"Christian Marriage - Wives" TRANSCRIPT
T h e S e rm o n s o f D a n D u n c a n E p h e s ia n s 5 :2 2 -2 4
E p h e s ia n s
" C h ris tia n M a rria g e - W iv e s "
T R A N S C R IP T
[M e s s a g e ] W e a re c o n tin u in g o u r s tu d y in th e b o o k o f E p h e s ia n s , in E p h e s ia n s c h a p te r 5 , a n d th is m o rn in g w e b e g in P a u l's s e c tio n o f th is b o o k o n th e C h ris tia n h o m e a n d s p e c ific a lly C h ris tia n m a rria g e . T h a t b e g in s w ith E p h e s ia n s 5 :2 2 , a n d s o if y o u h a v e y o u r B ib le s o p e n e d , fo llo w a lo n g w ith m e a s I re a d . I th in k a g o o d p la c e to b e g in , th o u g h , is in v e rs e 2 1 b e c a u s e v e rs e 2 1 is s o m e th in g o f a tra n s itio n v e rs e b e tw e e n w h a t w e h a v e s tu d ie d in v e rs e s 1 5 a n d f o llo w in g to w h a t w e w ill s tu d y . P a u l s a y s , "A n d b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e f e a r o f C h r is t." In v e rs e 2 2 : " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s ." N o w , y o u 'll n o tic e th a t th a t e x p re s s , " b e s u b je c t," is in ita lic s . It m e a n s it's n o t in th e o rig in a l te x t, a n d s o it is in d ic a te d in th a t w a y , b u t it is p ro p e r to tra n s la te it th a t w a y . V e rs e 2 2 d o e s n 't h a v e a v e rb , it ta k e s th e v e rb f ro m th e p a rtic ip le in v e rs e 2 1 , w h ic h is " b e s u b je c t," a n d s o it's g o v e r n e d b y th a t v e rs e . T h a t re a lly b e g in s th e w h o le s e c tio n . It in tro d u c e s u s , v e rs e 2 1 d o e s , to w h a t fo llo w s . A n d s o in lig h t o f th a t, h e s a y s , " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a s to th e L o rd . F o r th e h u s b a n d is th e h e a d o f th e w if e , a s C h ris t a ls o is th e h e a d o f th e c h u rc h , H e H im s e lf b e in g th e S a v io r o f th e b o d y . B u t a s th e c h u rc h is s u b je c t to C h ris t, s o a ls o th e w iv e s o u g h t to b e to th e ir h u s b a n d s in e v e ry th in g ." M a y th e L o rd b le s s th is re a d in g o f H is W o rd a n d b le s s o u r tim e o f s tu d y to g e th e r. L e t's b o w in a w o rd o f p ra y e r.
-2"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
[P ra y e r] O u r g ra c io u s G o d a n d h e a v e n ly F a th e r, w e d o th a n k y o u fo r th e g re a t p riv ile g e w e h a v e to c o m e to g e th e r a s y o u r p e o p le a n d to g a th e r a ro u n d y o u r W o rd a n d to s tu d y it to g e th e r. W h a t a p riv ile g e th a t is . Y o u h a v e g iv e n u s th e W o rd o f G o d , a n d a t tim e s it is n o t a n e a s y s u b je c t to re a d , e a s y is s u e s to d e a l w ith , a n d y e t, F a th e r, w e re c o g n iz e th is is y o u r in e rra n t W o rd , a n d s o w e th a n k y o u f o r th e g if t o f it a n d p r a y y o u w o u ld m in is te r to u s th is m o r n in g a s w e s e e k to u n d e rs ta n d it a n d liv e in lig h t o f it. W e th a n k y o u m o s t o f a ll f o r th e g if t o f C h ris t, th e d e a th th a t H e d ie d , a s u b je c t th a t is re a lly a t th e h e a rt o f s o m u c h o f w h a t w e s tu d y in th e s e p a s s a g e s th a t w e w ill lo o k a t th is m o rn in g a n d in th e w e e k s to c o m e , a s u b je c t th a t is re a lly a t th e c e n te r o f a ll o f th e b o o k o f E p h e s ia n s – in f a c t, a ll o f th e S c rip tu re s . M a n is s in f u l, s o y o u s e n t a S a v io r, a n d n o t ju s t a s a v io r, y o u s e n t y o u r o n ly b e g o tte n S o n , th e e te rn a l S o n o f G o d , in to th is w o rld in o rd e r t o d ie fo r s in n e rs , a n d s o H e to o k h u m a n ity o n H im s e lf. H e b e c a m e a m a n , H e s u ffe re d in o u r p la c e , th a t w e m ig h t h a v e life a n d h a v e it e te rn a lly . F a th e r, w e th a n k y o u s o m u c h fo r th a t, a n d h e lp u s to k e e p th a t in m in d a s w e s tu d y th is m o rn in g . K e e p C h ri s t b e fo re u s a n d re m e m b e r w h a t H e e x p e c ts o f u s . A n d w e p ra y th a t w e w o u ld b e m o v e d b y th a t, F a th e r, a n d m o tiv a te d to o b e d ie n c e a n d to d e v o tio n . F a th e r, w e p ra y n o t o n ly fo r o u rs e lv e s a n d o u r s p iritu a l n e e d s , w e h a v e m a n y , a n d w e p ra y th a t s o m e w ill b e m e t th is m o rn in g a s w e s tu d y th e S c rip tu re s , b u t w e p ra y a ls o , L o rd , fo r o u r m a te ria l n e e d s , o u r p h y s ic a l n e e d s . W e th in k o f th e s ic k , w e p ra y fo r th e m , th o s e w h o s e n a m e s h a v e b e e n p la c e d o n o u r p ra y e r re q u e s t lis t. W e a s k th a t y o u w o u ld in te rv e n e in th e ir liv e s a n d in th e ir s itu a tio n s . W e th in k o f E liz a b e th D e a n a n d th e c o n d itio n o f h e r h e a rt. W e p ra y y o u 'd b le s s a n d g iv e h e a lin g . A n d D o ris P e rry , w e p ra y th a t y o u m ig h t g iv e h e r h e a lin g a n d c o m fo rt a n d e n c o u ra g e m e n t, a n d th o s e w h o a re fa c in g s u rg e ry th is w e e k a n d o th e rs .
-3"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
W e p ra y th a t y o u w o u ld p re p a re th e m a n d b le s s th e m a n d c o m m e n d th e m in to y o u r b le s s in g s a n d y o u r g ra c e , F a th e r. W e k n o w it's u n lim ite d . A n d w e k n o w th a t a ll th in g s w o rk to g e th e r f o r g o o d f o r th e m th a t lo v e y o u a n d a re c a lle d a c c o rd in g to y o u r p u rp o s e . W h a t a b le s s in g th a t is a n d w h a t a c o m fo rt th a t is to k n o w . W e p ra y , F a th e r, f o r th o s e w h o a r e g r ie v in g b e c a u s e o f th e lo s s o f a lo v e d o n e . G iv e th e m e n c o u ra g e m e n t. B le s s th o s e w h o a re w ith o u t e m p lo y m e n t. P ra y th a t y o u m ig h t o p e n d o o rs fo r th e m o f o p p o rtu n ity . F a th e r, w e th a n k y o u th a t y o u h a v e g iv e n s o m a n y b le s s in g s . W e c a n g o o v e r th e tria ls th a t w e f a c e a n d th e d if f ic u ltie s a n d y e t th e y re a lly d o n o t c o m p a re to th e b le s s in g s th a t y o u h a v e g iv e n . Y o u g iv e u s life p h y s ic a lly , y o u g iv e u s life s p iritu a lly . E v e ry b e lie v e r in J e s u s C h ris t h a s th a t g re a t a s s u ra n c e th a t w e h a v e e te rn a l life a n d th a t a ll th in g s d o w o rk to g e th e r f o r g o o d . Y o u a re m a n a g in g th e a f f a irs o f th is w o rld a n d th e a f f a irs o f o u r lif e to th a t e n d , to o u r g o o d a n d to y o u r g lo ry . T h a n k y o u , F a th e r, a n d m a y o u r tim e to g e th e r th is m o rn in g b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t a s w e ll a n d b e a c a ll to v ig ila n c e in o u r re s p o n s ib ilitie s a s C h ris tia n s , th a t w e m ig h t b e g o o d a n d fa ith fu l w itn e s s e s in th e m id s t o f th is w o rld . A tro u b le d w o rld , F a th e r, a v e ry tro u b le d w o rld , a n d w e p ra y th a t w e m ig h t b e lig h ts in it. In lig h t o f th e tro u b le th a t w e h a v e b e e n s h o c k e d b y th is w e e k e n d in th e M id d le E a s t, w e p ra y fo r y o u r p e o p le, f o r th e b e lie v e r s in J e s u s C h r is t w h o a r e liv in g in th e M idd le E a s t, m a y th e y b e a w itn e s s . A n d y o u te ll u s to p ra y f o r th e p e a c e o f J e ru s a le m , a n d w e d o p ra y fo r th a t, F a th e r, in lig h t o f th e a s s a s s in a tio n o f M r. R a b in . W e p ra y th a t y o u m ig h t g iv e p e a c e in th a t la n d . A n d y e t w e k n o w , F a th e r, th a t u ltim a te ly p e a c e w ill o n ly c o m e to th a t p a rt o f th e w o rld a n d to th a t c ity – in f a c t, to th e w o rld a s a w h o le – w h e n y o u r S o n , th e P rin c e o f P e a c e , re tu rn s . S o w e lo o k fo rw a rd to th a t d a y a n d w e p ra y th a t it w o u ld c o m e s o o n . W e e c h o th e w o rd s o f J o h n , w h o in re s p o n s e to o u r L o rd 's w o rd s s a y in g , "I a m c o m in g q u ic k ly ," s a id , " A m e n , L o rd J e s u s , c o m e
-4"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
q u ic k ly ." W e p ra y th a t, F a th e r, a n d w e p ra y th a t w e w o u ld liv e in th e m e a n tim e in lig h t o f it, in lig h t o f th e f a c t th a t H e is c o m in g a g a in , a n d m a y th a t b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t to u s . M a y it b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t n o w a n d m o v e u s to b e o b e d ie n t in o u r re s p o n s ib ilitie s . M a y it b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t to u s a g a in th is e v e n in g a s w e c o m e b a c k a n d re m e m b e r H is firs t c o m in g a n d w h a t H e a c c o m p lis h e d fo r u s o n th e c ro s s . B le s s u s n o w a s w e s in g o u r fin a l h y m n . B le s s u s a s w e s tu d y to g e th e r. M a y it b e a p ro f ita b le a n d e n jo y a b le tim e . W e p ra y in C h ris t's n a m e . A m e n . [M e s s a g e ] O n e o f th e m o s t fre q u e n tly re p e a te d p h ra s e s th a t w e h e a r to d a y is fa m ily v a lu e s . It h a s b e c o m e a p o litic a l b uz z w o rd a n d th e re a s o n is th e A m e ric a n f a m ily is in a c ris is . M a rria g e s a re f a llin g a p a rt, f a m ilie s a re b re a k in g u p , a n d s o n o w th e re is a f ra n tic c a ll f o r f a m ily v a lu e s f r o m b o th th e r ig h t a n d th e le f t. E v e r y o n e s e e s th e p ro b le m , a n d it w o u ld b e n ic e if th e c h u rc h c o u ld n o w s te p f o rw a rd w ith th e a n s w e rs a n d C h ris tia n fa m ilie s c o u ld b e th e m o d e l o f fa m ily v a lu e s . U n fo rtu n a te ly , e v a n g e lic a l fa m ilie s a re fa llin g a p a rt a s w e ll. I'm s u re th e re a re a v a rie ty o f re a s o n s f o r th a t a n d n o t a ll C h ris tia n s in v o lv e d in a f a m ily c ris is h a v e f a ile d in th e ir re s p o n s ib ilitie s . T h e re a re m a n y v ic tim s . B u t o v e ra ll, y o u c a n 't h e lp b u t g e t th e f e e lin g th a t th e c h u r c h is w e a k to d a y , th a t th e w o r ld h a s a s tr o n g in f lu e n c e o n it, a n d th a t w o rld lin e s s h a s in f iltra te d th e c h u rc h a n d th a t C h ris tia n s h a v e lo s t th e ir c e n te r. A n d w h e n th e c e n te r is lo s t, th e re 's n o s ta b ility . S o to c o rre c t th e p ro b le m a n d to g u a rd a g a in s t th e p ro b le m , w e h a v e to g o b a c k to th e B ib le . T h e o n ly w a y o u t o f th e c ris is is th ro u g h a k n o w le d g e o f w h a t t h e W o rd o f G o d h a s to s a y to a ll o f th e s e is s u e s , a n d in E p h e s ia n s 5 , P a u l ta k e s u p th is p a rtic u la r is s u e o f m a rria g e a n d th e fa m ily a n d th e c e n te r o f a ll fa m ily re la tio n s h ip s . F ro m c h a p te r 5 v e rs e 2 2 th ro u g h c h a p te r 6 v e rs e 4 , P a u l's s u b je c t is th e C h ris tia n h o m e , a v e ry tim e ly s u b je c t, a tim e ly s u b je c t f o r e v e r y a g e , b u t it s e e m s p a r tic u la r ly s o in o u r s. A n d in th is s e c tio n
-5"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
o f S c rip tu re , P a u l g iv e s to u s th e d u ty o f e v e ry m e m b e r o f th e fa m ily , a n d h e m a k e s it v e ry c le a r th a t a t th e c e n te r o f th e h o m e i s J e s u s C h ris t. E a c h o f o u r re s p o n s ib ilitie s re v o lv e a ro u n d H im . W iv e s a re to b e s u b je c t to th e ir h u s b a n d s a s to th e L o rd . H u s b a n d s a re to lo v e th e ir w iv e s a s C h ris t lo v e d th e c h u rc h . C h ild re n a re to o b e y th e ir p a re n ts in th e L o rd . P a re n ts a re to ra is e u p th e ir c h ild re n in th e in s tru c tio n o f th e L o rd . T h e L o rd is a t th e c e n te r o f th e h o m e , a n d s o if a C h ris tia n h o m e is to b e a s u c c e s s f u l C h ris tia n h o m e – a n d n o t ju s t a C h ris tia n h o m e th a t s ta y s to g e th e r a n d s u rv iv e s , w e h o p e f o r s o m e th in g b e tte r th a n th a t, b u t if th e C h ris tia n h o m e is to tru ly b e s u c c e s s f u l a s a h o m e a n d a s a f a m ily , th e n C h ris t h a s to b e th e c e n te r o f it. W e m u s t b e lo o k in g to H im c o n tin u a lly f o r o u r s tre n g th , f o r o u r w is d o m , f o r o u r a b ility . W e ll, th is is P a u l's s u b je c t, a n d h e b e g in s w ith in s tru c tio n to w iv e s . T h e ir p a rtic u la r re s p o n s ib ility is to b e s u b je c t to th e ir h u s b a n d s , v e rs e 2 2 , " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a s to th e L o rd ." T h a t is o u r s u b je c t th is m o rn in g , a n d it is a h o t-b u tto n is s u e . T h e re m a y n o t b e a m o re in fla m m a to ry w o rd to d a y in o u r d is c u s s io n o n m a rria g e a n d th is w o rd " s u b m is s io n ." In th e m in d s o f m a n y , it e q u a te s to s e rv ility a n d e v o k e s im a g e s o f E d ith a n d A rc h ie B u n k e r. T h e h u s b a n d s its in h is c h a ir a s th e w ife b rin g s h im h is b e e r a n d p a p e r a n d p re p a re s h is d in n e r. S h e 's n o th in g m o re th a n a d o m e s tic s e rv a n t w ith n o life o f h e r o w n . S h e 's ru s h in g a b o u t ju s t try in g to k e e p A rc h ie h a p p y . P a u l's in s tru c tio n , " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s " is a s u b je c t th a t's g re a tly m is u n d e rs to o d to d a y . I w a s re m in d e d o f th a t la s t s p rin g w h e n I d id th e w e d d in g o f a C h ris tia n c o u p le . In th e a u d ie n c e , th e re w a s a m ix e d g ro u p o f frie n d s . S o m e w e re a c q u a in te d w ith C h ris tia n p rin c ip le s a n d o th e rs w e re n o t, a n d it is m y c u s to m in d o in g th e w e d d in g c e re m o n y to re a d E p h e s ia n s 5 :2 2 -3 3 in s tru c tin g th e c o u p le o n th e ir re s p o n s ib ilitie s a s h u s b a n d a n d w ife , a n d in th e c o u rs e o f th a t, I s a y to th e b rid e , " A s a n e q u a l in p e rs o n , y o u a re to s u b m it y o u rs e lf in o b e d ie n c e to y o u r h u s b a n d a s th e
-6"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
c h u rc h s u b m its h e rs e lf in o b e d ie n c e to h e r h e a d , th e L o rd J e s u s C h ris t." It's s o m e th in g o f a s u m m a tio n o f w h a t P a u l in s tru c ts th e w ife o n h e re in E p h e s ia n s 5 , a n d s o I m a k e th e p o in t o f s u b m is s io n a n d I m a k e th e p o in t o f o b e d ie n c e . W e ll, a fte r I d id th a t, o n e o f th e la d ie s c a m e u p to m e . S h e is a frie n d o f m in e a n d s h e w a s k in d o f c h u c k lin g a n d to ld m e w h e n y o u s a id " su b m it" th e g irl in fro n t o f m e tu rn e d to h e r d a te a n d sa id , " S u b m it?" a n d w h a t sh e w a s sa y in g in th a t w a s, " H e d o e sn 't re a lly m e a n su b m it, d o e s h e ? D o e s n 't h e k n o w th e s e a re th e '9 0 s ? N o o n e h o ld s to th o s e a n tiq u a te d id e a s a n y m o re ." A n d to m a n y , it d o e s so u n d a little N e a n d e rth a l, a n d it s o u n d s v e ry m u c h d e m e a n in g , w o m e n a re to s u b m it to th e ir h u s b a n d s , a n d I s u p p o s e th e re 's s o m e re a s o n fo r th a t. M e n h a v e n o t a lw a y s p ro v e d to b e th e b e s t h u s b a n d s e v e n in C h ris tia n h o m e s . A ll to o o fte n , th e y a re d o m in a tin g a n d a b u s iv e , a n d s o I d o n 't e n te r in to th is s u b je c t lig h tly , I c a n a ssu re y o u o f th a t. Y o u m ig h t h a v e th o u g h t, " W e ll, D u n c a n c a n 't w a it to g e t to g e t to th e s u b je c t w h e re h e c a n te ll th o s e w o m e n to s u b m it." W e ll, th a t's n o t th e c a s e . I h a v e tw o d a u g h te rs , a n d th e o n ly m a le in m y h o u s e is a fiv e m o n th -o ld S c o ttis h te rrie r , a n d in a fe w w e e k s h e 'll u n d e rg o a little p ro c e d u re th a t w ill m a k e fe m a le c o m p a n io n s h ip to ta lly irre le v a n t to h im . S o th e o n ly o n e s in m y fa m ily th a t re a lly m a tte r a re fe m a le s a n d , G o d w illin g , th e y w ill m a rry s o m e d a y , a n d s o I d o h a v e a d e e p in te re s t in th e ir s id e o f th e is s u e . S o P a u l s p e a k s v e ry p la in ly to it, a n d h e s a y s to m y d a u g h te rs , w a k e u p , d a u g h te rs – y o u c a n 't b e lie v e th e y 'd fa ll a s le e p d u rin g th e ir fa th e r's s e rm o n s , c a n y o u ? B u t h e s a y s v e ry p la in ly to a ll o f u s , "W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s ." A n d fo r th e p e rs o n w h o b e lie v e s th a t th is is G o d 's W o rd , th is s ta te m e n t h a s a b s o lu te a u th o rity . W iv e s a re to b e s u b m is s iv e , a n d y e t s in c e th is is G o d 's W o rd , w e k n o w th a t s u b m is s io n c a n n o t m e a n s e rv ility . It c a n n o t b e d e m e a n in g . R ig h tly u n d e rs to o d , it is g o o d a n d rig h t. It m u s t b e – it is G o d 's W o rd a n d it is
-7"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
G o d 's d e s ig n fo r th e w ife , fo r th e w o m a n , a n d s o it m u s t b e g o o d , it m u s t b e rig h t, a n d s o th is m o rn in g w e w a n t to try to u n d e rs ta n d it rig h tly . T o b e g in , I th in k w e n e e d to re a liz e th a t s u b m is s io n is n o t s o m e th in g th a t w iv e s a lo n e d o . W o m e n a re n 't th e o n ly c la s s o f p e o p le th a t a re to b e s u b je c t. In 1 P e te r 2 :1 3 , P e te r in s tru c ts a ll o f u s to s u b m it o u rs e lv e s to th e k in g . W e h a v e p o litic a l a u th o ritie s o v e r u s a n d w e 're to b e in s u b m is s io n to th e m . In 1 P e te r 5 :5 , h e s ta te s th a t y o u n g m e n a re to b e s u b je c t to th e o ld e r m e n , b e re s p e c tfu l, th e y a re to d e fe r to th e m . T h e a u th o r o f H e b re w s in H e b re w s 1 3 :1 7 in stru c ts th e w h o le c o n g re g a tio n o f th e c h u rc h to b e in s u b m is s io n to th e e ld e rs . S o s u b m is s io n in o n e w a y o r a n o th e r is a p a rt o f a ll o f o u r liv e s . P a u l h a s s ta te d th a t a lre a d y in E p h e s ia n s 5 :2 1 , th e v e rs e th a t w e c o n c lu d e d o u r stu d y in la st w e e k , a n d th e re h e sa y s th a t a ll C h ristia n s, m a le a n d fe m a le , s h o u ld b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e fe a r o f C h ris t. N o w , th a t c o n c lu d e s P a u l's lis t o f th in g s th a t s h o u ld c h a ra c te riz e S p irit fille d liv in g a n d w o rs h ip , s h o u ld c h a ra c te riz e a S p irit-fille d c h u rc h . A t th e s a m e tim e , th a t v e rs e s e rv e s a s a tra n s itio n fro m th e p re v io u s v e rs e s a b o u t c h u rc h life to th e n e x t v e rs e s a b o u t fa m ily life . In fa c t, it h a s b e e n c a lle d a su m m a ry p re v ie w . G iv e s u s a g lim p s e o f w h a t's to c o m e . It p re p a re s o u r th in k in g fo r th a t a b o u t s u b m is s io n . A n d s u b m is s io n c a n b e d e fin e d – in fa c t, h a s b e e n d e fin e d b y th e s ta n d a rd G re e k a n d E n g lis h le x i c o n o f A rn d t a n d G in g ric h a s v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g in lo v e . N o w , w e 'll c o m e b a c k to th a t p o in t o f v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g in lo v e , b u t I th in k th a t's a g o o d d e fin itio n to b e g in w ith a n d u n d e rs to o d th a t w a y , P a u l's in s tru c tio n h e re is b a s ic a lly th e s a m e a s th e in s tru c tio n th a t h e h a s g iv e n in o th e r p la c e s , p a rticu la rly in P h ilip p ia n s 2 :3 w h e re h e w rite s , " D o n o th in g fro m s e lfis h n e s s o r e m p ty c o n c e it b u t w ith h u m ility o f m in d le t e a c h o f y o u re g a rd o n e a n o th e r a s m o re im p o rta n t th a n h im s e lf." D o n 't liv e a s e lfis h life . D o n 't p u t y o u rs e lf firs t. D e fe r to o th e rs, s u b m it to o th e rs . T h a t's th e a ttitu d e , th is a ttitu d e o f s e lfle s s n e s s , o f b e in g c o n c e rn e d m o re fo r th e o th e r p e rs o n th a n fo r o n e s e lf, th a t's th e a ttitu d e th a t le a d s to
-8"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
s u b m is s io n , a n d it fin d s its g re a te s t e x a m p le in C h ris t, w h o , P a u l g o e s o n to s a y , a lth o u g h H e e x is te d in th e fo rm o f G o d d id n o t re g a rd e q u a lity w ith G o d a th in g to b e g ra s p e d b u t e m p tie d H im s e lf , ta k in g th e fo rm o f a b o n d -s e rv a n t. N o w , o u r s u b m is s io n , P a u l s a y s , is to b e in re v e re n c e to C h ris t. T h a t's w h a t h e s a id in v e rs e 2 1 , b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e fe a r o f C h ris t. T h a t d o e s n o t m e a n in d re a d . T h a t d o e s n o t m e a n in c rin g in g fe a r. T h e re is n o t th a t fe a r in th e C h ristia n life . J o h n te lls u s in 1 J o h n c h a p te r 4 th a t p e rfe c t lo v e c a s ts o u t fe a r; th a t is , it c a s ts o u t th is s e n s e o f a n g u is h , th is s e n s e o f d re a d , th is c rin g in g fe a r th a t w e n o rm a lly a sso c ia te w ith th a t w o rd , b u t in its p la c e is th e fe a r o f G o d , th e fe a r o f C h ris t, w h ic h is a s e n s e o f a w e , a s e n s e o f re v e re n c e a n d d e v o tio n . D e v o tio n to C h ris t fo r w h a t H e h a s d o n e fo r u s . H e is th e e te rn a l, th e in fin ite , th e a lm ig h ty , th e a ll -g lo rio u s S o n o f G o d w h o b e c a m e a s e rv a n t a n d a s a c rific e fo r m e , fo r th e s in n e r , a n d th a t s h o u ld m o v e m e to w a n t to b e lik e H im a n d to w a n t to p le a s e H im a n d to w a n t to d o w h a t H e h a s in s tru c te d m e to d o th ro u g h H is a p o s tle , b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r. T h is o n e w h o H im s e lf b e c a m e s u b je c t, th is o n e w h o h u m b le d H im s e lf, w h o b e c a m e o b e d ie n t, o b e d ie n t to th e p o in t o f d e a th , a n d e v e n d e a th o n a c ro s s o f a ll th in g s . A s h a m e fu l a n d p a in fu l d e a th o f th e c ro ss. H e h a s a s k e d m e , H e h a s a s k e d y o u , e v e ry b e lie v e r in J e s u s C h ris t, to fo llo w H is e x a m p le a n d b e a h u m b le , o b e d ie n t, s e rv a n t, to b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e fe a r o f H im . W e ll, th a t s ta te m e n t in v e rs e 2 1 p re p a re s u s fo r w h a t P a u l w ill s a y in th e n e x t v e rs e s , p a rtic u la rly in v e rs e 2 2 : W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a s to th e L o rd . A s to th e L o rd d o e s n o t m e a n th a t a w ife is to tre a t h e r h u s b a n d lik e h e is th e L o rd , b u t h e r s u b m is s io n ra th e r is to b e u n d e rta k e n a s a d u ty to th e L o rd . It's w h a t H e a s k s o f h e r a n d it's w h a t s h e s h o u ld g iv e a s a d u ty a n d a d u ty th a t is u n d e rta k e n a s in a lo v in g w a y , s o m e th in g s h e d e s ire s to d o . B u t y o u 'll n o tic e it is s u b m is s io n to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a n d it m a y g o w ith o u t s a y in g b u t I'll s a y it a n y w a y , P a u l is n o t in s tru c tin g w o m e n to b e s u b je c t to e v e ry m a n .
-9"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
H e is n o t s u g g e s tin g th a t e v e ry re la tio n s h ip b e tw e e n a w o m a n a n d a m a n is o n e o f s u b m is s io n . It's n o t w o m e n , b e s u b je c t to m e n , b u t w iv e s , to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s . T h a t is w h e re th is is re s tric te d , w ith in th e m a rria g e re la tio n s h ip , to th e o n e h u s b a n d . A n d th e n h e g iv e s th e re a s o n f o r th is in s tr u c tio n o n s u b m is s io n in v e rs e 2 3 . " F o r," h e e x p la in s , " th e h u s b a n d is th e h e a d o f th e w ife " – m e a n in g th e h u s b a n d h a s a u th o rity o v e r th e w ife , h e h a s a u th o rity o v e r th e h o u s e h o ld , th e w ife a n d th e c h ild re n , a u th o rity o v e r. N o w , th e re a re s o m e w h o d is a g re e w ith th a t in te rp re ta tio n o f s a y in g th a t th is id e a o f th e h u s b a n d b e in g th e h e a d o f th e w ife m e a n s h a v in g a u th o rity o v e r h e r. In fa c t, th e y h a v e c a lle d th a t c h a u v in is tic a n d c la im th a t it re f le c ts m o re th e c o n c e p t o f a p a g a n , m a le -d o m in a te d s o c ie ty th a n it d o e s th e B ib le , a n d s o s o m e h a v e trie d to re in te rp re t th e m e a n in g o f th is v e rs e b y a rg u in g th a t " h e a d " h a s th e id e a o f " s o u rc e " ra th e r th a n th e id e a o f " a u th o rity o v e r." A c c o rd in g to th is in te rp re ta tio n , P a u l is n o t te a c h in g th a t h u s b a n d s h a v e a u th o rity o v e r th e ir w iv e s b u t th a t th e m a n is th e s o u rc e o r th e o rig in o f th e w o m a n s in c e th e w o m a n w a s ta k e n o u t o f A d a m 's s id e a n d s o th e h u s b a n d is to b e th e n o u ris h e r a n d th e e n a b le r o f th e w ife . T h e id e a o f th is in te rp re ta tio n is th a t th e h u s b a n d , a s th e h e a d o f th e w if e , s tre s s e s th e o n e n e s s th a t th e tw o h a v e a n d th a t th e re is to b e m u tu a l s u b m is s io n w ith in th e m a rria g e , n o t s p e c ia l s u b m is s io n o f th e w ife to th e h u s b a n d 's a u th o rity s in c e a c c o rd in g to th is v ie w , th e w o rd " h e a d " h a s n o th o u g h t o f " a u th o rity o v e r." N o w , th e re 's s o m e th in g to b e s a id fo r th a t in te rp re ta tio n in th e s e n s e th a t c e rta in ly P a u l w o u ld a g re e th a t a s th e h e a d o f th e w if e , th e h u s b a n d s h o u ld b e th e n o u ris h e r a n d th e e n a b le r o f h e r, b u t a s to th e id e a th a t th e w o rd " h e a d " m e a n s " s o u rc e ," th a t is a d is tin c tly m in o rity v ie w a m o n g s c h o la rs a n d a n a rg u m e n t th a t c a n n o t b e s u s ta in e d f ro m e ith e r th e u s e o f th e w o rd " h e a d " o r th e c o n te x t o f th is p a s s a g e . D r. W a y n e G ru d em , p ro f e s s o r o f b ib lic a l a n d s y s te m a tic th e o lo g y a t T rin ity E v a n g e lic a l D iv in ity S c h o o l, a frie n d a n d fo rm e r
- 10 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
c o lle a g u e o f D r. J o h n s o n 's , d id a th o ro u g h s tu d y o n th e G re e k w o rd k e p h a lé , w h ic h is th e w o rd fo r " h e a d ," th e w o rd th a t's u s e d h e re , a n d h is s tu d y h a s b e e n p u b lis h e d in th e b o o k R e c o v e r in g B ib lic a l M a n h o o d a n d W o m a n h o o d . W e h a v e , I th in k , a t le a s t o n e c o p y o f th a t in th e lib ra ry , a n d in th a t is th e la te s t e d itio n o f h is w o rk o n th is p a rtic u la r w o rd . In it, h e s tu d ie d 2 ,3 3 6 u s e s o f th e w o rd k e p h a lé , th e w o rd " h e a d ," f ro m c la s s ic a l G re e k lite ra tu re , f ro m th e S e p tu a g in t, w h ic h is th e G re e k tra n s la tio n o f th e O ld T e s ta m e n t, it w a s th e B ib le o f th e f ir s t c e n tu r y . I t's b e e n c o m p a r e d to th e K in g J a m e s V e r s io n f o r u s . H e s tu d ie d th e w o rk s o f P h ilo , th e J e w is h p h ilo s o p h e r; th e w o rk s o f J o s e p h u s , th e J e w is h h is to ria n ; h e s tu d ie d th e a p o s to lic f a th e r s a n d m a n y o th e r s o u rc e s a n d c o n c lu d e d th a t n o in s ta n c e s w e re d is c o v e re d in w h ic h k e p h a lé h a d th e m e a n in g o f " s o u rc e " o r " o rig in ." B u t th e u s e o f " h e a d " w ith th e m e a n in g o f " a u th o rity o v e r" w a s fo u n d in a s ig n ific a n t n u m b e r o f p la c e s a n d tim e s . In th e O ld T e s ta m e n t, th is w o rd is u s e d , th e w o rd " h e a d " is u s e d o f a c h ie f o r a le a d e r. W e h a v e th is a n u m b e r o f tim e s in th e b o o k o f J u d g e s , f o r e x a m p le , a n d th a t m e a n in g , th e m e a n in g o f le a d e r , th e m e a n in g o f a u th o rity o v e r, is b o rn e o u t b y th e c o n te x t o f o u r p a s s a g e . P a u l w rite s , " T h e h u s b a n d is th e h e a d o f th e w ife , a s C h ris t a ls o is th e h e a d o f th e c h u rc h ." S o th e h u s b a n d 's th e h e a d a s C hris t is th e h e a d , a n d it's c le a r th a t C h ris t is th e h e a d o f th e c h u rc h a s th e a u th o rity o v e r it b e c a u s e in th e n e x t v e rs e , h e s p e a k s o f th e c h u rc h s u b m ittin g to H im . A n d s o th e h e a d s h ip o f C h ris t e x p la in s th e h e a d s h ip o f th e h u s b a n d , a n d it is a h e a d s h ip o f a u th o rity . B a c k in c h a p te r 1 , w e h a v e a n o th e r e x a m p le o f th is s a m e u s e o f th e w o rd " h e a d ." T h e re , P a u l e x p la in s in v e rs e s 2 0 th ro u g h 2 2 th a t G o d ra is e d u p C h ris t a n d s e a te d H im in th e h e a v e n ly p la c e s – v e rs e 2 1 – f a r a b o v e a ll r u le a n d a u th o r ity a n d p o w e r a n d d o m in io n , a n d e v e ry n a m e th a t is n a m e d , n o t o n ly in th is a g e b u t a ls o in th e a g e to c o m e , a n d h e p u t a ll th in g s in s u b je c tio n u n d e r H is f e e t a n d g a v e
- 11 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
H im a s h e a d o v e r a ll th in g s to th e c h u rc h w h ic h is H is b o d y , th e f u lln e s s o f H im w h o f ills a ll in a ll. H e is th e h e a d o v e r a ll th in g s , m e a n in g H e h a s a b s o lu te a u th o rity o v e r a ll th in g s o r a ll p o w e rs , w h e th e r th e y b e in th e h e a v e n s o r o n e a rth . H e is th e h e a d , H e is th e a u th o rity o v e r. T h a t's w h a t " h e a d " m e a n s . T h a t's w h a t it m e a n s h e re a n d th is p o s itio n o f a u th o rity is a n a u th o rity th a t G o d h a s g iv e n to th e h u s b a n d . N o w , P a u l d o e s n 't s ta te th a t e x p lic itly . H e d o e s n 't g iv e th e o rig in o f th e h u s b a n d 's h e a d s h ip . It s e e m s to b e a s s u m e d . H e d o e s e la b o ra te o n it in 1 C o rin th ia n s 1 1 :3 -1 2 a n d in 1 T im o th y 2 :1 1 -1 3 w h e re h e e x p la in s fro m G e n e s is c h a p te r 2 th a t m a n 's h e a d s h ip is b a s e d o n th e o rd e r o f c re a tio n , m a n w a s c re a te d firs t, b a s e d o n th e m o d e o f c re a tio n , th e w o m a n w a s ta k e n f ro m th e m a n , ta k e n f ro m h is s id e , a n d a ls o f ro m th e p u rp o s e o f c re a tio n , s h e w a s c re a te d to b e h e lp e r s u ita b le fo r h im . H e d o e s n 't s a y th a t h e re , b u t th a t d o e s s ta n d b e h in d th e in s tru c tio n th a t h e g iv e s . S o m a le h e a d s h ip is n o t c u ltu ra lly c o n d itio n e d . S o m e w a n t to a rg u e th a t. In f a c t, th e c ritic s o f th is v ie w , w h ic h I a llu d e d to o r c ite d e a rlie r, m a in ta in th a t th a t v ie w th a t h e a d s h ip re f e rs to a u th o rity o v e r is a v ie w th a t is c o n d itio n e d b y a p a g a n a n d a m a le -d o m in a te d s o c ie ty , b u t th a t's n o t th e c a s e . Y o u g o b a c k to G e n e s is c h a p te r 2 b e fo re th e f a ll. F ro m th e v e ry b e g in n in g , th a t is th e o rig in o f th is . S o h e a d s h ip h a s its o rig in in c re a tio n a n d a s a re s u lt, it a p p lie s to a ll c re a tu re s . It a p p lie s to a ll c u ltu re s . It a p p lie s a t a ll tim e s . It is a u n iv e rs a l tru th a n d s o , to o , is th e w if e 's d u ty o f s u b m is s io n . It is g ro u n d e d in c re a tio n a n d G o d 's d e s ig n f o r m a rria g e . B u t w h a t is th e n a tu re o f th is s u b m is s io n ? If it's n o t s e rv ility , if it's n o t s o m e th in g d e m e a n in g , w h a t is it? W e ll, w e 'v e a lre a d y g iv e n a d e fin itio n o f a v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g in lo v e , a n d I th in k th a t h a s s u p p o rt f r o m th e o r ig in a l d e s ig n o f m a r r ia g e , w h ic h P a u l d o e s r e f e r to in v e rs e 3 1 w h e re h e q u o te s G e n e s is 2 :2 4 . P a u l w rite s in v e rs e 3 1 : " F o r th is c a u s e , a m a n s h a ll le a v e h is f a th e r a n d m o th e r a n d s h a ll c le a v e to h is w ife , a n d th e tw o s h a ll b e c o m e o n e fle s h ." T h e tw o b e c a m e o n e ,
- 12 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
a n d th a t w a s n e c e s s a ry b e c a u s e w ith o u t E v e , A d a m w a s in c o m p le te . H e w a s in a d e q u a te . H e w a s a lo n e . H e s e n s e d th a t im m e d ia te ly . H e n a m e s th e a n im a ls , y o u 'll re m e m b e r, a n d th is w a s s o rt o f G o d 's d e s ig n in th e s c e n a rio , a n d H e s e e s th e tw o o f th e m a n d y e t h e 's a lo n e . H e k n e w th e re w a s s o m e th in g in c o m p le te a b o u t h im . H e k n e w th a t h e w a s n 't rig h t, a n d s o G o d m a d e E v e . H e g a v e m a n th e w o m a n s o th a t h e w o u ld b e c o m p le te , a n d th a t's th e p u rp o s e o f s u b m is s io n . It is th e c o m p le tio n o f th e m a n a n d th e c o m p le tio n o f th e m a rria g e . S u b m is s io n is th e s a c rific e o f th e s e lf fo r th e c o m p le tio n o f m a rita l o n e n e s s . It is , a s s o m e o n e h a s s a id , th e p o u rin g o f o n e s e lf in to th e c o m p le tio n o f a n o th e r. It is , a s w e h a v e s a id , v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g to a p e rs o n in lo v e . W e ll, to w h a t k in d o f p e rs o n is th e w if e to y ie ld ? W h a t k in d o f h u s b a n d is th e w ife to b e in s u b m is s io n to ? W h a t is b ib lic a l h e a d s h ip ? W e w ill g e t in to th a t in d e ta il n e x t w e e k , b u t P a u l d o e s g iv e th e a n s w e r to th a t a lre a d y h e re in v e rs e 2 3 w h e re h e s a y s th a t h e is to b e th e h e a d a s C h ris t a ls o is th e h e a d . In o th e r w o rd s , h e is to b e a h e a d lik e C h ris t is th e h e a d , a n d C h ris t is th e h e a d in th e s e n s e o f a s e rv a n t le a d e r. Y o u lo o k a t H is lif e , y o u s e e th a t, a n d th a t's n o t o n l y w h a t's a p p a re n t in H is e x a m p le b u t w e s e e it in H is w o rd s a s w e ll . In M a rk 1 0 :4 5 , H e s a id , " F o r e v e n th e S o n o f m a n d id n o t c o m e to b e s e rv e d b u t to s e rv e a n d to g iv e H is life a ra n s o m fo r m a n y ." C h ris t is th e s e rv a n t le a d e r a n d th a t's th e a ttitu d e th a t th is h u s b a n d is to h a v e . M a le h e a d s h ip is n o lic e n s e to d o m in a te a n d d e m e a n th e w ife a n d to a c t lik e th e g ra n d s u lta n o f M o ro c c o , a s o n e w rite r h a s p u t it. C a rrie s w ith it th e re s p o n s ib ility to s e rv e , a n d in h is ro le a s h e a d , h e is to le a d h is w ife a n d le a d h is fa m ily in th e w a y s o f rig h te o u s n e s s . H e is to g iv e th e m e m b e rs o f h is fa m ily d ire c tio n in th is lif e in b o th h is in s tru c tio n a n d in h is c o n d u c t, h is e x a m p le . H e is to re f le c t C h ris t to th e f a m ily . N o n e o f u s d o th a t. W e a ll fa il. I c a n g iv e y o u e x a m p le s fro m m y o w n lif e w h e n I f a il. I f a ile d la s t n ig h t, a s a m a tte r o f f a c t. B u t th a t's w h a t w e 're to s triv e f o r, th a t is th e id e a l, a n d th a t is w h a t th e
- 13 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
f a th e r a n d th e h u s b a n d is to b e , a s e r v a n t le a d e r . A n d it is th is s e r v a n t le a d e rs h ip th a t p ro m o te s g o d ly s u b m is s io n in th e w ife a n d c u ltiv a te s h e r g ifts s o th a t s h e c a n fu n c tio n fu lly , s o th a t s h e c a n fu n c tio n w e ll f o r th e s u c c e s s o f th e m a r r ia g e a n d th e s ta b ility o f th e f a m ily . It is im p o rta n t to re a liz e th a t s u b m is s io n c o n c e rn s fu n c tio n o r ro le , it d o e s n o t h a v e to d o w ith e s s e n c e a n d v a lu e . " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t" d o e s n o t m e a n w iv e s a re in fe rio r. It h a s b e e n s a id th a t e q u a lity o f w o rth is n o t id e n tity o f ro le . T h e tw o d o n 't e q u a te . T h e tw o a re n 't th e s a m e . A p e rs o n 's v a lu e , w h e th e r th e p e rs o n b e m a le o r f e m a le , is n o t m e a s u r e d b y h is o r h e r r o le o r jo b . I c a n g iv e a n u m b e r o f e x a m p le s o f th a t. L e t m e g iv e tw o , a n d th e firs t is th e in s tru c tio n th a t P e te r g iv e s in 1 P e te r 2 , th a t w e 're to b e s u b je c t to th e k in g . In fe rio r k in g s h a v e ru le d o v e r s u p e rio r s u b je c ts – th a t's a lw a y s th e c a s e – a n d w e h a v e a n u m b e r o f e x a m p le s o f th a t. O n e e x a m p le is A h a z , w ic k e d k in g o f J u d a h . T e rrib le k in g. A n id o la te r, a n im m o ra l m a n , a n d y e t h e ru le d o v e r Is a ia h b u t h e w a s in f e rio r. In f e rio r s p iritu a lly , h e w a s in fe rio r in te lle c tu a lly , h e w a s in f e rio r m o ra lly to th e p ro p h e t, a n d y e t h e h a d a u th o rity o v e r h im , p o litic a l a u th o rity . B u t h e w a s n 't a s u p e rio r s p iritu a lly o r m o ra lly o r in e s s e n c e to Is a ia h . T h e o f f ic e s a y s n o th in g a b o u t th e in h e re n t w o rth o f a p e rs o n , o n ly a b o u t a u th o rity a n d re s p o n s ib ility . B e s t e x a m p le , h o w e v e r, th a t o n e c a n c ite is th e e x a m p le o f C h ris t H im s e lf. In 1 C o rin th ia n s 1 1 :3 , P a u l w rite s : " B u t I w a n t y o u to u n d e rs ta n d th a t C h ris t is th e h e a d o f e v e ry m a n , a n d th e m a n is th e h e a d o f a w o m a n , a n d G o d is th e h e a d o f C h ris t. " N o w , s in c e G o d th e F a th e r is th e h e a d o f C h ris t, d o e s th a t m e a n th a t C h ris t is in f e rio r to th e F a th e r in H is e s s e n c e ? W e ll, n o t if y o u b e lie v e in th e d o c trin e o f th e T rin ity , o f w h ic h w e s a n g th is m o rn in g , b e c a u s e C h ris t is v e ry G o d o f v e ry G o d , H e is e q u a l in a ll th in g s p e rta in in g to d e ity . H e s a y s in J o h n 1 0 :3 0 , " I a n d th e F a th e r a re o n e " – o n e in e s s e n c e – b u t in H is fu n c tio n a s S a v io r, H e h a d to b e c o m e a m a n , a n d in b e c o m in g a m a n , H e p u t H im s e lf u n d e r th e
- 14 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
a u th o rity o f th e F a th e r d u rin g th e tim e o f H is in c a rn a tio n a n d d u rin g th e tim e o f H is m e d ia to ria l m in is try . H e d id th a t in o rd e r to s u c c e s s fu lly c a rry o u t H is m is s io n , b u t th a t s u b m is s io n h a s n o th in g to d o w ith H is e s s e n c e , it h a s to d o w ith H is fu n c tio n , it h a s to d o w ith H is ro le a s S a v io r a n d m e d ia to r. S o th e w o m a n is n o t in fe rio r to th e m a n . W o m e n a re ju s t a s in te llig e n t a s m e n , ju s t a s s p iritu a l a n d m o ra l a n d c o u ra g e o u s a s m e n ; in f a c t, v e ry o f te n th e y a re s u p e rio r in a ll o f th o s e w a y s . T h a t's n o t b e in g p a tro n iz in g , th a t's tru e , a n d p ro b a b ly g o e s w ith o u t s a y in g , b u t it b rin g s u p th e p o in t th a t it is n o t a m a tte r o f e s s e n c e . T h is is a m a tte r o f e c o n o m y , it is a m a tte r o f o rg a n iz a tio n o f th e fa m ily . T h e fu n c tio n o f o u r d iffe re n t p a rts o f th e fa m il y a re d iffe re n t, a n d th e w ife is to f u n c tio n a s th e h e lp e r o f th e h u s b a n d . T h a t is h e r r o le . T h a t m e a n s in h e r ro le a s h e lp e r, s h e h a s m u c h to c o n trib u te to th e h u s b a n d 's le a d e rs h ip in th e u s e o f h e r g if ts , in th e u s e o f h e r w is d o m , in th e u s e o f h e r k n o w le d g e . V e ry o fte n w o m e n k n o w m o re th a n m e n . L e t m e g iv e a n e x a m p le o f th a t. P o n tiu s P ila te w o u ld h a v e b e e n a h a p p ie r m a n if h e h a d lis te n e d to h is w ife . Y o u re m e m b e r th e s c e n e w h e re it's d u rin g th e tria l o f o u r L o rd a n d P o n tiu s P ila te is s e a te d o n th e ju d g m e n t s e a t, th e tria l is g o in g o n , w h e n h is w ife s e n d s w o rd to h im . S h e 's v e ry d is tu rb e d . S h e 'd h a d a d re a m th a t n ig h t a b o u t C h ris t a n d it tro u b le d h e r g re a tly , a n d s o s h e s e n t a m e s s a g e to h im in th e m id s t o f th e tria l s a y in g , " H a v e n o th in g to d o w ith th a t rig h te o u s m a n ." B u t P ila te d id n o t lis te n to h is w ife , a n d m e n w h o d o n o t lis te n to th e ir w iv e s a n d d o n o t s e e k th e ir c o u n s e l b e f o re m a k in g a d e c is io n o r w h o a re n o t p re p a re d to c h a n g e th e ir m in d s a n d a c c e p t th e ir c o u n s e l a re f o o lis h m e n . L e a d e rs h ip d o e s n 't m e a n d o m in a tin g a n d c o n tro llin g . It d o e s n 't m e a n s h u ttin g o u t th e w ife . T h a t's n o t g o o d fo r th e w ife a n d th a t's n o t g o o d f o r th e h u s b a n d . In a re c e n t is s u e o f th e m a g a z in e M o d e r n R e fo r m a tio n , th e re is a n a rtic le e n title d " T h e S u b m is s iv e W if e ," w ritte n b y D r. B ry a n C h a p e ll, w h o is th e p re s id e n t o f C o v e n a n t T h e o lo g ic a l S e m in a ry in S t.
- 15 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
L o u is . In th e a rtic le , h e te lls o f a m a n o n a c h u rc h c o u n c il w h o in te rv ie w s n e w p a s to ra l c a n d id a te s a n d th e q u e s tio n th a t h e ro u tin e ly a s k s is , " D o e s y o u r w if e s u b m it to y o u ? " m e a n in g , " D o y o u c o n tro l y o u r fa m ily ? " It's n o t a b a d q u e s tio n , it's a v a lid q u e s tio n , b u t D r. C h a p e ll s a y s it w o u ld b e tra g ic if c a n d id a te s a c tu a lly d id s a tis fy th is o ffic ia l. T h e n h e g o e s o n to e x p la in th a t, " O v e r th e y e a rs th is m a n 's f r ie n d s h a v e w a tc h e d a s h is in te llig e n t, o n c e g lo w in g a n d b u o y a n t w ife h a s b e c o m e in c re a s in g ly s ile n t, s u lle n , a n d d o w d y u n d e r h is h e a d s h ip . S a d ly , th e m o re w ith d ra w n s h e h a s b e c o m e th e m o re o b n o x io u s , b e llig e re n t, a n d a c c u s in g h e h a s b e c o m e w ith e v e ry o n e in h is p a th . T h e m o re s h e re tre a ts f ro m h e r o w n g if ts th e m o re h is f a u lts a s s e rt th e m s e lv e s ." H e p o in ts o u t th a t b o th s p o u s e s th in k th a t th e y a re c o m p ly in g w ith b ib lic a l s u b m is s io n b e c a u s e s h e o n ly ta lk s w h e n h e a llo w s , o n ly le a v e s th e h o m e w h e n h e p e rm its , o n ly w e a rs w h a t h e a p p ro v e s . A n d th e re s u lt o f it a ll is th e ir te s tim o n y is ta rn is h e d a n d th e ir m a rria g e is u n f u lf illin g . S u b m is s io n d o e s n o t m e a n s la v is h o b e d ie n c e , a n d a w is e h u s b a n d w o n 't w a n t th a t. Iro n s h a rp e n s iro n , s o o n e m a n a n o th e r . W e c a n a d d s o o n e m a n 's w if e s h a rp e n s h im . T h a t's a g o o d re la tio n s h ip , a s h a rp e n in g re la tio n s h ip . A m a n d o e s n 't w a n t th is s la v is h o b e d ie n c e f r o m h is w if e if h e 's w is e a n d if h e w a n ts th e b e s t f o r h im s e lf a n d f o r h e r a n d fo r h is fa m ily , a n d s o h e w ill p ro m o te h is w if e 's g if ts , h e w ill p ro m o te h e r p e rs o n a lity , a n d th e re s u lt w ill b e s h e w ill re s p e c t h is le a d e rs h ip a n d s h e w ill w a n t to b e s u b m is s iv e . W e ll, th a t's h e r re s p o n s ib ility a n d th e c h o ic e th a t s h e m u s t m a k e . S u b m is s io n is v o lu n ta ry . W e h a v e s u g g e s t e d th a t f ro m th e d e fin itio n th a t w e b e g a n w ith in o u r le s s o n o n th is s u b m is s io n , b u t th a t's a ls o c le a r f ro m th e g ra m m a r h e re b e c a u s e th e v e rb " s u b m it" in v e rs e 2 1 is in th e m id d le v o ic e . N o w , th a t m a y m e a n n o th in g to y o u if y o u d o n 't k n o w a n y th in g a b o u t G re e k g ra m m a r, b u t w h a t th a t m e a n s is th e m id d le v o ic e g iv e s th a t v e rb th e id e a o f s u b je c tin g o n e s e lf . In
- 16 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
o th e r w o rd s , it's fo r h e r to s u b je c t h e rs e lf. It is h e r c h o ic e . A w ife c a n 't b e f o rc e d to b e s u b m is s iv e . N o w , th a t s h o w s h e r e q u a lity w ith th e h u sb a n d o n th e o n e h a n d . S h e is to c h o o s e to d o th is , s h e is to a c t, it is v o lu n ta ry . S h e is to v o lu n ta rily s u b m it. B u t o n th e o th e r h a n d , a n d p rin c ip a lly h e re , it s h o w s h e r re s p o n s ib ility , it's w h a t s h e is to d o . T h e fa c t is w iv e s d o n 't a lw a y s c h o o s e to d o th a t, w h ic h is s o m e tim e s th e re a s o n fo r p ro b le m s in a m a rria g e . It's n o t a lw a y s c h a u v in is tic m e n . M e n a n d w o m e n a re e q u a l in m a n y w a y s , a n d o n e w a y in w h ic h th e y a re e q u a l is th e y a re e q u a lly f a lle n , a n d w iv e s c a n b e ju s t a s h e a d s tro n g a n d s e lfis h a s h u s b a n d s . U s u a lly th e y d o n 't b e c o m e p h y s ic a lly a b u s iv e a s m e n s o m e tim e s d o . S o m e tim e s th e y d o , b u t g e n e ra lly w h a t h a p p e n s is th e y b e c o m e v e rb a lly a b u s iv e . A s o n e w rite r p u ts it, " A w o m a n 's te m p ta tio n is to u s e th e p o w e r o f w o rd s a n d e m o tio n s to d im in is h a h u s b a n d 's in f lu e n c e s o th a t s h e h a s c o n tro l o f th e h o m e ." S h e c a n w e a r d o w n h e r h u s b a n d b y s u lk in g , b y n a g g in g o r c o m p la in in g , m a k in g th e h o m e a n u n c o m fo rta b le p la c e to b e u n til h e fin a lly , ju s t to h a v e p e a c e in th e h o m e , h e g iv e s in to w h a t s h e w a n ts . W e s p e a k o f s u c h m e n a s henpecked. W e ll, S o lo m o n e v id e n tly k n e w s o m e th in g a b o u t th a t b e c a u s e h e w rite s a b o u t it in P ro v e rb s . In P ro v e rb s 1 9 :1 3 , h e s a y s th e c o n te n tio n s o f a w ife a re a c o n s ta n t d rip p in g . Y o u k n o w w h a t th a t's lik e if y o u 'v e g o t a fa u c e t th a t's c o n s ta n tly d rip p in g , y o u 're try in g to g e t to s le e p a t n ig h t, it'll d riv e y o u n u ts . S o m e tim e s w iv e s c a n b e lik e th a t. A n d h e s a y s it's b e tte r to liv e in a c o rn e r o f a ro o f th a n in a h o u s e s h a re d w ith a c o n te n tio u s w o m a n . N o w , th a t's c o m in g f ro m a m a n w h o h a d 7 0 0 w iv e s a n d 3 0 0 c o n c u b in e s , s o S o lo m o n m u s t h a v e k n o w n s o m e th in g a b o u t d o m e s tic c o n f lic t. In f a c t, h is f o r e ig n w iv e s tu r n e d h is h e a r t a w a y f ro m th e L o rd . T h e w is e s t m a n w h o e v e r liv e d , a t le a s t u n til o u r L o rd , w a s d ra w n a w a y fro m fo llo w in g th e L o rd b y h is w iv e s , s o th a t te lls u s s o m e th in g a b o u t th e in flu e n c e o f a w ife in th e h o m e . H e r in flu e n c e is
- 17 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
g re a t fo r g o o d o r fo r e v il. H e r ro le in th e fa m ily is a s s ig n ific a n t a s th e h u s b a n d 's ro le , it's ju s t a d if f e re n t ro le . T h e f a c t o f th e m a t te r is th e re a re p o w e r p la y s m a d e b y b o th h u s b a n d s a n d w iv e s , b u t if th e m a rria g e is to s u c c e e d a n d th e f a m ily to b e s tro n g , th e w if e m u s t c a rry o u t h e r re s p o n s ib ilitie s e a rn e s tly – a n d th e S c rip tu re s a re c le a r th a t th e w if e 's p rin c ip a l re s p o n s ib ility is t o b e s u b m is s iv e to h e r h u s b a n d . T h a t's th e w if e 's ro le , a n d th e v a lu e o f th a t ro le a n d th e im p o rta n c e o f h e r s u b m is s io n is s e e n in v e rs e 2 4 . T h e w ife is th e m o d e l o f th e c h u rc h to th e w o rld . V e rs e 2 4 : B u t a s th e c h u rc h is s u b je c t to C h ris t, s o a ls o th e w iv e s o u g h t to b e to th e ir h u s b a n d s in e v e ry th in g . S o th e w ife ta k e s h e r c u e fro m th e c h u rc h . T h e h u s b a n d ta k e s h is c u e f ro m th e L o rd H im s e lf , b u t th e w if e ta k e s h e r c u e , h e r le a d , f ro m th e c h u rc h , a n d th e c h u rc h is to s u b m it to C h ris t, s u b m it to H is a u th o rity . It is to h o n o r H im , it is to o b e y H im , a n d s o th e w ife – re fle c tin g th e c h u rc h – is to h a v e th e a ttitu d e a n d th e in c lin a tio n to y ie ld to h e r h u s b a n d 's a u th o rity , a n d P a u l s a y s s h e is to d o th a t in e v e ry th in g , m e a n in g in e v e ry a re a o f lif e . P a u l d o e s n 't m e a n e v e ry th in g w ith o u t e x c e p tio n b u t e v e ry th in g w ith o u t d is tin c tio n . H e m e a n s in e v e ry th in g c o n s is te n t w ith G o d 's W ill. T h e h u s b a n d d o e s n o t re p la c e C h ris t a s th e w o m a n 's s u p re m e a u th o rity . S h e c a n n e v e r a llo w th e h u s b a n d to le a d h e r in to s in . S h e c a n n e v e r f o llo w h im in to s in . P e te r a n d th e a p o s tle s m a k e th a t p la in in a n o th e r c o n te x t b u t w ith a p rin c ip le th a t a p p lie s h e re w h e n th e y s to o d b e fo re th e J e w is h a u th o ritie s in A c ts c h a p te r 5 a n d re s p o n d e d to th e a u th o ritie s ' p ro h ib itio n a g a in s t th e m p re a c h in g th e g o s p e l. T h e y re s p o n d e d , " W e m u s t o b e y G o d ra th e r th a n m e n ," a n d th a t p rin c ip le a p p lie s h e re . N o w , th e a p o s tle s in th a t s c e n e w e re n o t b e llig e re n t, th e y w e re n o t a n ta g o n is tic , th e y w e re h u m b le . T h e y re c o g n iz e d th e a u th o rity th a t th e S a n h e d rin h a d o v e r th e m in c iv il m a tte rs . B u t th e y w e re firm . T h e y c o u ld n o t v io la te th e W ill o f G o d . T h e y w e re m e n u n d e r o rd e rs . T h e K in g h a d g iv e n th e m in s tru c tio n s to g o a n d m a k e d is c ip le s o f a ll
- 18 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
th e n a tio n s , b a p tiz in g a n d te a c h in g in th e n a m e o f th e Fa th e r a n d o f th e S o n a n d o f th e H o ly S p irit, a n d s o th e y h a d to g iv e th e g o s p e l. W e m u s t o b e y G o d ra th e r th a n m e n . L ik e w is e , th e w if e c a n n o t s u b m it to h e r h u s b a n d if h e s h o u ld try to le a d h e r in to s in , b u t s h e c a n re f u s e re s p e c tf u lly w ith a s p irit o f s u b m is s io n a n d s h o w b y h e r a ttitu d e th a t s h e d o e s n o t lik e re s is tin g h is w ill a n d th a t h e r d e s ire is fo r h im to tu rn a w a y fro m s in a n d to b e a rig h te o u s le a d e r. T h e re a re m a n y w iv e s w h o a re in h a rd p la c e s , w h o a re m a rrie d to d if f ic u lt m e n , m a rrie d to m e n w h o a re n o t C h ris tia n s , a n d th e y c a rry a h u g e b u rd e n . E v e ry d a y th e y c a rry a h u g e b u rd e n a n d f a c e lo ts o f te n s io n a n d h a rd d e c is io n s , a n d s o th e y n e e d o u r s y m p a th y a n d th e y n e e d o u r p ra y e rs . T h e y a re in d iffic u lt s itu a tio n s , a n d s o w e n e e d to b e a r th e ir b u rd e n s w ith th e m , b u t th a t is th e p la c e th a t G o d h a s p u t th e m , a n d it c a n b e a p la c e o f g re a t m in is try . P e te r m a k e s th a t c le a r in 1 P e te r 3 :1 -6 w h e n h e g iv e s in s tru c tio n to th a t v e ry s itu a tio n . It c a n b e a p la c e o f g re a t m in is try , a s h a rd a n d a s d iffic u lt a s it is , b u t it c a n b e a p la c e o f m in is try o n ly in th e p o w e r o f C h ris t, b y lo o k in g to H im e v e ry d a y . A n d re a lly , th a t is tru e fo r a ll o f u s . B e in g s u b m is s iv e e v e n in a g o o d s itu a tio n is n e v e r e a s y . It g o e s a g a in s t o u r n a tu ra l in c lin a tio n , w h ic h is to d o w h a t w e w a n t to d o , a n d y e t th e in s tru c tio n is n o , y o u 're n o t to d o th a t, y o u 're to b e s u b m is s iv e . It's d iffic u lt fo r th e m a n a s w e ll to b e a g o d ly h e a d o f th e h o m e . T h a t's n e v e r e a s y . T h e re 's a lw a y s th e te m p ta tio n to le t it s lid e a n d to a b d ic a te t h e re s p o n s ib ility . B o th p a rtie s , b o th ro le s a re d iffic u lt, e v e n in th e b e s t o f c irc u m s ta n c e s , a n d s o w e n e e d to b e c o n s ta n tly lo o k in g to th e L o rd f o r g u id a n c e a n d s tr e n g th in o r d e r th a t w e w ill b e w h a t G o d h a s in te n d e d u s to b e . In o rd e r f o r a C h ris tia n h o m e to b e n o t s im p ly a h o m e th a t s ta y s to g e th e r b u t a h o m e th a t th riv e s a n d s u c c e e d s , J e s u s C h ris t m u s t b e a t th e v e ry c e n te r o f it. T h e c h u rc h is a c ity o n a h ill a n d th e w o rld s h o u ld s e e u s a n d s e e u s s h in in g a s a m o d e l s o c ie ty w ith m o d e l m a rria g e s a nd fa m ilie s ,
- 19 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
p a rtic u la rly a t th is tim e o f c ris is in th e h o m e . T h a t's w h a t G o d h a s c a lle d u s to b e , a n d it is o u r p riv ile g e to b e a m o d e l o f G o d 's g ra c e a n d o f G o d 's tru th . It is n o t o n ly a p riv ile g e to b e th a t a n d it is n o t o n ly s o m e th in g th a t w e s h o u ld b e b u t w e c a n a c tu a lly b e th a t. It's w h a t G o d h a s c a lle d u s to b e a n d th e o n e w h o h a s c a lle d u s a n d w h o h a s g iv e n u s in s tru c tio n c a n s u p p ly th e p o w e r to d o th e v e ry th in g s H e c o m m a n d s u s to d o . It ta k e s c o m m itm e n t to b ib lic a l p rin c ip le s , it ta k e s c o m m itm e n t to C h ris t, w h o , a s I s a y , m u s t b e th e c e n te r o f o u r m a rria g e a n d th e c e n te r o f o u r f a m ily – th e c e n te r o f o u r p e rs o n a l liv e s , f irs t o f a ll. H e is th e o n e fro m w h o m w e g a in o u r s tre n g th . I c a n , a s P a u l s a y s , d o a ll th in g s th ro u g h H im w h o s tre n g th e n s m e – e v e n b e a s u b m is s iv e w ife to a d o m in a n t, c a llo u s e d h u s b a n d . I c a n d o a ll th in g s th ro u g h C h ris t w h o s tre n g th e n s m e , a n d s o w e 're to lo o k to H im , lo o k to C h ris t. P ra y th a t G o d w ill g iv e u s H is d e s ire s a n d g iv e u s H is s tre n g th a n d c a u s e u s to s e e k to li v e liv e s th a t p le a s e H im , th e o n e w h o b e c a m e s u b m is s iv e fo r u s a n d d ie d fo r u s th a t w e m ig h t h a v e H is lif e . A n d if y o u 're h e re th is m o rn in g w ith o u t C h ris t, th e n lo o k to H im f o r s a lv a tio n . T h e r e is a g r e a te r c r is is th a n th e s o c ia l c r is is o f th e f a m ily , a n d th a t is th e s p iritu a l c ris is o f th e s o u l. It is a n a n c ie n t c ris is . M a n h a s s in n e d a n d re b e lle d a g a in s t G o d , a n d a s a re s u lt h a s c o m e u n d e r c o n d e m n a tio n a n d is h e a d e d f o r ju d g m e n t , b u t th e re is a w a y o f e s c a p e a n d th a t w a y o f e s c a p e is in C h ris t, G o d 's S o n , w h o lo v e d s in n e rs a n d d ie d in th e ir p la c e . T h a t d e a th p a id th e p e n a lty o f th e b ro k e n la w , a n d th ro u g h f a ith a lo n e in C h ris t a lo n e , th a t p a y m e n t b e c o m e s y o u rs . T h ro u g h fa ith y o u re c e iv e th e fo rg iv e n e s s o f s in s a n d lif e e v e rla s tin g , a n d th e H o ly S p ir it, th e S p irit o f w is d o m a n d tru th , ta k e s u p re s id e n c e in y o u r h e a rt to g u id e y o u a n d s tre n g th e n y o u in th e w a y o f life . If y o u 'v e n e v e r b e lie v e d in C h ris t, if y o u 're h e re th is m o rn in g w ith o u t H im , re a liz e th a t y o u a re in n e e d o f a S a v io r a n d C h ris t is th a t
- 20 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
S a v io r. L o o k to H im , tru s t in H im , a n d m a y a ll o f u s lo o k to H im a n d tru s t in H im , th a t w e m ig h t b e m e n a n d w o m e n w h o h a v e f a m ilie s th a t h o n o r H im , a re m o d e l fa m ilie s , in th e m id s t o f a d a y th a t n e e d s to s e e th a t. M a y G o d h e lp u s to d o th a t. S h a ll w e s ta n d n o w fo r th e b e n e d ic tio n ? [P ra y e r] O u r g ra c io u s G o d a n d h e a v e n ly F a th e r, w e d o th a n k y o u fo r th e g re a t p riv ile g e th a t y o u h a v e g iv e n to e a c h o f u s to s it u n d e r y o u r W o rd , to s im p ly re a d it, lis te n to th e in s tru c tio n th a t is g iv e n to u s , in s tru c tio n th a t is to le a d to b e h a v io r th a t b rin g s h o n o r to y o u , th a t re fle c ts y o u r g ra c e a n d tru th . T h a t is a p riv ile g e , F a th e r, b u t th e g re a te s t p riv ile g e o f a ll, th e g re a te s t b le s s in g o f a ll, is to k n o w y o u r S o n in a p e rs o n a l w a y , to k n o w th a t H e d ie d fo r u s , th a t H e to o k a w a y o u r s in s a n d th a t w e h a v e f o rg iv e n e s s in H im . F a th e r, if th e re b y a n y in a tte n d a n c e th is m o rn in g w h o d o e s n o t k n o w H im a s S a v io r, m a y y o u b rin g th e m to a k n o w le d g e o f th e ir s in a n d b rin g th e m to th e k n o w le d g e o f H im a s S a v io r, th a t th e y m ig h t tru s t in H im , a n d m a y w e a ll s e e k to liv e liv e s th a t p le a s e y o u . M a y w e b e g o o d h u s b a n d s , g o o d w iv e s, g o o d s o n s a n d d a u g h te rs . M a y w e m a k e it o u r a m b itio n to p re s e n t to th e w o rld m o d e l m a rria g e s a n d m o d e l f a m ilie s , th a t C h ris t b e g lo rif ie d . W e p ra y th e s e th in g s in H is name. Amen.
E p h e s ia n s
" C h ris tia n M a rria g e - W iv e s "
T R A N S C R IP T
[M e s s a g e ] W e a re c o n tin u in g o u r s tu d y in th e b o o k o f E p h e s ia n s , in E p h e s ia n s c h a p te r 5 , a n d th is m o rn in g w e b e g in P a u l's s e c tio n o f th is b o o k o n th e C h ris tia n h o m e a n d s p e c ific a lly C h ris tia n m a rria g e . T h a t b e g in s w ith E p h e s ia n s 5 :2 2 , a n d s o if y o u h a v e y o u r B ib le s o p e n e d , fo llo w a lo n g w ith m e a s I re a d . I th in k a g o o d p la c e to b e g in , th o u g h , is in v e rs e 2 1 b e c a u s e v e rs e 2 1 is s o m e th in g o f a tra n s itio n v e rs e b e tw e e n w h a t w e h a v e s tu d ie d in v e rs e s 1 5 a n d f o llo w in g to w h a t w e w ill s tu d y . P a u l s a y s , "A n d b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e f e a r o f C h r is t." In v e rs e 2 2 : " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s ." N o w , y o u 'll n o tic e th a t th a t e x p re s s , " b e s u b je c t," is in ita lic s . It m e a n s it's n o t in th e o rig in a l te x t, a n d s o it is in d ic a te d in th a t w a y , b u t it is p ro p e r to tra n s la te it th a t w a y . V e rs e 2 2 d o e s n 't h a v e a v e rb , it ta k e s th e v e rb f ro m th e p a rtic ip le in v e rs e 2 1 , w h ic h is " b e s u b je c t," a n d s o it's g o v e r n e d b y th a t v e rs e . T h a t re a lly b e g in s th e w h o le s e c tio n . It in tro d u c e s u s , v e rs e 2 1 d o e s , to w h a t fo llo w s . A n d s o in lig h t o f th a t, h e s a y s , " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a s to th e L o rd . F o r th e h u s b a n d is th e h e a d o f th e w if e , a s C h ris t a ls o is th e h e a d o f th e c h u rc h , H e H im s e lf b e in g th e S a v io r o f th e b o d y . B u t a s th e c h u rc h is s u b je c t to C h ris t, s o a ls o th e w iv e s o u g h t to b e to th e ir h u s b a n d s in e v e ry th in g ." M a y th e L o rd b le s s th is re a d in g o f H is W o rd a n d b le s s o u r tim e o f s tu d y to g e th e r. L e t's b o w in a w o rd o f p ra y e r.
-2"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
[P ra y e r] O u r g ra c io u s G o d a n d h e a v e n ly F a th e r, w e d o th a n k y o u fo r th e g re a t p riv ile g e w e h a v e to c o m e to g e th e r a s y o u r p e o p le a n d to g a th e r a ro u n d y o u r W o rd a n d to s tu d y it to g e th e r. W h a t a p riv ile g e th a t is . Y o u h a v e g iv e n u s th e W o rd o f G o d , a n d a t tim e s it is n o t a n e a s y s u b je c t to re a d , e a s y is s u e s to d e a l w ith , a n d y e t, F a th e r, w e re c o g n iz e th is is y o u r in e rra n t W o rd , a n d s o w e th a n k y o u f o r th e g if t o f it a n d p r a y y o u w o u ld m in is te r to u s th is m o r n in g a s w e s e e k to u n d e rs ta n d it a n d liv e in lig h t o f it. W e th a n k y o u m o s t o f a ll f o r th e g if t o f C h ris t, th e d e a th th a t H e d ie d , a s u b je c t th a t is re a lly a t th e h e a rt o f s o m u c h o f w h a t w e s tu d y in th e s e p a s s a g e s th a t w e w ill lo o k a t th is m o rn in g a n d in th e w e e k s to c o m e , a s u b je c t th a t is re a lly a t th e c e n te r o f a ll o f th e b o o k o f E p h e s ia n s – in f a c t, a ll o f th e S c rip tu re s . M a n is s in f u l, s o y o u s e n t a S a v io r, a n d n o t ju s t a s a v io r, y o u s e n t y o u r o n ly b e g o tte n S o n , th e e te rn a l S o n o f G o d , in to th is w o rld in o rd e r t o d ie fo r s in n e rs , a n d s o H e to o k h u m a n ity o n H im s e lf. H e b e c a m e a m a n , H e s u ffe re d in o u r p la c e , th a t w e m ig h t h a v e life a n d h a v e it e te rn a lly . F a th e r, w e th a n k y o u s o m u c h fo r th a t, a n d h e lp u s to k e e p th a t in m in d a s w e s tu d y th is m o rn in g . K e e p C h ri s t b e fo re u s a n d re m e m b e r w h a t H e e x p e c ts o f u s . A n d w e p ra y th a t w e w o u ld b e m o v e d b y th a t, F a th e r, a n d m o tiv a te d to o b e d ie n c e a n d to d e v o tio n . F a th e r, w e p ra y n o t o n ly fo r o u rs e lv e s a n d o u r s p iritu a l n e e d s , w e h a v e m a n y , a n d w e p ra y th a t s o m e w ill b e m e t th is m o rn in g a s w e s tu d y th e S c rip tu re s , b u t w e p ra y a ls o , L o rd , fo r o u r m a te ria l n e e d s , o u r p h y s ic a l n e e d s . W e th in k o f th e s ic k , w e p ra y fo r th e m , th o s e w h o s e n a m e s h a v e b e e n p la c e d o n o u r p ra y e r re q u e s t lis t. W e a s k th a t y o u w o u ld in te rv e n e in th e ir liv e s a n d in th e ir s itu a tio n s . W e th in k o f E liz a b e th D e a n a n d th e c o n d itio n o f h e r h e a rt. W e p ra y y o u 'd b le s s a n d g iv e h e a lin g . A n d D o ris P e rry , w e p ra y th a t y o u m ig h t g iv e h e r h e a lin g a n d c o m fo rt a n d e n c o u ra g e m e n t, a n d th o s e w h o a re fa c in g s u rg e ry th is w e e k a n d o th e rs .
-3"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
W e p ra y th a t y o u w o u ld p re p a re th e m a n d b le s s th e m a n d c o m m e n d th e m in to y o u r b le s s in g s a n d y o u r g ra c e , F a th e r. W e k n o w it's u n lim ite d . A n d w e k n o w th a t a ll th in g s w o rk to g e th e r f o r g o o d f o r th e m th a t lo v e y o u a n d a re c a lle d a c c o rd in g to y o u r p u rp o s e . W h a t a b le s s in g th a t is a n d w h a t a c o m fo rt th a t is to k n o w . W e p ra y , F a th e r, f o r th o s e w h o a r e g r ie v in g b e c a u s e o f th e lo s s o f a lo v e d o n e . G iv e th e m e n c o u ra g e m e n t. B le s s th o s e w h o a re w ith o u t e m p lo y m e n t. P ra y th a t y o u m ig h t o p e n d o o rs fo r th e m o f o p p o rtu n ity . F a th e r, w e th a n k y o u th a t y o u h a v e g iv e n s o m a n y b le s s in g s . W e c a n g o o v e r th e tria ls th a t w e f a c e a n d th e d if f ic u ltie s a n d y e t th e y re a lly d o n o t c o m p a re to th e b le s s in g s th a t y o u h a v e g iv e n . Y o u g iv e u s life p h y s ic a lly , y o u g iv e u s life s p iritu a lly . E v e ry b e lie v e r in J e s u s C h ris t h a s th a t g re a t a s s u ra n c e th a t w e h a v e e te rn a l life a n d th a t a ll th in g s d o w o rk to g e th e r f o r g o o d . Y o u a re m a n a g in g th e a f f a irs o f th is w o rld a n d th e a f f a irs o f o u r lif e to th a t e n d , to o u r g o o d a n d to y o u r g lo ry . T h a n k y o u , F a th e r, a n d m a y o u r tim e to g e th e r th is m o rn in g b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t a s w e ll a n d b e a c a ll to v ig ila n c e in o u r re s p o n s ib ilitie s a s C h ris tia n s , th a t w e m ig h t b e g o o d a n d fa ith fu l w itn e s s e s in th e m id s t o f th is w o rld . A tro u b le d w o rld , F a th e r, a v e ry tro u b le d w o rld , a n d w e p ra y th a t w e m ig h t b e lig h ts in it. In lig h t o f th e tro u b le th a t w e h a v e b e e n s h o c k e d b y th is w e e k e n d in th e M id d le E a s t, w e p ra y fo r y o u r p e o p le, f o r th e b e lie v e r s in J e s u s C h r is t w h o a r e liv in g in th e M idd le E a s t, m a y th e y b e a w itn e s s . A n d y o u te ll u s to p ra y f o r th e p e a c e o f J e ru s a le m , a n d w e d o p ra y fo r th a t, F a th e r, in lig h t o f th e a s s a s s in a tio n o f M r. R a b in . W e p ra y th a t y o u m ig h t g iv e p e a c e in th a t la n d . A n d y e t w e k n o w , F a th e r, th a t u ltim a te ly p e a c e w ill o n ly c o m e to th a t p a rt o f th e w o rld a n d to th a t c ity – in f a c t, to th e w o rld a s a w h o le – w h e n y o u r S o n , th e P rin c e o f P e a c e , re tu rn s . S o w e lo o k fo rw a rd to th a t d a y a n d w e p ra y th a t it w o u ld c o m e s o o n . W e e c h o th e w o rd s o f J o h n , w h o in re s p o n s e to o u r L o rd 's w o rd s s a y in g , "I a m c o m in g q u ic k ly ," s a id , " A m e n , L o rd J e s u s , c o m e
-4"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
q u ic k ly ." W e p ra y th a t, F a th e r, a n d w e p ra y th a t w e w o u ld liv e in th e m e a n tim e in lig h t o f it, in lig h t o f th e f a c t th a t H e is c o m in g a g a in , a n d m a y th a t b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t to u s . M a y it b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t n o w a n d m o v e u s to b e o b e d ie n t in o u r re s p o n s ib ilitie s . M a y it b e a n e n c o u ra g e m e n t to u s a g a in th is e v e n in g a s w e c o m e b a c k a n d re m e m b e r H is firs t c o m in g a n d w h a t H e a c c o m p lis h e d fo r u s o n th e c ro s s . B le s s u s n o w a s w e s in g o u r fin a l h y m n . B le s s u s a s w e s tu d y to g e th e r. M a y it b e a p ro f ita b le a n d e n jo y a b le tim e . W e p ra y in C h ris t's n a m e . A m e n . [M e s s a g e ] O n e o f th e m o s t fre q u e n tly re p e a te d p h ra s e s th a t w e h e a r to d a y is fa m ily v a lu e s . It h a s b e c o m e a p o litic a l b uz z w o rd a n d th e re a s o n is th e A m e ric a n f a m ily is in a c ris is . M a rria g e s a re f a llin g a p a rt, f a m ilie s a re b re a k in g u p , a n d s o n o w th e re is a f ra n tic c a ll f o r f a m ily v a lu e s f r o m b o th th e r ig h t a n d th e le f t. E v e r y o n e s e e s th e p ro b le m , a n d it w o u ld b e n ic e if th e c h u rc h c o u ld n o w s te p f o rw a rd w ith th e a n s w e rs a n d C h ris tia n fa m ilie s c o u ld b e th e m o d e l o f fa m ily v a lu e s . U n fo rtu n a te ly , e v a n g e lic a l fa m ilie s a re fa llin g a p a rt a s w e ll. I'm s u re th e re a re a v a rie ty o f re a s o n s f o r th a t a n d n o t a ll C h ris tia n s in v o lv e d in a f a m ily c ris is h a v e f a ile d in th e ir re s p o n s ib ilitie s . T h e re a re m a n y v ic tim s . B u t o v e ra ll, y o u c a n 't h e lp b u t g e t th e f e e lin g th a t th e c h u r c h is w e a k to d a y , th a t th e w o r ld h a s a s tr o n g in f lu e n c e o n it, a n d th a t w o rld lin e s s h a s in f iltra te d th e c h u rc h a n d th a t C h ris tia n s h a v e lo s t th e ir c e n te r. A n d w h e n th e c e n te r is lo s t, th e re 's n o s ta b ility . S o to c o rre c t th e p ro b le m a n d to g u a rd a g a in s t th e p ro b le m , w e h a v e to g o b a c k to th e B ib le . T h e o n ly w a y o u t o f th e c ris is is th ro u g h a k n o w le d g e o f w h a t t h e W o rd o f G o d h a s to s a y to a ll o f th e s e is s u e s , a n d in E p h e s ia n s 5 , P a u l ta k e s u p th is p a rtic u la r is s u e o f m a rria g e a n d th e fa m ily a n d th e c e n te r o f a ll fa m ily re la tio n s h ip s . F ro m c h a p te r 5 v e rs e 2 2 th ro u g h c h a p te r 6 v e rs e 4 , P a u l's s u b je c t is th e C h ris tia n h o m e , a v e ry tim e ly s u b je c t, a tim e ly s u b je c t f o r e v e r y a g e , b u t it s e e m s p a r tic u la r ly s o in o u r s. A n d in th is s e c tio n
-5"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
o f S c rip tu re , P a u l g iv e s to u s th e d u ty o f e v e ry m e m b e r o f th e fa m ily , a n d h e m a k e s it v e ry c le a r th a t a t th e c e n te r o f th e h o m e i s J e s u s C h ris t. E a c h o f o u r re s p o n s ib ilitie s re v o lv e a ro u n d H im . W iv e s a re to b e s u b je c t to th e ir h u s b a n d s a s to th e L o rd . H u s b a n d s a re to lo v e th e ir w iv e s a s C h ris t lo v e d th e c h u rc h . C h ild re n a re to o b e y th e ir p a re n ts in th e L o rd . P a re n ts a re to ra is e u p th e ir c h ild re n in th e in s tru c tio n o f th e L o rd . T h e L o rd is a t th e c e n te r o f th e h o m e , a n d s o if a C h ris tia n h o m e is to b e a s u c c e s s f u l C h ris tia n h o m e – a n d n o t ju s t a C h ris tia n h o m e th a t s ta y s to g e th e r a n d s u rv iv e s , w e h o p e f o r s o m e th in g b e tte r th a n th a t, b u t if th e C h ris tia n h o m e is to tru ly b e s u c c e s s f u l a s a h o m e a n d a s a f a m ily , th e n C h ris t h a s to b e th e c e n te r o f it. W e m u s t b e lo o k in g to H im c o n tin u a lly f o r o u r s tre n g th , f o r o u r w is d o m , f o r o u r a b ility . W e ll, th is is P a u l's s u b je c t, a n d h e b e g in s w ith in s tru c tio n to w iv e s . T h e ir p a rtic u la r re s p o n s ib ility is to b e s u b je c t to th e ir h u s b a n d s , v e rs e 2 2 , " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a s to th e L o rd ." T h a t is o u r s u b je c t th is m o rn in g , a n d it is a h o t-b u tto n is s u e . T h e re m a y n o t b e a m o re in fla m m a to ry w o rd to d a y in o u r d is c u s s io n o n m a rria g e a n d th is w o rd " s u b m is s io n ." In th e m in d s o f m a n y , it e q u a te s to s e rv ility a n d e v o k e s im a g e s o f E d ith a n d A rc h ie B u n k e r. T h e h u s b a n d s its in h is c h a ir a s th e w ife b rin g s h im h is b e e r a n d p a p e r a n d p re p a re s h is d in n e r. S h e 's n o th in g m o re th a n a d o m e s tic s e rv a n t w ith n o life o f h e r o w n . S h e 's ru s h in g a b o u t ju s t try in g to k e e p A rc h ie h a p p y . P a u l's in s tru c tio n , " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s " is a s u b je c t th a t's g re a tly m is u n d e rs to o d to d a y . I w a s re m in d e d o f th a t la s t s p rin g w h e n I d id th e w e d d in g o f a C h ris tia n c o u p le . In th e a u d ie n c e , th e re w a s a m ix e d g ro u p o f frie n d s . S o m e w e re a c q u a in te d w ith C h ris tia n p rin c ip le s a n d o th e rs w e re n o t, a n d it is m y c u s to m in d o in g th e w e d d in g c e re m o n y to re a d E p h e s ia n s 5 :2 2 -3 3 in s tru c tin g th e c o u p le o n th e ir re s p o n s ib ilitie s a s h u s b a n d a n d w ife , a n d in th e c o u rs e o f th a t, I s a y to th e b rid e , " A s a n e q u a l in p e rs o n , y o u a re to s u b m it y o u rs e lf in o b e d ie n c e to y o u r h u s b a n d a s th e
-6"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
c h u rc h s u b m its h e rs e lf in o b e d ie n c e to h e r h e a d , th e L o rd J e s u s C h ris t." It's s o m e th in g o f a s u m m a tio n o f w h a t P a u l in s tru c ts th e w ife o n h e re in E p h e s ia n s 5 , a n d s o I m a k e th e p o in t o f s u b m is s io n a n d I m a k e th e p o in t o f o b e d ie n c e . W e ll, a fte r I d id th a t, o n e o f th e la d ie s c a m e u p to m e . S h e is a frie n d o f m in e a n d s h e w a s k in d o f c h u c k lin g a n d to ld m e w h e n y o u s a id " su b m it" th e g irl in fro n t o f m e tu rn e d to h e r d a te a n d sa id , " S u b m it?" a n d w h a t sh e w a s sa y in g in th a t w a s, " H e d o e sn 't re a lly m e a n su b m it, d o e s h e ? D o e s n 't h e k n o w th e s e a re th e '9 0 s ? N o o n e h o ld s to th o s e a n tiq u a te d id e a s a n y m o re ." A n d to m a n y , it d o e s so u n d a little N e a n d e rth a l, a n d it s o u n d s v e ry m u c h d e m e a n in g , w o m e n a re to s u b m it to th e ir h u s b a n d s , a n d I s u p p o s e th e re 's s o m e re a s o n fo r th a t. M e n h a v e n o t a lw a y s p ro v e d to b e th e b e s t h u s b a n d s e v e n in C h ris tia n h o m e s . A ll to o o fte n , th e y a re d o m in a tin g a n d a b u s iv e , a n d s o I d o n 't e n te r in to th is s u b je c t lig h tly , I c a n a ssu re y o u o f th a t. Y o u m ig h t h a v e th o u g h t, " W e ll, D u n c a n c a n 't w a it to g e t to g e t to th e s u b je c t w h e re h e c a n te ll th o s e w o m e n to s u b m it." W e ll, th a t's n o t th e c a s e . I h a v e tw o d a u g h te rs , a n d th e o n ly m a le in m y h o u s e is a fiv e m o n th -o ld S c o ttis h te rrie r , a n d in a fe w w e e k s h e 'll u n d e rg o a little p ro c e d u re th a t w ill m a k e fe m a le c o m p a n io n s h ip to ta lly irre le v a n t to h im . S o th e o n ly o n e s in m y fa m ily th a t re a lly m a tte r a re fe m a le s a n d , G o d w illin g , th e y w ill m a rry s o m e d a y , a n d s o I d o h a v e a d e e p in te re s t in th e ir s id e o f th e is s u e . S o P a u l s p e a k s v e ry p la in ly to it, a n d h e s a y s to m y d a u g h te rs , w a k e u p , d a u g h te rs – y o u c a n 't b e lie v e th e y 'd fa ll a s le e p d u rin g th e ir fa th e r's s e rm o n s , c a n y o u ? B u t h e s a y s v e ry p la in ly to a ll o f u s , "W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s ." A n d fo r th e p e rs o n w h o b e lie v e s th a t th is is G o d 's W o rd , th is s ta te m e n t h a s a b s o lu te a u th o rity . W iv e s a re to b e s u b m is s iv e , a n d y e t s in c e th is is G o d 's W o rd , w e k n o w th a t s u b m is s io n c a n n o t m e a n s e rv ility . It c a n n o t b e d e m e a n in g . R ig h tly u n d e rs to o d , it is g o o d a n d rig h t. It m u s t b e – it is G o d 's W o rd a n d it is
-7"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
G o d 's d e s ig n fo r th e w ife , fo r th e w o m a n , a n d s o it m u s t b e g o o d , it m u s t b e rig h t, a n d s o th is m o rn in g w e w a n t to try to u n d e rs ta n d it rig h tly . T o b e g in , I th in k w e n e e d to re a liz e th a t s u b m is s io n is n o t s o m e th in g th a t w iv e s a lo n e d o . W o m e n a re n 't th e o n ly c la s s o f p e o p le th a t a re to b e s u b je c t. In 1 P e te r 2 :1 3 , P e te r in s tru c ts a ll o f u s to s u b m it o u rs e lv e s to th e k in g . W e h a v e p o litic a l a u th o ritie s o v e r u s a n d w e 're to b e in s u b m is s io n to th e m . In 1 P e te r 5 :5 , h e s ta te s th a t y o u n g m e n a re to b e s u b je c t to th e o ld e r m e n , b e re s p e c tfu l, th e y a re to d e fe r to th e m . T h e a u th o r o f H e b re w s in H e b re w s 1 3 :1 7 in stru c ts th e w h o le c o n g re g a tio n o f th e c h u rc h to b e in s u b m is s io n to th e e ld e rs . S o s u b m is s io n in o n e w a y o r a n o th e r is a p a rt o f a ll o f o u r liv e s . P a u l h a s s ta te d th a t a lre a d y in E p h e s ia n s 5 :2 1 , th e v e rs e th a t w e c o n c lu d e d o u r stu d y in la st w e e k , a n d th e re h e sa y s th a t a ll C h ristia n s, m a le a n d fe m a le , s h o u ld b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e fe a r o f C h ris t. N o w , th a t c o n c lu d e s P a u l's lis t o f th in g s th a t s h o u ld c h a ra c te riz e S p irit fille d liv in g a n d w o rs h ip , s h o u ld c h a ra c te riz e a S p irit-fille d c h u rc h . A t th e s a m e tim e , th a t v e rs e s e rv e s a s a tra n s itio n fro m th e p re v io u s v e rs e s a b o u t c h u rc h life to th e n e x t v e rs e s a b o u t fa m ily life . In fa c t, it h a s b e e n c a lle d a su m m a ry p re v ie w . G iv e s u s a g lim p s e o f w h a t's to c o m e . It p re p a re s o u r th in k in g fo r th a t a b o u t s u b m is s io n . A n d s u b m is s io n c a n b e d e fin e d – in fa c t, h a s b e e n d e fin e d b y th e s ta n d a rd G re e k a n d E n g lis h le x i c o n o f A rn d t a n d G in g ric h a s v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g in lo v e . N o w , w e 'll c o m e b a c k to th a t p o in t o f v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g in lo v e , b u t I th in k th a t's a g o o d d e fin itio n to b e g in w ith a n d u n d e rs to o d th a t w a y , P a u l's in s tru c tio n h e re is b a s ic a lly th e s a m e a s th e in s tru c tio n th a t h e h a s g iv e n in o th e r p la c e s , p a rticu la rly in P h ilip p ia n s 2 :3 w h e re h e w rite s , " D o n o th in g fro m s e lfis h n e s s o r e m p ty c o n c e it b u t w ith h u m ility o f m in d le t e a c h o f y o u re g a rd o n e a n o th e r a s m o re im p o rta n t th a n h im s e lf." D o n 't liv e a s e lfis h life . D o n 't p u t y o u rs e lf firs t. D e fe r to o th e rs, s u b m it to o th e rs . T h a t's th e a ttitu d e , th is a ttitu d e o f s e lfle s s n e s s , o f b e in g c o n c e rn e d m o re fo r th e o th e r p e rs o n th a n fo r o n e s e lf, th a t's th e a ttitu d e th a t le a d s to
-8"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
s u b m is s io n , a n d it fin d s its g re a te s t e x a m p le in C h ris t, w h o , P a u l g o e s o n to s a y , a lth o u g h H e e x is te d in th e fo rm o f G o d d id n o t re g a rd e q u a lity w ith G o d a th in g to b e g ra s p e d b u t e m p tie d H im s e lf , ta k in g th e fo rm o f a b o n d -s e rv a n t. N o w , o u r s u b m is s io n , P a u l s a y s , is to b e in re v e re n c e to C h ris t. T h a t's w h a t h e s a id in v e rs e 2 1 , b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e fe a r o f C h ris t. T h a t d o e s n o t m e a n in d re a d . T h a t d o e s n o t m e a n in c rin g in g fe a r. T h e re is n o t th a t fe a r in th e C h ristia n life . J o h n te lls u s in 1 J o h n c h a p te r 4 th a t p e rfe c t lo v e c a s ts o u t fe a r; th a t is , it c a s ts o u t th is s e n s e o f a n g u is h , th is s e n s e o f d re a d , th is c rin g in g fe a r th a t w e n o rm a lly a sso c ia te w ith th a t w o rd , b u t in its p la c e is th e fe a r o f G o d , th e fe a r o f C h ris t, w h ic h is a s e n s e o f a w e , a s e n s e o f re v e re n c e a n d d e v o tio n . D e v o tio n to C h ris t fo r w h a t H e h a s d o n e fo r u s . H e is th e e te rn a l, th e in fin ite , th e a lm ig h ty , th e a ll -g lo rio u s S o n o f G o d w h o b e c a m e a s e rv a n t a n d a s a c rific e fo r m e , fo r th e s in n e r , a n d th a t s h o u ld m o v e m e to w a n t to b e lik e H im a n d to w a n t to p le a s e H im a n d to w a n t to d o w h a t H e h a s in s tru c te d m e to d o th ro u g h H is a p o s tle , b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r. T h is o n e w h o H im s e lf b e c a m e s u b je c t, th is o n e w h o h u m b le d H im s e lf, w h o b e c a m e o b e d ie n t, o b e d ie n t to th e p o in t o f d e a th , a n d e v e n d e a th o n a c ro s s o f a ll th in g s . A s h a m e fu l a n d p a in fu l d e a th o f th e c ro ss. H e h a s a s k e d m e , H e h a s a s k e d y o u , e v e ry b e lie v e r in J e s u s C h ris t, to fo llo w H is e x a m p le a n d b e a h u m b le , o b e d ie n t, s e rv a n t, to b e s u b je c t to o n e a n o th e r in th e fe a r o f H im . W e ll, th a t s ta te m e n t in v e rs e 2 1 p re p a re s u s fo r w h a t P a u l w ill s a y in th e n e x t v e rs e s , p a rtic u la rly in v e rs e 2 2 : W iv e s , b e s u b je c t to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a s to th e L o rd . A s to th e L o rd d o e s n o t m e a n th a t a w ife is to tre a t h e r h u s b a n d lik e h e is th e L o rd , b u t h e r s u b m is s io n ra th e r is to b e u n d e rta k e n a s a d u ty to th e L o rd . It's w h a t H e a s k s o f h e r a n d it's w h a t s h e s h o u ld g iv e a s a d u ty a n d a d u ty th a t is u n d e rta k e n a s in a lo v in g w a y , s o m e th in g s h e d e s ire s to d o . B u t y o u 'll n o tic e it is s u b m is s io n to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s , a n d it m a y g o w ith o u t s a y in g b u t I'll s a y it a n y w a y , P a u l is n o t in s tru c tin g w o m e n to b e s u b je c t to e v e ry m a n .
-9"Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
H e is n o t s u g g e s tin g th a t e v e ry re la tio n s h ip b e tw e e n a w o m a n a n d a m a n is o n e o f s u b m is s io n . It's n o t w o m e n , b e s u b je c t to m e n , b u t w iv e s , to y o u r o w n h u s b a n d s . T h a t is w h e re th is is re s tric te d , w ith in th e m a rria g e re la tio n s h ip , to th e o n e h u s b a n d . A n d th e n h e g iv e s th e re a s o n f o r th is in s tr u c tio n o n s u b m is s io n in v e rs e 2 3 . " F o r," h e e x p la in s , " th e h u s b a n d is th e h e a d o f th e w ife " – m e a n in g th e h u s b a n d h a s a u th o rity o v e r th e w ife , h e h a s a u th o rity o v e r th e h o u s e h o ld , th e w ife a n d th e c h ild re n , a u th o rity o v e r. N o w , th e re a re s o m e w h o d is a g re e w ith th a t in te rp re ta tio n o f s a y in g th a t th is id e a o f th e h u s b a n d b e in g th e h e a d o f th e w ife m e a n s h a v in g a u th o rity o v e r h e r. In fa c t, th e y h a v e c a lle d th a t c h a u v in is tic a n d c la im th a t it re f le c ts m o re th e c o n c e p t o f a p a g a n , m a le -d o m in a te d s o c ie ty th a n it d o e s th e B ib le , a n d s o s o m e h a v e trie d to re in te rp re t th e m e a n in g o f th is v e rs e b y a rg u in g th a t " h e a d " h a s th e id e a o f " s o u rc e " ra th e r th a n th e id e a o f " a u th o rity o v e r." A c c o rd in g to th is in te rp re ta tio n , P a u l is n o t te a c h in g th a t h u s b a n d s h a v e a u th o rity o v e r th e ir w iv e s b u t th a t th e m a n is th e s o u rc e o r th e o rig in o f th e w o m a n s in c e th e w o m a n w a s ta k e n o u t o f A d a m 's s id e a n d s o th e h u s b a n d is to b e th e n o u ris h e r a n d th e e n a b le r o f th e w ife . T h e id e a o f th is in te rp re ta tio n is th a t th e h u s b a n d , a s th e h e a d o f th e w if e , s tre s s e s th e o n e n e s s th a t th e tw o h a v e a n d th a t th e re is to b e m u tu a l s u b m is s io n w ith in th e m a rria g e , n o t s p e c ia l s u b m is s io n o f th e w ife to th e h u s b a n d 's a u th o rity s in c e a c c o rd in g to th is v ie w , th e w o rd " h e a d " h a s n o th o u g h t o f " a u th o rity o v e r." N o w , th e re 's s o m e th in g to b e s a id fo r th a t in te rp re ta tio n in th e s e n s e th a t c e rta in ly P a u l w o u ld a g re e th a t a s th e h e a d o f th e w if e , th e h u s b a n d s h o u ld b e th e n o u ris h e r a n d th e e n a b le r o f h e r, b u t a s to th e id e a th a t th e w o rd " h e a d " m e a n s " s o u rc e ," th a t is a d is tin c tly m in o rity v ie w a m o n g s c h o la rs a n d a n a rg u m e n t th a t c a n n o t b e s u s ta in e d f ro m e ith e r th e u s e o f th e w o rd " h e a d " o r th e c o n te x t o f th is p a s s a g e . D r. W a y n e G ru d em , p ro f e s s o r o f b ib lic a l a n d s y s te m a tic th e o lo g y a t T rin ity E v a n g e lic a l D iv in ity S c h o o l, a frie n d a n d fo rm e r
- 10 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
c o lle a g u e o f D r. J o h n s o n 's , d id a th o ro u g h s tu d y o n th e G re e k w o rd k e p h a lé , w h ic h is th e w o rd fo r " h e a d ," th e w o rd th a t's u s e d h e re , a n d h is s tu d y h a s b e e n p u b lis h e d in th e b o o k R e c o v e r in g B ib lic a l M a n h o o d a n d W o m a n h o o d . W e h a v e , I th in k , a t le a s t o n e c o p y o f th a t in th e lib ra ry , a n d in th a t is th e la te s t e d itio n o f h is w o rk o n th is p a rtic u la r w o rd . In it, h e s tu d ie d 2 ,3 3 6 u s e s o f th e w o rd k e p h a lé , th e w o rd " h e a d ," f ro m c la s s ic a l G re e k lite ra tu re , f ro m th e S e p tu a g in t, w h ic h is th e G re e k tra n s la tio n o f th e O ld T e s ta m e n t, it w a s th e B ib le o f th e f ir s t c e n tu r y . I t's b e e n c o m p a r e d to th e K in g J a m e s V e r s io n f o r u s . H e s tu d ie d th e w o rk s o f P h ilo , th e J e w is h p h ilo s o p h e r; th e w o rk s o f J o s e p h u s , th e J e w is h h is to ria n ; h e s tu d ie d th e a p o s to lic f a th e r s a n d m a n y o th e r s o u rc e s a n d c o n c lu d e d th a t n o in s ta n c e s w e re d is c o v e re d in w h ic h k e p h a lé h a d th e m e a n in g o f " s o u rc e " o r " o rig in ." B u t th e u s e o f " h e a d " w ith th e m e a n in g o f " a u th o rity o v e r" w a s fo u n d in a s ig n ific a n t n u m b e r o f p la c e s a n d tim e s . In th e O ld T e s ta m e n t, th is w o rd is u s e d , th e w o rd " h e a d " is u s e d o f a c h ie f o r a le a d e r. W e h a v e th is a n u m b e r o f tim e s in th e b o o k o f J u d g e s , f o r e x a m p le , a n d th a t m e a n in g , th e m e a n in g o f le a d e r , th e m e a n in g o f a u th o rity o v e r, is b o rn e o u t b y th e c o n te x t o f o u r p a s s a g e . P a u l w rite s , " T h e h u s b a n d is th e h e a d o f th e w ife , a s C h ris t a ls o is th e h e a d o f th e c h u rc h ." S o th e h u s b a n d 's th e h e a d a s C hris t is th e h e a d , a n d it's c le a r th a t C h ris t is th e h e a d o f th e c h u rc h a s th e a u th o rity o v e r it b e c a u s e in th e n e x t v e rs e , h e s p e a k s o f th e c h u rc h s u b m ittin g to H im . A n d s o th e h e a d s h ip o f C h ris t e x p la in s th e h e a d s h ip o f th e h u s b a n d , a n d it is a h e a d s h ip o f a u th o rity . B a c k in c h a p te r 1 , w e h a v e a n o th e r e x a m p le o f th is s a m e u s e o f th e w o rd " h e a d ." T h e re , P a u l e x p la in s in v e rs e s 2 0 th ro u g h 2 2 th a t G o d ra is e d u p C h ris t a n d s e a te d H im in th e h e a v e n ly p la c e s – v e rs e 2 1 – f a r a b o v e a ll r u le a n d a u th o r ity a n d p o w e r a n d d o m in io n , a n d e v e ry n a m e th a t is n a m e d , n o t o n ly in th is a g e b u t a ls o in th e a g e to c o m e , a n d h e p u t a ll th in g s in s u b je c tio n u n d e r H is f e e t a n d g a v e
- 11 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
H im a s h e a d o v e r a ll th in g s to th e c h u rc h w h ic h is H is b o d y , th e f u lln e s s o f H im w h o f ills a ll in a ll. H e is th e h e a d o v e r a ll th in g s , m e a n in g H e h a s a b s o lu te a u th o rity o v e r a ll th in g s o r a ll p o w e rs , w h e th e r th e y b e in th e h e a v e n s o r o n e a rth . H e is th e h e a d , H e is th e a u th o rity o v e r. T h a t's w h a t " h e a d " m e a n s . T h a t's w h a t it m e a n s h e re a n d th is p o s itio n o f a u th o rity is a n a u th o rity th a t G o d h a s g iv e n to th e h u s b a n d . N o w , P a u l d o e s n 't s ta te th a t e x p lic itly . H e d o e s n 't g iv e th e o rig in o f th e h u s b a n d 's h e a d s h ip . It s e e m s to b e a s s u m e d . H e d o e s e la b o ra te o n it in 1 C o rin th ia n s 1 1 :3 -1 2 a n d in 1 T im o th y 2 :1 1 -1 3 w h e re h e e x p la in s fro m G e n e s is c h a p te r 2 th a t m a n 's h e a d s h ip is b a s e d o n th e o rd e r o f c re a tio n , m a n w a s c re a te d firs t, b a s e d o n th e m o d e o f c re a tio n , th e w o m a n w a s ta k e n f ro m th e m a n , ta k e n f ro m h is s id e , a n d a ls o f ro m th e p u rp o s e o f c re a tio n , s h e w a s c re a te d to b e h e lp e r s u ita b le fo r h im . H e d o e s n 't s a y th a t h e re , b u t th a t d o e s s ta n d b e h in d th e in s tru c tio n th a t h e g iv e s . S o m a le h e a d s h ip is n o t c u ltu ra lly c o n d itio n e d . S o m e w a n t to a rg u e th a t. In f a c t, th e c ritic s o f th is v ie w , w h ic h I a llu d e d to o r c ite d e a rlie r, m a in ta in th a t th a t v ie w th a t h e a d s h ip re f e rs to a u th o rity o v e r is a v ie w th a t is c o n d itio n e d b y a p a g a n a n d a m a le -d o m in a te d s o c ie ty , b u t th a t's n o t th e c a s e . Y o u g o b a c k to G e n e s is c h a p te r 2 b e fo re th e f a ll. F ro m th e v e ry b e g in n in g , th a t is th e o rig in o f th is . S o h e a d s h ip h a s its o rig in in c re a tio n a n d a s a re s u lt, it a p p lie s to a ll c re a tu re s . It a p p lie s to a ll c u ltu re s . It a p p lie s a t a ll tim e s . It is a u n iv e rs a l tru th a n d s o , to o , is th e w if e 's d u ty o f s u b m is s io n . It is g ro u n d e d in c re a tio n a n d G o d 's d e s ig n f o r m a rria g e . B u t w h a t is th e n a tu re o f th is s u b m is s io n ? If it's n o t s e rv ility , if it's n o t s o m e th in g d e m e a n in g , w h a t is it? W e ll, w e 'v e a lre a d y g iv e n a d e fin itio n o f a v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g in lo v e , a n d I th in k th a t h a s s u p p o rt f r o m th e o r ig in a l d e s ig n o f m a r r ia g e , w h ic h P a u l d o e s r e f e r to in v e rs e 3 1 w h e re h e q u o te s G e n e s is 2 :2 4 . P a u l w rite s in v e rs e 3 1 : " F o r th is c a u s e , a m a n s h a ll le a v e h is f a th e r a n d m o th e r a n d s h a ll c le a v e to h is w ife , a n d th e tw o s h a ll b e c o m e o n e fle s h ." T h e tw o b e c a m e o n e ,
- 12 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
a n d th a t w a s n e c e s s a ry b e c a u s e w ith o u t E v e , A d a m w a s in c o m p le te . H e w a s in a d e q u a te . H e w a s a lo n e . H e s e n s e d th a t im m e d ia te ly . H e n a m e s th e a n im a ls , y o u 'll re m e m b e r, a n d th is w a s s o rt o f G o d 's d e s ig n in th e s c e n a rio , a n d H e s e e s th e tw o o f th e m a n d y e t h e 's a lo n e . H e k n e w th e re w a s s o m e th in g in c o m p le te a b o u t h im . H e k n e w th a t h e w a s n 't rig h t, a n d s o G o d m a d e E v e . H e g a v e m a n th e w o m a n s o th a t h e w o u ld b e c o m p le te , a n d th a t's th e p u rp o s e o f s u b m is s io n . It is th e c o m p le tio n o f th e m a n a n d th e c o m p le tio n o f th e m a rria g e . S u b m is s io n is th e s a c rific e o f th e s e lf fo r th e c o m p le tio n o f m a rita l o n e n e s s . It is , a s s o m e o n e h a s s a id , th e p o u rin g o f o n e s e lf in to th e c o m p le tio n o f a n o th e r. It is , a s w e h a v e s a id , v o lu n ta ry y ie ld in g to a p e rs o n in lo v e . W e ll, to w h a t k in d o f p e rs o n is th e w if e to y ie ld ? W h a t k in d o f h u s b a n d is th e w ife to b e in s u b m is s io n to ? W h a t is b ib lic a l h e a d s h ip ? W e w ill g e t in to th a t in d e ta il n e x t w e e k , b u t P a u l d o e s g iv e th e a n s w e r to th a t a lre a d y h e re in v e rs e 2 3 w h e re h e s a y s th a t h e is to b e th e h e a d a s C h ris t a ls o is th e h e a d . In o th e r w o rd s , h e is to b e a h e a d lik e C h ris t is th e h e a d , a n d C h ris t is th e h e a d in th e s e n s e o f a s e rv a n t le a d e r. Y o u lo o k a t H is lif e , y o u s e e th a t, a n d th a t's n o t o n l y w h a t's a p p a re n t in H is e x a m p le b u t w e s e e it in H is w o rd s a s w e ll . In M a rk 1 0 :4 5 , H e s a id , " F o r e v e n th e S o n o f m a n d id n o t c o m e to b e s e rv e d b u t to s e rv e a n d to g iv e H is life a ra n s o m fo r m a n y ." C h ris t is th e s e rv a n t le a d e r a n d th a t's th e a ttitu d e th a t th is h u s b a n d is to h a v e . M a le h e a d s h ip is n o lic e n s e to d o m in a te a n d d e m e a n th e w ife a n d to a c t lik e th e g ra n d s u lta n o f M o ro c c o , a s o n e w rite r h a s p u t it. C a rrie s w ith it th e re s p o n s ib ility to s e rv e , a n d in h is ro le a s h e a d , h e is to le a d h is w ife a n d le a d h is fa m ily in th e w a y s o f rig h te o u s n e s s . H e is to g iv e th e m e m b e rs o f h is fa m ily d ire c tio n in th is lif e in b o th h is in s tru c tio n a n d in h is c o n d u c t, h is e x a m p le . H e is to re f le c t C h ris t to th e f a m ily . N o n e o f u s d o th a t. W e a ll fa il. I c a n g iv e y o u e x a m p le s fro m m y o w n lif e w h e n I f a il. I f a ile d la s t n ig h t, a s a m a tte r o f f a c t. B u t th a t's w h a t w e 're to s triv e f o r, th a t is th e id e a l, a n d th a t is w h a t th e
- 13 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
f a th e r a n d th e h u s b a n d is to b e , a s e r v a n t le a d e r . A n d it is th is s e r v a n t le a d e rs h ip th a t p ro m o te s g o d ly s u b m is s io n in th e w ife a n d c u ltiv a te s h e r g ifts s o th a t s h e c a n fu n c tio n fu lly , s o th a t s h e c a n fu n c tio n w e ll f o r th e s u c c e s s o f th e m a r r ia g e a n d th e s ta b ility o f th e f a m ily . It is im p o rta n t to re a liz e th a t s u b m is s io n c o n c e rn s fu n c tio n o r ro le , it d o e s n o t h a v e to d o w ith e s s e n c e a n d v a lu e . " W iv e s , b e s u b je c t" d o e s n o t m e a n w iv e s a re in fe rio r. It h a s b e e n s a id th a t e q u a lity o f w o rth is n o t id e n tity o f ro le . T h e tw o d o n 't e q u a te . T h e tw o a re n 't th e s a m e . A p e rs o n 's v a lu e , w h e th e r th e p e rs o n b e m a le o r f e m a le , is n o t m e a s u r e d b y h is o r h e r r o le o r jo b . I c a n g iv e a n u m b e r o f e x a m p le s o f th a t. L e t m e g iv e tw o , a n d th e firs t is th e in s tru c tio n th a t P e te r g iv e s in 1 P e te r 2 , th a t w e 're to b e s u b je c t to th e k in g . In fe rio r k in g s h a v e ru le d o v e r s u p e rio r s u b je c ts – th a t's a lw a y s th e c a s e – a n d w e h a v e a n u m b e r o f e x a m p le s o f th a t. O n e e x a m p le is A h a z , w ic k e d k in g o f J u d a h . T e rrib le k in g. A n id o la te r, a n im m o ra l m a n , a n d y e t h e ru le d o v e r Is a ia h b u t h e w a s in f e rio r. In f e rio r s p iritu a lly , h e w a s in fe rio r in te lle c tu a lly , h e w a s in f e rio r m o ra lly to th e p ro p h e t, a n d y e t h e h a d a u th o rity o v e r h im , p o litic a l a u th o rity . B u t h e w a s n 't a s u p e rio r s p iritu a lly o r m o ra lly o r in e s s e n c e to Is a ia h . T h e o f f ic e s a y s n o th in g a b o u t th e in h e re n t w o rth o f a p e rs o n , o n ly a b o u t a u th o rity a n d re s p o n s ib ility . B e s t e x a m p le , h o w e v e r, th a t o n e c a n c ite is th e e x a m p le o f C h ris t H im s e lf. In 1 C o rin th ia n s 1 1 :3 , P a u l w rite s : " B u t I w a n t y o u to u n d e rs ta n d th a t C h ris t is th e h e a d o f e v e ry m a n , a n d th e m a n is th e h e a d o f a w o m a n , a n d G o d is th e h e a d o f C h ris t. " N o w , s in c e G o d th e F a th e r is th e h e a d o f C h ris t, d o e s th a t m e a n th a t C h ris t is in f e rio r to th e F a th e r in H is e s s e n c e ? W e ll, n o t if y o u b e lie v e in th e d o c trin e o f th e T rin ity , o f w h ic h w e s a n g th is m o rn in g , b e c a u s e C h ris t is v e ry G o d o f v e ry G o d , H e is e q u a l in a ll th in g s p e rta in in g to d e ity . H e s a y s in J o h n 1 0 :3 0 , " I a n d th e F a th e r a re o n e " – o n e in e s s e n c e – b u t in H is fu n c tio n a s S a v io r, H e h a d to b e c o m e a m a n , a n d in b e c o m in g a m a n , H e p u t H im s e lf u n d e r th e
- 14 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
a u th o rity o f th e F a th e r d u rin g th e tim e o f H is in c a rn a tio n a n d d u rin g th e tim e o f H is m e d ia to ria l m in is try . H e d id th a t in o rd e r to s u c c e s s fu lly c a rry o u t H is m is s io n , b u t th a t s u b m is s io n h a s n o th in g to d o w ith H is e s s e n c e , it h a s to d o w ith H is fu n c tio n , it h a s to d o w ith H is ro le a s S a v io r a n d m e d ia to r. S o th e w o m a n is n o t in fe rio r to th e m a n . W o m e n a re ju s t a s in te llig e n t a s m e n , ju s t a s s p iritu a l a n d m o ra l a n d c o u ra g e o u s a s m e n ; in f a c t, v e ry o f te n th e y a re s u p e rio r in a ll o f th o s e w a y s . T h a t's n o t b e in g p a tro n iz in g , th a t's tru e , a n d p ro b a b ly g o e s w ith o u t s a y in g , b u t it b rin g s u p th e p o in t th a t it is n o t a m a tte r o f e s s e n c e . T h is is a m a tte r o f e c o n o m y , it is a m a tte r o f o rg a n iz a tio n o f th e fa m ily . T h e fu n c tio n o f o u r d iffe re n t p a rts o f th e fa m il y a re d iffe re n t, a n d th e w ife is to f u n c tio n a s th e h e lp e r o f th e h u s b a n d . T h a t is h e r r o le . T h a t m e a n s in h e r ro le a s h e lp e r, s h e h a s m u c h to c o n trib u te to th e h u s b a n d 's le a d e rs h ip in th e u s e o f h e r g if ts , in th e u s e o f h e r w is d o m , in th e u s e o f h e r k n o w le d g e . V e ry o fte n w o m e n k n o w m o re th a n m e n . L e t m e g iv e a n e x a m p le o f th a t. P o n tiu s P ila te w o u ld h a v e b e e n a h a p p ie r m a n if h e h a d lis te n e d to h is w ife . Y o u re m e m b e r th e s c e n e w h e re it's d u rin g th e tria l o f o u r L o rd a n d P o n tiu s P ila te is s e a te d o n th e ju d g m e n t s e a t, th e tria l is g o in g o n , w h e n h is w ife s e n d s w o rd to h im . S h e 's v e ry d is tu rb e d . S h e 'd h a d a d re a m th a t n ig h t a b o u t C h ris t a n d it tro u b le d h e r g re a tly , a n d s o s h e s e n t a m e s s a g e to h im in th e m id s t o f th e tria l s a y in g , " H a v e n o th in g to d o w ith th a t rig h te o u s m a n ." B u t P ila te d id n o t lis te n to h is w ife , a n d m e n w h o d o n o t lis te n to th e ir w iv e s a n d d o n o t s e e k th e ir c o u n s e l b e f o re m a k in g a d e c is io n o r w h o a re n o t p re p a re d to c h a n g e th e ir m in d s a n d a c c e p t th e ir c o u n s e l a re f o o lis h m e n . L e a d e rs h ip d o e s n 't m e a n d o m in a tin g a n d c o n tro llin g . It d o e s n 't m e a n s h u ttin g o u t th e w ife . T h a t's n o t g o o d fo r th e w ife a n d th a t's n o t g o o d f o r th e h u s b a n d . In a re c e n t is s u e o f th e m a g a z in e M o d e r n R e fo r m a tio n , th e re is a n a rtic le e n title d " T h e S u b m is s iv e W if e ," w ritte n b y D r. B ry a n C h a p e ll, w h o is th e p re s id e n t o f C o v e n a n t T h e o lo g ic a l S e m in a ry in S t.
- 15 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
L o u is . In th e a rtic le , h e te lls o f a m a n o n a c h u rc h c o u n c il w h o in te rv ie w s n e w p a s to ra l c a n d id a te s a n d th e q u e s tio n th a t h e ro u tin e ly a s k s is , " D o e s y o u r w if e s u b m it to y o u ? " m e a n in g , " D o y o u c o n tro l y o u r fa m ily ? " It's n o t a b a d q u e s tio n , it's a v a lid q u e s tio n , b u t D r. C h a p e ll s a y s it w o u ld b e tra g ic if c a n d id a te s a c tu a lly d id s a tis fy th is o ffic ia l. T h e n h e g o e s o n to e x p la in th a t, " O v e r th e y e a rs th is m a n 's f r ie n d s h a v e w a tc h e d a s h is in te llig e n t, o n c e g lo w in g a n d b u o y a n t w ife h a s b e c o m e in c re a s in g ly s ile n t, s u lle n , a n d d o w d y u n d e r h is h e a d s h ip . S a d ly , th e m o re w ith d ra w n s h e h a s b e c o m e th e m o re o b n o x io u s , b e llig e re n t, a n d a c c u s in g h e h a s b e c o m e w ith e v e ry o n e in h is p a th . T h e m o re s h e re tre a ts f ro m h e r o w n g if ts th e m o re h is f a u lts a s s e rt th e m s e lv e s ." H e p o in ts o u t th a t b o th s p o u s e s th in k th a t th e y a re c o m p ly in g w ith b ib lic a l s u b m is s io n b e c a u s e s h e o n ly ta lk s w h e n h e a llo w s , o n ly le a v e s th e h o m e w h e n h e p e rm its , o n ly w e a rs w h a t h e a p p ro v e s . A n d th e re s u lt o f it a ll is th e ir te s tim o n y is ta rn is h e d a n d th e ir m a rria g e is u n f u lf illin g . S u b m is s io n d o e s n o t m e a n s la v is h o b e d ie n c e , a n d a w is e h u s b a n d w o n 't w a n t th a t. Iro n s h a rp e n s iro n , s o o n e m a n a n o th e r . W e c a n a d d s o o n e m a n 's w if e s h a rp e n s h im . T h a t's a g o o d re la tio n s h ip , a s h a rp e n in g re la tio n s h ip . A m a n d o e s n 't w a n t th is s la v is h o b e d ie n c e f r o m h is w if e if h e 's w is e a n d if h e w a n ts th e b e s t f o r h im s e lf a n d f o r h e r a n d fo r h is fa m ily , a n d s o h e w ill p ro m o te h is w if e 's g if ts , h e w ill p ro m o te h e r p e rs o n a lity , a n d th e re s u lt w ill b e s h e w ill re s p e c t h is le a d e rs h ip a n d s h e w ill w a n t to b e s u b m is s iv e . W e ll, th a t's h e r re s p o n s ib ility a n d th e c h o ic e th a t s h e m u s t m a k e . S u b m is s io n is v o lu n ta ry . W e h a v e s u g g e s t e d th a t f ro m th e d e fin itio n th a t w e b e g a n w ith in o u r le s s o n o n th is s u b m is s io n , b u t th a t's a ls o c le a r f ro m th e g ra m m a r h e re b e c a u s e th e v e rb " s u b m it" in v e rs e 2 1 is in th e m id d le v o ic e . N o w , th a t m a y m e a n n o th in g to y o u if y o u d o n 't k n o w a n y th in g a b o u t G re e k g ra m m a r, b u t w h a t th a t m e a n s is th e m id d le v o ic e g iv e s th a t v e rb th e id e a o f s u b je c tin g o n e s e lf . In
- 16 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
o th e r w o rd s , it's fo r h e r to s u b je c t h e rs e lf. It is h e r c h o ic e . A w ife c a n 't b e f o rc e d to b e s u b m is s iv e . N o w , th a t s h o w s h e r e q u a lity w ith th e h u sb a n d o n th e o n e h a n d . S h e is to c h o o s e to d o th is , s h e is to a c t, it is v o lu n ta ry . S h e is to v o lu n ta rily s u b m it. B u t o n th e o th e r h a n d , a n d p rin c ip a lly h e re , it s h o w s h e r re s p o n s ib ility , it's w h a t s h e is to d o . T h e fa c t is w iv e s d o n 't a lw a y s c h o o s e to d o th a t, w h ic h is s o m e tim e s th e re a s o n fo r p ro b le m s in a m a rria g e . It's n o t a lw a y s c h a u v in is tic m e n . M e n a n d w o m e n a re e q u a l in m a n y w a y s , a n d o n e w a y in w h ic h th e y a re e q u a l is th e y a re e q u a lly f a lle n , a n d w iv e s c a n b e ju s t a s h e a d s tro n g a n d s e lfis h a s h u s b a n d s . U s u a lly th e y d o n 't b e c o m e p h y s ic a lly a b u s iv e a s m e n s o m e tim e s d o . S o m e tim e s th e y d o , b u t g e n e ra lly w h a t h a p p e n s is th e y b e c o m e v e rb a lly a b u s iv e . A s o n e w rite r p u ts it, " A w o m a n 's te m p ta tio n is to u s e th e p o w e r o f w o rd s a n d e m o tio n s to d im in is h a h u s b a n d 's in f lu e n c e s o th a t s h e h a s c o n tro l o f th e h o m e ." S h e c a n w e a r d o w n h e r h u s b a n d b y s u lk in g , b y n a g g in g o r c o m p la in in g , m a k in g th e h o m e a n u n c o m fo rta b le p la c e to b e u n til h e fin a lly , ju s t to h a v e p e a c e in th e h o m e , h e g iv e s in to w h a t s h e w a n ts . W e s p e a k o f s u c h m e n a s henpecked. W e ll, S o lo m o n e v id e n tly k n e w s o m e th in g a b o u t th a t b e c a u s e h e w rite s a b o u t it in P ro v e rb s . In P ro v e rb s 1 9 :1 3 , h e s a y s th e c o n te n tio n s o f a w ife a re a c o n s ta n t d rip p in g . Y o u k n o w w h a t th a t's lik e if y o u 'v e g o t a fa u c e t th a t's c o n s ta n tly d rip p in g , y o u 're try in g to g e t to s le e p a t n ig h t, it'll d riv e y o u n u ts . S o m e tim e s w iv e s c a n b e lik e th a t. A n d h e s a y s it's b e tte r to liv e in a c o rn e r o f a ro o f th a n in a h o u s e s h a re d w ith a c o n te n tio u s w o m a n . N o w , th a t's c o m in g f ro m a m a n w h o h a d 7 0 0 w iv e s a n d 3 0 0 c o n c u b in e s , s o S o lo m o n m u s t h a v e k n o w n s o m e th in g a b o u t d o m e s tic c o n f lic t. In f a c t, h is f o r e ig n w iv e s tu r n e d h is h e a r t a w a y f ro m th e L o rd . T h e w is e s t m a n w h o e v e r liv e d , a t le a s t u n til o u r L o rd , w a s d ra w n a w a y fro m fo llo w in g th e L o rd b y h is w iv e s , s o th a t te lls u s s o m e th in g a b o u t th e in flu e n c e o f a w ife in th e h o m e . H e r in flu e n c e is
- 17 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
g re a t fo r g o o d o r fo r e v il. H e r ro le in th e fa m ily is a s s ig n ific a n t a s th e h u s b a n d 's ro le , it's ju s t a d if f e re n t ro le . T h e f a c t o f th e m a t te r is th e re a re p o w e r p la y s m a d e b y b o th h u s b a n d s a n d w iv e s , b u t if th e m a rria g e is to s u c c e e d a n d th e f a m ily to b e s tro n g , th e w if e m u s t c a rry o u t h e r re s p o n s ib ilitie s e a rn e s tly – a n d th e S c rip tu re s a re c le a r th a t th e w if e 's p rin c ip a l re s p o n s ib ility is t o b e s u b m is s iv e to h e r h u s b a n d . T h a t's th e w if e 's ro le , a n d th e v a lu e o f th a t ro le a n d th e im p o rta n c e o f h e r s u b m is s io n is s e e n in v e rs e 2 4 . T h e w ife is th e m o d e l o f th e c h u rc h to th e w o rld . V e rs e 2 4 : B u t a s th e c h u rc h is s u b je c t to C h ris t, s o a ls o th e w iv e s o u g h t to b e to th e ir h u s b a n d s in e v e ry th in g . S o th e w ife ta k e s h e r c u e fro m th e c h u rc h . T h e h u s b a n d ta k e s h is c u e f ro m th e L o rd H im s e lf , b u t th e w if e ta k e s h e r c u e , h e r le a d , f ro m th e c h u rc h , a n d th e c h u rc h is to s u b m it to C h ris t, s u b m it to H is a u th o rity . It is to h o n o r H im , it is to o b e y H im , a n d s o th e w ife – re fle c tin g th e c h u rc h – is to h a v e th e a ttitu d e a n d th e in c lin a tio n to y ie ld to h e r h u s b a n d 's a u th o rity , a n d P a u l s a y s s h e is to d o th a t in e v e ry th in g , m e a n in g in e v e ry a re a o f lif e . P a u l d o e s n 't m e a n e v e ry th in g w ith o u t e x c e p tio n b u t e v e ry th in g w ith o u t d is tin c tio n . H e m e a n s in e v e ry th in g c o n s is te n t w ith G o d 's W ill. T h e h u s b a n d d o e s n o t re p la c e C h ris t a s th e w o m a n 's s u p re m e a u th o rity . S h e c a n n e v e r a llo w th e h u s b a n d to le a d h e r in to s in . S h e c a n n e v e r f o llo w h im in to s in . P e te r a n d th e a p o s tle s m a k e th a t p la in in a n o th e r c o n te x t b u t w ith a p rin c ip le th a t a p p lie s h e re w h e n th e y s to o d b e fo re th e J e w is h a u th o ritie s in A c ts c h a p te r 5 a n d re s p o n d e d to th e a u th o ritie s ' p ro h ib itio n a g a in s t th e m p re a c h in g th e g o s p e l. T h e y re s p o n d e d , " W e m u s t o b e y G o d ra th e r th a n m e n ," a n d th a t p rin c ip le a p p lie s h e re . N o w , th e a p o s tle s in th a t s c e n e w e re n o t b e llig e re n t, th e y w e re n o t a n ta g o n is tic , th e y w e re h u m b le . T h e y re c o g n iz e d th e a u th o rity th a t th e S a n h e d rin h a d o v e r th e m in c iv il m a tte rs . B u t th e y w e re firm . T h e y c o u ld n o t v io la te th e W ill o f G o d . T h e y w e re m e n u n d e r o rd e rs . T h e K in g h a d g iv e n th e m in s tru c tio n s to g o a n d m a k e d is c ip le s o f a ll
- 18 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
th e n a tio n s , b a p tiz in g a n d te a c h in g in th e n a m e o f th e Fa th e r a n d o f th e S o n a n d o f th e H o ly S p irit, a n d s o th e y h a d to g iv e th e g o s p e l. W e m u s t o b e y G o d ra th e r th a n m e n . L ik e w is e , th e w if e c a n n o t s u b m it to h e r h u s b a n d if h e s h o u ld try to le a d h e r in to s in , b u t s h e c a n re f u s e re s p e c tf u lly w ith a s p irit o f s u b m is s io n a n d s h o w b y h e r a ttitu d e th a t s h e d o e s n o t lik e re s is tin g h is w ill a n d th a t h e r d e s ire is fo r h im to tu rn a w a y fro m s in a n d to b e a rig h te o u s le a d e r. T h e re a re m a n y w iv e s w h o a re in h a rd p la c e s , w h o a re m a rrie d to d if f ic u lt m e n , m a rrie d to m e n w h o a re n o t C h ris tia n s , a n d th e y c a rry a h u g e b u rd e n . E v e ry d a y th e y c a rry a h u g e b u rd e n a n d f a c e lo ts o f te n s io n a n d h a rd d e c is io n s , a n d s o th e y n e e d o u r s y m p a th y a n d th e y n e e d o u r p ra y e rs . T h e y a re in d iffic u lt s itu a tio n s , a n d s o w e n e e d to b e a r th e ir b u rd e n s w ith th e m , b u t th a t is th e p la c e th a t G o d h a s p u t th e m , a n d it c a n b e a p la c e o f g re a t m in is try . P e te r m a k e s th a t c le a r in 1 P e te r 3 :1 -6 w h e n h e g iv e s in s tru c tio n to th a t v e ry s itu a tio n . It c a n b e a p la c e o f g re a t m in is try , a s h a rd a n d a s d iffic u lt a s it is , b u t it c a n b e a p la c e o f m in is try o n ly in th e p o w e r o f C h ris t, b y lo o k in g to H im e v e ry d a y . A n d re a lly , th a t is tru e fo r a ll o f u s . B e in g s u b m is s iv e e v e n in a g o o d s itu a tio n is n e v e r e a s y . It g o e s a g a in s t o u r n a tu ra l in c lin a tio n , w h ic h is to d o w h a t w e w a n t to d o , a n d y e t th e in s tru c tio n is n o , y o u 're n o t to d o th a t, y o u 're to b e s u b m is s iv e . It's d iffic u lt fo r th e m a n a s w e ll to b e a g o d ly h e a d o f th e h o m e . T h a t's n e v e r e a s y . T h e re 's a lw a y s th e te m p ta tio n to le t it s lid e a n d to a b d ic a te t h e re s p o n s ib ility . B o th p a rtie s , b o th ro le s a re d iffic u lt, e v e n in th e b e s t o f c irc u m s ta n c e s , a n d s o w e n e e d to b e c o n s ta n tly lo o k in g to th e L o rd f o r g u id a n c e a n d s tr e n g th in o r d e r th a t w e w ill b e w h a t G o d h a s in te n d e d u s to b e . In o rd e r f o r a C h ris tia n h o m e to b e n o t s im p ly a h o m e th a t s ta y s to g e th e r b u t a h o m e th a t th riv e s a n d s u c c e e d s , J e s u s C h ris t m u s t b e a t th e v e ry c e n te r o f it. T h e c h u rc h is a c ity o n a h ill a n d th e w o rld s h o u ld s e e u s a n d s e e u s s h in in g a s a m o d e l s o c ie ty w ith m o d e l m a rria g e s a nd fa m ilie s ,
- 19 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
p a rtic u la rly a t th is tim e o f c ris is in th e h o m e . T h a t's w h a t G o d h a s c a lle d u s to b e , a n d it is o u r p riv ile g e to b e a m o d e l o f G o d 's g ra c e a n d o f G o d 's tru th . It is n o t o n ly a p riv ile g e to b e th a t a n d it is n o t o n ly s o m e th in g th a t w e s h o u ld b e b u t w e c a n a c tu a lly b e th a t. It's w h a t G o d h a s c a lle d u s to b e a n d th e o n e w h o h a s c a lle d u s a n d w h o h a s g iv e n u s in s tru c tio n c a n s u p p ly th e p o w e r to d o th e v e ry th in g s H e c o m m a n d s u s to d o . It ta k e s c o m m itm e n t to b ib lic a l p rin c ip le s , it ta k e s c o m m itm e n t to C h ris t, w h o , a s I s a y , m u s t b e th e c e n te r o f o u r m a rria g e a n d th e c e n te r o f o u r f a m ily – th e c e n te r o f o u r p e rs o n a l liv e s , f irs t o f a ll. H e is th e o n e fro m w h o m w e g a in o u r s tre n g th . I c a n , a s P a u l s a y s , d o a ll th in g s th ro u g h H im w h o s tre n g th e n s m e – e v e n b e a s u b m is s iv e w ife to a d o m in a n t, c a llo u s e d h u s b a n d . I c a n d o a ll th in g s th ro u g h C h ris t w h o s tre n g th e n s m e , a n d s o w e 're to lo o k to H im , lo o k to C h ris t. P ra y th a t G o d w ill g iv e u s H is d e s ire s a n d g iv e u s H is s tre n g th a n d c a u s e u s to s e e k to li v e liv e s th a t p le a s e H im , th e o n e w h o b e c a m e s u b m is s iv e fo r u s a n d d ie d fo r u s th a t w e m ig h t h a v e H is lif e . A n d if y o u 're h e re th is m o rn in g w ith o u t C h ris t, th e n lo o k to H im f o r s a lv a tio n . T h e r e is a g r e a te r c r is is th a n th e s o c ia l c r is is o f th e f a m ily , a n d th a t is th e s p iritu a l c ris is o f th e s o u l. It is a n a n c ie n t c ris is . M a n h a s s in n e d a n d re b e lle d a g a in s t G o d , a n d a s a re s u lt h a s c o m e u n d e r c o n d e m n a tio n a n d is h e a d e d f o r ju d g m e n t , b u t th e re is a w a y o f e s c a p e a n d th a t w a y o f e s c a p e is in C h ris t, G o d 's S o n , w h o lo v e d s in n e rs a n d d ie d in th e ir p la c e . T h a t d e a th p a id th e p e n a lty o f th e b ro k e n la w , a n d th ro u g h f a ith a lo n e in C h ris t a lo n e , th a t p a y m e n t b e c o m e s y o u rs . T h ro u g h fa ith y o u re c e iv e th e fo rg iv e n e s s o f s in s a n d lif e e v e rla s tin g , a n d th e H o ly S p ir it, th e S p irit o f w is d o m a n d tru th , ta k e s u p re s id e n c e in y o u r h e a rt to g u id e y o u a n d s tre n g th e n y o u in th e w a y o f life . If y o u 'v e n e v e r b e lie v e d in C h ris t, if y o u 're h e re th is m o rn in g w ith o u t H im , re a liz e th a t y o u a re in n e e d o f a S a v io r a n d C h ris t is th a t
- 20 "Christian Marriage - Wives" by Dan Duncan Copyright © 2014 Believers Chapel, Dallas, Texas. All Rights Reserved.
S a v io r. L o o k to H im , tru s t in H im , a n d m a y a ll o f u s lo o k to H im a n d tru s t in H im , th a t w e m ig h t b e m e n a n d w o m e n w h o h a v e f a m ilie s th a t h o n o r H im , a re m o d e l fa m ilie s , in th e m id s t o f a d a y th a t n e e d s to s e e th a t. M a y G o d h e lp u s to d o th a t. S h a ll w e s ta n d n o w fo r th e b e n e d ic tio n ? [P ra y e r] O u r g ra c io u s G o d a n d h e a v e n ly F a th e r, w e d o th a n k y o u fo r th e g re a t p riv ile g e th a t y o u h a v e g iv e n to e a c h o f u s to s it u n d e r y o u r W o rd , to s im p ly re a d it, lis te n to th e in s tru c tio n th a t is g iv e n to u s , in s tru c tio n th a t is to le a d to b e h a v io r th a t b rin g s h o n o r to y o u , th a t re fle c ts y o u r g ra c e a n d tru th . T h a t is a p riv ile g e , F a th e r, b u t th e g re a te s t p riv ile g e o f a ll, th e g re a te s t b le s s in g o f a ll, is to k n o w y o u r S o n in a p e rs o n a l w a y , to k n o w th a t H e d ie d fo r u s , th a t H e to o k a w a y o u r s in s a n d th a t w e h a v e f o rg iv e n e s s in H im . F a th e r, if th e re b y a n y in a tte n d a n c e th is m o rn in g w h o d o e s n o t k n o w H im a s S a v io r, m a y y o u b rin g th e m to a k n o w le d g e o f th e ir s in a n d b rin g th e m to th e k n o w le d g e o f H im a s S a v io r, th a t th e y m ig h t tru s t in H im , a n d m a y w e a ll s e e k to liv e liv e s th a t p le a s e y o u . M a y w e b e g o o d h u s b a n d s , g o o d w iv e s, g o o d s o n s a n d d a u g h te rs . M a y w e m a k e it o u r a m b itio n to p re s e n t to th e w o rld m o d e l m a rria g e s a n d m o d e l f a m ilie s , th a t C h ris t b e g lo rif ie d . W e p ra y th e s e th in g s in H is name. Amen.
