Eli Finkel
8/21/2015
MARITAL PERSONAL Effect Size ( r )
0.5 0.4
THE ALL-OR-NOTHING MARRIAGE
0.3 0.2 0.1 0.0
Eli J. Finkel
-0.1
Northwestern University
-0.2 1975
@Eli_Finkel
1980
1985
1990
1995
2000
2005
Christine Proulx et al., 2007, J Marriage and the Family
Ernest Burgess
Stephanie Coontz
1. Institutional
Andrew Cherlin
In expressive individualism, “a relationship is created by full sharing of authentic feelings,” and love “becomes the mutual exploration of infinitely rich, complex, and exciting selves.”
3. Individualistic 2. Companionate
Robert Bellah et al., 1985, Habits of the Heart
2. “Higher need gratificat-ions produce Selfmore Actu-alization profound happiness, serenity, and richness
3.
of the inner life.” Esteem
Belonging and love
Safety
Abraham Maslow Physiological
1
8/21/2015
SPOUSAL TIME
MARITAL HAPPINESS
40
1975 35
2003
Percent “Very Happy” 70%
30 26 25
65%
20 15
13
60% 9
10 5
No Children at Home
2014
2012
2010
2008
2006
2004
2002
2000
1998
1996
1994
1992
1990
1988
1986
1984
1982
1980
1978
1976
0
1974
55%
1972
Hours / Week
35
Children at Home Jeffrey Dew, 2009, Social Forces
MARITAL BLISS @ 10+ YEARS
General Social Survey
IMPLICATIONS: 3 QUESTIONS
Percent Blissed Out 50%
1. What are you and your spouse asking of the marriage? 40%
40%
2. Are the two of you investing the resources required to meet those expectations?
30%
20%
20%
3. If not, can you recalibrate? - Invest more - Optimize resource use (the Marriage Hack) - Ask less
10%
0%
1965
2012 Cuber & Harroff, 1965, book // O’Leary et al., 2012, SPPS
Fin. THE ALL-OR-NOTHING MARRIAGE Eli J. Finkel Northwestern University @Eli_Finkel
2
MARITAL PERSONAL Effect Size ( r )
0.5 0.4
THE ALL-OR-NOTHING MARRIAGE
0.3 0.2 0.1 0.0
Eli J. Finkel
-0.1
Northwestern University
-0.2 1975
@Eli_Finkel
1980
1985
1990
1995
2000
2005
Christine Proulx et al., 2007, J Marriage and the Family
Ernest Burgess
Stephanie Coontz
1. Institutional
Andrew Cherlin
In expressive individualism, “a relationship is created by full sharing of authentic feelings,” and love “becomes the mutual exploration of infinitely rich, complex, and exciting selves.”
3. Individualistic 2. Companionate
Robert Bellah et al., 1985, Habits of the Heart
2. “Higher need gratificat-ions produce Selfmore Actu-alization profound happiness, serenity, and richness
3.
of the inner life.” Esteem
Belonging and love
Safety
Abraham Maslow Physiological
1
8/21/2015
SPOUSAL TIME
MARITAL HAPPINESS
40
1975 35
2003
Percent “Very Happy” 70%
30 26 25
65%
20 15
13
60% 9
10 5
No Children at Home
2014
2012
2010
2008
2006
2004
2002
2000
1998
1996
1994
1992
1990
1988
1986
1984
1982
1980
1978
1976
0
1974
55%
1972
Hours / Week
35
Children at Home Jeffrey Dew, 2009, Social Forces
MARITAL BLISS @ 10+ YEARS
General Social Survey
IMPLICATIONS: 3 QUESTIONS
Percent Blissed Out 50%
1. What are you and your spouse asking of the marriage? 40%
40%
2. Are the two of you investing the resources required to meet those expectations?
30%
20%
20%
3. If not, can you recalibrate? - Invest more - Optimize resource use (the Marriage Hack) - Ask less
10%
0%
1965
2012 Cuber & Harroff, 1965, book // O’Leary et al., 2012, SPPS
Fin. THE ALL-OR-NOTHING MARRIAGE Eli J. Finkel Northwestern University @Eli_Finkel
2
