How to Respond
How to Respond There is usually more than one way to reach out in a caring manner. The only real risk is doing nothing.
Signs of Distress Social Isolation/ withdrawing from friends
Increasing worry/anxiety
Inability to concentrate, confusion, indecisiveness
Unexpected and frequent changes in mood
Turbulent relationships
Increased irritability, shorttempered/angry outbursts
Significant changes in weight
Disheveled appearance/deterioration in hygiene
Sleeping too much or too little
Approaching/Responding to the Student Ask the student athlete to meet in private unless they are acting aggressively o “Hey, I was hoping we could talk privately for a bit” OR o “Hey, would you mind coming to my office? I was hoping we could chat”
If possible, notify another athletics personnel of your concern and attempt to meet with the student.
Acknowledge openly to the student that you are aware of their distress o “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself, what’s going on?” o “It seems you’ve been [upset/keeping to yourself] lately, what’s up?”
Express concern & be specific with what you have observed or been told o “I’m concerned because I’ve noticed you haven’t been getting up for your early classes.” o “I’m concerned because I’ve noticed you’ve been late to practice consistently.” OR …not seeming as social with the team.”
Avoid judgment o “I’ve noticed you haven’t been going to classes, why are you so lazy?” OR o “I’ve noticed you’ve been keeping to yourself, why are you being so antisocial?” o “You’re not thinking of killing yourself, are you?”
Ask open-ended questions o Open: “You’ve seemed upset lately, what’s been on your mind?” o Closed: “You’ve seemed upset lately, are you okay?”
Substance Use & Abuse (Alcohol, Drugs, Food)
Severe changes in behavior while under the influence of alcohol
Listen carefully to what the student is troubled about and try to see the issue from his/her point of view without necessarily agreeing or disagreeing (use reflective listening skills and check out their perception of the problem)
Notify your supervisor immediately if a student is demonstrating or indicating any of the following: Anger or violence Self-destructive behaviors (e.g., cutting) Dangerous behavior Talking about suicide Substance abuse Bizarre behavior
State that you are sincerely concerned about their welfare and you are willing to help them explore alternatives. Ask them what they think would help o “I’ve noticed you’ve been having a hard time. I am concerned and wanted to offer some support. Maybe we could problem solve together, what do you think would help?”
Suggest resources and offer hope o “Sometimes it can be helpful to talk with a professional when you’re having a hard time, do you know about CAPS?” o “It seems like you have a lot on your mind, while I’m here for you to talk, it might be helpful to talk to a professional about what’s going on.”
Talking with a Student in Distress DO:
Avoid:
Express Concern
Trivializing or minimizing their concerns
Find a private place to talk
Judgment
Make supportive/non-judgmental statements like:
Avoid statements and words like:
“You seem upset/troubled/stressed.” “What do you think might help you?” “I’m concerned about you.” “I’ve noticed that you (be specific about behaviors)…” “I hear how angry/sad/worried you are.” “Does anyone know what you are going through?” “Who is someone you can talk to about this?”
“Everything will be better tomorrow” “Don’t worry” “Don’t cry” “You shouldn’t feel like that” “When that happened to me, I…” “It’s not as bad as you think” “You’ll feel better in the morning”
“You are not alone.” “Is there anyone you would like to call?” “Given what you have shared, it seems that it would be helpful for you to be able to talk to someone about this.”
“These are the best years of your life” “Do you realize how lucky you are to be in college?” “You’re better off without him/her” “Crazy”
“I have found that students who are facing difficult issues like this benefit from talking to someone at Counseling Services.”
Be Direct, Specific & Non-judgmental Maintain contact with the student after a referral is made
“Abnormal”
Arguing with the student or challenging their beliefs Making promises you can’t keep Over reacting Staying in a situation where you feel unsafe
Counseling & Psychological Services, CAPS 2nd Floor Mooney Hall, 973-761-9500
Suicide Clues, Warning Signs, and How to Ask the Question The more clues and signs observed, the greater the risk. Take all signs seriously!
Direct Verbal Clues: “I’ve decided to kill myself.” “I wish I were dead.” “I’m going to commit suicide.” “I’m going to end it all.” “If (such and such) doesn’t happen, I’ll kill myself.” Indirect Verbal Clues: “I’m tired of life, I just can’t go on.” “My family would be better off without me.” “Who cares if I’m dead anyway.” “I just want out.” “I won’t be around much longer.” “Pretty soon you won’t have to worry about me.” Behavioral Clues: Any previous suicide attempt Acquiring a gun or stockpiling pills Co-occurring depression, moodiness, hopelessness Putting personal affairs in order Giving away prized possessions Sudden interest or disinterest in religion Drug or alcohol abuse, or relapse after a period of recovery Unexplained anger, aggression and irritability Situational Clues: Being fired or being expelled from school Being arrested/legal problems A recent unwanted move Loss of any major relationship Death of a spouse, child, or best friend, especially if by suicide Diagnosis of a serious or terminal illness Sudden unexpected loss of freedom/fear of punishment Anticipated loss of financial security Loss of a cherished therapist, counselor or teacher Fear of becoming a burden to others
Step 1: Ask the Question
Talk to the person alone in a private setting Allow the person to talk freely Give yourself plenty of time Have your resources handy; phone numbers, counselor’s name, or other information o Less Direct Approach: “Have you been unhappy lately? “Have you been so very unhappy lately that you’ve been thinking about ending your life?” “Do you ever wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?” o Direct Approach: “You know, when people are as upset as you seem to be, they sometimes wish they were dead. I’m wondering if you’re feeling that way, too?” “You seem to be having a very difficult time, I wonder if you’re thinking about suicide?” “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
NOTE: If you cannot ask the question, find someone who can. Never leave a suicidal person alone! Step 2: Use Active Listening and Discuss Getting Help Do not rush to judgment Offer hope in any form o “I know things seem really tough right now, but I will help you work through this time.” o Then Ask: “Will you go with me to get help?” “Will you let me help you get help?” “Will you promise me not to kill yourself until we’ve found some help?” Step 3: Refer Take the person directly to someone who can help. The next best referral is getting a commitment from them to accept help, then making the arrangements to get that help. The third best referral is to give referral information and try to get a good faith commitment not to complete or attempt suicide. Call your supervisor. Call CAPS
Counseling & Psychological Services, CAPS 2nd Floor Mooney Hall, 973-761-9500
Asking About Suicide: *Sometimes when people are experiencing difficult situations they have thoughts of suicide, have you had thoughts of suicide? *Have you ever thought things would be better if you were dead? Are you thinking of killing yourself? *With this much stress (or hopelessness) in your life, are you having thoughts of wanting to die? *With all the pain you’ve been experiencing, I wonder if you’re thinking about killing yourself? *Sometimes people who are in similar situations have thoughts about killing themselves…do you have those thoughts?”
Signs of Distress Social Isolation/ withdrawing from friends
Increasing worry/anxiety
Inability to concentrate, confusion, indecisiveness
Unexpected and frequent changes in mood
Turbulent relationships
Increased irritability, shorttempered/angry outbursts
Significant changes in weight
Disheveled appearance/deterioration in hygiene
Sleeping too much or too little
Approaching/Responding to the Student Ask the student athlete to meet in private unless they are acting aggressively o “Hey, I was hoping we could talk privately for a bit” OR o “Hey, would you mind coming to my office? I was hoping we could chat”
If possible, notify another athletics personnel of your concern and attempt to meet with the student.
Acknowledge openly to the student that you are aware of their distress o “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself, what’s going on?” o “It seems you’ve been [upset/keeping to yourself] lately, what’s up?”
Express concern & be specific with what you have observed or been told o “I’m concerned because I’ve noticed you haven’t been getting up for your early classes.” o “I’m concerned because I’ve noticed you’ve been late to practice consistently.” OR …not seeming as social with the team.”
Avoid judgment o “I’ve noticed you haven’t been going to classes, why are you so lazy?” OR o “I’ve noticed you’ve been keeping to yourself, why are you being so antisocial?” o “You’re not thinking of killing yourself, are you?”
Ask open-ended questions o Open: “You’ve seemed upset lately, what’s been on your mind?” o Closed: “You’ve seemed upset lately, are you okay?”
Substance Use & Abuse (Alcohol, Drugs, Food)
Severe changes in behavior while under the influence of alcohol
Listen carefully to what the student is troubled about and try to see the issue from his/her point of view without necessarily agreeing or disagreeing (use reflective listening skills and check out their perception of the problem)
Notify your supervisor immediately if a student is demonstrating or indicating any of the following: Anger or violence Self-destructive behaviors (e.g., cutting) Dangerous behavior Talking about suicide Substance abuse Bizarre behavior
State that you are sincerely concerned about their welfare and you are willing to help them explore alternatives. Ask them what they think would help o “I’ve noticed you’ve been having a hard time. I am concerned and wanted to offer some support. Maybe we could problem solve together, what do you think would help?”
Suggest resources and offer hope o “Sometimes it can be helpful to talk with a professional when you’re having a hard time, do you know about CAPS?” o “It seems like you have a lot on your mind, while I’m here for you to talk, it might be helpful to talk to a professional about what’s going on.”
Talking with a Student in Distress DO:
Avoid:
Express Concern
Trivializing or minimizing their concerns
Find a private place to talk
Judgment
Make supportive/non-judgmental statements like:
Avoid statements and words like:
“You seem upset/troubled/stressed.” “What do you think might help you?” “I’m concerned about you.” “I’ve noticed that you (be specific about behaviors)…” “I hear how angry/sad/worried you are.” “Does anyone know what you are going through?” “Who is someone you can talk to about this?”
“Everything will be better tomorrow” “Don’t worry” “Don’t cry” “You shouldn’t feel like that” “When that happened to me, I…” “It’s not as bad as you think” “You’ll feel better in the morning”
“You are not alone.” “Is there anyone you would like to call?” “Given what you have shared, it seems that it would be helpful for you to be able to talk to someone about this.”
“These are the best years of your life” “Do you realize how lucky you are to be in college?” “You’re better off without him/her” “Crazy”
“I have found that students who are facing difficult issues like this benefit from talking to someone at Counseling Services.”
Be Direct, Specific & Non-judgmental Maintain contact with the student after a referral is made
“Abnormal”
Arguing with the student or challenging their beliefs Making promises you can’t keep Over reacting Staying in a situation where you feel unsafe
Counseling & Psychological Services, CAPS 2nd Floor Mooney Hall, 973-761-9500
Suicide Clues, Warning Signs, and How to Ask the Question The more clues and signs observed, the greater the risk. Take all signs seriously!
Direct Verbal Clues: “I’ve decided to kill myself.” “I wish I were dead.” “I’m going to commit suicide.” “I’m going to end it all.” “If (such and such) doesn’t happen, I’ll kill myself.” Indirect Verbal Clues: “I’m tired of life, I just can’t go on.” “My family would be better off without me.” “Who cares if I’m dead anyway.” “I just want out.” “I won’t be around much longer.” “Pretty soon you won’t have to worry about me.” Behavioral Clues: Any previous suicide attempt Acquiring a gun or stockpiling pills Co-occurring depression, moodiness, hopelessness Putting personal affairs in order Giving away prized possessions Sudden interest or disinterest in religion Drug or alcohol abuse, or relapse after a period of recovery Unexplained anger, aggression and irritability Situational Clues: Being fired or being expelled from school Being arrested/legal problems A recent unwanted move Loss of any major relationship Death of a spouse, child, or best friend, especially if by suicide Diagnosis of a serious or terminal illness Sudden unexpected loss of freedom/fear of punishment Anticipated loss of financial security Loss of a cherished therapist, counselor or teacher Fear of becoming a burden to others
Step 1: Ask the Question
Talk to the person alone in a private setting Allow the person to talk freely Give yourself plenty of time Have your resources handy; phone numbers, counselor’s name, or other information o Less Direct Approach: “Have you been unhappy lately? “Have you been so very unhappy lately that you’ve been thinking about ending your life?” “Do you ever wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?” o Direct Approach: “You know, when people are as upset as you seem to be, they sometimes wish they were dead. I’m wondering if you’re feeling that way, too?” “You seem to be having a very difficult time, I wonder if you’re thinking about suicide?” “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
NOTE: If you cannot ask the question, find someone who can. Never leave a suicidal person alone! Step 2: Use Active Listening and Discuss Getting Help Do not rush to judgment Offer hope in any form o “I know things seem really tough right now, but I will help you work through this time.” o Then Ask: “Will you go with me to get help?” “Will you let me help you get help?” “Will you promise me not to kill yourself until we’ve found some help?” Step 3: Refer Take the person directly to someone who can help. The next best referral is getting a commitment from them to accept help, then making the arrangements to get that help. The third best referral is to give referral information and try to get a good faith commitment not to complete or attempt suicide. Call your supervisor. Call CAPS
Counseling & Psychological Services, CAPS 2nd Floor Mooney Hall, 973-761-9500
Asking About Suicide: *Sometimes when people are experiencing difficult situations they have thoughts of suicide, have you had thoughts of suicide? *Have you ever thought things would be better if you were dead? Are you thinking of killing yourself? *With this much stress (or hopelessness) in your life, are you having thoughts of wanting to die? *With all the pain you’ve been experiencing, I wonder if you’re thinking about killing yourself? *Sometimes people who are in similar situations have thoughts about killing themselves…do you have those thoughts?”
