HomeLife Magazine - April 2012 sample
a fresh take on faith & family
Make Easter a Hands-on
Experience Is it OK to
Question Your Faith? The Truth About Affairs
WWW.LIFEWAY.COM
How to protect your marriage
APRIL 2012
U.S.A. $3.95
Food & Your Family
10 Ways to Outsmart Rising Costs
Wisdom for New Stepmoms
April 2012
contents V O LU M E 6 6 , N U M B E R 7
grow
Features
Look to the Cross 18 Thankfulness keeps the message of Christ’s sacrifice
alive in my heart and life. by Cindi Wood
21 The Great Lie
Good self-esteem isn’t the answer to life’s problems. by Jennifer McCaman
Shadow of a Doubt 22
God doesn’t say it’s wrong to have questions; rather, it’s
what we do with those questions that matters. by Kris Dolberry
nurture
Put Down Your Phone 34 Three rules for happy family life.
by Jon Acuff
One Step at a Time 42 Many things bring insecurity to the surface in a woman’s
life; one of them is being a stepmom. by Joy Allmond
The Wonder Years 48 The preschool age is the perfect time to plant seeds of
faith in young hearts. by Angie Smith
52 Supermom at the Supermarket
Shopping with children is only for the brave. by Elaine Toussaint
© Istock Photo
improve
Shopping Cart Crunch 56 How to outsmart rising costs to feed your family.
On the Cover
60 Make Easter a Hands-on Experience 22 Is It OK to Question Your Faith? 32 The Truth About Affairs 56 Food & Your Family: 10 Ways to Outsmart Rising Costs 42 Wisdom for New Stepmoms
Cover Photo: ©Getty Images / Bounce
by Jennifer McCaman
64 Mind Over Matter
Easy ways to maximize your brain’s potential. by Dawn Pick Benson
APRIL 2012 HOMELIFE
3
contents▶Departments April 2012 grow
improve
14 family discipleship
54 family manager
14
26
Hurry Up & Wait Lessons learned through patience. by Jeff Land
26 soul garden
Rest for the Weary God knows we can get worn out. by Holley Gerth
60 what’s for dinner
Engaged With the Story Recipes for a hands-on Easter experience. by Kelly Hancock
28 power of the home
69 men of honor
What Will Your Legacy Be? Make family development a priority. by Jason Hayes
32 love as a way of life
Key truths to affair-proof your marriage. by Gary Chapman
38 marriage mentors
Take a Mulligan Shared activities help couples connect. by Les & Leslie Parrott
40 smart stepfamilies
Close Encounters Balance time spent together and apart. by Ron L. Deal
45 my home life
4
Plan for a kids’ sleep-away adventure. by Kathy Peel
67 family-friendly media
Slippery Slope of Neglect
60
Happy Campers
nurture
28
Like a Child A simple prayer cut through the chaos. by J. Michael Rifenburg
46 parent line
HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
A Loving Example Your life speaks in ways your lips can’t. by Gary J. Oliver
Must-See Movies
Three new faith-based films.
The Divine Weight How to be a father to the fatherless. by Jason Ellerbrook & Jamie Ward
in every issue
8 welcome home by Gary Chapman 10 mailbox 11 contributors 73 pass it on 74 real life
Strong families build strong churches.
VOLUME 66, NUMBER 7 April 2012
PRODUCTION & MINISTRY TEAM Gary Chapman Executive Editor Dawn Hollomon Content Editor Nancy Cornwell Production Editor Susan Maywald Graphic Designer Stephanie Salvatore Graphic Design Specialist Alan Raughton Lead Adult Ministry Specialist David Apple Adult Ministry Specialist
©T HINK STOCK
Chandra Bennett Editorial Project Leader SEND QUESTIONS/COMMENTS TO: Editor, HomeLife One LifeWay Plaza Nashville, TN 37234-0175 Or email us at [email protected] MANAGEMENT PERSONNEL
Look for the following icons in each issue of HomeLife. They identify resources that cultivate spiritual health and bolster ministry muscle.
Bret Robbe Director, Leadership and Adult Publishing Debbie Johnson & Ken Braddy Managing Directors, Leadership and Adult Publishing ADVERTISING
CONNECT with an Open Heart Mark 12:29-31
Rhonda Edge Buescher Director, Media Business Development for Magazines Scott Hancock Advertising Production One LifeWay Plaza, MSN 136, Nashville, TN 37234 Email: [email protected] Media kits: www.lifeway.com/magazines/media
Printed in the United States of America HomeLife (ISSN 0018-4071, Item 005075226) is published monthly by LifeWay Press®, One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234, Thom S. Rainer, President. © 2012 LifeWay Press®.
GO with Ready Feet Matthew 28:19-20
GROW in Body, Mind, & Spirit Romans 12:2
SERVE with Willing Hands 1 Peter 4:10-11
CONNECT resources encourage worship, prayer, and fellowship in positive relationships at church, work, and home. GROW resources cultivate an increased understanding and knowledge of God through Bible study. SERVE resources point the way to ministry needs inside your church. GO resources move your church family into the community and the world to share the good news of Christ through evangelism and missions.
Learn more at lifeway.com/adults.
For inquiries visit www.lifeway.com, or write LifeWay Church Resources Customer Service, One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234-0113. For subscriptions or subscription address changes, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5818, or write to the above address. For bulk orders shipped to one address, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5933, or write to the above address. Annual individual or gift subscription, $29.95. Bulk orders shipped to one address when ordered with other literature,$1.60 each per month plus shipping. Please allow six to eight weeks for arrival of first issue. To investigate the possibility of advertising in HomeLife, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines. HomeLife does not accept unsolicited manuscripts or queries and cannot accept responsibility for their return. Advertisement Disclaimer: This magazine includes paid advertisements for some products and services not affiliated with LifeWay. The inclusion of the paid advertisements does not constitute an endorsement by LifeWay Christian Resources of the products or services. We believe that the Bible has God for its author; salvation for its end; and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter and that all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy. The 2000 statement of The Baptist Faith and Message is our doctrinal guideline. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
welcome home How Can I Keep From Singing? ALLEN CLARK
When our children were young,
Karolyn and I wanted to teach them table manners. One of our rules was not to talk with a mouthful of food. Another was not to sing when seated at the table. After some consideration, Karolyn and I decided to drop the second rule. The kids would come home from church and burst into singing a song they learned at church, and we didn’t want to squelch this. I believe that as parents we need to re-examine our rules from time to time. Sometimes we carry over rules from our childhood, giving little thought to them. We simply assume that if they were good enough for us, they are good enough for our children. However, rules should be purposeful and should reflect our commitment to biblical truth. For example, the Bible doesn’t tell us where to sing, but it strongly encourages us to sing. The psalmist said, “Come before Him with joyful songs” (Psalm 100:2). A few years ago after speaking to a student group at Harvard University, a student approached me and said, “When I was in first grade, I lived across the street from your church. My mother took me to children’s choir every Sunday afternoon. All the hymns I know I learned in children’s choir.” If you have a child who is being trained to sing in your church, let me encourage you to make time during the month of April to express appreciation to those volunteers. I also encourage you to let your children sing at the table — as long as they don’t have food in their mouths.
Connect With Us: partners with churches to give families biblical and practical counsel that champions life-changing discipleship, dynamic marriages, and effective parenting.
[email protected] lifeway.com/homelifeonline facebook.com/homelifemagazine twitter.com/homelifemag
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HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
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power of the home © Ge t t y Im ages / Ale x Wil son
both had those characteristics when we were kids, and it appears we’ve passed them on. It’s like our home is a breeding ground for blonde-haired rascals! As a parent, it’s natural to think about one’s legacy. I know that I sure do. And while passing on a few physical features is fun, I’m interested in providing more than just my hair or eye color to my kids. If you’re a parent, I imagine you desire the same. As I think of what I want my legacy to be, it’s closely connected to a personal mission statement that Carrie and I embrace as a couple. We decided a few years ago that we needed something to help us gauge our success as a couple. It’s nothing fancy, but it includes some important values such as loving and serving each other faithfully, discipling our children intentionally, giving generously, opening our home regularly, and more. These aspects of our “mission” are broad and could likely apply to you. But many other things that we’re committed to are more unique to our specific personalities and calling. As Christ-followers, we all have one unified mission — to love God and love people. But, as each family is different, there are many ways this can be lived out.
What Will Your Legacy Be?
Avoid Mission-Drift
Unless you’re clear about where your family is headed, you won’t be able to evaluate your efforts. BY JASON HAYES
Want to learn more ways to rediscover the power of your home? Visit lifeway .com/powerofthehome for daily wisdom and encouragement from marriage and family experts.
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HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
MY WIFE, CARRIE, AND I
recently welcomed our newest son, Hyatt. He’s already showing a bit of his own little personality. However, it appears he’s destined to look a lot like his big brothers, Hayden and Henley. They all have cotton-white hair, big blue eyes, and broad smiles. Carrie and I
In life, we frequently have good intentions. We less frequently actually stick to our intentions. As a result, we end up with regrets and often experience a lack of fulfillment. Even if we’re clear about what’s important to us, we’re prone to “mission-drift” without a means of regularly evaluating how we’re actually doing in our efforts. This isn’t necessarily about creating something formal, but rather about doing something intentional. Since the baby’s arrival, Carrie and I have backed away from a lot of things. Some of that was natural since it’s just not wise to be hauling a newborn around town to every activity on the calendar. And, honestly, we’ve also used this as an excuse to step away
Find us on Facebook! facebook.com/homelifemagazine
As Christfollowers, we all have one unified mission — to love God and love people. But there are many ways this can be lived out.
from some things that don’t line up with the mission of our family. These things aren’t necessarily bad, but they may not be the best things for us to be a part of. And, since I’m sharing secrets, we’ve done this with the birth of all three of our kids. Each time we’ve stripped down what we do to the bare minimum with the intent of slowly building our lives back with a renewed alignment to what we deem as important. You can do this, too. For that matter, we shouldn’t just evaluate our outside activities, commitments, and calendaring. Sometimes, we really need to look at what we’re actually doing inside our home.
It All Falls on Us By Carrie Hayes
A
t the end of most days, Jason and I try to pick up our home as best we can. This isn’t a deep cleaning. It mostly consists of removing toys from the floor, taking dishes to the sink, and tossing dirty clothes into the basket. We have times when we do more significant cleaning, but this is more of a response to the day’s activities. Though knowing the house is picked up helps Jason and me relax a bit at night, that’s not our primary reason for doing it. The main reason is simple: No one else is going to do it. And, for that matter, we don’t expect anyone else to do it. It’s ours and, thus, we’re responsible for it. When I think of our family’s development, I have similar feelings. This is especially true for how Jason and I parent. I greatly appreciate and value the help of people like church volunteers and my oldest son’s schoolteacher (just how I’d greatly appreciate a maid!). But, at the end of the day, our family’s development is still primarily our responsibility. Let’s commit together to take responsibility for our marriages and our children. And, in doing this, let’s try our best to make our homes environments that honor God and accomplish what we’re called to do.
Join our community! lifeway.com/homelifeonline
Realign Your Priorities
As I’ve written in past issues, our family is committed to maximizing what I define as the power of the home. In short, this means we believe the home should be a primary hub for our personal spiritual growth. We also believe the home should be an outpost of our local church. In addition, we’re committed to making our home a platform for legitimate missional living. And, as I’m talking about here, we work hard to make it the central environment for our family’s development. As a family, Carrie and I have decided that healthy family development is connected back to our mission. And, thus, in seasons like this or at any other time when it’s needed — we must stop and evaluate whether the activity and attitudes within our home line up with the mission of our family. The same can be true for you. If your marriage is a priority, then why does the ballgame or a TV show take precedence over catching up with your spouse? If you want your kids to really feel loved, then why do you spend more time working at home than spending time with them? If you want prayer to be at the forefront of your family, then why do you relegate it to just a few obligatory seconds before a meal? And if you spend more money on the décor of your home in a month than you will on the needs of others in a year, what does that communicate? The examples could go on and on. Take a few moments today and evaluate if you need to stop and recalibrate. Let’s commit together to better maximize the opportunity we have within our homes. Let’s build a legacy that shadows the godly intentions of our heart, not the active lures of this world. •
Jason Hayes loves his wife, his kids, Jesus, and the Church. He is the author of Blemished and Follow Me (LifeWay) and the co-author of Lost and Found (B&H), which features research cited in news outlets such as USA Today and CNN. Jason and his wife, Carrie, along with their three sons have recently moved to Knoxville, Tenn., to start a new church. Learn more at jasonhayesonline.com.
APRIL 2012 HOMELIFE
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n
power of the home Ministering through your home doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does take intentionality. Here are some practical ways your family can minister right where you live.
go Impact the World From Your Doorstep
Make the Easter Story Come Alive
I used to think you had to go on a missions trip or do something really big to change the world. For years, as I cared for my small children at home, I lived defeated in my dream to do something that mattered. I kept thinking that I’d engage in the problem when my kids are older. I wasted valuable time trying to convince myself that I couldn’t do something to help others. I’m glad I was wrong. Impacting the world happens with our daily choices. We can make an eternal difference by making small, significant choices. Intentional parenting is teaching our children to make every moment matter. Impacting the world happens in those moments. With the Internet and creativity, we can do so many things from home. Here are a few ideas: • Start by serving family members inside the house: Offer to make beds, do the dishes, go the extra mile. Before we reach the world, we need to reach our world. • Make family meals a priority to connect as a family. This time creates a good setting for devotions. • Pray for other countries as a family with helpful books such as Window to the World by Daphne Spraggett (Authentic). • Read books together such as Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris (Multnomah) and You Were Made to Make a Difference by Max Lucado (Thomas Nelson). • Sponsor a child through an organization like Compassion International: Write letters or color pictures, correspond online, keep a binder of letters received, conduct family letter-writing nights. • Welcome new neighbors with a pie and a smile. • Celebrate family birthdays by asking people to give to a cause instead of a gift. • Keep a jar for loose change in a high traffic area to share with a family in need at Christmas. • Baby-sit for a single mom. • Color pictures at home and deliver them to a local nursing home. • Do something unique and extraordinary that only your family can do!
Easter changes everything. The resurrection screams God’s power over death and sin. Try these object lessons to make the lessons of Easter come alive for your kids. ▶ Power Supply. Jesus has all power. “All authority has been given to Me,” He declared in Matthew 28:18. Anything Jesus wanted to do, He did. His authority — the power to act — was not even limited by death. A toaster won’t keep the bread down to toast unless it’s plugged in. Without the power supply, a toaster is all flop and no pop. Is your toaster the same? Or can you find some other creative way to show your kids the difference the power of Jesus makes? ▶ Promissory Note. Jesus keeps His promises. He announced in Luke 18:33 that He would “rise on the third day.” And He did! All of God’s Word, the Bible, is true. Your children need to know they can count on it. Do you have a promissory note? Your kids would welcome one. Or more. “This note is a legal tender ...” it says on U.S. currency. To illustrate this truth, give your kids a dollar bill and let them buy what they want. A bill represents a promise of the issuing bank to pay that debt. God’s Word is full of promises you can count on. ▶ Forgive Me. Jesus offers forgiveness. Colossians 2:13 says God forgives “all our trespasses.” Easter evidences that forgiveness. Asking forgiveness is more than saying sorry. Can you model forgiveness for your kids year round? Ask God to convict you of your shortcomings and sins as they arise with your children. Confess to God, and ask your kid’s forgiveness. “Honey, will you forgive me for [fill-in-the-blank]?” models humility and shows God’s love to your kids. ▶ New Birth. Jesus gives new, eternal life. First Peter 1:3 proclaims, “He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection.” Springtime is alive with new birth. Daffodils and tulips poking through the snow or greening grass and budding trees. In nature, make time to discover new life where you live by visiting a family with an infant, a cat with new kittens, or even hatching chicks. Then discuss new life that Jesus gives. Easter changes everything. Filled with the Spirit and using everyday things, you can impart the power of Easter in your children.
© Phil A shle y / Thinkstock
Kristen Welch writes at her parenting blog wearethatfamily.
com and offers an honest mixture of humor and inspiration. Her first book, Don’t Make Me Come Up There! (Abingdon Press), a book for busy moms, was released in March 2011. Kristen and her husband, Terrell, co-founded a nonprofit ministry in Kenya, Africa, in fall 2010 called The Mercy House. The Welch family have three hilarious children and are proud Texans.
HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
by Aaron Householder
Peanut-buttered toast is Aaron Householder’s favorite. He lives in Lincoln, Neb., with his wife, Melanie, and three kids. Share their lives, with or without peanut butter, at aaronhouse holder.net.
© Thinkstock
by Kristen Welch
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grow
By Angie Smith
48
HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
© Ge t t y Im ages / Priscill a Gr agg
Preschool is a sweet time to plant seeds of faith in young hearts.
© Ge t t y Im ages / Jose Luis Pel ae z Inc © Ge t t y Im ages / Jay Reilly © Ge t t y Im ages / BLOOM im age
the wonder years
I
f I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: “I don’t want to look back and realize I missed this.” Answering a million “Why?” questions. Stepping on fruit snacks only moments after sweeping the floor. Picking up the pieces of your dignity after a tantrum in the grocery store. And let’s not even mention what happens when you go out to eat. Of course you feel frustrated in the moment that your little gift from God is acting like he or she has no home training. But when you take a step back or retell the story to family members and friends, you have to admit that parenting preschoolers is an unpredictable, yet delightful adventure. Parents of preschoolers often sweat the small things — if you consider the big picture of life — and end up wishing away precious moments of preschoolers’ lives. But if you try to see those “working-on-my-last-nerve” moments from a different perspective, you will see that the preschool years are a prime opportunity for you to plant seeds of faith in age-appropriate ways.
Preschoolers are at a pivotal age for beginning to understand God, but you may feel challenged when it comes to translating such huge concepts into bite-sized pieces that they will desire and devour.
APRIL 2012 HOMELIFE
49
2.
Bring Bible stories to life.
Sometimes, from a practical standpoint, this means you have to be willing to get a little creative if you want to help your kids see God’s Word with eyes that are ingrained with desire to love and know Him. I have been blessed beyond measure in the moments when my preschoolers connected with a concept that seemed so “big” in Scripture. For example, we actually tried to count how many hairs we had on our heads after reading Matthew 10:30: “But even the hairs of your head have all been counted.” “Impossible!” was the conclusion we came to together. But God knows more than we will ever know. And that’s the beauty of this preschool age — the openness and curiosity that allows God to be real in ways we regretfully outgrow sometimes.
3.
Help preschoolers understand power.
Power is so important to preschoolers. They are well aware that their parents’ words have power over their lives, but they also are beginning to realize the strength of their own words and actions. For this reason, “No” and “Why?” become indispensable words in a preschooler’s vocabulary. Saying “No” is a way a preschooler claims control over his or her space. Asking “Why?” expresses a desire to understand his world and to question or influence authority. But as a good parent, you must remember that preschool-aged children are just trying to figure out the system. They are trying to make sense of the world around them. You can teach them to use power appropriately by allowing them to make a decision based on a limited number of choices. They gain a sense of control and personal power when they are able to make their own decisions. For example, you might suggest, “Do you want to pick up your toys before or after dinner today?” Guiding them in making good decisions, even about simple matters, will set them on a good path for the future.
As a mom to four young girls, I’m not looking forward to the day when my children are old enough to put on their own socks, when they don’t need me to buckle them in, and when they don’t want me to be there when their friends come over to play. But worst of all, I don’t want to get there and feel like the days of me being needed were wasted or wished away. I know there are things I will have to learn to give up as my kids grow and mature, but I want to feel like I did everything I could to love them well in this age and stage. God chose you specifically for this time, with this child (or children). Let’s storm the gates of heaven together and impact these little ones while we still have such beautiful influence over them. Be creative. Be prayerful. Teach them about the glory and power of God as you bow to Him yourself. Spectacular fruit will grow from this precious garden of intention. •
Angie Smith is the wife of Todd Smith (lead singer of Dove Award-winning group Selah), author of I Will Carry You and What Women Fear (B&H), and a national women’s conference speaker. She holds a master’s degree in developmental psychology from Vanderbilt University and lives with her husband and daughters in Nashville, Tenn.
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HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
© Ge t t y Im ages / BLOOM im age
Preschoolers are at a pivotal age for beginning to learn about God, but you may feel challenged when it comes to translating such huge concepts into bite-sized pieces that they will desire and devour. What are practical ways you can show your children they are important to God? Show them God cares for them through your daily care and concern. Demonstrate that God wants people to take care of the things He made by encouraging them to take care of their toys. Emphasize that God wants us to talk to Him by praying with your preschoolers throughout the day, not just before meals — in the morning before dropping them off at day care, in the evening before going to bed, in the afternoon in response to the beautiful flower she picked or the cricket he picked up, and so forth. Nurture in them compassion for others by providing opportunities for them to serve and be generous in age-appropriate ways. Always remember that children develop spiritually in similar ways, but don’t be alarmed if your preschooler understands some concepts earlier or later than others. Pray, pray, pray for each of your children, and ask God for wisdom about how to do this differently with each one (James 1:5). I firmly believe He will give you such wisdom and provide the means for you to be successful at communicating God’s love to your preschooler.
I know that there are things I will have to learn to give up as my kids grow and mature, but I want to feel like I did everything I could to love them well in this age and stage.
© Ge t t y Im ages / John E Davidson
Help preschoolers realize they are important to God.
© Thinkstock / Hemer a
1.
Make Easter a Hands-on
Experience Is it OK to
Question Your Faith? The Truth About Affairs
WWW.LIFEWAY.COM
How to protect your marriage
APRIL 2012
U.S.A. $3.95
Food & Your Family
10 Ways to Outsmart Rising Costs
Wisdom for New Stepmoms
April 2012
contents V O LU M E 6 6 , N U M B E R 7
grow
Features
Look to the Cross 18 Thankfulness keeps the message of Christ’s sacrifice
alive in my heart and life. by Cindi Wood
21 The Great Lie
Good self-esteem isn’t the answer to life’s problems. by Jennifer McCaman
Shadow of a Doubt 22
God doesn’t say it’s wrong to have questions; rather, it’s
what we do with those questions that matters. by Kris Dolberry
nurture
Put Down Your Phone 34 Three rules for happy family life.
by Jon Acuff
One Step at a Time 42 Many things bring insecurity to the surface in a woman’s
life; one of them is being a stepmom. by Joy Allmond
The Wonder Years 48 The preschool age is the perfect time to plant seeds of
faith in young hearts. by Angie Smith
52 Supermom at the Supermarket
Shopping with children is only for the brave. by Elaine Toussaint
© Istock Photo
improve
Shopping Cart Crunch 56 How to outsmart rising costs to feed your family.
On the Cover
60 Make Easter a Hands-on Experience 22 Is It OK to Question Your Faith? 32 The Truth About Affairs 56 Food & Your Family: 10 Ways to Outsmart Rising Costs 42 Wisdom for New Stepmoms
Cover Photo: ©Getty Images / Bounce
by Jennifer McCaman
64 Mind Over Matter
Easy ways to maximize your brain’s potential. by Dawn Pick Benson
APRIL 2012 HOMELIFE
3
contents▶Departments April 2012 grow
improve
14 family discipleship
54 family manager
14
26
Hurry Up & Wait Lessons learned through patience. by Jeff Land
26 soul garden
Rest for the Weary God knows we can get worn out. by Holley Gerth
60 what’s for dinner
Engaged With the Story Recipes for a hands-on Easter experience. by Kelly Hancock
28 power of the home
69 men of honor
What Will Your Legacy Be? Make family development a priority. by Jason Hayes
32 love as a way of life
Key truths to affair-proof your marriage. by Gary Chapman
38 marriage mentors
Take a Mulligan Shared activities help couples connect. by Les & Leslie Parrott
40 smart stepfamilies
Close Encounters Balance time spent together and apart. by Ron L. Deal
45 my home life
4
Plan for a kids’ sleep-away adventure. by Kathy Peel
67 family-friendly media
Slippery Slope of Neglect
60
Happy Campers
nurture
28
Like a Child A simple prayer cut through the chaos. by J. Michael Rifenburg
46 parent line
HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
A Loving Example Your life speaks in ways your lips can’t. by Gary J. Oliver
Must-See Movies
Three new faith-based films.
The Divine Weight How to be a father to the fatherless. by Jason Ellerbrook & Jamie Ward
in every issue
8 welcome home by Gary Chapman 10 mailbox 11 contributors 73 pass it on 74 real life
Strong families build strong churches.
VOLUME 66, NUMBER 7 April 2012
PRODUCTION & MINISTRY TEAM Gary Chapman Executive Editor Dawn Hollomon Content Editor Nancy Cornwell Production Editor Susan Maywald Graphic Designer Stephanie Salvatore Graphic Design Specialist Alan Raughton Lead Adult Ministry Specialist David Apple Adult Ministry Specialist
©T HINK STOCK
Chandra Bennett Editorial Project Leader SEND QUESTIONS/COMMENTS TO: Editor, HomeLife One LifeWay Plaza Nashville, TN 37234-0175 Or email us at [email protected] MANAGEMENT PERSONNEL
Look for the following icons in each issue of HomeLife. They identify resources that cultivate spiritual health and bolster ministry muscle.
Bret Robbe Director, Leadership and Adult Publishing Debbie Johnson & Ken Braddy Managing Directors, Leadership and Adult Publishing ADVERTISING
CONNECT with an Open Heart Mark 12:29-31
Rhonda Edge Buescher Director, Media Business Development for Magazines Scott Hancock Advertising Production One LifeWay Plaza, MSN 136, Nashville, TN 37234 Email: [email protected] Media kits: www.lifeway.com/magazines/media
Printed in the United States of America HomeLife (ISSN 0018-4071, Item 005075226) is published monthly by LifeWay Press®, One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234, Thom S. Rainer, President. © 2012 LifeWay Press®.
GO with Ready Feet Matthew 28:19-20
GROW in Body, Mind, & Spirit Romans 12:2
SERVE with Willing Hands 1 Peter 4:10-11
CONNECT resources encourage worship, prayer, and fellowship in positive relationships at church, work, and home. GROW resources cultivate an increased understanding and knowledge of God through Bible study. SERVE resources point the way to ministry needs inside your church. GO resources move your church family into the community and the world to share the good news of Christ through evangelism and missions.
Learn more at lifeway.com/adults.
For inquiries visit www.lifeway.com, or write LifeWay Church Resources Customer Service, One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234-0113. For subscriptions or subscription address changes, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5818, or write to the above address. For bulk orders shipped to one address, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5933, or write to the above address. Annual individual or gift subscription, $29.95. Bulk orders shipped to one address when ordered with other literature,$1.60 each per month plus shipping. Please allow six to eight weeks for arrival of first issue. To investigate the possibility of advertising in HomeLife, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines. HomeLife does not accept unsolicited manuscripts or queries and cannot accept responsibility for their return. Advertisement Disclaimer: This magazine includes paid advertisements for some products and services not affiliated with LifeWay. The inclusion of the paid advertisements does not constitute an endorsement by LifeWay Christian Resources of the products or services. We believe that the Bible has God for its author; salvation for its end; and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter and that all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy. The 2000 statement of The Baptist Faith and Message is our doctrinal guideline. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
welcome home How Can I Keep From Singing? ALLEN CLARK
When our children were young,
Karolyn and I wanted to teach them table manners. One of our rules was not to talk with a mouthful of food. Another was not to sing when seated at the table. After some consideration, Karolyn and I decided to drop the second rule. The kids would come home from church and burst into singing a song they learned at church, and we didn’t want to squelch this. I believe that as parents we need to re-examine our rules from time to time. Sometimes we carry over rules from our childhood, giving little thought to them. We simply assume that if they were good enough for us, they are good enough for our children. However, rules should be purposeful and should reflect our commitment to biblical truth. For example, the Bible doesn’t tell us where to sing, but it strongly encourages us to sing. The psalmist said, “Come before Him with joyful songs” (Psalm 100:2). A few years ago after speaking to a student group at Harvard University, a student approached me and said, “When I was in first grade, I lived across the street from your church. My mother took me to children’s choir every Sunday afternoon. All the hymns I know I learned in children’s choir.” If you have a child who is being trained to sing in your church, let me encourage you to make time during the month of April to express appreciation to those volunteers. I also encourage you to let your children sing at the table — as long as they don’t have food in their mouths.
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power of the home © Ge t t y Im ages / Ale x Wil son
both had those characteristics when we were kids, and it appears we’ve passed them on. It’s like our home is a breeding ground for blonde-haired rascals! As a parent, it’s natural to think about one’s legacy. I know that I sure do. And while passing on a few physical features is fun, I’m interested in providing more than just my hair or eye color to my kids. If you’re a parent, I imagine you desire the same. As I think of what I want my legacy to be, it’s closely connected to a personal mission statement that Carrie and I embrace as a couple. We decided a few years ago that we needed something to help us gauge our success as a couple. It’s nothing fancy, but it includes some important values such as loving and serving each other faithfully, discipling our children intentionally, giving generously, opening our home regularly, and more. These aspects of our “mission” are broad and could likely apply to you. But many other things that we’re committed to are more unique to our specific personalities and calling. As Christ-followers, we all have one unified mission — to love God and love people. But, as each family is different, there are many ways this can be lived out.
What Will Your Legacy Be?
Avoid Mission-Drift
Unless you’re clear about where your family is headed, you won’t be able to evaluate your efforts. BY JASON HAYES
Want to learn more ways to rediscover the power of your home? Visit lifeway .com/powerofthehome for daily wisdom and encouragement from marriage and family experts.
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MY WIFE, CARRIE, AND I
recently welcomed our newest son, Hyatt. He’s already showing a bit of his own little personality. However, it appears he’s destined to look a lot like his big brothers, Hayden and Henley. They all have cotton-white hair, big blue eyes, and broad smiles. Carrie and I
In life, we frequently have good intentions. We less frequently actually stick to our intentions. As a result, we end up with regrets and often experience a lack of fulfillment. Even if we’re clear about what’s important to us, we’re prone to “mission-drift” without a means of regularly evaluating how we’re actually doing in our efforts. This isn’t necessarily about creating something formal, but rather about doing something intentional. Since the baby’s arrival, Carrie and I have backed away from a lot of things. Some of that was natural since it’s just not wise to be hauling a newborn around town to every activity on the calendar. And, honestly, we’ve also used this as an excuse to step away
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As Christfollowers, we all have one unified mission — to love God and love people. But there are many ways this can be lived out.
from some things that don’t line up with the mission of our family. These things aren’t necessarily bad, but they may not be the best things for us to be a part of. And, since I’m sharing secrets, we’ve done this with the birth of all three of our kids. Each time we’ve stripped down what we do to the bare minimum with the intent of slowly building our lives back with a renewed alignment to what we deem as important. You can do this, too. For that matter, we shouldn’t just evaluate our outside activities, commitments, and calendaring. Sometimes, we really need to look at what we’re actually doing inside our home.
It All Falls on Us By Carrie Hayes
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t the end of most days, Jason and I try to pick up our home as best we can. This isn’t a deep cleaning. It mostly consists of removing toys from the floor, taking dishes to the sink, and tossing dirty clothes into the basket. We have times when we do more significant cleaning, but this is more of a response to the day’s activities. Though knowing the house is picked up helps Jason and me relax a bit at night, that’s not our primary reason for doing it. The main reason is simple: No one else is going to do it. And, for that matter, we don’t expect anyone else to do it. It’s ours and, thus, we’re responsible for it. When I think of our family’s development, I have similar feelings. This is especially true for how Jason and I parent. I greatly appreciate and value the help of people like church volunteers and my oldest son’s schoolteacher (just how I’d greatly appreciate a maid!). But, at the end of the day, our family’s development is still primarily our responsibility. Let’s commit together to take responsibility for our marriages and our children. And, in doing this, let’s try our best to make our homes environments that honor God and accomplish what we’re called to do.
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Realign Your Priorities
As I’ve written in past issues, our family is committed to maximizing what I define as the power of the home. In short, this means we believe the home should be a primary hub for our personal spiritual growth. We also believe the home should be an outpost of our local church. In addition, we’re committed to making our home a platform for legitimate missional living. And, as I’m talking about here, we work hard to make it the central environment for our family’s development. As a family, Carrie and I have decided that healthy family development is connected back to our mission. And, thus, in seasons like this or at any other time when it’s needed — we must stop and evaluate whether the activity and attitudes within our home line up with the mission of our family. The same can be true for you. If your marriage is a priority, then why does the ballgame or a TV show take precedence over catching up with your spouse? If you want your kids to really feel loved, then why do you spend more time working at home than spending time with them? If you want prayer to be at the forefront of your family, then why do you relegate it to just a few obligatory seconds before a meal? And if you spend more money on the décor of your home in a month than you will on the needs of others in a year, what does that communicate? The examples could go on and on. Take a few moments today and evaluate if you need to stop and recalibrate. Let’s commit together to better maximize the opportunity we have within our homes. Let’s build a legacy that shadows the godly intentions of our heart, not the active lures of this world. •
Jason Hayes loves his wife, his kids, Jesus, and the Church. He is the author of Blemished and Follow Me (LifeWay) and the co-author of Lost and Found (B&H), which features research cited in news outlets such as USA Today and CNN. Jason and his wife, Carrie, along with their three sons have recently moved to Knoxville, Tenn., to start a new church. Learn more at jasonhayesonline.com.
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power of the home Ministering through your home doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does take intentionality. Here are some practical ways your family can minister right where you live.
go Impact the World From Your Doorstep
Make the Easter Story Come Alive
I used to think you had to go on a missions trip or do something really big to change the world. For years, as I cared for my small children at home, I lived defeated in my dream to do something that mattered. I kept thinking that I’d engage in the problem when my kids are older. I wasted valuable time trying to convince myself that I couldn’t do something to help others. I’m glad I was wrong. Impacting the world happens with our daily choices. We can make an eternal difference by making small, significant choices. Intentional parenting is teaching our children to make every moment matter. Impacting the world happens in those moments. With the Internet and creativity, we can do so many things from home. Here are a few ideas: • Start by serving family members inside the house: Offer to make beds, do the dishes, go the extra mile. Before we reach the world, we need to reach our world. • Make family meals a priority to connect as a family. This time creates a good setting for devotions. • Pray for other countries as a family with helpful books such as Window to the World by Daphne Spraggett (Authentic). • Read books together such as Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris (Multnomah) and You Were Made to Make a Difference by Max Lucado (Thomas Nelson). • Sponsor a child through an organization like Compassion International: Write letters or color pictures, correspond online, keep a binder of letters received, conduct family letter-writing nights. • Welcome new neighbors with a pie and a smile. • Celebrate family birthdays by asking people to give to a cause instead of a gift. • Keep a jar for loose change in a high traffic area to share with a family in need at Christmas. • Baby-sit for a single mom. • Color pictures at home and deliver them to a local nursing home. • Do something unique and extraordinary that only your family can do!
Easter changes everything. The resurrection screams God’s power over death and sin. Try these object lessons to make the lessons of Easter come alive for your kids. ▶ Power Supply. Jesus has all power. “All authority has been given to Me,” He declared in Matthew 28:18. Anything Jesus wanted to do, He did. His authority — the power to act — was not even limited by death. A toaster won’t keep the bread down to toast unless it’s plugged in. Without the power supply, a toaster is all flop and no pop. Is your toaster the same? Or can you find some other creative way to show your kids the difference the power of Jesus makes? ▶ Promissory Note. Jesus keeps His promises. He announced in Luke 18:33 that He would “rise on the third day.” And He did! All of God’s Word, the Bible, is true. Your children need to know they can count on it. Do you have a promissory note? Your kids would welcome one. Or more. “This note is a legal tender ...” it says on U.S. currency. To illustrate this truth, give your kids a dollar bill and let them buy what they want. A bill represents a promise of the issuing bank to pay that debt. God’s Word is full of promises you can count on. ▶ Forgive Me. Jesus offers forgiveness. Colossians 2:13 says God forgives “all our trespasses.” Easter evidences that forgiveness. Asking forgiveness is more than saying sorry. Can you model forgiveness for your kids year round? Ask God to convict you of your shortcomings and sins as they arise with your children. Confess to God, and ask your kid’s forgiveness. “Honey, will you forgive me for [fill-in-the-blank]?” models humility and shows God’s love to your kids. ▶ New Birth. Jesus gives new, eternal life. First Peter 1:3 proclaims, “He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection.” Springtime is alive with new birth. Daffodils and tulips poking through the snow or greening grass and budding trees. In nature, make time to discover new life where you live by visiting a family with an infant, a cat with new kittens, or even hatching chicks. Then discuss new life that Jesus gives. Easter changes everything. Filled with the Spirit and using everyday things, you can impart the power of Easter in your children.
© Phil A shle y / Thinkstock
Kristen Welch writes at her parenting blog wearethatfamily.
com and offers an honest mixture of humor and inspiration. Her first book, Don’t Make Me Come Up There! (Abingdon Press), a book for busy moms, was released in March 2011. Kristen and her husband, Terrell, co-founded a nonprofit ministry in Kenya, Africa, in fall 2010 called The Mercy House. The Welch family have three hilarious children and are proud Texans.
HOMELIFE APRIL 2012
by Aaron Householder
Peanut-buttered toast is Aaron Householder’s favorite. He lives in Lincoln, Neb., with his wife, Melanie, and three kids. Share their lives, with or without peanut butter, at aaronhouse holder.net.
© Thinkstock
by Kristen Welch
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By Angie Smith
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© Ge t t y Im ages / Priscill a Gr agg
Preschool is a sweet time to plant seeds of faith in young hearts.
© Ge t t y Im ages / Jose Luis Pel ae z Inc © Ge t t y Im ages / Jay Reilly © Ge t t y Im ages / BLOOM im age
the wonder years
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f I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: “I don’t want to look back and realize I missed this.” Answering a million “Why?” questions. Stepping on fruit snacks only moments after sweeping the floor. Picking up the pieces of your dignity after a tantrum in the grocery store. And let’s not even mention what happens when you go out to eat. Of course you feel frustrated in the moment that your little gift from God is acting like he or she has no home training. But when you take a step back or retell the story to family members and friends, you have to admit that parenting preschoolers is an unpredictable, yet delightful adventure. Parents of preschoolers often sweat the small things — if you consider the big picture of life — and end up wishing away precious moments of preschoolers’ lives. But if you try to see those “working-on-my-last-nerve” moments from a different perspective, you will see that the preschool years are a prime opportunity for you to plant seeds of faith in age-appropriate ways.
Preschoolers are at a pivotal age for beginning to understand God, but you may feel challenged when it comes to translating such huge concepts into bite-sized pieces that they will desire and devour.
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Bring Bible stories to life.
Sometimes, from a practical standpoint, this means you have to be willing to get a little creative if you want to help your kids see God’s Word with eyes that are ingrained with desire to love and know Him. I have been blessed beyond measure in the moments when my preschoolers connected with a concept that seemed so “big” in Scripture. For example, we actually tried to count how many hairs we had on our heads after reading Matthew 10:30: “But even the hairs of your head have all been counted.” “Impossible!” was the conclusion we came to together. But God knows more than we will ever know. And that’s the beauty of this preschool age — the openness and curiosity that allows God to be real in ways we regretfully outgrow sometimes.
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Help preschoolers understand power.
Power is so important to preschoolers. They are well aware that their parents’ words have power over their lives, but they also are beginning to realize the strength of their own words and actions. For this reason, “No” and “Why?” become indispensable words in a preschooler’s vocabulary. Saying “No” is a way a preschooler claims control over his or her space. Asking “Why?” expresses a desire to understand his world and to question or influence authority. But as a good parent, you must remember that preschool-aged children are just trying to figure out the system. They are trying to make sense of the world around them. You can teach them to use power appropriately by allowing them to make a decision based on a limited number of choices. They gain a sense of control and personal power when they are able to make their own decisions. For example, you might suggest, “Do you want to pick up your toys before or after dinner today?” Guiding them in making good decisions, even about simple matters, will set them on a good path for the future.
As a mom to four young girls, I’m not looking forward to the day when my children are old enough to put on their own socks, when they don’t need me to buckle them in, and when they don’t want me to be there when their friends come over to play. But worst of all, I don’t want to get there and feel like the days of me being needed were wasted or wished away. I know there are things I will have to learn to give up as my kids grow and mature, but I want to feel like I did everything I could to love them well in this age and stage. God chose you specifically for this time, with this child (or children). Let’s storm the gates of heaven together and impact these little ones while we still have such beautiful influence over them. Be creative. Be prayerful. Teach them about the glory and power of God as you bow to Him yourself. Spectacular fruit will grow from this precious garden of intention. •
Angie Smith is the wife of Todd Smith (lead singer of Dove Award-winning group Selah), author of I Will Carry You and What Women Fear (B&H), and a national women’s conference speaker. She holds a master’s degree in developmental psychology from Vanderbilt University and lives with her husband and daughters in Nashville, Tenn.
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© Ge t t y Im ages / BLOOM im age
Preschoolers are at a pivotal age for beginning to learn about God, but you may feel challenged when it comes to translating such huge concepts into bite-sized pieces that they will desire and devour. What are practical ways you can show your children they are important to God? Show them God cares for them through your daily care and concern. Demonstrate that God wants people to take care of the things He made by encouraging them to take care of their toys. Emphasize that God wants us to talk to Him by praying with your preschoolers throughout the day, not just before meals — in the morning before dropping them off at day care, in the evening before going to bed, in the afternoon in response to the beautiful flower she picked or the cricket he picked up, and so forth. Nurture in them compassion for others by providing opportunities for them to serve and be generous in age-appropriate ways. Always remember that children develop spiritually in similar ways, but don’t be alarmed if your preschooler understands some concepts earlier or later than others. Pray, pray, pray for each of your children, and ask God for wisdom about how to do this differently with each one (James 1:5). I firmly believe He will give you such wisdom and provide the means for you to be successful at communicating God’s love to your preschooler.
I know that there are things I will have to learn to give up as my kids grow and mature, but I want to feel like I did everything I could to love them well in this age and stage.
© Ge t t y Im ages / John E Davidson
Help preschoolers realize they are important to God.
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