Colonial America
Smothers / COLONIAL AMERICA / 1 Foreward
I know, I know. American history is about old dead guys in white powdered wigs, who talked funny and lived to be maybe 60. Sure, and George Washington had wooden teeth, and Ben Franklin was a dissolute old lecher. Well, in the words of my old company commander in boot camp, “Listen up, yew maggots!” Read this collection of articles and learn something. That something is that the events shaping our history were earthshaking. If it hadn’t been for arrogant monarchs and their insufferable nobles fighting for power and influence in our New World, we might all be drinking Molson’s beer and singing “O Canada!” today. That’s right. Our ancestors simply became too expensive for the mother country to defend against the natives, who were egged on by the French. The British bean counters came up with some creative ways to tax the colonies, and the colonists staged this giant hissy fit we now call the American Revolution. So this book a collection of 40 American colonial history articles I have written over the past ten years. I have grouped the articles into the following sections: 1. The early settlers before the Proclamation of 1763 This section is all about that gloomy group of Pilgrims and Puritans, who first arrived in Massachusetts in the middle of winter and needed the help of local natives to keep them alive. Also, in case you haven’t heard of the Stono slave rebellion in South Carolina way back when, there’s an article in this section about
Smothers / COLONIAL AMERICA / 2 an incident that scared the pants off of the growing slaveocracy of the South. 2. Events leading to the American Revolution It was all about taxes and a big misunderstanding between George III and colonialists who felt that if they were paying taxes, they should be treated like English subjects and have a say in their affairs. 3. The Revolutionary War Go figure. We were fighting against a monarchy under a Declaration of Independence that said George III was a scumbag. However, we enlisted another autocratic ruler, Louis XVI of France and got him to send troops and naval support. You would think the French nobility would see the French Revolution coming after what they helped bring about over here. In any case, read this section for a quick overview of battles and strategy that sent the British packing to the tune of The World Turned Upside Down. 4. Our Founders These guys could have been signing their own death warrant when they sign their John Hancock—wait, he signed it before his signature became another word for signature. Where was I? Oh. The founders’ signature on the Declaration of Independence could have gotten every one of them hanged. Also, did you know that Ben Franklin suggested that the turkey would be a better and more noble emblem for our country than the bald eagle? And that the Whiskey Rebellion had nothing to do with hangovers? Interesting stuff, right? Go on. Admit it. You love American History. A word of resources: As in my eBook, Articles of the Civil War (buy it, you’ll like it), I haven’t been overly fussy on footnotes and citations. Where they appear in the articles, I have left them. Where I have omitted them—too bad. As the great Yogi Berra used to say, “You can look it up.” Finally, the observant and historically aware reader will notice some overlap and lots of historical omissions in the chronology of the articles in this eBook. The overlap is because the content consists of individual articles, published separately. The omissions are because I didn’t write anything, which makes this somewhat of a work in progress—if I get around to it. My goal here is to present readable and understandable historical writing, which I dedicate to every American who wants to know more about our country’s history. Highlands Ranch, Colorado November 25, 2015
I know, I know. American history is about old dead guys in white powdered wigs, who talked funny and lived to be maybe 60. Sure, and George Washington had wooden teeth, and Ben Franklin was a dissolute old lecher. Well, in the words of my old company commander in boot camp, “Listen up, yew maggots!” Read this collection of articles and learn something. That something is that the events shaping our history were earthshaking. If it hadn’t been for arrogant monarchs and their insufferable nobles fighting for power and influence in our New World, we might all be drinking Molson’s beer and singing “O Canada!” today. That’s right. Our ancestors simply became too expensive for the mother country to defend against the natives, who were egged on by the French. The British bean counters came up with some creative ways to tax the colonies, and the colonists staged this giant hissy fit we now call the American Revolution. So this book a collection of 40 American colonial history articles I have written over the past ten years. I have grouped the articles into the following sections: 1. The early settlers before the Proclamation of 1763 This section is all about that gloomy group of Pilgrims and Puritans, who first arrived in Massachusetts in the middle of winter and needed the help of local natives to keep them alive. Also, in case you haven’t heard of the Stono slave rebellion in South Carolina way back when, there’s an article in this section about
Smothers / COLONIAL AMERICA / 2 an incident that scared the pants off of the growing slaveocracy of the South. 2. Events leading to the American Revolution It was all about taxes and a big misunderstanding between George III and colonialists who felt that if they were paying taxes, they should be treated like English subjects and have a say in their affairs. 3. The Revolutionary War Go figure. We were fighting against a monarchy under a Declaration of Independence that said George III was a scumbag. However, we enlisted another autocratic ruler, Louis XVI of France and got him to send troops and naval support. You would think the French nobility would see the French Revolution coming after what they helped bring about over here. In any case, read this section for a quick overview of battles and strategy that sent the British packing to the tune of The World Turned Upside Down. 4. Our Founders These guys could have been signing their own death warrant when they sign their John Hancock—wait, he signed it before his signature became another word for signature. Where was I? Oh. The founders’ signature on the Declaration of Independence could have gotten every one of them hanged. Also, did you know that Ben Franklin suggested that the turkey would be a better and more noble emblem for our country than the bald eagle? And that the Whiskey Rebellion had nothing to do with hangovers? Interesting stuff, right? Go on. Admit it. You love American History. A word of resources: As in my eBook, Articles of the Civil War (buy it, you’ll like it), I haven’t been overly fussy on footnotes and citations. Where they appear in the articles, I have left them. Where I have omitted them—too bad. As the great Yogi Berra used to say, “You can look it up.” Finally, the observant and historically aware reader will notice some overlap and lots of historical omissions in the chronology of the articles in this eBook. The overlap is because the content consists of individual articles, published separately. The omissions are because I didn’t write anything, which makes this somewhat of a work in progress—if I get around to it. My goal here is to present readable and understandable historical writing, which I dedicate to every American who wants to know more about our country’s history. Highlands Ranch, Colorado November 25, 2015
