Self Confident and Successful Women Know their Strengths and work from them because they have taken the time to identify the areas in which they are not strong. They know where they are “weak” and make the wise choice to delegate and outsource these areas and tasks. They do not get stuck in trying to do everything themselves. They know that is it most productive and profitable to invest their time in the areas of their strengths.
It is wise to know the areas in which we are weak. Unless it is a character issue, a weakness is not a flaw, it is simply areas in which we are less skilled While there are some skills that we need to learn or improve our mastery. There are many tasks and skills which we can delegate to someone whose strengths include this arena of work. Delegating our areas of weakness will free us to focus on our strengths and thus increase our effectiveness.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Self Confident & Successful Women make this wise choice: They know and work from their strengths and delegate or outsource their weak areas. (as well as other areas that they be competent at, but do not produce a high return on the time invested, and should be delegated as well)
This was a revolutionary concept for me. I was raised to believe that I should work on my weaknesses, striving to master them, rather than focus on my strengths. It is tiring to continually try to improve in an area that you are not good at, as well as discouraging. This is a secret that I was thrilled to learn! For example, In business, I am great with people, but paperwork and systems are not my strong suit. By focusing on my strengths, mentoring and working with people, my business grows. I delegate any systems or tasks that I can and then learn the ones that I need to implement myself. This saves me time, energy, headaches and heartaches as I don’t try to be who I am not. This also preserves my sense of self and keeps me confident and focused on using my strengths to achieve success. Do you know the your weak areas? These are energy drainers. We tend to avoid doing these things, or we don’t feel confident, equipped or energized when we attempt certain tasks. It is important that you identify your areas of weakness so that you know which areas to delegate or outsource. It doesn’t make sense to “work on your weakness.” If you concentrate on your weak areas, eventually you will be better at them, but quite often only mediocre at best and it will take a lot of effort. (In that time you will not be perfecting your strengths and using them with excellence, so you are going to be frustrated.) You will not achieve the success you desire by taking this route. Instead, take a different tact and invest in your strengths so that you become a master in these areas. Be wise, and delegate your weak areas to someone who excels in these arenas. If you focus on what you are good at... and get better at it , you will achieve success! www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Hiring an assistant has empowered me to be more effective in every area of my life. Her strengths abound in my weak areas. I am no longer plagued by piles of papers, because I have a great system, that she set up, and helps keep organized. And my family and friends love it, because they actually get cards and gifts on time, instead of these just sitting on my kitchen counter with the best of intentions of getting mailed... Soon! Additionally, I am more present to the task at hand, because I am not worried about what I am not getting done. I would much rather coach, counsel or teach than go to the post office, balance my books, or other very essential and important tasks. Hiring her has increased my both business and personal success! This one secret has changed my life! Think about how much more your could accomplish if you focused on those tasks that utilize your strengths. My guess is that these things are important elements to your success. The time invested in them will be far more productive than trying improve at a task that is not in your skill set. Most likely, it is a skill that someone else has as a talent and loves doing! Teaming up with them is ideal. When you identify your particular strengths & weaknesses, you can make smart decisions about where to invest your time, energy and resources, as well as what you can and should delegate. My strengths are:
Focusing on them will empower me to accomplish:
My weak areas are:
I can delegate them to:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
The final area that is crucial to Secret # 3 is the consistent and conscious choice not to compare yourself with others. Self Confident & Successful Women have mastered this important skill. Comparison is a useless and self defeating behavior that must be avoided with a disciplined and determined mindset.
Self Confident & Successful Women consistently and consciously choose NOT to compare themselves with others. They know it is destructive and futile because there will always be someone taller/shorter, thinner/fatter, smarter/less smart, more talented/less talented, richer/poorer, etc than they are. Instead of comparing themselves to others, Self Confident & Successful Women are comfortable in their own skin and choose to focus on their strengths, talents & assets and use them to reach their goals, create their life and to bless others.
Self Confident & Successful Women know that we tend to compare our weakness to another woman’s strengths. It is like comparing cream to skim milk, there is no contest! They don’t have the same content. For us...we don’t have the same DNA, skill set, or talents. However, we often insist on seeing our weakness in the mirror of another persons strengths and our self confidence takes a beating. As a result of this inequity and the subsequent assault on our confidence, Self Confident & Successful women wisely avoid comparison. Instead, they cheer for the accomplishments of others, knowing that the accomplishments and success of others can add to their own personal arsenal of belief. They never compare talents or results. They may choose to learn from another who is in a position that they want to reach or be mentored by someone who is better skilled in a certain area. However there is not a sense of comparison or competition, but of collaboration and celebration.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
For example, I have a dear friend who is the most organized person I know. Her house always looks like a model home, she is never worried that company will stop by and the state of the kitchen will embarrass her. When our kids were in younger, she had a handle on the avalanche of papers that followed our children home from school, and never forgot to turn in the proper form on time.
I, however, have been known to throw all the “misplaced” items into a laundry basket and then hide it in the garage, when I found out that unscheduled visitors were arriving in 10 minutes! Additionally, an unruly stack of school papers consistently “decorated” my kitchen counter, and more than once I had to drive up to the school with the forgotten permission slip. If I compared myself to her, I would come up short every time. I am the mom who is more likely to suggest an art project or game after school, while the papers & permission slips get stacked on the counter for later. Then in the mad rush to clean up before dinner, the permission slip gets moved, the important papers get moved to another stack, and both are forgotten. Even today, I have to work hard at staying on top of the paper monster that visits my house as well as be diligent in being organized with my time, my commitments and my ideas. One of my favorite quotes is: “I need a closet organizer just for my brain!” My friend is naturally gifted in this area, and I am not. I have two choices when faced with this truth. I can beat myself up for “not being more organized, not being more like her, not being a good mom...” (we have all gone there), or I can acknowledge that while this is not an area of strength for me, it is not a character flaw. In our ‘superwoman syndrome’ we foolishly think our weaknesses are a flaw that we must fix and thus we focus on getting better at things that don’t come naturally to us. In doing so we miss the opportunity to hone our areas of strength to excellence and then employ them for our success! My kids are grown now and we talk about this weakness of mine and how it impacted them. I wish I understood more about it earlier in my life so I could set up systems to minimize the negative impact on them, or even to delegate more of it and focus on what I was really good at. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Honesty about our weakness or areas of needed growth is important. Getting bogged down them or beating ourselves up for not being perfect is a waste of time, energy and resources. When you identify your particular strengths & weaknesses, you can make smart decisions about where to invest your time, energy and resources, as well as what you can and should delegate. Can you imagine knowing and embracing your strengths and utilizing them to create the success and life you desire Try it, it will lighten your load and increase your effectiveness.
I will not to compare myself with others. I will celebrate and work from my strengths I will actively grow in areas I need to improve. I will delegate my weaknesses. I will celebrate the unique strengths of others!
While we can always learn new skills, or improve in areas of weakness, it is simply foolish to compare our skills and talents or lack thereof, with others. I needed to improve my skills in this area to get some control over the chaos. I did learn from my friend and implemented her systems to tame the paper monster, but I will never “be” like her. I am me, and this is not one of my strengths. One day, she commented on my spontaneity and how she wished that she was less structured and could be more spontaneous like me. Needless to say, I laughed out loud as I shared with her my desire to be more structured and organized . This is a classic example of comparing our weaknesses with another’s strengths. What if we chose to compare strengths and strengths and evaluated areas of needed growth? (or what if we didn’t compare at all?). Resolve to no longer compare yourself to others, but rather to enjoy your unique giftedness and celebrate others as well. This simple choice will allow you to live from a place of self confidence. It will fuel your success, and empower you to freely celebrate the strengths of others!
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #4 Self Confident & Successful Women Choose to Cultivate & to Maintain A Positive Mental Attitude Self Confident & Successful Women know that A Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) is like a muscle that must be exercised, trained and kept toned. A strong PMA can be the difference between success and excellence or in settling for mediocrity. And mediocre is miserable. I am not suggesting a “Pollyanna” type attitude, which is so often mistakenly associated with the words Positive Mental Attitude. A PMA is not a denial of the facts, truth or “reality . Choosing to have Positive Mental Attitude does not blind us to what is real or happening; it means taking those facts and choosing to be positive about them, to see possibility in them and to dwell on what is good rather than what is ‘wrong.” There is great truth to the statement, “What we think about we bring about.”
Napoleon Hill the famous author of Think & Grow Rich said, “What the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”
Coupled with the scientific evidence that our minds are a powerful tool, there is the fact that we have all seen this truth in action in our own lives. For example, have you ever had a rough morning getting ready for the day, stubbed your toe, ran your hose, woke up with PMS, were running late and couldn’t find your keys??? And the whole day gets colored by the tough start to the day? We have all been there, and in our minds we think.. this is going to be a rough day, and guess what... it usually is. Do we cause it to be a bad day? Or is our mindset one that seeks and sees all the things that confirm our lament that it’s going to be a rough day?
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
However, what if we took a different stance... And literally positioned our minds in a different direction? What if we didn’t focus on all that went wrong with the morning, but stopped to dwell on what went right or what is good?
If we chose to take control of our thoughts and planted positive ones in the place of the negative ones, this can radically change your outlook and your day. Eventually, it can change your life.
What if the traffic jam that inevitably occurs when you are racing to work, becomes the extra 15 minutes to listen to an inspirational CD, or to review your presentation once more in your mind? That perspective changes things, doesn’t it? What if you didn’t listen to the crowd that says, “It can’t be done,” and “listen to your belief that says, I am going to do this? No one thought man could fly, that a horseless carriage was feasible or that man could walk on the moon. Well, almost no one. The Wright Brothers, Henry Ford, NASA & President John F. Kennedy all chose to listen to a different voice. They chose to have and to maintain a can do, positive, possibility mindset. I imagine it was difficult at times. Mary Kay Ash started her company when women did not run companies, let alone own companies and her choice to cultivate and to maintain a Positive Mental Attitude has impacted millions of women in their pursuit of their dreams. Her lawyer advised her against it. But SHE believed in her dreams. Oprah Winfrey, one of the most iconic faces on television, as well as one of the richest and most successful women in the world, was fired from her job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for TV.” Were there days of discouragement, disappointment, and doubt? Of course, just read any of their biographies. The difference is what each of these people chose to do in those moments. After cultivating a positive mindset, they actively worked to maintain it. Was it hard to do so? I imagine so. Have you tried to maintain a PMA in the midst of struggle and setback? Then you know how difficult this “muscle” is to develop. However, it is a crucial muscle to develop. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
If you chose to take control of your thoughts and plant positive ones in the place of the negative ones, this can radically change your outlook and your day. Eventually it can change your life. It is a choice to live with a mindset of expectancy. It is a choice to believe that we do create our reality and that “what we think” about greatly impacts “what we bring about.” This is not a popular mindset, because it implies taking personal responsibility rather than blaming others, events, or circumstances for the state of our life. Every successful person I have spoken with confirms that this disciplined choice is one of the key secrets to their success. One key to cultivating and maintaining a Positive Mental Attitude is surrounding yourself with abundance minded people who are committed to cultivating and maintaining a Positive Mental Attitude. Take a minute and look at the 5 people you spend the most time with. Are they positive or negative? Make a list and put a + sign next to those who are Positive in your Life, a = next to anyone who is neutral and a — next to anyone who is negative. Then evaluate who you want to invest your time and energy with, and whom you want to allow to have impact and influence in your life.
If you want to grow and change, then take an inventory of your circle of influence and determine if those in it are helping you or hindering you in designing your life & living your vision.
It is a fact that we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. Think about it... we dress like them, live near them & in a similar style, we think like them, live like them... so be very intentional about who these people are and choose your circle of friends wisely.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
It takes daily discipline to feed your mind with positive thoughts.
In order to develop a Positive Mental Attitude it is important to say affirmations on a daily basis. Self confident & successful women have positive thoughts posted around their home. Self Confident & Successful Women say affirmations to develop the muscle of PMA and to guard their minds from then influx of negativity. They are aware and deliberate about the words that they say to themselves. Their inner dialogue is not filled with self criticism, but with self confirming words like “I can.” They live with a “possibility mindset” and look for the good, the positive and the possible in every situation.
Affirmations are positive statements that describe a desired situation. They are repeated many times, on a daily basis, in a regular pattern, in order to impress them on the subconscious mind and trigger it into positive action. To ensure the effectiveness of the affirmations, they have to be repeated with attention, conviction, interest and desire. Ex: I am positive & proactive in every situation While Affirmations may be unfamiliar and awkward at first, they are a key secret to success. (Just like our bodies, we must feed our minds with good things, so that they can perform at their optimal level). Choose just one affirmation and begin to say it 3 times each day. Choose to read positive and uplifting books and to spend your time with positive people and watch as your life and business become more successful! My Affirmation: I am:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #5 Self Confident & Successful Women Self Confident & Successful women make decisions and they act upon them. The ability to assess a situation, challenge, or opportunity and make a decision regarding it is a true mark of success. Decision makers do not get stuck in analysis paralysis. They don’t over think, yet they do think things through. They have the confidence to “go with their gut” when necessary because they trust their inner wisdom. Doing so can mean the difference between a million dollar deal and a million dollar maybe! We have all been there...maybe not with a million dollar deal on the table, but no doubt an important one...and our instincts tell us to take a certain action which may seem unconventional or unexpected. We wrestle internally with ourselves, “you should do this... But what will people think, It is worth the risk... It hasn’t been done before...You can make this work... Some folks won’t like it...I think it’s a good idea...just do it! Stop thinking and take action!” And more often than not, we make the right decision when we trust our instincts. When Self Confident & Success Women are faced with the multitude of crossroads and choices that are a part of each day, they make a decision and they take action.
Will you make the right decision every time? Probably not. Being an Action Taker is more important than getting every action/decision right. Most success is achieved by tripping over the stepping stones of failure. The truth is the “failure” that we fear, implies that action was taken, and action is a step toward success. Practicing the art of making a decision and taking action can increase your self confidence as well as your success! www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Self Confident & Successful Women are aware of their power and ability to create their lives. They are not “in control” of their lives, nor are they controlling, but they are in control of how their emotions effect them. They chose to work from their commitments not their emotions. This is true in both their personal and their professional life. They choose to take action even when they don’t “feel like it.” They know that activity precedes motivation and action from commitment is key to success! Can you relate? Aren’t there times when we don’t feel like being married... Sometimes it can be challenging and disappointing and we wonder what happened to our Prince Charming. However, we chose to act from our commitment to be faithful and true to our spouse. What about being a mom? If we are really honest, we would admit that there are days when we don’t want to be a mom...another load of laundry, sick kids, sleepless nights, teen age hormones! This was not part of our fairy tale dreams Yet, we are moms...ever faithful, constant, available... snuggling sick kids in the middle of the night, washing football uniforms at midnight, and waiting up and praying for our teen to return home safely.
Working from their commitment, especially when they don’t feel motivated is a secret of every Self Confident & Successful Woman.
What about work? Most work at home women need to be on the phone to build a successful business. Do you ever feel like your phone weighs 15 pounds? Are you on the brink of discouragement or defeat if you hear one more “no,” rude brush off, or cancellation? You are in good company. There are places in our personal and professional lives that we can “avoid” with “good reasons” and lengthy explanations as to why we “can’t” achieve. When the truth is that, in many instances, we chose to let our emotions and not our commitment be the deciding factor. This choice sabotages our success and erodes our self confidence. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
In the face of rejection, setbacks and discouragement, self confident & successful women exercise control over their choices. They are choice driven, not circumstance driven. Self Confident & Successful Women are solution oriented, thus with acute awareness of the situation, they make decisions and take actions that move them toward their goal. They purposefully and proactively chose to take the next step toward achieving their goals even when the feeling isn’t there. Imagine your increased success if you committed to taking action for 90 days! The 5 Secrets of Self Confident & Successful Women are crucial to success and a rich and fulfilling life. Those who embrace and practice these 5 Secrets achieve success and rise above mediocrity. These are the women who are making a difference in the daily and the long term arenas of their lives and the lives of others. They have taken a journey of personal development to instill these essential secrets into their personalities until they become second nature. If you want to be Self Confident & Successful, begin to embrace and practice building these 5 Secrets in your life. Each of them is an essential part of personal development, and growth. The effort invested in developing these characteristics is worth it. If you are tired of just getting by, of settling for less, of wondering if you make a difference, of second guessing yourself and/or of struggling with your self confidence, then you can make a change in your life. It begins with one decision and continues with daily steps based on that decision, day after day. Remember it is a journey. You will not become an overnight expert in these Secrets, any more than you can build muscle tone overnight. Growth takes commitment, discipline and practice (3 rather unpopular words for the masses). But, you are not part of the mediocre masses. You are part of the excellent the cream of the crop Successful women who make choices every day to grow, to learn and to Live With Intention! www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Bonus Secret for Greater Success!! Self Confident & Successful Women Practice Forgiveness & Self Acceptance Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. You, me, Everyone! Making mistakes is how we learn. The sooner we learn to accept this truth, the better and easier life will be. The goal is not perfection. The goal is growth. Self Confident & Successful Women practice forgiveness & self acceptance, because they know that this is an essential component of growth. Often we are our own harshest critics. We see our flaws, mistakes & shortcomings in living Technicolor and forget to see our gifts, achievements & wonder in brighter Neon Lights! When this happens we are paralyzed with self condemnation and we are less effective in most areas of life. If we can’t forgive ourselves then the fear of failure has a hold on us that prevents true success.
Far too often the fear of failure stops people from achieving their dreams, from becoming their best selves, from reaching their potential. Stop a minute and think about something that you didn’t do because you were afraid you would fail... do you regret not trying it? If you could do it again, would you do it anyway, in spite of the fear? I hope so. One of the best ways to evaluate “failure” is to change your lens. Imagine a toddler learning to walk. First, they pull themselves up at the coffee table on wobbly legs, and get their balance as they see the valued object, a doll, ball, truck across the room. Because they want something, because they have their sights set on something, they have a willingness to try... knowing that it is only in the trying that we ever really accomplish anything. It is the “try” that becomes the “do.” So on wobbly feet, with little balance and minimal assurance, but with great faith the toddler takes a step... sways a bit, but maintains her balance, and then takes another step...And then of course, falls...again. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Imagine if she never got back up again. The “failure” being too great to even attempt another try. Not only would she never reach the goal, but think of all the wasted opportunities, events and atrophied muscles that would result. We don’t condemn the toddler for falling. No, in fact we praise the toddler for trying! Great job, good try... do it again, we cheer them on as they learn by doing, and by failing and by doing again and again... until they get it right... then its time to learn to run, skip, hop and a myriad of other things that at which they will fail while they learn. Forgiveness & Self Acceptance allow bravery, effort, success and failure to co-exist in the process of growth and development.
Where does the shift happen? When does the cheering stop? When does learning become too frightening, and all we accept is “getting it right” or not making a mistake? This is a costly posture. Personally, I believe that forgiveness is much easier one to adopt Forgiving yourself is an essential part of maturing and of becoming self confident & successful. If you live in fear of getting something wrong, you will be paralyzed. Or if you are bold enough to act, and then make a mistake, but have not developed the ability to forgive yourself then you will live in condemnation. This is a weary and self defeating burden to bear.
Practicing Forgiveness & Self acceptance is: Knowing that you are in the process of becoming, resting in the truth that you have strengths and weaknesses, & accepting that you will make mistakes in the midst of doing glorious things. It is a crucial secret that all self confident & successful women share.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Forgiving yourself open up space to embrace yourself, your unique gifts & talents. It is a Key Secret for all Self-Confident and Successful Women. As you take time to incorporate these Secrets you will experience personal growth and success. I encourage you to spend time to develop a strong sense of self, to invest the time to discover your “why” and then set goals to achieve it! Don’t compare yourself with others, instead enjoy your abilities and employ them to bless & serve others. Develop a positive attitude and work diligently to preserve it. Take action everyday to get one step closer to the life of your dreams.
5 Secrets Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows Secret #1: They have a Strong Sense of Self Secret #2: They Know Their “Why” Secret #3: They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others. Secret #4: They Choose to Cultivate & to Maintain a Positive Mental Attitude Secret #5: They are Action Takers, not Excuse Makers. Bonus Secret: Self Confident & Successful Women Practice Forgiveness & Self Acceptance
Creating a life with increased self confidence, better relationships and greater success happens when ordinary people take extraordinary actions because they are purpose driven, prepared and persevering in achieving their goals. You can become a Self Confident & Successful Woman one step at a time by applying these 5 Key Secrets to your life. It is a day by day, moment by moment choice to Live With Intention and this choice makes all the difference!
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
About Susie During the past two decades, I have drawn from my life experiences as a wife, mom, counselor, coach, speaker, teacher and woman of faith to share hope, purpose and possibilities with women, wives, mothers & couples. I offer a unique & novel blend of my training and experience as a counselor, minister, coach, spiritual director & entrepreneur to those who are seeking to live a rich and rewarding life. As a Life Success Strategist & Wellness Coach , I love to partner with people to educate, encourage & empower them to create their best life! Thanks for joining me on this journey!!
Living with Intention,
Susie ____________________________________________________ Susie holds a Masters of Arts in Counseling, from Mars Hill Graduate School, with additional training/certification as a Life Coach & Spiritual Director. After years as a psychologist in private practice, her focus has shifted to Coaching, Speaking & Writing. Susie equips women and couples to create better relationships
with themselves, God and others in 30 Days or Less!! Susie is sought after Speaker, a Marriage & Relationship Coach , as well as a Best-selling author. She teaches, speaks & writes extensively on being Married with Business and how to NOT bankrupt your reltionships while pursuing success. And about life, faith , and how God is relevant to our daily lives. Susie is celebrating 32 years of marriage to John. They have 3 grown children. They live outside Washington, DC. For more information about Susie: coaching, counseling, speaking / seminars, and her blog... please visit www.susiemiller.com www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
by Susie Miller, MA, MDiv www.susiemiller.com
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
5 Secrets Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows Table of Contents Welcome Letter
p. 2
Secret #1: They have a Strong Sense of Self
p.4
Secret #2: They Know Their “Why”
p.8
Secret #3: They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others.
p.12
Secret #4: They Choose to Cultivate & to Maintain a Positive Mental Attitude
p.16
Secret #5: They are Action Takers, not Excuse Makers.
p.20
Bonus Secret: Self Confident & Successful Women Practice Forgiveness & Self Acceptance
p.23
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows! By Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
Dear Friend, So often I meet women who long for more in their lives... More financial freedom, more time for their family, more balance, greater self confidence, better relationships and More Success. While they are equipped with the necessary skills and tools to achieve their goals, they often lack the inner self confidence and self awareness that it takes to implement those skills in order to really make a difference in their lives and in the lives of their families. This saddens me as I see the incredible potential and unique giftedness in each woman . And when I see this, I want to be part of education, encouraging & empowering her to have more, do more... BE More! If you want more from life, this book is for you. It is a starting place of 5 Secrets that you can begin to implement into your own life on your journey to more. This is not a quick fix. It will require time, effort, honesty & commitment to develop these characteristics. But I promise that if you invest the time and energy to grow personally and master these secrets, then you will be well on your way to creating the life of your dreams... A life with more self confidence, better relationships, greater success in life & business, more financial freedom that come from personal growth. It is Your time to create success in the areas that are most important to you. What do you want “more” of? What are you willing to do in order to get more, do more, BE more? Thank you for the privilege of going on this journey with you. Live with Intention ,
Susie www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Do you want more from life? Do you wonder why some women are living the life that you have only dreamed of? Are you tired of just getting by in your work or in your relationships? Do you want more self esteem? If you are ready to make some changes and increase your effectiveness, then these 5 Secrets of Self Confident & Successful Women are a great place to start! After working with countless women, I have discovered 5 Secrets that they all share which have contributed to their Life Success! If you are willing to master them, to infuse them into your character and personality, then you can create a better life for you and your family.
Secret #1 Self Confident & Successful Women Have a Strong Sense of Self Do you have a strong sense of yourself? Do you know your gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses? Are you comfortable in your own skin? Take a moment to answer these questions? They are the starting point for growing into a Self Confident & Successful Woman. Read the description below and see if you can see yourself as this woman. A woman with a strong sense of self knows her abilities & unique talents and she is willing to engage in life using her talents well. She willingly seeks opportunities to be involved in projects that will encourage her to grow. Quite often she invests her time and energies for the greater good. She does not need to be the center of attention, but she is comfortable if the attention is on her. She leads & mentors others in her own unique style, secure in her gifts and strengths. She is willing to take risks, to step out of her comfort zone and to learn and grow. She isn’t worried about what everyone else will think regarding what she says, does, or believes. A woman with a strong sense of self likes herself; she is comfortable in her own skin and when others are with her, they leave feeling better about themselves.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Self Confident & Successful Women know themselves and like themselves. Sure they have bad hair days, “fat & ugly days” like every woman does, but more often than not, they have good days, powerful & purposeful days. They have a strong sense of self that stems from an inner knowledge & embracing of “who they are” and “whose they are.”
Knowing “Whose you are” is the most important thing to know. Self Confident & Successful Women know “whose they are,” meaning they are rooted deeply in the fact that they are a Child of God. Knowing “whose you are” and “who you are” comes from a place of faith. I am very open about my belief in God. I am a Christian and my beliefs form the foundation of my life. (If you want to know more, contact me and I will be happy to share). That being said, I know that there are many faiths in the world today and my thoughts are offered here with respect for our differences. I do believe that there are some fundamental and universal truths. Almost all faiths acknowledge a creator, a universal power, that gives meaning and a sense of purpose to our lives. I call this Creator, God. I am convinced that we all long to be part of “something” or Someone bigger than ourselves. The knowledge that we belong to God gives us immeasurable value.
Do you know that you are a Child of God, a daughter of the Creator of the Universe? Knowing “whose you are” gives you the freedom to succeed and shine as a celebration of your created nature, in honor of the Creator. Self Confident and Successful Women are comfortable with their uniqueness and willingly share it with others. They know that they are gifted and are blessed to be a blessing to others. They are not shy or uncomfortable with their abilities because they know that God is the source of them, and that when they use their gifts and talents well, they bring honor to God. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
When we are not sure of who we belong to, of what our purpose is, or Who it is that gives true meaning to our lives, we are always on the hunt for someone or something to fill the void. Often, we seek the approval of others. Sometimes obtaining another’s approval will influence what we think of ourselves and what gifts and talents we allow to emerge, or what strengths we cultivate. When this happens, we never discover those things that make us unique, or get really comfortable in our own skin. Other times we strive to belong, even if it means diminishing our luster or hiding our gifts. Remember you don’t do anyone a favor or service by playing small or diminishing your gifts. However, when you embrace your wonder, share your unique gifts and talents, and choose to shine, you give others the permission to do the same.
Imagine if a group of women looked in the mirror and said to each other... “I love your________, (talent, wisdom, insight, ability, beauty) and because you use it and let it shine so brightly, I am free to love my______ and use it too! Thank you!” Can you imagine how the world would change?!
When I was younger, I had this picture in my room. I loved to imagine myself as the girl with Jesus’ hands on her face, looking into her eyes with love. It reminded me that Jesus knew me personally and I was special. This brought me great comfort. It gave me a solid sense of knowing “whose I was.” I invite you to imagine yourself as this girl, to take some time and be with God; think about the wonder of who you are. Just by virtue of your existence you are special! You are a child of God, a purposed creation, not an accident or act of fate, but a created being with a purpose that only you can fill. I am a Child of God and belonging to God means:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
There is NO ONE like you on the entire earth! No one has your fingerprint. No one has your DNA... NO ONE has your unique gifts, talents, life experiences or what you have to offer others!
Knowing “Who you are” is the next most important knowledge. Do you know yourself? You may be aware of your likes, dislikes, preferences, favorite books, television shows, movies, colors, activities and people. But do you really know your gifts, talents, strengths, weakness, characteristics, quirks and habits? These are the things that make you uniquely you. When you know who you are, then you can effectively use your talents and strengths, both in your personal and professional life. Doing so will bring you great satisfaction and success as you are a blessing and offer your products and services to others. Zig Ziglar, a renown businessman and sales trainer, teaches that you will have success when you have helped enough other people get what they want. This applies to every arena of life. “Who you are”: Your story & life experiences, your wiring, bents, strengths, weakness all combine to make you unique!
For example, I have a friend who is the “go to” girl for desserts. She is the best baker I know. Creating desserts is an art form for her. Whenever we have a party or dinner or any type of event, we ask her to make dessert. She is not in the “dessert business,” rather, it is an offering, a place for her to share her art and her heart. In turn, she derives great joy in sharing her talents. I have another friend who is “the one” you want praying for you... I think she has a direct line to God and she is a faithful prayer warrior. You want to be on her prayer list, because she actually prays for you; she doesn’t just talk about it, she does it. This is her gift, as she go through her days and does laundry, cooks, works and takes care of her responsibilities... she is in conversation with God about people.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Finally, I have a good friend and mentor who has turned her talent and strength into a fulfilling career, She is a writer & strategist. Her discernment, coupled with her ability to see the big picture and think strategically, has enabled her to help many others achieve success. In doing so, she has also created a successful business. She has embraced the fact that in helping others get what they want, you can gain what you most desire. Each of these woman are examples of the power that knowing “who you are.” When we know our unique talents, abilities, and strengths we are able to use them to create a meaningful and purpose driven life. When you embrace this truth that there is no one else just like you and that you were created for a unique and special purpose, you can change your perspective and thus your life. Imagine getting up everyday, knowing that there is a role that only YOU can fill, a task, a mission, a purpose just for you! Would knowing this and working toward fulfilling your unique purpose bring a sense of meaning to your day? Would it fuel your sense of self and increase your self confidence?
Take some time and think about what you are good at... what brings you joy, what do you do naturally or with ease? Think about the things that people ask you to do for them: these are your talents, gifts & strengths. Cultivate them.
Whatever you give to the world, however big or small, can only be given by you, and if you don’t give it, there will be a “you shaped” vacuum” that no one else can fill. Think about it! It’s true, there is only one YOU! Knowing “Whose you are” and “Who you are” gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This knowledge empowers us to make deliberate choices and to live by our priorities thus equipping us to be more intentional. These synergistically combine and empower us to create our best life. This is the first and most important secret that every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #2 Self Confident & Successful Women Self Confident & Successful women are in touch with their heart and with their desires... they know what they want most in life. They know their passions and a have clear sense of purpose. They know their “why.” This knowledge drives their daily schedule, their choices and how they invest their time, energy and resources. Knowing their “why” is what keeps successful women focused. It is the fuel that takes ideas into action, and the catalyst for continued commitment when difficulty and challenges arise. There will be days when we don’t feel like working, when we are discouraged, when the investment doesn’t seem worth the return. On these days, in these moments it is crucial to know our “why.” Without a passion and a purpose, there is no driving force to keep us on track and working from our commitment, not from the emotions of the moment. Successful women know this truth. Self Confident and Successful women know their “why.”
Do you know your Why? What is a “Why?” Your “Why” is your reason or purpose for doing something. It is bigger than a goal. It is not just what you desire, but the strong reason you desire it. It is beyond the physical realm. It has personal meaning deep within. It involves being part of something that you love to do. It is more compelling than any current distraction. It evokes deep feelings & passion. It motivates you to action.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
My “why...” I wanted to be home with my kids. Being available to them and being with them is very important to me. While I wanted to be involved in something fulfilling, that used my gifts & talents outside of my “mom & wife” role, that was secondary to my desire to be home with them. I wanted to be able to set my own schedule in any endeavors or work that I pursued. My priority was to fit my work around my life, rather than having to fit my life around my work schedule. This priority drove my choices, and helped me stay on track when I was tired, distracted or even discouraged. When my kids were teenagers, I knew it was important for me to be available, to be “around” when they got home from school and to be aware of the myriad of issues & struggles that come with the teenage years. They also needed me to drive them to the mall, to practices, to friends, to the store, to church, to everywhere! I couldn’t do these things if I was not at home and in control of my schedule. Quite often, my “why” provided the spark to stay on task when I didn’t “feel” like working. The benefits of an intentional choice, based on my commitment and purpose, far outweighed allowing the momentary feelings to prevail, and drove me to act. Knowing my “why” also offers a criteria for evaluating opportunities that arise, as I evaluate whether or not my involvement will contribute to achieving my “why.” Maybe you have a fulfilling career and long to be home, or maybe you love being home and just need more money at the end of your month. Maybe you have a passion for missions, or a cause that is close to your heart where you want to invest your time and money. There are a lot of “whys.” Taking the time to discover your personal “why” is important. Knowing our “why” brings clarity to our choices, equips us to make decisions based on our priorities, to say “no” guilt free, and work from our commitment, not from our emotions. Knowing our “why” is crucial to our success. Being able to focus on what is the most important thing, i.e. fulfilling your why, enables you to take the necessary steps and to make the difficult decisions that winners make. It takes the pull of the “seemingly urgent” and puts it secondary to the “pre-determined important”.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Your “why” has multiple components. It must address a need in your life or in the lives of others to be powerful enough to sustain you through the challenges that come with every endeavor. Your “why” must also be tied to your passions. Take some time to discover your “why” since it is an integral part of your success journey. It may be helpful to journal your thoughts and really “download your brain” since clarity usually comes as you go through this process of reflection. Usually our deepest desires are buried beneath the “noise” of the everyday. If you get stuck, ask yourself, “what do I want?” Write down your answers and ask again, till you get to the deeper answers. This will help uncover your “why.” I often ask my clients these questions: What breaks your heart, can make you cry and inspire you to take action? What makes you laugh out loud with joy and delight that comes just from being involved? What gives you inner satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment regardless of the external rewards? What would you fight for, take action for in spite of the odds being against you or even in the face of fear of failure? Using these questions you can discover your “why.” Now that my kids are grown, I am free to pursue other “whys” in my life. I am passionate about educating, encouraging and equipping women to become and to BE all that God intended for them. I have a heart for ministry. I love being part of the joy of discovery, growth and success my clients. This is what keeps me going on the difficult days or when I don’t “feel” like working or engaging in the messy process of growth. My “why” impacts how I schedule my days, and how I evaluate which commitments I will make. When I live with my “why” firmly implanted in my mind and use it as a criteria for decision making, I find it is easier to say “no” to the things that will distract me from creating the life I desire and achieving my “why.” www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Clearly identifying your “why” will help you to determine your goals, plan your schedule and evaluate your daily efforts to reach them. You will feel empowered as you take control of your time and make purposeful decisions regarding your time & resources. Knowing your why will provide a framework for making decisions and assessing opportunities, ideas and activities that while they may be “good” they may not be the “best” choice for achieving your why.
Self Confident & Successful Women chose to invest the time to discover their “why.” They understand the importance of a purpose driven life and of making decisions based on their priorities. They recognize the incredible power and responsibility of choice. In fact, Self confident and Successful Women do more than recognize choice, they embrace the power and responsibility of choice. Choice can be a scary power at times, because it requires us to acknowledge and accept that we are responsible for our lives. We make choices all the time that create the life we are living now. Where we are today is a result of all the choices we have made up until now. Choice is an awesome power, it enables us to create the life that we truly desire, if we are willing to live with intention.
My Why is:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #3 Self Confident & Successful Women Know their Strengths & Work from Them Self Confident & Successful Women know their strengths, talents, areas of giftedness and natural abilities. These are the areas they choose to invest their time in order to be the most effective and successful. Of course they are open to growing and getting better in every area of their lives. However, Self Confident & Successful Women are self assured and focus their time and energies on using their unique talents, strengths and abilities to create success, to live their life purpose and to bless others in the process. There are a few important areas to discuss regarding knowing our strengths and working from them. Of course, we must identify our specific areas of strength, as well as realize that it is an intentional choice to focus on working from them to create our success. Additionally, once we develop this habit, it is equally important consistently choose not to compare ourselves with others. Self Confident and Successful Women have mastered these areas of Secret #3. Do you know what your strengths are? Your strengths are your natural gifts, abilities talents. You perform them easily and with a high degree of effectiveness and excellence. They are usually things that you feel confident engaging in as well as energized and a sense of satisfaction. Sometimes people find it hard to identify their strengths. One effective my clients find helpful is to think about what others ask you to do for them, to volunteer for, or in what areas they seek out your help. This will provide clues to what you are naturally good at because this indicates what you offer to your friends without even thinking. They know to come to you for help in these areas since you have already reveled it is an area of your talent or strength. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
A second exercise is to write down all the things that you like to do. Usually, you enjoy doing the things that you excel at, or that come with ease, while you probably tend to avoid those areas in which you are less skilled. It is not prideful to say that you are good or gifted at doing something. When we acknowledge our talents we can be grateful to the Talent Giver and use our strengths to serve others. Another clue to discovering your strengths and weaknesses is to determine tasks that make you tired. For example, I can work with people, write or teach for hours and not feel drained...I may even feel energized. But put me in front of an excel spread sheet and I am heavy lidded in no time! I am thankful that my husband/business partner has strengths in these areas!
Indentify your strengths: I am good at:
Self Confident and Successful Women Know their Strengths and work from them because they have taken the time to identify the areas in which they are not strong. They know where they are “weak” and make the wise choice to delegate and outsource these areas and tasks. They do not get stuck in trying to do everything themselves. They know that is it most productive and profitable to invest their time in the areas of their strengths.
It is wise to know the areas in which we are weak. Unless it is a character issue, a weakness is not a flaw, it is simply areas in which we are less skilled While there are some skills that we need to learn or improve our mastery. There are many tasks and skills which we can delegate to someone whose strengths include this arena of work. Delegating our areas of weakness will free us to focus on our strengths and thus increase our effectiveness.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Self Confident & Successful Women make this wise choice: They know and work from their strengths and delegate or outsource their weak areas. (as well as other areas that they be competent at, but do not produce a high return on the time invested, and should be delegated as well)
This was a revolutionary concept for me. I was raised to believe that I should work on my weaknesses, striving to master them, rather than focus on my strengths. It is tiring to continually try to improve in an area that you are not good at, as well as discouraging. This is a secret that I was thrilled to learn! For example, In business, I am great with people, but paperwork and systems are not my strong suit. By focusing on my strengths, mentoring and working with people, my business grows. I delegate any systems or tasks that I can and then learn the ones that I need to implement myself. This saves me time, energy, headaches and heartaches as I don’t try to be who I am not. This also preserves my sense of self and keeps me confident and focused on using my strengths to achieve success. Do you know the your weak areas? These are energy drainers. We tend to avoid doing these things, or we don’t feel confident, equipped or energized when we attempt certain tasks. It is important that you identify your areas of weakness so that you know which areas to delegate or outsource. It doesn’t make sense to “work on your weakness.” If you concentrate on your weak areas, eventually you will be better at them, but quite often only mediocre at best and it will take a lot of effort. (In that time you will not be perfecting your strengths and using them with excellence, so you are going to be frustrated.) You will not achieve the success you desire by taking this route. Instead, take a different tact and invest in your strengths so that you become a master in these areas. Be wise, and delegate your weak areas to someone who excels in these arenas. If you focus on what you are good at... and get better at it , you will achieve success! www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Hiring an assistant has empowered me to be more effective in every area of my life. Her strengths abound in my weak areas. I am no longer plagued by piles of papers, because I have a great system, that she set up, and helps keep organized. And my family and friends love it, because they actually get cards and gifts on time, instead of these just sitting on my kitchen counter with the best of intentions of getting mailed... Soon! Additionally, I am more present to the task at hand, because I am not worried about what I am not getting done. I would much rather coach, counsel or teach than go to the post office, balance my books, or other very essential and important tasks. Hiring her has increased my both business and personal success! This one secret has changed my life! Think about how much more your could accomplish if you focused on those tasks that utilize your strengths. My guess is that these things are important elements to your success. The time invested in them will be far more productive than trying improve at a task that is not in your skill set. Most likely, it is a skill that someone else has as a talent and loves doing! Teaming up with them is ideal. When you identify your particular strengths & weaknesses, you can make smart decisions about where to invest your time, energy and resources, as well as what you can and should delegate. My strengths are:
Focusing on them will empower me to accomplish:
My weak areas are:
I can delegate them to:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
The final area that is crucial to Secret # 3 is the consistent and conscious choice not to compare yourself with others. Self Confident & Successful Women have mastered this important skill. Comparison is a useless and self defeating behavior that must be avoided with a disciplined and determined mindset.
Self Confident & Successful Women consistently and consciously choose NOT to compare themselves with others. They know it is destructive and futile because there will always be someone taller/shorter, thinner/fatter, smarter/less smart, more talented/less talented, richer/poorer, etc than they are. Instead of comparing themselves to others, Self Confident & Successful Women are comfortable in their own skin and choose to focus on their strengths, talents & assets and use them to reach their goals, create their life and to bless others.
Self Confident & Successful Women know that we tend to compare our weakness to another woman’s strengths. It is like comparing cream to skim milk, there is no contest! They don’t have the same content. For us...we don’t have the same DNA, skill set, or talents. However, we often insist on seeing our weakness in the mirror of another persons strengths and our self confidence takes a beating. As a result of this inequity and the subsequent assault on our confidence, Self Confident & Successful women wisely avoid comparison. Instead, they cheer for the accomplishments of others, knowing that the accomplishments and success of others can add to their own personal arsenal of belief. They never compare talents or results. They may choose to learn from another who is in a position that they want to reach or be mentored by someone who is better skilled in a certain area. However there is not a sense of comparison or competition, but of collaboration and celebration.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
For example, I have a dear friend who is the most organized person I know. Her house always looks like a model home, she is never worried that company will stop by and the state of the kitchen will embarrass her. When our kids were in younger, she had a handle on the avalanche of papers that followed our children home from school, and never forgot to turn in the proper form on time.
I, however, have been known to throw all the “misplaced” items into a laundry basket and then hide it in the garage, when I found out that unscheduled visitors were arriving in 10 minutes! Additionally, an unruly stack of school papers consistently “decorated” my kitchen counter, and more than once I had to drive up to the school with the forgotten permission slip. If I compared myself to her, I would come up short every time. I am the mom who is more likely to suggest an art project or game after school, while the papers & permission slips get stacked on the counter for later. Then in the mad rush to clean up before dinner, the permission slip gets moved, the important papers get moved to another stack, and both are forgotten. Even today, I have to work hard at staying on top of the paper monster that visits my house as well as be diligent in being organized with my time, my commitments and my ideas. One of my favorite quotes is: “I need a closet organizer just for my brain!” My friend is naturally gifted in this area, and I am not. I have two choices when faced with this truth. I can beat myself up for “not being more organized, not being more like her, not being a good mom...” (we have all gone there), or I can acknowledge that while this is not an area of strength for me, it is not a character flaw. In our ‘superwoman syndrome’ we foolishly think our weaknesses are a flaw that we must fix and thus we focus on getting better at things that don’t come naturally to us. In doing so we miss the opportunity to hone our areas of strength to excellence and then employ them for our success! My kids are grown now and we talk about this weakness of mine and how it impacted them. I wish I understood more about it earlier in my life so I could set up systems to minimize the negative impact on them, or even to delegate more of it and focus on what I was really good at. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Honesty about our weakness or areas of needed growth is important. Getting bogged down them or beating ourselves up for not being perfect is a waste of time, energy and resources. When you identify your particular strengths & weaknesses, you can make smart decisions about where to invest your time, energy and resources, as well as what you can and should delegate. Can you imagine knowing and embracing your strengths and utilizing them to create the success and life you desire Try it, it will lighten your load and increase your effectiveness.
I will not to compare myself with others. I will celebrate and work from my strengths I will actively grow in areas I need to improve. I will delegate my weaknesses. I will celebrate the unique strengths of others!
While we can always learn new skills, or improve in areas of weakness, it is simply foolish to compare our skills and talents or lack thereof, with others. I needed to improve my skills in this area to get some control over the chaos. I did learn from my friend and implemented her systems to tame the paper monster, but I will never “be” like her. I am me, and this is not one of my strengths. One day, she commented on my spontaneity and how she wished that she was less structured and could be more spontaneous like me. Needless to say, I laughed out loud as I shared with her my desire to be more structured and organized . This is a classic example of comparing our weaknesses with another’s strengths. What if we chose to compare strengths and strengths and evaluated areas of needed growth? (or what if we didn’t compare at all?). Resolve to no longer compare yourself to others, but rather to enjoy your unique giftedness and celebrate others as well. This simple choice will allow you to live from a place of self confidence. It will fuel your success, and empower you to freely celebrate the strengths of others!
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #4 Self Confident & Successful Women Choose to Cultivate & to Maintain A Positive Mental Attitude Self Confident & Successful Women know that A Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) is like a muscle that must be exercised, trained and kept toned. A strong PMA can be the difference between success and excellence or in settling for mediocrity. And mediocre is miserable. I am not suggesting a “Pollyanna” type attitude, which is so often mistakenly associated with the words Positive Mental Attitude. A PMA is not a denial of the facts, truth or “reality . Choosing to have Positive Mental Attitude does not blind us to what is real or happening; it means taking those facts and choosing to be positive about them, to see possibility in them and to dwell on what is good rather than what is ‘wrong.” There is great truth to the statement, “What we think about we bring about.”
Napoleon Hill the famous author of Think & Grow Rich said, “What the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”
Coupled with the scientific evidence that our minds are a powerful tool, there is the fact that we have all seen this truth in action in our own lives. For example, have you ever had a rough morning getting ready for the day, stubbed your toe, ran your hose, woke up with PMS, were running late and couldn’t find your keys??? And the whole day gets colored by the tough start to the day? We have all been there, and in our minds we think.. this is going to be a rough day, and guess what... it usually is. Do we cause it to be a bad day? Or is our mindset one that seeks and sees all the things that confirm our lament that it’s going to be a rough day?
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
However, what if we took a different stance... And literally positioned our minds in a different direction? What if we didn’t focus on all that went wrong with the morning, but stopped to dwell on what went right or what is good?
If we chose to take control of our thoughts and planted positive ones in the place of the negative ones, this can radically change your outlook and your day. Eventually, it can change your life.
What if the traffic jam that inevitably occurs when you are racing to work, becomes the extra 15 minutes to listen to an inspirational CD, or to review your presentation once more in your mind? That perspective changes things, doesn’t it? What if you didn’t listen to the crowd that says, “It can’t be done,” and “listen to your belief that says, I am going to do this? No one thought man could fly, that a horseless carriage was feasible or that man could walk on the moon. Well, almost no one. The Wright Brothers, Henry Ford, NASA & President John F. Kennedy all chose to listen to a different voice. They chose to have and to maintain a can do, positive, possibility mindset. I imagine it was difficult at times. Mary Kay Ash started her company when women did not run companies, let alone own companies and her choice to cultivate and to maintain a Positive Mental Attitude has impacted millions of women in their pursuit of their dreams. Her lawyer advised her against it. But SHE believed in her dreams. Oprah Winfrey, one of the most iconic faces on television, as well as one of the richest and most successful women in the world, was fired from her job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for TV.” Were there days of discouragement, disappointment, and doubt? Of course, just read any of their biographies. The difference is what each of these people chose to do in those moments. After cultivating a positive mindset, they actively worked to maintain it. Was it hard to do so? I imagine so. Have you tried to maintain a PMA in the midst of struggle and setback? Then you know how difficult this “muscle” is to develop. However, it is a crucial muscle to develop. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
If you chose to take control of your thoughts and plant positive ones in the place of the negative ones, this can radically change your outlook and your day. Eventually it can change your life. It is a choice to live with a mindset of expectancy. It is a choice to believe that we do create our reality and that “what we think” about greatly impacts “what we bring about.” This is not a popular mindset, because it implies taking personal responsibility rather than blaming others, events, or circumstances for the state of our life. Every successful person I have spoken with confirms that this disciplined choice is one of the key secrets to their success. One key to cultivating and maintaining a Positive Mental Attitude is surrounding yourself with abundance minded people who are committed to cultivating and maintaining a Positive Mental Attitude. Take a minute and look at the 5 people you spend the most time with. Are they positive or negative? Make a list and put a + sign next to those who are Positive in your Life, a = next to anyone who is neutral and a — next to anyone who is negative. Then evaluate who you want to invest your time and energy with, and whom you want to allow to have impact and influence in your life.
If you want to grow and change, then take an inventory of your circle of influence and determine if those in it are helping you or hindering you in designing your life & living your vision.
It is a fact that we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. Think about it... we dress like them, live near them & in a similar style, we think like them, live like them... so be very intentional about who these people are and choose your circle of friends wisely.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
It takes daily discipline to feed your mind with positive thoughts.
In order to develop a Positive Mental Attitude it is important to say affirmations on a daily basis. Self confident & successful women have positive thoughts posted around their home. Self Confident & Successful Women say affirmations to develop the muscle of PMA and to guard their minds from then influx of negativity. They are aware and deliberate about the words that they say to themselves. Their inner dialogue is not filled with self criticism, but with self confirming words like “I can.” They live with a “possibility mindset” and look for the good, the positive and the possible in every situation.
Affirmations are positive statements that describe a desired situation. They are repeated many times, on a daily basis, in a regular pattern, in order to impress them on the subconscious mind and trigger it into positive action. To ensure the effectiveness of the affirmations, they have to be repeated with attention, conviction, interest and desire. Ex: I am positive & proactive in every situation While Affirmations may be unfamiliar and awkward at first, they are a key secret to success. (Just like our bodies, we must feed our minds with good things, so that they can perform at their optimal level). Choose just one affirmation and begin to say it 3 times each day. Choose to read positive and uplifting books and to spend your time with positive people and watch as your life and business become more successful! My Affirmation: I am:
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Secret #5 Self Confident & Successful Women Self Confident & Successful women make decisions and they act upon them. The ability to assess a situation, challenge, or opportunity and make a decision regarding it is a true mark of success. Decision makers do not get stuck in analysis paralysis. They don’t over think, yet they do think things through. They have the confidence to “go with their gut” when necessary because they trust their inner wisdom. Doing so can mean the difference between a million dollar deal and a million dollar maybe! We have all been there...maybe not with a million dollar deal on the table, but no doubt an important one...and our instincts tell us to take a certain action which may seem unconventional or unexpected. We wrestle internally with ourselves, “you should do this... But what will people think, It is worth the risk... It hasn’t been done before...You can make this work... Some folks won’t like it...I think it’s a good idea...just do it! Stop thinking and take action!” And more often than not, we make the right decision when we trust our instincts. When Self Confident & Success Women are faced with the multitude of crossroads and choices that are a part of each day, they make a decision and they take action.
Will you make the right decision every time? Probably not. Being an Action Taker is more important than getting every action/decision right. Most success is achieved by tripping over the stepping stones of failure. The truth is the “failure” that we fear, implies that action was taken, and action is a step toward success. Practicing the art of making a decision and taking action can increase your self confidence as well as your success! www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Self Confident & Successful Women are aware of their power and ability to create their lives. They are not “in control” of their lives, nor are they controlling, but they are in control of how their emotions effect them. They chose to work from their commitments not their emotions. This is true in both their personal and their professional life. They choose to take action even when they don’t “feel like it.” They know that activity precedes motivation and action from commitment is key to success! Can you relate? Aren’t there times when we don’t feel like being married... Sometimes it can be challenging and disappointing and we wonder what happened to our Prince Charming. However, we chose to act from our commitment to be faithful and true to our spouse. What about being a mom? If we are really honest, we would admit that there are days when we don’t want to be a mom...another load of laundry, sick kids, sleepless nights, teen age hormones! This was not part of our fairy tale dreams Yet, we are moms...ever faithful, constant, available... snuggling sick kids in the middle of the night, washing football uniforms at midnight, and waiting up and praying for our teen to return home safely.
Working from their commitment, especially when they don’t feel motivated is a secret of every Self Confident & Successful Woman.
What about work? Most work at home women need to be on the phone to build a successful business. Do you ever feel like your phone weighs 15 pounds? Are you on the brink of discouragement or defeat if you hear one more “no,” rude brush off, or cancellation? You are in good company. There are places in our personal and professional lives that we can “avoid” with “good reasons” and lengthy explanations as to why we “can’t” achieve. When the truth is that, in many instances, we chose to let our emotions and not our commitment be the deciding factor. This choice sabotages our success and erodes our self confidence. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
In the face of rejection, setbacks and discouragement, self confident & successful women exercise control over their choices. They are choice driven, not circumstance driven. Self Confident & Successful Women are solution oriented, thus with acute awareness of the situation, they make decisions and take actions that move them toward their goal. They purposefully and proactively chose to take the next step toward achieving their goals even when the feeling isn’t there. Imagine your increased success if you committed to taking action for 90 days! The 5 Secrets of Self Confident & Successful Women are crucial to success and a rich and fulfilling life. Those who embrace and practice these 5 Secrets achieve success and rise above mediocrity. These are the women who are making a difference in the daily and the long term arenas of their lives and the lives of others. They have taken a journey of personal development to instill these essential secrets into their personalities until they become second nature. If you want to be Self Confident & Successful, begin to embrace and practice building these 5 Secrets in your life. Each of them is an essential part of personal development, and growth. The effort invested in developing these characteristics is worth it. If you are tired of just getting by, of settling for less, of wondering if you make a difference, of second guessing yourself and/or of struggling with your self confidence, then you can make a change in your life. It begins with one decision and continues with daily steps based on that decision, day after day. Remember it is a journey. You will not become an overnight expert in these Secrets, any more than you can build muscle tone overnight. Growth takes commitment, discipline and practice (3 rather unpopular words for the masses). But, you are not part of the mediocre masses. You are part of the excellent the cream of the crop Successful women who make choices every day to grow, to learn and to Live With Intention! www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Bonus Secret for Greater Success!! Self Confident & Successful Women Practice Forgiveness & Self Acceptance Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. You, me, Everyone! Making mistakes is how we learn. The sooner we learn to accept this truth, the better and easier life will be. The goal is not perfection. The goal is growth. Self Confident & Successful Women practice forgiveness & self acceptance, because they know that this is an essential component of growth. Often we are our own harshest critics. We see our flaws, mistakes & shortcomings in living Technicolor and forget to see our gifts, achievements & wonder in brighter Neon Lights! When this happens we are paralyzed with self condemnation and we are less effective in most areas of life. If we can’t forgive ourselves then the fear of failure has a hold on us that prevents true success.
Far too often the fear of failure stops people from achieving their dreams, from becoming their best selves, from reaching their potential. Stop a minute and think about something that you didn’t do because you were afraid you would fail... do you regret not trying it? If you could do it again, would you do it anyway, in spite of the fear? I hope so. One of the best ways to evaluate “failure” is to change your lens. Imagine a toddler learning to walk. First, they pull themselves up at the coffee table on wobbly legs, and get their balance as they see the valued object, a doll, ball, truck across the room. Because they want something, because they have their sights set on something, they have a willingness to try... knowing that it is only in the trying that we ever really accomplish anything. It is the “try” that becomes the “do.” So on wobbly feet, with little balance and minimal assurance, but with great faith the toddler takes a step... sways a bit, but maintains her balance, and then takes another step...And then of course, falls...again. www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Imagine if she never got back up again. The “failure” being too great to even attempt another try. Not only would she never reach the goal, but think of all the wasted opportunities, events and atrophied muscles that would result. We don’t condemn the toddler for falling. No, in fact we praise the toddler for trying! Great job, good try... do it again, we cheer them on as they learn by doing, and by failing and by doing again and again... until they get it right... then its time to learn to run, skip, hop and a myriad of other things that at which they will fail while they learn. Forgiveness & Self Acceptance allow bravery, effort, success and failure to co-exist in the process of growth and development.
Where does the shift happen? When does the cheering stop? When does learning become too frightening, and all we accept is “getting it right” or not making a mistake? This is a costly posture. Personally, I believe that forgiveness is much easier one to adopt Forgiving yourself is an essential part of maturing and of becoming self confident & successful. If you live in fear of getting something wrong, you will be paralyzed. Or if you are bold enough to act, and then make a mistake, but have not developed the ability to forgive yourself then you will live in condemnation. This is a weary and self defeating burden to bear.
Practicing Forgiveness & Self acceptance is: Knowing that you are in the process of becoming, resting in the truth that you have strengths and weaknesses, & accepting that you will make mistakes in the midst of doing glorious things. It is a crucial secret that all self confident & successful women share.
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
Forgiving yourself open up space to embrace yourself, your unique gifts & talents. It is a Key Secret for all Self-Confident and Successful Women. As you take time to incorporate these Secrets you will experience personal growth and success. I encourage you to spend time to develop a strong sense of self, to invest the time to discover your “why” and then set goals to achieve it! Don’t compare yourself with others, instead enjoy your abilities and employ them to bless & serve others. Develop a positive attitude and work diligently to preserve it. Take action everyday to get one step closer to the life of your dreams.
5 Secrets Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Knows Secret #1: They have a Strong Sense of Self Secret #2: They Know Their “Why” Secret #3: They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others. Secret #4: They Choose to Cultivate & to Maintain a Positive Mental Attitude Secret #5: They are Action Takers, not Excuse Makers. Bonus Secret: Self Confident & Successful Women Practice Forgiveness & Self Acceptance
Creating a life with increased self confidence, better relationships and greater success happens when ordinary people take extraordinary actions because they are purpose driven, prepared and persevering in achieving their goals. You can become a Self Confident & Successful Woman one step at a time by applying these 5 Key Secrets to your life. It is a day by day, moment by moment choice to Live With Intention and this choice makes all the difference!
www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
About Susie During the past two decades, I have drawn from my life experiences as a wife, mom, counselor, coach, speaker, teacher and woman of faith to share hope, purpose and possibilities with women, wives, mothers & couples. I offer a unique & novel blend of my training and experience as a counselor, minister, coach, spiritual director & entrepreneur to those who are seeking to live a rich and rewarding life. As a Life Success Strategist & Wellness Coach , I love to partner with people to educate, encourage & empower them to create their best life! Thanks for joining me on this journey!!
Living with Intention,
Susie ____________________________________________________ Susie holds a Masters of Arts in Counseling, from Mars Hill Graduate School, with additional training/certification as a Life Coach & Spiritual Director. After years as a psychologist in private practice, her focus has shifted to Coaching, Speaking & Writing. Susie equips women and couples to create better relationships
with themselves, God and others in 30 Days or Less!! Susie is sought after Speaker, a Marriage & Relationship Coach , as well as a Best-selling author. She teaches, speaks & writes extensively on being Married with Business and how to NOT bankrupt your reltionships while pursuing success. And about life, faith , and how God is relevant to our daily lives. Susie is celebrating 32 years of marriage to John. They have 3 grown children. They live outside Washington, DC. For more information about Susie: coaching, counseling, speaking / seminars, and her blog... please visit www.susiemiller.com www.susiemiller.com © 2010-2015 Susie Miller, MA, MDiv
5 SECRETS Every Self Confident & Successful Woman Know
