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The Ability to Transform Money into Cats Understanding your product Once popular in Egypt, feline transfiguration was recently unravelled by covert scientists. There have been records in history of distinctive chants of high priestesses enrobed with plush bath-garments while being crowned with mythical headpieces transforming virgin manes into cascading locks: “abite nummi, ego vos mergam, ne mergar a vobis” (“Cats are regal creatures—everyone wants one. Your allergy to cats is probably imaginary”) Benefits
Eliminate heavy pennies and noisome change. Subtle way of hinting to roommates with cat allergies of past-due rent. Comforting change of pace for moguls living alone in affluent mansions atop private hills with no one but his dozen-strong staff of servants.
Usage instructions Examples of how you can use your newfound infinite power (usage is by no means limited to this list): 1. Grab a fistful of cash from a wallet, preferably your own. 2. Picture in your mind a cat that you actually want; your neighbour's Siamese cat is not off limits. 3. Start harvesting some of the catnip you've been growing in your private catnip conservatory. 4. With a mortar and pestle, pulverise the herbs into a fine powdery substance. For a sudden surge of strength, think about your boss' recent remarks about your last report. 5. Fetch a large ceramic bowl from your kitchen. 6. Mix filtered water and the recently powdered catnip together, and stir vigorously. If it doesn't splash all over your quartz kitchen top, you're not vigorous enough. 7. Soak the fistful of cash that you've been holding on to all this while into the liquid catnip. 8. Let your gaze fall beyond your kitchen's panoramic stained glass windows. 9. Locate a cat that's strolling by that you actually want; your neighbour's Siamese cat is not off limits. 10. Approach the cat respectfully. Remember—you're really the servant here. 11. Wave the catnip-soaked cash in front of the cat's face as it paws at your money curiously. 12. Slowly back away into your kitchen as the cat follows you, licking the substances while it descends into feline bliss. It will now permit you to feed it till the end of time.
13. Alternatively, visit a pet store. Pet stores do not accept damaged money.
Disclaimer
Do not conduct said activities in direct view of members of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Affluence); production of summonses to appear in Court of Coins and time spent in currency-community service are not be covered by package.
Results will vary depending on individuals; persons exuding aura of man’s best friend may need more cultivation time and scratch-resistant gear.
Eliminate heavy pennies and noisome change. Subtle way of hinting to roommates with cat allergies of past-due rent. Comforting change of pace for moguls living alone in affluent mansions atop private hills with no one but his dozen-strong staff of servants.
Usage instructions Examples of how you can use your newfound infinite power (usage is by no means limited to this list): 1. Grab a fistful of cash from a wallet, preferably your own. 2. Picture in your mind a cat that you actually want; your neighbour's Siamese cat is not off limits. 3. Start harvesting some of the catnip you've been growing in your private catnip conservatory. 4. With a mortar and pestle, pulverise the herbs into a fine powdery substance. For a sudden surge of strength, think about your boss' recent remarks about your last report. 5. Fetch a large ceramic bowl from your kitchen. 6. Mix filtered water and the recently powdered catnip together, and stir vigorously. If it doesn't splash all over your quartz kitchen top, you're not vigorous enough. 7. Soak the fistful of cash that you've been holding on to all this while into the liquid catnip. 8. Let your gaze fall beyond your kitchen's panoramic stained glass windows. 9. Locate a cat that's strolling by that you actually want; your neighbour's Siamese cat is not off limits. 10. Approach the cat respectfully. Remember—you're really the servant here. 11. Wave the catnip-soaked cash in front of the cat's face as it paws at your money curiously. 12. Slowly back away into your kitchen as the cat follows you, licking the substances while it descends into feline bliss. It will now permit you to feed it till the end of time.
13. Alternatively, visit a pet store. Pet stores do not accept damaged money.
Disclaimer
Do not conduct said activities in direct view of members of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Affluence); production of summonses to appear in Court of Coins and time spent in currency-community service are not be covered by package.
Results will vary depending on individuals; persons exuding aura of man’s best friend may need more cultivation time and scratch-resistant gear.
