CoDependency Worksheets
Co-Dependency Worksheets: Experiences, Behaviors, Beliefs & Rules
Go From That…
To This!
Rank Your Co-Dependency Scores Congratulations for taking the Co-Dependency Survey! You have taken the first step towards resolving your co-dependent issues once and for all by becoming aware of what they are and how they affect you. Let’s identify which trait is giving you the most problems so you can begin working on it. The reason why you want to rank them is so it will not feel so overwhelming to address them … remember, it’s step by step by resolving them piece by piece, one by one. Note: If Self-Worth or Dependency is your highest score, work with the trait that is the next highest. The reason why is, as you work with the other traits, your self-worth will build and your co-dependency will lessen. The other traits contribute to these being high.
Trait
Low, Mid or High Level
Care Giver Self-Worth Repression Controlling Obsession Denial Dependency Communication Boundaries Trust Anger Sex Miscellaneous Progressive © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Rank the Importance for You to Address
Observe how each trait shows up for you in the different aspects of your life … Your personal feelings, thoughts and beliefs about your Self and others The dynamics within your relationships … with Self, Source, significant other, family, friends, co-workers, business partners At work or within your career or business Within your life in general Your Trait: Your Behavior(s): Your Experience(s) from the Past: Creates Your … Thought(s):
Feeling(s):
Belief(s)
Perception(s):
Rule(s) You Live By:
Action(s):
Result(s):
Your Payoff(s): © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Care Giver
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You have issues setting boundaries and do not know how to take care of your Self You say yes when you want to say no You do not know how to check in with your Self so you could feel what would be in your Highest potential and Divine Order You sacrifice your Self to please others, to make others happy or with the hope they will like you, accept you, approve of you and even love you; you are a ‘people pleaser’ You feel it is selfish to say no You feel guilty if you say no You get angry and become resentful because you do things that you really don’t want to do You drop everything for everyone else; you get distracted from what you need and want You don’t take responsibility for your choices and own when something is not right for you; you blame others for taking up your time and sucking your energy dry which drains you You beat your Self up for doing things for others when it’s not congruent for you You usually have strings attached when you give; you feel they owe you or are obligated to you in some way (may be subconscious) You feel good when you give but it costs you Underneath you feel ‘better than’ or ‘more than’ when you give to them Without realizing it, you give so you have a sense of being in control over another or feel in control which makes you feel good or safe You subconsciously have a need to give to others so you feel good and to build your self-confidence and self-esteem You need to be a problem solver and/or in the center of someone’s crisis or problems so you feel worthy or fulfilled You have an agenda attached to your giving You feel frustrated or angry when you try to help and take your advice or reject you; you’re attached to their process and result You wonder why others don’t try to help you the way you help others; what about me? You don’t feel acknowledged or appreciated by them for all that you have done You look to others for your validation that you are a ‘good’ person by all that you have done
You know what your boundaries are; you know how to take care of your Self by setting them You say no when you mean no You always check in with your Self to find out if what is being asked of you energizes you and feels good to you, otherwise you pass You choice is that you are the most important person to please and to be happy with; you learn to like, love, accept, honor and respect your Self; you fill up your well within first before sharing Selfish = self-care; you say yes to you You have let go of guilt being your motivator You are clear on what you want to do and not do; you honor and respect your choices You are focused on you and when your needs are met then you make time for others You take responsibility for your choices and own when something is not right for you; you deliberately choose where you spend your time and with whom You connect with your Self to find out what’s congruent for you and what is not If you have strings attached or feel someone owes you or is obligated then ask why and shift the energetics so you give free of conditions You feel good regardless of when you give or not You have no need to be ‘better than’ or ‘more than’ because inside you feel good about you You feel good and safe because you are connected within you and trust your Self, others and the Universe Your self-esteem is built from within by the ways you connect and love, accept, honor and respect your Self regardless of others’ opinions You feel worthy and fulfilled from within rather than from what you say and do on the outside There is no agenda attached to your giving You share what you know and your experiences but you are not attached whether someone gets it or does something with it You are open to receiving from others versus you always being the care giver or giving to others You acknowledge and appreciate who you are, what you do; you don’t need their recognition You don’t need others to validate you; you know what’s true for you and who you are
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Controlling
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior You have a need to control from the outside including your Self, the environment, others, circumstances and outcomes in order to feel safe, protected and/or good within You have to ‘make it happen’ versus co-creating it to happen; you force, exert power over your Self or another, or impose your will upon another to get it done You are attached to your expectations and the result and try to control the outcome You focus on ‘what’s not’ versus on your intentions, alignments, goals and desires You believe you or others have to ‘show up’ a certain way out of fear that you or they are not enough, not good enough, not worthy enough, not valued enough You impose your agenda or what you think is best in how things or people ‘should’ be You usually believe your way is the only way and is the ‘right’ way You try to control others in one or all of the following ways: helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, domination You fear being controlled and believe by controlling others or situations, you will get what you want and they won’t control you You have a constant ‘need to know’ of what will happen if you make X decision what the outcome will be; you don’t listen to your intuition or trust your decisions You play the ‘what if’ game and try to figure out what will happen if you say or do X If you have a feeling of being controlled, you tend to ignore it, to deny it, to stuff it; many times through addictions such as alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping, work or drama You believe you have to control the way others see you because you want them to like, love, accept, trust or approve of you You say you trust the Universe has your back and supports you but don’t really believe it You don’t believe things happen for a reason, your Divine Order and Highest Potential You may not even believe there is a Higher Power (God, Divine Source, Spirit, the Universe, however you define it for your Self)
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior You find and connect with the power within and in doing so you feel ‘in control’ by feeling connected, centered and balanced; there is no need control from the outside You are able to trust and allow the co-creative process; you feel empowered within and trust how co-creations unfold and know if you don’t like it, you can change it You trust that the result will be in your Divine Order and for your Highest Potential You focus on ‘what is’ and utilize it to align and manifest your intentions, goals, desires You believe you are enough, good enough, worthy enough, valued enough and if there is something you want to change, you can; by being aligned with you, everything else aligns You monitor what energetically feels good, adjust accordingly and align with your goal You accept, honor and respect your Self as well as others and their contributions You know you do not need to manipulate, threaten, dominate, guilt or coerce someone so you can manifest what you want; you trust your Self, others and the Universe to help you You let go and let God; by believing in your Self and the Universe, you are supported in cocreating what is in your Highest Potential You let go of the ‘need to know’ and allow for the magnificence of you to unfold; you trust your intuition to help you with decisions and know you can make different ones if need be You live in the present moment; you realize if you’re in ‘what ifs’, you’re in the past or future If you feel you are being controlled by others or circumstances, you acknowledge it and claim your power back to co-create a different solution and feeling You no longer care how others see you; you like, love, accept and approve of your Self and don’t need it from them You believe and trust the Universe has your back and supports you; you have faith You accept things happen for a reason and in Divine Order even if you don’t understand why You believe and know in your heart, there is a Higher Power (God, Divine Source, Spirit, the Universe, however you define it for your Self)
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Denial
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You tend to not be a realistic person because you deny what you are thinking, feeling, experiencing and co-creating You have difficulty in dealing with issues within your life, relationships, career, money You ignore, deny or pretend a problem is not there or even happening; you sweep feelings and things under the rug When a circumstance is bad or very challenging, you resist acknowledging, embracing and addressing it You let your fears or difficulties rule you versus meeting them head on You’re not realistic as to the scope of the problem You kid your Self “it will be better tomorrow” but do not do anything about it; instead you watch it and let it get worse You lie to your Self and to others You believe the lies from others You will stay so busy or get distracted with other people’s issues so you don’t have the energy to address your own You feel frustrated or disempowered to resolve the issues or problems When issues arise, you’re confused and say you don’t know what you think, feel or believe You use confusion, depression or illness as reasons not to deal with what you need to You create and/or allow crazy making and drama in your life to distract you from your own issues and concerns You ignore issues by burying your Self in work or using some other addiction such as alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping to numb the pain You’re not willing to be honest with your Self because underneath you believe it means something about you – a fault or a failing You believe something is ‘wrong’ with you because there is a problem You like to live in a fantasy world believing life and relationships ‘should’ not have challenges You’re shocked and in disbelief when something or someone goes awry in your life rather than accepting ‘stuff’ happens You have a hard time believing or trusting the truth will set you free
You are a realistic person and are open to acknowledge and accept whatever you think, feel, experience and co-create You are willing to deal with issues within your life, relationships, career and even money You are willing to see a problem as it arises and will not ignore it; you understand if you choose to ignore it, it will only build and get worse You are committed to acknowledge, embrace and address a challenge when it comes to you; you believe you are empowered to change it You utilize fear – Focus Energies to Alter Results so you can create the change you want You are willing to look at the full scope of the problem regardless of how big or bad it is You know it can only “be better tomorrow” if you focus on creating a solution; you are willing to be steadfast in resolving it You are open and honest with Self and others You use intuition and discernment with others You take time to connect with your Self to find out what you are thinking and feeling; you stay in your own sandbox so you focus on you You feel empowered inside and allow for solutions to come to you and to create them It’s what you don’t want to know that keeps you stuck so you’re open to finding the truth You understand by keeping your Self confused, depressed or ill will not resolve what need to You let go of all crazy making people and drama queens (including the one within) so you can focus on what is needing your true attention You are willing to meet the issues and concerns you have head on even if it is painful; by addressing the pain, it heals it and resolves it You are honest with your Self because you now know it means nothing about you, it’s just an out of alignment needing to be adjusted Problems do not define who you are, it’s how you deal with them that defines you You accept challenges are just a part of life; you’re okay no matter what You accept when ‘stuff’ occurs and as it does you believe the Universe never gives you more than you can handle even if it seems like a lot You believe the truth will always set you free and you are willing to see it and embrace it
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Obsession
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You have a tendency to ‘be’ and feel obsessed about a person or a situation
You accept and allow for a person to be who they are and for situations to unfold naturally and in Divine Order You tend to have a negative outlook and You’re a positive person and see the good in attitude about life, people, events, problems life, people, events and even problems You let your Self be ‘infected’ so you are You are clear on setting boundaries and do affected by what’s going on around you not allow others to ‘infect’ you to affect you You incessantly worry about things and people You trust that you and the Universe can and go around and around in circles with your guide you, support you and lead you to what thoughts and feelings is in your Divine Order and Highest Potential You won’t make the choice to stop and get off You choose to get off the gerbil wheel and the gerbil wheel in your mind give your mind a new job and different focus You keep doing the same thing and expect You realize by doing the same thing and different results then get upset when the same expecting different results is the definition thing occurs of insanity so you choose to change You do not see ‘mistakes’ or ‘failures’ as You see and know ‘mistakes’ and ‘failures’ opportunities and ways to learn, heal, grow are opportunities to learn, heal, grow and and expand; you believe it means something expand; it means nothing about you except about you to alert you to a shift that is required You have the need to continually talk, think You play in your own sand box and keep or worry about what’s wrong, other people’s focused on you rather than other people’s business or problems business or problems; you address your own You focus on problems until it’s too much then You acknowledge when a problem comes up feel forced to find a solution and resent it and are excited to find a solution You have difficulty in finding answers and in You are willing to make a decision and trust making decisions it is the ‘right’ one for the moment You have difficulty in creating and focusing on You are committed to creating goals and goals due to the fear of doing it ‘wrong’ or not focus on attaining them; you accept they may attaining them the way you think you ‘should’ need to change along the way and that’s okay You have to do everything ‘right’ and let the You let go of the need for perfectionism and need for perfectionism get in your way allow for your Self to learn along the way You tend to ask other people what they think You check in with your Self rather than have rather than rely on your internal guidance the need for everyone else’s approval You give others the authority over your life vs. You accept you are your own authority and you being your own authority trust it to guide you You give your power away to others and feel You claim back your power and take like a victim that they ‘took’ your energy or responsibility for what you create and don’t ‘made’ you do it; you blame and point fingers create; there is no fault, only what is, is You think, feel and believe they are ‘doing’ You know no one can ‘do’ anything to you, something to you rather than you taking you volunteer; if you want it to be different, responsibility for your choices and creations you willingly take responsibility to create it You’re not clear about what’s true for you and You are clear on what’s true for you and if feel confused, off-centered, disconnected and you’re not, you take the time to find the look to the outside to make you feel better clarity; you look to the inside to feel better You feel exhausted, drained or overwhelmed You feel energized, focused and fulfilled You don’t know what works for you, what you You know what works for you, what you like like and/or what you want and are passionate about and what you want © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Repression
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You bury your head in the sand when there is an issue, difficulty or problem You ignore what you are thinking and feeling especially if it is a fear, a judgment, guilt or shame By ignoring it, you believe you don’t have to acknowledge it or be responsible for it; it might even go away (which it won’t) You withhold your thoughts, beliefs and feelings out of lack of awareness and fear
You like being aware of issues, challenges or problems so you can deal with them You are the observer and connected to your thoughts, feelings and beliefs even if they are something you don’t like or want You are willing to acknowledge what’s going on within and outside of you and committed to take responsibility and own your parts You are committed to being aware of your feelings, beliefs and thoughts and willing to express and share them You not only ‘talk the talk’, you also take the actions to ‘walk the talk’ You do not worry about what others think and feel about you; you are impeccable with your words, thoughts, beliefs and feelings
You ‘talk the talk’ about who you are or want to be but don’t take action to walk it You hide behind what you want others to think and feel about you; you’re not impeccable with your words, thoughts, beliefs or feelings You create masks so you look good on the outside and pretend you’re okay even when you’re not You worry about what others think and feel about you if you really show them who you Truly are – the good, the bad and the ugly You build up walls and don’t let people in; you shut down around them
You’re not open and do not communicate your thoughts, beliefs and feelings You need to control your Self, others or circumstances because underneath you feel out of control due to repressing your thoughts, feelings and who you truly are
You are willing to be transparent and vulnerable and when you’re not okay you do not hide it; you are discerning and have learned who are trustworthy to share with You are authentic regardless of what others think and feel about you; you accept your good, bad and ugly and don’t try to hide it You are willing to let people into your life and don’t lump all people in a pool of ‘others are not trustworthy’; you learn discernment and trust your intuition You are willing and committed to be open and communicate your thoughts, beliefs and feelings You are connected within and trust your Self and the Universe so you do not have to control or limit your Self and the process of co-creation; you express who you truly are
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Beliefs
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Beliefs
My ‘New’ Intra-Dependent Beliefs
It’s not okay for me to feel It’s not okay for me to have problems It’s not okay for me to dream It’s not okay for me to believe in my Self It’s not okay for me to feel good and have pride in what I have achieved It’s not okay for me to express what I think, believe and feel It’s not okay for me to ask for what I need and want It’s not okay for me to take care of my Self It’s not okay for me to say no It’s not okay for me to play or have fun in what I am doing I‘m not loveable I’m not good enough If I did more then it would be enough It’s my fault when things go ‘wrong’ It’s my fault if people feel bad, disappointed or hurt or act crazy or a certain way. It’s not okay to spend money on my Self I am not worthy enough It’s not okay to take a stand for my Self I have to ‘show up’ a certain way in order to be accepted, approved of, liked or loved It’s important for me to fit in, no matter what even if it means giving up who I am
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Rules
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Rules
My ‘New’ Intra-Dependent Rules
Don’t be who I am because I am not good enough or worthy enough Don’t feel or talk about my thoughts, feelings or problems Don’t identify, mention or resolve problems because it’s not okay to have them Don’t think, figure things out or make decisions because I probably don’t know what is right or best for me or the circumstance Don’t make a decision because it may be the ‘wrong’ one and I will make a mistake or fail Don’t try anything unproven – only go with what I know; it’s not okay to trust my intuition I need to be good, right, perfect and strong at all times, no matter what Don’t be selfish, put myself first, say what I want and need, say no, set boundaries or take care of myself – always take care of others and never hurt their feelings or make them angry – they’re more important than me Don’t be open, honest and direct with others – hint, manipulate, get others to talk for me, guess what they want and need and then expect them to do the same for me Don’t trust my Self, my Higher Power, the Universe, the process of life or certain people – instead put them all in an untrustworthy category and then act surprised when they let me down or it doesn’t ‘work out’. Be passive because then I will be considered the ‘good’ one; talk in flowery speech so they will not get angry at me or feel like they are being coerced or manipulated Don’t get too close to people – they will hurt me and it isn’t safe Don’t be too honest, open or vulnerable because they will take advantage of you Don’t rock the boat in family, relationships or at work by standing up for myself, growing or changing because others won’t like it, they’ll get mad and/or I will lose relationships and/or my job Don’t have fun, be silly or enjoy life – it costs money, makes noise, isn’t necessary, is frivolous; I’m not serious enough and things won’t get done this way © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
I Have The Power to Choose. If I Co-Create A, then I CAN Co-Create B. I CAN Choose to Focus on What I Desire No Matter What! What Doesn’t Work for Me What I Don’t Like What I Don’t Want
What Works for Me What I Like What I Truly Desire
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Go From That…
To This!
Rank Your Co-Dependency Scores Congratulations for taking the Co-Dependency Survey! You have taken the first step towards resolving your co-dependent issues once and for all by becoming aware of what they are and how they affect you. Let’s identify which trait is giving you the most problems so you can begin working on it. The reason why you want to rank them is so it will not feel so overwhelming to address them … remember, it’s step by step by resolving them piece by piece, one by one. Note: If Self-Worth or Dependency is your highest score, work with the trait that is the next highest. The reason why is, as you work with the other traits, your self-worth will build and your co-dependency will lessen. The other traits contribute to these being high.
Trait
Low, Mid or High Level
Care Giver Self-Worth Repression Controlling Obsession Denial Dependency Communication Boundaries Trust Anger Sex Miscellaneous Progressive © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Rank the Importance for You to Address
Observe how each trait shows up for you in the different aspects of your life … Your personal feelings, thoughts and beliefs about your Self and others The dynamics within your relationships … with Self, Source, significant other, family, friends, co-workers, business partners At work or within your career or business Within your life in general Your Trait: Your Behavior(s): Your Experience(s) from the Past: Creates Your … Thought(s):
Feeling(s):
Belief(s)
Perception(s):
Rule(s) You Live By:
Action(s):
Result(s):
Your Payoff(s): © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Care Giver
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You have issues setting boundaries and do not know how to take care of your Self You say yes when you want to say no You do not know how to check in with your Self so you could feel what would be in your Highest potential and Divine Order You sacrifice your Self to please others, to make others happy or with the hope they will like you, accept you, approve of you and even love you; you are a ‘people pleaser’ You feel it is selfish to say no You feel guilty if you say no You get angry and become resentful because you do things that you really don’t want to do You drop everything for everyone else; you get distracted from what you need and want You don’t take responsibility for your choices and own when something is not right for you; you blame others for taking up your time and sucking your energy dry which drains you You beat your Self up for doing things for others when it’s not congruent for you You usually have strings attached when you give; you feel they owe you or are obligated to you in some way (may be subconscious) You feel good when you give but it costs you Underneath you feel ‘better than’ or ‘more than’ when you give to them Without realizing it, you give so you have a sense of being in control over another or feel in control which makes you feel good or safe You subconsciously have a need to give to others so you feel good and to build your self-confidence and self-esteem You need to be a problem solver and/or in the center of someone’s crisis or problems so you feel worthy or fulfilled You have an agenda attached to your giving You feel frustrated or angry when you try to help and take your advice or reject you; you’re attached to their process and result You wonder why others don’t try to help you the way you help others; what about me? You don’t feel acknowledged or appreciated by them for all that you have done You look to others for your validation that you are a ‘good’ person by all that you have done
You know what your boundaries are; you know how to take care of your Self by setting them You say no when you mean no You always check in with your Self to find out if what is being asked of you energizes you and feels good to you, otherwise you pass You choice is that you are the most important person to please and to be happy with; you learn to like, love, accept, honor and respect your Self; you fill up your well within first before sharing Selfish = self-care; you say yes to you You have let go of guilt being your motivator You are clear on what you want to do and not do; you honor and respect your choices You are focused on you and when your needs are met then you make time for others You take responsibility for your choices and own when something is not right for you; you deliberately choose where you spend your time and with whom You connect with your Self to find out what’s congruent for you and what is not If you have strings attached or feel someone owes you or is obligated then ask why and shift the energetics so you give free of conditions You feel good regardless of when you give or not You have no need to be ‘better than’ or ‘more than’ because inside you feel good about you You feel good and safe because you are connected within you and trust your Self, others and the Universe Your self-esteem is built from within by the ways you connect and love, accept, honor and respect your Self regardless of others’ opinions You feel worthy and fulfilled from within rather than from what you say and do on the outside There is no agenda attached to your giving You share what you know and your experiences but you are not attached whether someone gets it or does something with it You are open to receiving from others versus you always being the care giver or giving to others You acknowledge and appreciate who you are, what you do; you don’t need their recognition You don’t need others to validate you; you know what’s true for you and who you are
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Controlling
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior You have a need to control from the outside including your Self, the environment, others, circumstances and outcomes in order to feel safe, protected and/or good within You have to ‘make it happen’ versus co-creating it to happen; you force, exert power over your Self or another, or impose your will upon another to get it done You are attached to your expectations and the result and try to control the outcome You focus on ‘what’s not’ versus on your intentions, alignments, goals and desires You believe you or others have to ‘show up’ a certain way out of fear that you or they are not enough, not good enough, not worthy enough, not valued enough You impose your agenda or what you think is best in how things or people ‘should’ be You usually believe your way is the only way and is the ‘right’ way You try to control others in one or all of the following ways: helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, domination You fear being controlled and believe by controlling others or situations, you will get what you want and they won’t control you You have a constant ‘need to know’ of what will happen if you make X decision what the outcome will be; you don’t listen to your intuition or trust your decisions You play the ‘what if’ game and try to figure out what will happen if you say or do X If you have a feeling of being controlled, you tend to ignore it, to deny it, to stuff it; many times through addictions such as alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping, work or drama You believe you have to control the way others see you because you want them to like, love, accept, trust or approve of you You say you trust the Universe has your back and supports you but don’t really believe it You don’t believe things happen for a reason, your Divine Order and Highest Potential You may not even believe there is a Higher Power (God, Divine Source, Spirit, the Universe, however you define it for your Self)
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior You find and connect with the power within and in doing so you feel ‘in control’ by feeling connected, centered and balanced; there is no need control from the outside You are able to trust and allow the co-creative process; you feel empowered within and trust how co-creations unfold and know if you don’t like it, you can change it You trust that the result will be in your Divine Order and for your Highest Potential You focus on ‘what is’ and utilize it to align and manifest your intentions, goals, desires You believe you are enough, good enough, worthy enough, valued enough and if there is something you want to change, you can; by being aligned with you, everything else aligns You monitor what energetically feels good, adjust accordingly and align with your goal You accept, honor and respect your Self as well as others and their contributions You know you do not need to manipulate, threaten, dominate, guilt or coerce someone so you can manifest what you want; you trust your Self, others and the Universe to help you You let go and let God; by believing in your Self and the Universe, you are supported in cocreating what is in your Highest Potential You let go of the ‘need to know’ and allow for the magnificence of you to unfold; you trust your intuition to help you with decisions and know you can make different ones if need be You live in the present moment; you realize if you’re in ‘what ifs’, you’re in the past or future If you feel you are being controlled by others or circumstances, you acknowledge it and claim your power back to co-create a different solution and feeling You no longer care how others see you; you like, love, accept and approve of your Self and don’t need it from them You believe and trust the Universe has your back and supports you; you have faith You accept things happen for a reason and in Divine Order even if you don’t understand why You believe and know in your heart, there is a Higher Power (God, Divine Source, Spirit, the Universe, however you define it for your Self)
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Denial
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You tend to not be a realistic person because you deny what you are thinking, feeling, experiencing and co-creating You have difficulty in dealing with issues within your life, relationships, career, money You ignore, deny or pretend a problem is not there or even happening; you sweep feelings and things under the rug When a circumstance is bad or very challenging, you resist acknowledging, embracing and addressing it You let your fears or difficulties rule you versus meeting them head on You’re not realistic as to the scope of the problem You kid your Self “it will be better tomorrow” but do not do anything about it; instead you watch it and let it get worse You lie to your Self and to others You believe the lies from others You will stay so busy or get distracted with other people’s issues so you don’t have the energy to address your own You feel frustrated or disempowered to resolve the issues or problems When issues arise, you’re confused and say you don’t know what you think, feel or believe You use confusion, depression or illness as reasons not to deal with what you need to You create and/or allow crazy making and drama in your life to distract you from your own issues and concerns You ignore issues by burying your Self in work or using some other addiction such as alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping to numb the pain You’re not willing to be honest with your Self because underneath you believe it means something about you – a fault or a failing You believe something is ‘wrong’ with you because there is a problem You like to live in a fantasy world believing life and relationships ‘should’ not have challenges You’re shocked and in disbelief when something or someone goes awry in your life rather than accepting ‘stuff’ happens You have a hard time believing or trusting the truth will set you free
You are a realistic person and are open to acknowledge and accept whatever you think, feel, experience and co-create You are willing to deal with issues within your life, relationships, career and even money You are willing to see a problem as it arises and will not ignore it; you understand if you choose to ignore it, it will only build and get worse You are committed to acknowledge, embrace and address a challenge when it comes to you; you believe you are empowered to change it You utilize fear – Focus Energies to Alter Results so you can create the change you want You are willing to look at the full scope of the problem regardless of how big or bad it is You know it can only “be better tomorrow” if you focus on creating a solution; you are willing to be steadfast in resolving it You are open and honest with Self and others You use intuition and discernment with others You take time to connect with your Self to find out what you are thinking and feeling; you stay in your own sandbox so you focus on you You feel empowered inside and allow for solutions to come to you and to create them It’s what you don’t want to know that keeps you stuck so you’re open to finding the truth You understand by keeping your Self confused, depressed or ill will not resolve what need to You let go of all crazy making people and drama queens (including the one within) so you can focus on what is needing your true attention You are willing to meet the issues and concerns you have head on even if it is painful; by addressing the pain, it heals it and resolves it You are honest with your Self because you now know it means nothing about you, it’s just an out of alignment needing to be adjusted Problems do not define who you are, it’s how you deal with them that defines you You accept challenges are just a part of life; you’re okay no matter what You accept when ‘stuff’ occurs and as it does you believe the Universe never gives you more than you can handle even if it seems like a lot You believe the truth will always set you free and you are willing to see it and embrace it
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Obsession
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You have a tendency to ‘be’ and feel obsessed about a person or a situation
You accept and allow for a person to be who they are and for situations to unfold naturally and in Divine Order You tend to have a negative outlook and You’re a positive person and see the good in attitude about life, people, events, problems life, people, events and even problems You let your Self be ‘infected’ so you are You are clear on setting boundaries and do affected by what’s going on around you not allow others to ‘infect’ you to affect you You incessantly worry about things and people You trust that you and the Universe can and go around and around in circles with your guide you, support you and lead you to what thoughts and feelings is in your Divine Order and Highest Potential You won’t make the choice to stop and get off You choose to get off the gerbil wheel and the gerbil wheel in your mind give your mind a new job and different focus You keep doing the same thing and expect You realize by doing the same thing and different results then get upset when the same expecting different results is the definition thing occurs of insanity so you choose to change You do not see ‘mistakes’ or ‘failures’ as You see and know ‘mistakes’ and ‘failures’ opportunities and ways to learn, heal, grow are opportunities to learn, heal, grow and and expand; you believe it means something expand; it means nothing about you except about you to alert you to a shift that is required You have the need to continually talk, think You play in your own sand box and keep or worry about what’s wrong, other people’s focused on you rather than other people’s business or problems business or problems; you address your own You focus on problems until it’s too much then You acknowledge when a problem comes up feel forced to find a solution and resent it and are excited to find a solution You have difficulty in finding answers and in You are willing to make a decision and trust making decisions it is the ‘right’ one for the moment You have difficulty in creating and focusing on You are committed to creating goals and goals due to the fear of doing it ‘wrong’ or not focus on attaining them; you accept they may attaining them the way you think you ‘should’ need to change along the way and that’s okay You have to do everything ‘right’ and let the You let go of the need for perfectionism and need for perfectionism get in your way allow for your Self to learn along the way You tend to ask other people what they think You check in with your Self rather than have rather than rely on your internal guidance the need for everyone else’s approval You give others the authority over your life vs. You accept you are your own authority and you being your own authority trust it to guide you You give your power away to others and feel You claim back your power and take like a victim that they ‘took’ your energy or responsibility for what you create and don’t ‘made’ you do it; you blame and point fingers create; there is no fault, only what is, is You think, feel and believe they are ‘doing’ You know no one can ‘do’ anything to you, something to you rather than you taking you volunteer; if you want it to be different, responsibility for your choices and creations you willingly take responsibility to create it You’re not clear about what’s true for you and You are clear on what’s true for you and if feel confused, off-centered, disconnected and you’re not, you take the time to find the look to the outside to make you feel better clarity; you look to the inside to feel better You feel exhausted, drained or overwhelmed You feel energized, focused and fulfilled You don’t know what works for you, what you You know what works for you, what you like like and/or what you want and are passionate about and what you want © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Repression
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Behavior
‘New’ Intra-Dependent Behavior
You bury your head in the sand when there is an issue, difficulty or problem You ignore what you are thinking and feeling especially if it is a fear, a judgment, guilt or shame By ignoring it, you believe you don’t have to acknowledge it or be responsible for it; it might even go away (which it won’t) You withhold your thoughts, beliefs and feelings out of lack of awareness and fear
You like being aware of issues, challenges or problems so you can deal with them You are the observer and connected to your thoughts, feelings and beliefs even if they are something you don’t like or want You are willing to acknowledge what’s going on within and outside of you and committed to take responsibility and own your parts You are committed to being aware of your feelings, beliefs and thoughts and willing to express and share them You not only ‘talk the talk’, you also take the actions to ‘walk the talk’ You do not worry about what others think and feel about you; you are impeccable with your words, thoughts, beliefs and feelings
You ‘talk the talk’ about who you are or want to be but don’t take action to walk it You hide behind what you want others to think and feel about you; you’re not impeccable with your words, thoughts, beliefs or feelings You create masks so you look good on the outside and pretend you’re okay even when you’re not You worry about what others think and feel about you if you really show them who you Truly are – the good, the bad and the ugly You build up walls and don’t let people in; you shut down around them
You’re not open and do not communicate your thoughts, beliefs and feelings You need to control your Self, others or circumstances because underneath you feel out of control due to repressing your thoughts, feelings and who you truly are
You are willing to be transparent and vulnerable and when you’re not okay you do not hide it; you are discerning and have learned who are trustworthy to share with You are authentic regardless of what others think and feel about you; you accept your good, bad and ugly and don’t try to hide it You are willing to let people into your life and don’t lump all people in a pool of ‘others are not trustworthy’; you learn discernment and trust your intuition You are willing and committed to be open and communicate your thoughts, beliefs and feelings You are connected within and trust your Self and the Universe so you do not have to control or limit your Self and the process of co-creation; you express who you truly are
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Beliefs
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Beliefs
My ‘New’ Intra-Dependent Beliefs
It’s not okay for me to feel It’s not okay for me to have problems It’s not okay for me to dream It’s not okay for me to believe in my Self It’s not okay for me to feel good and have pride in what I have achieved It’s not okay for me to express what I think, believe and feel It’s not okay for me to ask for what I need and want It’s not okay for me to take care of my Self It’s not okay for me to say no It’s not okay for me to play or have fun in what I am doing I‘m not loveable I’m not good enough If I did more then it would be enough It’s my fault when things go ‘wrong’ It’s my fault if people feel bad, disappointed or hurt or act crazy or a certain way. It’s not okay to spend money on my Self I am not worthy enough It’s not okay to take a stand for my Self I have to ‘show up’ a certain way in order to be accepted, approved of, liked or loved It’s important for me to fit in, no matter what even if it means giving up who I am
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
Rules
‘Old’ Co-Dependent Rules
My ‘New’ Intra-Dependent Rules
Don’t be who I am because I am not good enough or worthy enough Don’t feel or talk about my thoughts, feelings or problems Don’t identify, mention or resolve problems because it’s not okay to have them Don’t think, figure things out or make decisions because I probably don’t know what is right or best for me or the circumstance Don’t make a decision because it may be the ‘wrong’ one and I will make a mistake or fail Don’t try anything unproven – only go with what I know; it’s not okay to trust my intuition I need to be good, right, perfect and strong at all times, no matter what Don’t be selfish, put myself first, say what I want and need, say no, set boundaries or take care of myself – always take care of others and never hurt their feelings or make them angry – they’re more important than me Don’t be open, honest and direct with others – hint, manipulate, get others to talk for me, guess what they want and need and then expect them to do the same for me Don’t trust my Self, my Higher Power, the Universe, the process of life or certain people – instead put them all in an untrustworthy category and then act surprised when they let me down or it doesn’t ‘work out’. Be passive because then I will be considered the ‘good’ one; talk in flowery speech so they will not get angry at me or feel like they are being coerced or manipulated Don’t get too close to people – they will hurt me and it isn’t safe Don’t be too honest, open or vulnerable because they will take advantage of you Don’t rock the boat in family, relationships or at work by standing up for myself, growing or changing because others won’t like it, they’ll get mad and/or I will lose relationships and/or my job Don’t have fun, be silly or enjoy life – it costs money, makes noise, isn’t necessary, is frivolous; I’m not serious enough and things won’t get done this way © 2013 Keenawah & Associates, LLC www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
I Have The Power to Choose. If I Co-Create A, then I CAN Co-Create B. I CAN Choose to Focus on What I Desire No Matter What! What Doesn’t Work for Me What I Don’t Like What I Don’t Want
What Works for Me What I Like What I Truly Desire
© 2013 Keenawah & Associates www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com
