Developing Emotional Intelligence
Developing Emotional Intelligence LEIGH HORNE-MEBEL, M.S.W., B.C.D., A.C.S.W. M.G.H. PEDIATRIC EPILEPSY PROGRAM
Founders of Emotional Intelligence
John Mayer, Peter Salovey, David Caruso, and Richard Boyatz, first coined the idea of Emotional Intelligence in a 1980 dissertation.
In 1995, Daniel Goleman wrote the book, Emotional Intelligence, and has since been the concept’s strongest and most vocal advocate.
Emotional Intelligence Understood
Emotional Intelligence is innovative and exciting
Can be applied to everyone
Can improve schoolwork and job performance
Can enhance relationships and the ability and motivation to get along with and negotiate and reason with others
Defining Emotional Intelligence
At its core, Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage one’s emotions and thus influence relations with others.
It acknowledges how you and others feel, at any given time, and how emotions are impacting the current situation.
It involves understanding feelings and sufficiently controlling them so one can act effectively.
It emphasizes using interpersonal skills to create positive relationships.
It involves the ability to express emotions in a constructive way - staying in control and effectively solving problems.
Core Components of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness
Self-Regulation
Motivation
Empathy
Social Skills
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Self-Awareness
Understanding ourselves
Knowing what triggers us, what our strengths and weaknesses are, what pushes our buttons, and what motivates us
Recognizing and understanding our moods, emotions, and drives, and their impact on our behavior and how we relate to others
Hallmarks of Self-Awareness
Self-confidence
Realistic self-assessment
Self-deprecating sense of humor - the ability and comfort level with laughing at one’s self
How can we support our children with developing self-awareness?
Encourage children to become mindful and pay attention to what is occurring in any given moment
Encourage children to behave in ways that match how they feel or think
Support children with developing the capacity to reflect on their thoughts and behavior and learn from their experiences
Support children as they learn to tolerate disappointment and setbacks
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Self-Regulation
Ability to manage and redirect disruptive impulses and moods
Ability to suspend judgement of self and others
Ability to stop and think before acting or talking
Hallmark of Self-Regulation
Trustworthiness and having a high degree of integrity
Ability to tolerate ambiguity
Ability to welcome change
Ability to tolerate disappointment
Ability to tolerate not being in control
How can we support our children develop self-regulation?
Develop ways to control tempers and handle challenges without them affecting mood and speech
Develop ways to calm down when angry
When excited, learning ways not to go overboard with effusiveness and disrupt other processes
Develop ways to demonstrate optimism even when faced with difficulties
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Motivation
Developing a passion to work for reasons beyond grades, money, or recognition
Developing an interest in pursuing goals with energy and interest
Maintaining optimism even when things are not going well
Using self-regulation to overcome frustration and, possibly, depression that can result after a setback or failure
Hallmarks of Motivation
Maintaining a determination to achieve
Maintaining optimism even in the face of difficulties
Maintaining persistence even when things become too challenging
Eager and open to explore new approaches and ideas
How can we support our children to become more motivated?
Help children direct their behavior towards goals they’ve set
Help children learn how to track their behavior to see their progress when trying to make changes and improvements in their behavior
Help children learn to clarify and focus their goals, maintaining optimism and a belief that they can achieve those goals with hard work and perseverance
Help children learn to resist short-term temptations that go against longterm goals
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Empathy
Ability to understand and appreciate the feelings of others
Treating people according to their emotional reactions
Learning to respond sensitively to the affect of others
Hallmarks of Empathy
Building relationships and conveying an appreciation of others’ uniqueness
Being alert to cultural and historical differences that can drive emotions
Understanding that people can have different perceptions of the same situation and those perceptions can all generally be accurate
How can we support our children with developing empathy?
Children can learn to appreciate that everyone has feelings, not just them
Children can learn to appreciate cultural differences of others and how to respond to them with those differences in mind
Children can learn to appreciate how a problem can be looked at from many different angles.
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Social Skills
Proficient in managing and building relationships with others, individually and in groups
Ability to recognize common ground with others and establish relationships
Recognizing how choice of words can indicate and convey feelings and emotions
Learning how to recognize and respond to nonverbal communications through facial expressions, eye contact, posture, and gestures
Hallmark of Social Skills
We effectively manage relationships when we understand and control our emotions and empathize with others
Motivation contributes to social skill – people driven to achieve tend to be more eager to connect with others
Learning the importance of eye contact, listening, responding appropriately and not monopolizing the conversation, and thoughtfully expressing and interpreting others’ feelings
How can we support our children develop effective social skills?
Helping our children appreciate the importance of nonverbal communication and body language
Helping our children understand the process of connecting with others and showing a genuine interest in the other person and their experience
Helping our children learn to use language and affect to express their needs and influence their environments
Summary Emotional Intelligence can be learned. The process in doing so is not easy and takes much time and commitment on the part of the child, parents, and schools. Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills are all inter-related. The success of one can ensure the success of another. Children who develop a high degree of Emotional Intelligence are aware of things that help them, know how to calm themselves when discouraged or overly excited, are curious about themselves and their world and have a desire to learn, they care about themselves and others, and are adept at communicating their needs and enthusiasm.
Thank You
Founders of Emotional Intelligence
John Mayer, Peter Salovey, David Caruso, and Richard Boyatz, first coined the idea of Emotional Intelligence in a 1980 dissertation.
In 1995, Daniel Goleman wrote the book, Emotional Intelligence, and has since been the concept’s strongest and most vocal advocate.
Emotional Intelligence Understood
Emotional Intelligence is innovative and exciting
Can be applied to everyone
Can improve schoolwork and job performance
Can enhance relationships and the ability and motivation to get along with and negotiate and reason with others
Defining Emotional Intelligence
At its core, Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage one’s emotions and thus influence relations with others.
It acknowledges how you and others feel, at any given time, and how emotions are impacting the current situation.
It involves understanding feelings and sufficiently controlling them so one can act effectively.
It emphasizes using interpersonal skills to create positive relationships.
It involves the ability to express emotions in a constructive way - staying in control and effectively solving problems.
Core Components of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness
Self-Regulation
Motivation
Empathy
Social Skills
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Self-Awareness
Understanding ourselves
Knowing what triggers us, what our strengths and weaknesses are, what pushes our buttons, and what motivates us
Recognizing and understanding our moods, emotions, and drives, and their impact on our behavior and how we relate to others
Hallmarks of Self-Awareness
Self-confidence
Realistic self-assessment
Self-deprecating sense of humor - the ability and comfort level with laughing at one’s self
How can we support our children with developing self-awareness?
Encourage children to become mindful and pay attention to what is occurring in any given moment
Encourage children to behave in ways that match how they feel or think
Support children with developing the capacity to reflect on their thoughts and behavior and learn from their experiences
Support children as they learn to tolerate disappointment and setbacks
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Self-Regulation
Ability to manage and redirect disruptive impulses and moods
Ability to suspend judgement of self and others
Ability to stop and think before acting or talking
Hallmark of Self-Regulation
Trustworthiness and having a high degree of integrity
Ability to tolerate ambiguity
Ability to welcome change
Ability to tolerate disappointment
Ability to tolerate not being in control
How can we support our children develop self-regulation?
Develop ways to control tempers and handle challenges without them affecting mood and speech
Develop ways to calm down when angry
When excited, learning ways not to go overboard with effusiveness and disrupt other processes
Develop ways to demonstrate optimism even when faced with difficulties
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Motivation
Developing a passion to work for reasons beyond grades, money, or recognition
Developing an interest in pursuing goals with energy and interest
Maintaining optimism even when things are not going well
Using self-regulation to overcome frustration and, possibly, depression that can result after a setback or failure
Hallmarks of Motivation
Maintaining a determination to achieve
Maintaining optimism even in the face of difficulties
Maintaining persistence even when things become too challenging
Eager and open to explore new approaches and ideas
How can we support our children to become more motivated?
Help children direct their behavior towards goals they’ve set
Help children learn how to track their behavior to see their progress when trying to make changes and improvements in their behavior
Help children learn to clarify and focus their goals, maintaining optimism and a belief that they can achieve those goals with hard work and perseverance
Help children learn to resist short-term temptations that go against longterm goals
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Empathy
Ability to understand and appreciate the feelings of others
Treating people according to their emotional reactions
Learning to respond sensitively to the affect of others
Hallmarks of Empathy
Building relationships and conveying an appreciation of others’ uniqueness
Being alert to cultural and historical differences that can drive emotions
Understanding that people can have different perceptions of the same situation and those perceptions can all generally be accurate
How can we support our children with developing empathy?
Children can learn to appreciate that everyone has feelings, not just them
Children can learn to appreciate cultural differences of others and how to respond to them with those differences in mind
Children can learn to appreciate how a problem can be looked at from many different angles.
Core Emotional Intelligence Concept: Social Skills
Proficient in managing and building relationships with others, individually and in groups
Ability to recognize common ground with others and establish relationships
Recognizing how choice of words can indicate and convey feelings and emotions
Learning how to recognize and respond to nonverbal communications through facial expressions, eye contact, posture, and gestures
Hallmark of Social Skills
We effectively manage relationships when we understand and control our emotions and empathize with others
Motivation contributes to social skill – people driven to achieve tend to be more eager to connect with others
Learning the importance of eye contact, listening, responding appropriately and not monopolizing the conversation, and thoughtfully expressing and interpreting others’ feelings
How can we support our children develop effective social skills?
Helping our children appreciate the importance of nonverbal communication and body language
Helping our children understand the process of connecting with others and showing a genuine interest in the other person and their experience
Helping our children learn to use language and affect to express their needs and influence their environments
Summary Emotional Intelligence can be learned. The process in doing so is not easy and takes much time and commitment on the part of the child, parents, and schools. Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills are all inter-related. The success of one can ensure the success of another. Children who develop a high degree of Emotional Intelligence are aware of things that help them, know how to calm themselves when discouraged or overly excited, are curious about themselves and their world and have a desire to learn, they care about themselves and others, and are adept at communicating their needs and enthusiasm.
Thank You
