Coyote Corner
Coyote Corner March 12, 2015 Volume 1
Issue 4
Disagreeing without being Disagreeable
Dexter Irvin Director of Athletics and Recreation
"I am very grateful for the opportunity to work with quality coaches and staff. We will work hard to take care of the present challenges and then provide leadership and vision for what the future of athletics can look like at CSN.” "Any changes require planning and hard work, but we must always remember that our greatest assets are the students in the Southern Nevada area. Using athletics to help local students achieve their success in higher education is the correct application of intercollegiate athletics." Dexter and his wife, Connie, have six children and 16 grand children.
Discussions about athletic facilities, future positons and what our role in the educational process should be, have led to some disagreements about what the future of CSN Athletics should look like. Additionally what our logo, colors and mascot should portray, always elicit strong opinions. A few individuals on both sides of the issue find it difficult to have a rational discussion without becoming disagreeable and sometimes downright nasty. So I ask myself; at CSN, what we are teaching in our athletic department and about disagreeing with those that have an opinion contrary to ours?
The most obvious scenario occurs when those bad people in the proverbial striped shirts make a decision on the court or field. How do we act as players, coaches and fans? Are we teaching the teachable that it is ok to disagree with respect, but to not let the “call” affect our attitude, our emotional state and ultimately our performance? In retrospect I believe as a coach I did not do a great job with this. Challenging the officials call, ranting about what I believe to be a mistake on the part of the officials, I am certain I left an inappropriate impression on my players. It leads us back to the original question; was it OK to have an emotional meltdown with another human being when I disagreed with them?
Office of Intercollegiate Athletics and Recreation 700 College Drive Henderson NV 89002
Coyote Corner Believe me; I have justified more than one argument with any number of officials, and even when I was right about the call, the justification for going temporarily insane usually made the situation worse. On one occasion during a state championship game with 13,000 people in the arena, I began to dress down an experienced and mature official on a bad call. He immediately stopped the game, looked me in the eye and responded, “Coach you are right, I missed the call.” I was at a loss of words. I wanted to fight, to argue my point, to win at all cost. He could not just admit that he missed the call and run off, heck that was close to being un-American. But he did, and immediately defused a hostile situation. To this wise official, being right or wrong was not as important, as moving this important game forward. Lesson learned.
After a game and a close loss, my team captain was expressing her frustration with me, and with the team. Her perspective as a player did not match with my perspective as a coach. She became even more frustrated because I would not change my position. I just did not, or could not, agree with her perspective. Her final accusation was, “you just aren’t listening.” Of course anyone who has raised teenagers is probably intimately familiar with that phrase. The false premise is that because you don’t agree with the person, that you must not be listening. The truth is that you heard what they said, you just didn’t agree with their point of view. Usually that is the moment the disagreement becomes disagreeable.
What occurs when we have points of view that do not coincide with friends and family? Often people become sarcastic, sometimes we take our ball and go home. I have sadly heard of people that withhold essential care, resources, and even love to individuals, organizations or groups that they claim to care about. Unfortunately many have not learned that we don’t have to agree to be agreeable. Athletics and athletes are in such a great position to teach about perspective and respect. Hat’s off to everyone who is still in the game, to those folks that keep playing when they don’t agree; in athletics and in life.
Dexter Office of Intercollegiate Athletics and Recreation 700 College Drive Henderson NV 89002
Issue 4
Disagreeing without being Disagreeable
Dexter Irvin Director of Athletics and Recreation
"I am very grateful for the opportunity to work with quality coaches and staff. We will work hard to take care of the present challenges and then provide leadership and vision for what the future of athletics can look like at CSN.” "Any changes require planning and hard work, but we must always remember that our greatest assets are the students in the Southern Nevada area. Using athletics to help local students achieve their success in higher education is the correct application of intercollegiate athletics." Dexter and his wife, Connie, have six children and 16 grand children.
Discussions about athletic facilities, future positons and what our role in the educational process should be, have led to some disagreements about what the future of CSN Athletics should look like. Additionally what our logo, colors and mascot should portray, always elicit strong opinions. A few individuals on both sides of the issue find it difficult to have a rational discussion without becoming disagreeable and sometimes downright nasty. So I ask myself; at CSN, what we are teaching in our athletic department and about disagreeing with those that have an opinion contrary to ours?
The most obvious scenario occurs when those bad people in the proverbial striped shirts make a decision on the court or field. How do we act as players, coaches and fans? Are we teaching the teachable that it is ok to disagree with respect, but to not let the “call” affect our attitude, our emotional state and ultimately our performance? In retrospect I believe as a coach I did not do a great job with this. Challenging the officials call, ranting about what I believe to be a mistake on the part of the officials, I am certain I left an inappropriate impression on my players. It leads us back to the original question; was it OK to have an emotional meltdown with another human being when I disagreed with them?
Office of Intercollegiate Athletics and Recreation 700 College Drive Henderson NV 89002
Coyote Corner Believe me; I have justified more than one argument with any number of officials, and even when I was right about the call, the justification for going temporarily insane usually made the situation worse. On one occasion during a state championship game with 13,000 people in the arena, I began to dress down an experienced and mature official on a bad call. He immediately stopped the game, looked me in the eye and responded, “Coach you are right, I missed the call.” I was at a loss of words. I wanted to fight, to argue my point, to win at all cost. He could not just admit that he missed the call and run off, heck that was close to being un-American. But he did, and immediately defused a hostile situation. To this wise official, being right or wrong was not as important, as moving this important game forward. Lesson learned.
After a game and a close loss, my team captain was expressing her frustration with me, and with the team. Her perspective as a player did not match with my perspective as a coach. She became even more frustrated because I would not change my position. I just did not, or could not, agree with her perspective. Her final accusation was, “you just aren’t listening.” Of course anyone who has raised teenagers is probably intimately familiar with that phrase. The false premise is that because you don’t agree with the person, that you must not be listening. The truth is that you heard what they said, you just didn’t agree with their point of view. Usually that is the moment the disagreement becomes disagreeable.
What occurs when we have points of view that do not coincide with friends and family? Often people become sarcastic, sometimes we take our ball and go home. I have sadly heard of people that withhold essential care, resources, and even love to individuals, organizations or groups that they claim to care about. Unfortunately many have not learned that we don’t have to agree to be agreeable. Athletics and athletes are in such a great position to teach about perspective and respect. Hat’s off to everyone who is still in the game, to those folks that keep playing when they don’t agree; in athletics and in life.
Dexter Office of Intercollegiate Athletics and Recreation 700 College Drive Henderson NV 89002
