decision making
2/26/2016
Decision Making
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making
DECISION MAKING
Make it good.
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
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Hey Nicki, why do you look like you are stuck in a time warp in the lunch line?
Hi, Steve. I can’t decide between the chocolate cookies or the fruit for dessert.
Graph Yourself Graph – Yourself: How do you decide
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Well, considering you have no other fruit or veggies on your entire tray, I vote for the fruit. Easy choice – you’ll feel better. Besides, didn’t you read the post on nutrition?
Nice shameless plug for the nutrition link, Steve, but we’re in the real world now. But yeah, you’re right. Thanks.
Popular Polls Do you feel like you generally make good decisions?
I’d go for the brownie, personally. YOLO ya know!
yes, for sure not really
Yeah, but I’d like to live it well.
I say yes, but my parents would probably say no.
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Whatever. My big decision is always outfitoriented anyway. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
Does it really matter what other people think? What do Chris & Paula think? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. That depends on a lot of variables. But when you are making decisions that tell the world who you are, then yes, it matters. Take the following examples into consideration: *Tamara dates all the basketball players. She has a reputation for being http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/
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Decision Making
_______. *Frank was mistreated as a kid and is full of anger and hurt. He enjoys making fun of, and sometimes beating up on, other kids in school. Frank has a reputation for being a _____. *Mr. Blake, the science teacher, is an easy A. He sleeps during class, teaches you nothing and gets away with it. Mr. Blake’s reputation as a teacher is _____.
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Can you see how your actions (your decisions) tell the world about who you are? People make judgments and assumptions about who you are as a result of the choices you make every day – all the time. How are people judging you? This topic consists of the following posts: The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective and a new choice Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision…. Your intentions… How your choices impact others As you weave your way around these posts you will be learning about all the pieces of you that go into making decisions. Think 4 Your Self (T4YS): List all the variables you can think of that go into your decisionmaking process. Then read through the posts and see how many you listed compared to what you learned. Post Question: What do you think qualifies as a “good decision?”
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81 responses to “Decision Making” WMS010509 October 16, 2015 at 8:11 pm
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How your choices impact others…
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > How your choices impact others...
HOW YOUR CHOICES IMPACT OTHERS…
What are ALL of the implications of your decisions?
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
This is a tough question, but you probably already think about all those implications without even being aware of it. For example, you wouldn’t throw your friend in front of an oncoming bus because you really like your friend and would never want to cause him harm. You don’t even need to think about that one. But sometimes you do need to think about not only your intentions (are they good or bad? What am I trying to achieve?) but who will be affected by your decision. When you consider cheating on a test, you may initially think, Hey, I can get a better grade if I cheat. Bonus for me! But then you may want to consider the impact that has on those around you, The test is graded on a curve, so if I do really well because I cheated, my friends will get a lower grade because I cheated. Also, the teacher will think that I know this material well and will expect me to do better in the future AND she will think that she taught this material really well, but actually part of the reason I am considering cheating is because she totally fluffed teaching us this material…. With everything that you do, considering the impact on others is essential otherwise your intentions can often go astray and hurt other people. So, as you make decisions, try to consider each person that will be impacted and imagine how each person will feel. This will also exercise that empathy muscle you have! To sum up this ENTIRE subject, when you are faced with a decision, think through the following steps: 1. Check in with your SELF (who am I in this situation? How will all 10 aspects of my self respond?) 2. What are my intentions (good, bad or otherwise)? 3. What are the consequences (risks and rewards) to my decision? 4. Who else is impacted by my decision and how will they feel as a result? Post Question: Describe a time when you made a choice that negatively impacted someone else by accident. How did it make you feel?
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Graph Yourself Graph – Yourself: How do you decide
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Popular Polls When I make BIG decisions, I am influenced most by: what my friends think. what my parents think. what my morals say. what my religion says. what my very best friend says and thinks. what my boy or girl friend thinks. my gut reaction.
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > Shift into a new perspective
SHIFT INTO A NEW PERSPECTIVE
A new perspective gives you new choices:
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
Shift perspective and find new options in order to feel good about your decision. When all 10 parts of the self feel good about your choice, then you know you’ve made the right one. Sometimes this requires you to come up with a way around the bad feelings. If coming home after curfew makes you feel guilty for deceiving your parents, then why would you even make that decision? Instead, make a Shift – brainstorm some different options. Shifting just takes some creativity – another part of your brain!
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Graph Yourself Graph – Yourself: How do you decide
You want to go to the movies with Kristen, but you will break curfew. A few options:
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Ask your parents to extend curfew this one time (if you are honest and open they may just say yes and then you are all set). Make a trade for the curfew extension: I will walk the dog all weekend. See if the movie is showing at an earlier time. Tell Kristen the situation and see if you can work together to find a solution.
Popular Polls When making BIG decisions, I most imagine: how it will affect me.
Sometimes we get stuck when we feel the pressure to stick to a plan. But your creativity and taking the time to think through your options can help you to come up with alternate plans that feel more comfortable to you. Moreover, if you confide in your friends that a plan won’t work for you, then they will likely help you come up with a plan that feels good to everyone involved. Real friends help friends make decisions that feel good. Kristen might not be able to make a late movie either and will be relieved to learn of your situation.
how it will affect others. what my family or others will think. how it will affect my reputation.
Vote
Shift happens. It just takes some careful consideration and communication. Think 4 Your Self (T4YS): Think of a decision you need to make. What are some of the ways that you can shift your perspective or your options so that the choice you have feels more comfortable? Post Question: Describe a time when you shifted a situation for the better.
http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/shiftintoanewperspective/
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The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions
THE 10 ASPECTS OF THE SELF THAT GO INTO MAKING DECISIONS
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
What aspects of your SELF contribute to your decisions?
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Here are the top 10, in no particular order: 1. Your emotions 2. Your morals 3. Your past experiences 4. Your psyche
Graph Yourself Graph – Yourself: How do you decide
5. Your peer influences
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6. Your media influences 7. Your parental influences 8. Your personality 9. Your culture, race, ethnicity and spirituality 10. Your mind/body connection (your ability to control stress, etc.) Your decisions define for yourself and those around you exactly who you are. (That’s a big deal.) Who are you? Your decisions mark your destination in life. You hold the controls and you steer the way.
Popular Polls When I have a tough decision, I turn to: a friend a parent a coach a teacher a religious confidant
Where are you going? Each time you ponder a choice (Will I go to the movies with Kristen even though I know it will be past my curfew when I get home? But my parents are always asleep so I won’t tell them..) you check in with almost every single one of those selfaspects listed above. Your emotions (I will feel guilty for going, but I will have a great time. The guilt is too overwhelming. I will not go.) And you may just figure it out based on one part of yourself. Or, you may continue: Your morals (It would be wrong to lie to my parents.) Your past experiences (My brother did this once and got away with it, so maybe I can, too. But I always feel bad when I let down my parents.) http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/the10aspectsoftheselfthatgointomakingdecisions/
a counselor or therapist a computer no one, by choice I have no one to turn to
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The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions
Your psyche (This isn’t the way I normally behave. I don’t know why I am having such a difficult time with this decision.) Your peer influences (Kristen is begging me to go and I really want to hang out with her.) Your media influences (I am dying to see this movie!! It’s the hottest movie out there.) Your parental influences (They will be so upset with me if I am not honest.) Your personality (I like to go with the flow, but this feels like I am stuck.) Your culture, race, ethnicity and spirituality (I was raised to be honest and fair and to respect myself and others. But I really want to go with Kristen!) Your mind/body connection (your ability to control stress, etc.) (I will totally stress over this if I go and then I won’t enjoy the movie. Worse, I’ll probably eat junk to make me feel better and then I’ll feel even worse!)
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These aspects of your SELF weigh heavily on you with some of the decisions that you make. Sometimes decisions are easy and you don’t need to go through all the stressful torment. But after considering your thoughts and feelings, checking in with your SELF and weighing the consequences, you can always shift the situation. Please read the next post to learn how to do just that. Post Question: What aspect of yourself do you rely on most when making a decision?
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39 responses to “The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions” LOLO November 3, 2015 at 2:33 am This article really helps me. Actually, this whole website helps me. Thank you for everything
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > Weighing the consequences
WEIGHING THE CONSEQUENCES
What will happen?
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
Many decisions are a nobrainer: I am going to wear jeans and a tshirt to school today.
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Some decisions have a few more considerations: Oh, but wait, I have to go to church after school to discuss the charity event planned for next month. These considerations also influence your decisions: I will wear a nicer shirt instead.
Graph Yourself Graph – Yourself: How do you decide
Thinking ahead as to how your decisions will impact yourself and others is how you weigh the consequences. In this case: Mom will be happy that I look nice when I go to church after school. If I wore an old shirt she would be upset with me, plus, I want to be respectfully dressed at church. I have avoided a potential argument. I feel good about my choice. That shift in the decision process – thinking ahead to consequences – actually took into consideration all 10 aspects of the SELF, in one way or another. Yes! All 10 in that simple thought process. Much of what you think and choose is unconscious (out of your immediate awareness) but it all impacts who you are. As you weigh consequences you are also weighing the risks and the rewards, whether you are aware of it or not. Let’s move to another example: Should I invite the new kid to my party?
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Popular Polls Good decisions.... come naturally to me. are a 50/50 shot for me. are completely not in my ballpark.
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Potential Risks: He might be socially awkward and then brings the party down. My friends won’t feel comfortable with someone new around. He might be a real jerk and will cause trouble. The girls may think he’s totally hot, and then he’ll get all the attention. I’ll feel guilty for not including him. Potential Rewards: He might be a ton of fun and then will bring the party up. http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/weighingtheconsequences/
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Weighing the consequences
My friends will find having a new person there exciting. He may be a super nice guy. The girls may think he’s totally hot and then they will love me for inviting him. I’ll feel good about myself for including him. You actually gain a sense of control over the situation, not to mention respect and responsibility, when you consider the consequences, the risks and the rewards, before you make your final decision. People around you will judge you based on your decisions. As much as we hate to be judgmental, we also have to be real: the way that you reveal who you are to the world is through your actions and decisions. Your job is to make sure that what you express to the world (through your decisions) is based upon who you want and choose to be. Then if you do something and someone judges you poorly for it, you will be less likely to be impacted negatively by that judgment. You can think, Hey, that was the right decision for me. I am comfortable with it. I’m sorry they didn’t like it but different people like different things. Keep your reputation intact – make good decisions. But if you do falter and make a decision that does not reflect who you are, no need to panic. Keep your stress level low (this helps you make good decisions!) and read the next post: When you make a bad choice…. T4YS: Think of a recent decision: List three risks involved and three rewards. What was your final decision? Did it reflect who you are? Any regrets? Post question: Describe a risky decision you had to make. What factors influenced your choice?
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17 responses to “Weighing the consequences” WMS010526 October 13, 2015 at 11:47 pm My risky decision was to stay home alone for an hour or go to the http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/weighingtheconsequences/
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When you make a bad decision…
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > When you make a bad decision...
WHEN YOU MAKE A BAD DECISION…
Don’t stress!
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
Stress causes the decisionmaking areas of your brain to shut down. When that happens you react from other areas of your brain that won’t help you make the best decision.
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Stay calm. Focus. The bad decision isn’t always what causes the trouble; it’s what you do about it that really matters. Just because you decided to suffocate the class pet rat doesn’t mean you have to feel horrible about it for the rest of your life. Sometimes the decisions we make feel like a wrong turn and a dead end. Before you feel like roadkill yourself, follow these steps. 1. Own it. Take responsibility for the dumb thing you did. Um, I am the one who put the plastic bag over the rat because I wanted to see what would happen. 2. Apologize. I had no idea it would suffocate so quickly. I am so sorry. 3. Forgive. Forgiveness can be toward another or toward yourself. In some cases you may even ask for forgiveness so you feel better. In this case, you need to forgive yourself. That was really wrong of me and I have suffered a lot over it. I think I may need to forgive myself and move on. 4. Learn from it. What’s the point of going through these steps if you don’t improve upon yourself as a result? What did you learn? How will you apply what you learned to the future? Killing the class pet stinks. Nobody likes me anymore. I feel horrible about it. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll certainly never do anything hurtful like that again. 5. Make it right. Sometimes this is possible. Sometimes it isn’t. Try to think of a way to make up for what was done. I am going to use my savings to buy a new rat for the class. I will present it to everyone with my apology. And, btw, if you are in the class with the person who killed the rat and went through all these steps to apologize, give the guy a break: “Dude, you totally freaked me out with the whole strangletheratthing, but I appreciate that you apologized and I never want to see you in a dark alley with a plastic bag:).” (Yes. Humor helps.) Another example: Maude forgot to babysit for her neighbor and went to the movies instead. When she realized her mistake she went right over to the neighbor’s house http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/whenyoumakeabaddecision/
Graph Yourself Graph – Yourself: How do you decide
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Popular Polls Good decisions.... come naturally to me. are a 50/50 shot for me. are completely not in my ballpark.
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When you make a bad decision…
and said: “I completely forgot about last night. I feel terrible. I am so very, very sorry. Please forgive me. I have now set a new alarm on my phone to remind me of these things so it won’t happen again. How about I babysit this week some time of your choosing and I will do it for free to make it up to you” Sometimes people consistently make bad decisions. These people turn out to be a problem to society. To learn more about intentions and people who have shifted to the dark side, read the post: Setting your intentions: good, bad and otherwise…. T4YS: Think of a decision you made recently that isn’t sitting right with you. Go through the five steps listed above and create a dialogue with your self and with the person or persons involved to make it right. Write the dialogue down. Then write a few sentences on how you will feel after you do it. If you feel good about it, why not go for it? Post Question: Have you ever made a really bad decision? What was it? What did you do about it?
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17 responses to “When you make a bad decision…” WMS010526 October 13, 2015 at 11:53 pm My decision was I didn’t study for my quiz. I got a bad grade and i will always study on my tests/quizes I will never do it again.
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > Your intentions...
YOUR INTENTIONS…
Good, bad and otherwise….
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
What are intentions? intentions are the reasons behind why you act a certain way or make a certain decision – they are what you wanted to happen. intentions come from within you. This is why knowing who you are is such a huge part of making good decisions – decisions that feel good to you. Knowing your intentions helps you to make the most of your decisions. For instance, when you go for a bike ride, you could have several different intentions: to get exercise, to pick up items at the store, or to explore the area. These intentions would then impact the route you would take. If you want to get exercise, you might choose to go on a route involving hills and distance, whereas if you go to the store, you might choose to take a short cut. If you want to explore the area, you might choose routes that you have never taken in the past. The best choice of bike routes would depend on your intentions. Sometimes intentions are functional, like in the bike example above. But intentions can also be to help others or to hurt others. If your intention is to hurt someone else’s feelings, then your decision will reflect that and you will be judged accordingly: She is so mean to have texted those insults to her friend. When your intentions are good then your decisions will reflect that as well and people will judge you accordingly: He is such a good sport. Even though he lost the match he went out of his way to tell his opponent how much he enjoyed playing. Having good intentions and doing the right thing is what morality is all about. This speaks to your character and reputation. Making the right decision is not always easy. Many pieces of your self (10 at last count) go into it. But as you think about who you are and how you make decisions, then you will be able to show the best that you can be. But what if you are having trouble being the best possible person? It is never too late to change your intentions. All it takes is a shift in thinking. That shift is really important, because a person who starts out with bad intentions at a young age can turn into a person who becomes a real problem to society. (If you want an example see the depressing story at the end.)
http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/yourintentions/
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Popular Polls Good decisions.... come naturally to me. are a 50/50 shot for me. are completely not in my ballpark.
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People with bad intentions choose to be bad or do wrong things. These people lack morality, empathy, a conscience, etc. They grow up and become a problem to society at large, much like Derek below. Being AWARE that you want to make a change is the first step. If you are really struggling with this and find that you often have intentions that are mean spirited, we suggest that you seek some help from a trusted source. Most often though, people don’t start out with bad intentions, but without thinking about the consequences and impact their actions have on others, a wellintentioned action can have poor consequences. You can have the best of intentions: I want to celebrate her birthday! And yet, have an awful outcome: She hates surprises and was mortified when I gave her a surprise party. You can limit the possibility of having poor consequences by thinking about how your actions will affect other people. Please read the next post to learn more…. T4YS: Give an example of a decision you need to make. List your intention, and then explain how describing your intention may or may not have changed your decision. Depressing example…. Derek was a pretty good kid when he was rather young. He picked fights with some friends but no one thought much about it. When he was ten he began to throw rocks at small animals with the intention of causing harm. He liked to do this. As he grew into his teen years he shifted his attention from small animals to hurting larger animals and people. He got away with a lot of his actions and never felt the consequences. When he became an adult he continued to hurt others. He was caught. He went to jail. He became a burden and great cost to society.
Post question: When you make a decision, do you consider your intentions?
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16 responses to “Your intentions…” WMS010526 October 13, 2015 at 11:58 pm When I make a decision I Always consider my intentions because I want to make good choices.
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making
DECISION MAKING
Make it good.
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
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Hey Nicki, why do you look like you are stuck in a time warp in the lunch line?
Hi, Steve. I can’t decide between the chocolate cookies or the fruit for dessert.
Graph Yourself Graph – Yourself: How do you decide
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Well, considering you have no other fruit or veggies on your entire tray, I vote for the fruit. Easy choice – you’ll feel better. Besides, didn’t you read the post on nutrition?
Nice shameless plug for the nutrition link, Steve, but we’re in the real world now. But yeah, you’re right. Thanks.
Popular Polls Do you feel like you generally make good decisions?
I’d go for the brownie, personally. YOLO ya know!
yes, for sure not really
Yeah, but I’d like to live it well.
I say yes, but my parents would probably say no.
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Whatever. My big decision is always outfitoriented anyway. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.
Does it really matter what other people think? What do Chris & Paula think? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. That depends on a lot of variables. But when you are making decisions that tell the world who you are, then yes, it matters. Take the following examples into consideration: *Tamara dates all the basketball players. She has a reputation for being http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/
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Decision Making
_______. *Frank was mistreated as a kid and is full of anger and hurt. He enjoys making fun of, and sometimes beating up on, other kids in school. Frank has a reputation for being a _____. *Mr. Blake, the science teacher, is an easy A. He sleeps during class, teaches you nothing and gets away with it. Mr. Blake’s reputation as a teacher is _____.
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Can you see how your actions (your decisions) tell the world about who you are? People make judgments and assumptions about who you are as a result of the choices you make every day – all the time. How are people judging you? This topic consists of the following posts: The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective and a new choice Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision…. Your intentions… How your choices impact others As you weave your way around these posts you will be learning about all the pieces of you that go into making decisions. Think 4 Your Self (T4YS): List all the variables you can think of that go into your decisionmaking process. Then read through the posts and see how many you listed compared to what you learned. Post Question: What do you think qualifies as a “good decision?”
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81 responses to “Decision Making” WMS010509 October 16, 2015 at 8:11 pm
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > How your choices impact others...
HOW YOUR CHOICES IMPACT OTHERS…
What are ALL of the implications of your decisions?
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
This is a tough question, but you probably already think about all those implications without even being aware of it. For example, you wouldn’t throw your friend in front of an oncoming bus because you really like your friend and would never want to cause him harm. You don’t even need to think about that one. But sometimes you do need to think about not only your intentions (are they good or bad? What am I trying to achieve?) but who will be affected by your decision. When you consider cheating on a test, you may initially think, Hey, I can get a better grade if I cheat. Bonus for me! But then you may want to consider the impact that has on those around you, The test is graded on a curve, so if I do really well because I cheated, my friends will get a lower grade because I cheated. Also, the teacher will think that I know this material well and will expect me to do better in the future AND she will think that she taught this material really well, but actually part of the reason I am considering cheating is because she totally fluffed teaching us this material…. With everything that you do, considering the impact on others is essential otherwise your intentions can often go astray and hurt other people. So, as you make decisions, try to consider each person that will be impacted and imagine how each person will feel. This will also exercise that empathy muscle you have! To sum up this ENTIRE subject, when you are faced with a decision, think through the following steps: 1. Check in with your SELF (who am I in this situation? How will all 10 aspects of my self respond?) 2. What are my intentions (good, bad or otherwise)? 3. What are the consequences (risks and rewards) to my decision? 4. Who else is impacted by my decision and how will they feel as a result? Post Question: Describe a time when you made a choice that negatively impacted someone else by accident. How did it make you feel?
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Popular Polls When I make BIG decisions, I am influenced most by: what my friends think. what my parents think. what my morals say. what my religion says. what my very best friend says and thinks. what my boy or girl friend thinks. my gut reaction.
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > Shift into a new perspective
SHIFT INTO A NEW PERSPECTIVE
A new perspective gives you new choices:
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
Shift perspective and find new options in order to feel good about your decision. When all 10 parts of the self feel good about your choice, then you know you’ve made the right one. Sometimes this requires you to come up with a way around the bad feelings. If coming home after curfew makes you feel guilty for deceiving your parents, then why would you even make that decision? Instead, make a Shift – brainstorm some different options. Shifting just takes some creativity – another part of your brain!
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You want to go to the movies with Kristen, but you will break curfew. A few options:
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Ask your parents to extend curfew this one time (if you are honest and open they may just say yes and then you are all set). Make a trade for the curfew extension: I will walk the dog all weekend. See if the movie is showing at an earlier time. Tell Kristen the situation and see if you can work together to find a solution.
Popular Polls When making BIG decisions, I most imagine: how it will affect me.
Sometimes we get stuck when we feel the pressure to stick to a plan. But your creativity and taking the time to think through your options can help you to come up with alternate plans that feel more comfortable to you. Moreover, if you confide in your friends that a plan won’t work for you, then they will likely help you come up with a plan that feels good to everyone involved. Real friends help friends make decisions that feel good. Kristen might not be able to make a late movie either and will be relieved to learn of your situation.
how it will affect others. what my family or others will think. how it will affect my reputation.
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Shift happens. It just takes some careful consideration and communication. Think 4 Your Self (T4YS): Think of a decision you need to make. What are some of the ways that you can shift your perspective or your options so that the choice you have feels more comfortable? Post Question: Describe a time when you shifted a situation for the better.
http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/shiftintoanewperspective/
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions
THE 10 ASPECTS OF THE SELF THAT GO INTO MAKING DECISIONS
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
What aspects of your SELF contribute to your decisions?
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Here are the top 10, in no particular order: 1. Your emotions 2. Your morals 3. Your past experiences 4. Your psyche
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5. Your peer influences
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6. Your media influences 7. Your parental influences 8. Your personality 9. Your culture, race, ethnicity and spirituality 10. Your mind/body connection (your ability to control stress, etc.) Your decisions define for yourself and those around you exactly who you are. (That’s a big deal.) Who are you? Your decisions mark your destination in life. You hold the controls and you steer the way.
Popular Polls When I have a tough decision, I turn to: a friend a parent a coach a teacher a religious confidant
Where are you going? Each time you ponder a choice (Will I go to the movies with Kristen even though I know it will be past my curfew when I get home? But my parents are always asleep so I won’t tell them..) you check in with almost every single one of those selfaspects listed above. Your emotions (I will feel guilty for going, but I will have a great time. The guilt is too overwhelming. I will not go.) And you may just figure it out based on one part of yourself. Or, you may continue: Your morals (It would be wrong to lie to my parents.) Your past experiences (My brother did this once and got away with it, so maybe I can, too. But I always feel bad when I let down my parents.) http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/the10aspectsoftheselfthatgointomakingdecisions/
a counselor or therapist a computer no one, by choice I have no one to turn to
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The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions
Your psyche (This isn’t the way I normally behave. I don’t know why I am having such a difficult time with this decision.) Your peer influences (Kristen is begging me to go and I really want to hang out with her.) Your media influences (I am dying to see this movie!! It’s the hottest movie out there.) Your parental influences (They will be so upset with me if I am not honest.) Your personality (I like to go with the flow, but this feels like I am stuck.) Your culture, race, ethnicity and spirituality (I was raised to be honest and fair and to respect myself and others. But I really want to go with Kristen!) Your mind/body connection (your ability to control stress, etc.) (I will totally stress over this if I go and then I won’t enjoy the movie. Worse, I’ll probably eat junk to make me feel better and then I’ll feel even worse!)
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These aspects of your SELF weigh heavily on you with some of the decisions that you make. Sometimes decisions are easy and you don’t need to go through all the stressful torment. But after considering your thoughts and feelings, checking in with your SELF and weighing the consequences, you can always shift the situation. Please read the next post to learn how to do just that. Post Question: What aspect of yourself do you rely on most when making a decision?
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39 responses to “The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions” LOLO November 3, 2015 at 2:33 am This article really helps me. Actually, this whole website helps me. Thank you for everything
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > Weighing the consequences
WEIGHING THE CONSEQUENCES
What will happen?
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
Many decisions are a nobrainer: I am going to wear jeans and a tshirt to school today.
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Some decisions have a few more considerations: Oh, but wait, I have to go to church after school to discuss the charity event planned for next month. These considerations also influence your decisions: I will wear a nicer shirt instead.
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Thinking ahead as to how your decisions will impact yourself and others is how you weigh the consequences. In this case: Mom will be happy that I look nice when I go to church after school. If I wore an old shirt she would be upset with me, plus, I want to be respectfully dressed at church. I have avoided a potential argument. I feel good about my choice. That shift in the decision process – thinking ahead to consequences – actually took into consideration all 10 aspects of the SELF, in one way or another. Yes! All 10 in that simple thought process. Much of what you think and choose is unconscious (out of your immediate awareness) but it all impacts who you are. As you weigh consequences you are also weighing the risks and the rewards, whether you are aware of it or not. Let’s move to another example: Should I invite the new kid to my party?
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Popular Polls Good decisions.... come naturally to me. are a 50/50 shot for me. are completely not in my ballpark.
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Potential Risks: He might be socially awkward and then brings the party down. My friends won’t feel comfortable with someone new around. He might be a real jerk and will cause trouble. The girls may think he’s totally hot, and then he’ll get all the attention. I’ll feel guilty for not including him. Potential Rewards: He might be a ton of fun and then will bring the party up. http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/weighingtheconsequences/
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Weighing the consequences
My friends will find having a new person there exciting. He may be a super nice guy. The girls may think he’s totally hot and then they will love me for inviting him. I’ll feel good about myself for including him. You actually gain a sense of control over the situation, not to mention respect and responsibility, when you consider the consequences, the risks and the rewards, before you make your final decision. People around you will judge you based on your decisions. As much as we hate to be judgmental, we also have to be real: the way that you reveal who you are to the world is through your actions and decisions. Your job is to make sure that what you express to the world (through your decisions) is based upon who you want and choose to be. Then if you do something and someone judges you poorly for it, you will be less likely to be impacted negatively by that judgment. You can think, Hey, that was the right decision for me. I am comfortable with it. I’m sorry they didn’t like it but different people like different things. Keep your reputation intact – make good decisions. But if you do falter and make a decision that does not reflect who you are, no need to panic. Keep your stress level low (this helps you make good decisions!) and read the next post: When you make a bad choice…. T4YS: Think of a recent decision: List three risks involved and three rewards. What was your final decision? Did it reflect who you are? Any regrets? Post question: Describe a risky decision you had to make. What factors influenced your choice?
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17 responses to “Weighing the consequences” WMS010526 October 13, 2015 at 11:47 pm My risky decision was to stay home alone for an hour or go to the http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/weighingtheconsequences/
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > When you make a bad decision...
WHEN YOU MAKE A BAD DECISION…
Don’t stress!
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
Stress causes the decisionmaking areas of your brain to shut down. When that happens you react from other areas of your brain that won’t help you make the best decision.
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Stay calm. Focus. The bad decision isn’t always what causes the trouble; it’s what you do about it that really matters. Just because you decided to suffocate the class pet rat doesn’t mean you have to feel horrible about it for the rest of your life. Sometimes the decisions we make feel like a wrong turn and a dead end. Before you feel like roadkill yourself, follow these steps. 1. Own it. Take responsibility for the dumb thing you did. Um, I am the one who put the plastic bag over the rat because I wanted to see what would happen. 2. Apologize. I had no idea it would suffocate so quickly. I am so sorry. 3. Forgive. Forgiveness can be toward another or toward yourself. In some cases you may even ask for forgiveness so you feel better. In this case, you need to forgive yourself. That was really wrong of me and I have suffered a lot over it. I think I may need to forgive myself and move on. 4. Learn from it. What’s the point of going through these steps if you don’t improve upon yourself as a result? What did you learn? How will you apply what you learned to the future? Killing the class pet stinks. Nobody likes me anymore. I feel horrible about it. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll certainly never do anything hurtful like that again. 5. Make it right. Sometimes this is possible. Sometimes it isn’t. Try to think of a way to make up for what was done. I am going to use my savings to buy a new rat for the class. I will present it to everyone with my apology. And, btw, if you are in the class with the person who killed the rat and went through all these steps to apologize, give the guy a break: “Dude, you totally freaked me out with the whole strangletheratthing, but I appreciate that you apologized and I never want to see you in a dark alley with a plastic bag:).” (Yes. Humor helps.) Another example: Maude forgot to babysit for her neighbor and went to the movies instead. When she realized her mistake she went right over to the neighbor’s house http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/whenyoumakeabaddecision/
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Popular Polls Good decisions.... come naturally to me. are a 50/50 shot for me. are completely not in my ballpark.
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When you make a bad decision…
and said: “I completely forgot about last night. I feel terrible. I am so very, very sorry. Please forgive me. I have now set a new alarm on my phone to remind me of these things so it won’t happen again. How about I babysit this week some time of your choosing and I will do it for free to make it up to you” Sometimes people consistently make bad decisions. These people turn out to be a problem to society. To learn more about intentions and people who have shifted to the dark side, read the post: Setting your intentions: good, bad and otherwise…. T4YS: Think of a decision you made recently that isn’t sitting right with you. Go through the five steps listed above and create a dialogue with your self and with the person or persons involved to make it right. Write the dialogue down. Then write a few sentences on how you will feel after you do it. If you feel good about it, why not go for it? Post Question: Have you ever made a really bad decision? What was it? What did you do about it?
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17 responses to “When you make a bad decision…” WMS010526 October 13, 2015 at 11:53 pm My decision was I didn’t study for my quiz. I got a bad grade and i will always study on my tests/quizes I will never do it again.
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Home > My Inner World > Decision Making > Your intentions...
YOUR INTENTIONS…
Good, bad and otherwise….
Decision Making Overview The 10 Aspects of the Self that go into making decisions Shift into a new perspective Weighing the consequences When you make a bad decision… Your intentions… How your choices impact others…
What would you do...? What Would U Do: Decision Making
What are intentions? intentions are the reasons behind why you act a certain way or make a certain decision – they are what you wanted to happen. intentions come from within you. This is why knowing who you are is such a huge part of making good decisions – decisions that feel good to you. Knowing your intentions helps you to make the most of your decisions. For instance, when you go for a bike ride, you could have several different intentions: to get exercise, to pick up items at the store, or to explore the area. These intentions would then impact the route you would take. If you want to get exercise, you might choose to go on a route involving hills and distance, whereas if you go to the store, you might choose to take a short cut. If you want to explore the area, you might choose routes that you have never taken in the past. The best choice of bike routes would depend on your intentions. Sometimes intentions are functional, like in the bike example above. But intentions can also be to help others or to hurt others. If your intention is to hurt someone else’s feelings, then your decision will reflect that and you will be judged accordingly: She is so mean to have texted those insults to her friend. When your intentions are good then your decisions will reflect that as well and people will judge you accordingly: He is such a good sport. Even though he lost the match he went out of his way to tell his opponent how much he enjoyed playing. Having good intentions and doing the right thing is what morality is all about. This speaks to your character and reputation. Making the right decision is not always easy. Many pieces of your self (10 at last count) go into it. But as you think about who you are and how you make decisions, then you will be able to show the best that you can be. But what if you are having trouble being the best possible person? It is never too late to change your intentions. All it takes is a shift in thinking. That shift is really important, because a person who starts out with bad intentions at a young age can turn into a person who becomes a real problem to society. (If you want an example see the depressing story at the end.)
http://yourselfseries.com/teens/topic/decisionmaking/yourintentions/
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Your intentions…
People with bad intentions choose to be bad or do wrong things. These people lack morality, empathy, a conscience, etc. They grow up and become a problem to society at large, much like Derek below. Being AWARE that you want to make a change is the first step. If you are really struggling with this and find that you often have intentions that are mean spirited, we suggest that you seek some help from a trusted source. Most often though, people don’t start out with bad intentions, but without thinking about the consequences and impact their actions have on others, a wellintentioned action can have poor consequences. You can have the best of intentions: I want to celebrate her birthday! And yet, have an awful outcome: She hates surprises and was mortified when I gave her a surprise party. You can limit the possibility of having poor consequences by thinking about how your actions will affect other people. Please read the next post to learn more…. T4YS: Give an example of a decision you need to make. List your intention, and then explain how describing your intention may or may not have changed your decision. Depressing example…. Derek was a pretty good kid when he was rather young. He picked fights with some friends but no one thought much about it. When he was ten he began to throw rocks at small animals with the intention of causing harm. He liked to do this. As he grew into his teen years he shifted his attention from small animals to hurting larger animals and people. He got away with a lot of his actions and never felt the consequences. When he became an adult he continued to hurt others. He was caught. He went to jail. He became a burden and great cost to society.
Post question: When you make a decision, do you consider your intentions?
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16 responses to “Your intentions…” WMS010526 October 13, 2015 at 11:58 pm When I make a decision I Always consider my intentions because I want to make good choices.
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