Real Life
Real Life
“
The last thing my mother said to me
From left: Five-year-old Grace, with her mother Anne Daisy and younger sister, Azelia.
before the flight was that she loves me”
I
t was a normal day for the 28-year-old lawyer who was studying in England when she received the dreaded call from her father, informing her about the ill-fated flight MH370. It has been over two years since flight MH370 went off the radar with 227 passengers and 12 crew members on March 8, 2014. However, for Grace, it still feels like it had just happened yesterday. Her mother, Anne Daisy, 58, had been on board the flight to visit her husband who was based in Beijing. Grace now lives at the family’s home while her father has resumed work in Beijing and her sister is currently based in England. She admits it is tough living by herself, but her three cheerful and ever-active dogs keep her going – especially on days when she cannot seem to get out of bed. “Faith, Moose and Hope are my biggest sources of motivation. Faith is a pure black German Shepherd – my mother had always wanted one. Naming her Faith seemed apt as that was something important to my mother.” While the search for flight MH370 goes on, everyone continues to hope and wait for answers. Here, Grace shares how she is coping with putting her life back together.
102
Grace Nathan, whose mother was on board flight MH370, shares how she is dealing with the ordeal BY jasnitha nair
The Malaysian Women’s Weekly | MAy 2016
Constant Uncertainty “When I got the call I immediately took a flight back to Malaysia. It was the worst 14 hours for me. I did not know what was going on. I kept thinking, they could have found the plane, maybe found survivors... “The last news I heard before boarding was that the plane went missing over the South China Sea, so they were looking for survivors in that area,” recalls Grace. “I was worried because my mother does not know how to swim – what are her chances of survival? Once I landed in KL and found out there was no news, in a way I was relieved. That meant there was hope.”
Grace addressing the crowd at an event at Publika which marked two years since the dissapearance of flight MH370.
I did tell her I love her back. It was a rare occasion, especially since we are a typical Asian family and we often only say we love each other when signing off birthday cards. I honestly think that was the only time my mother ever said that to me over the phone. It’s a moment I cherish.”
When Depression Hits “Time has not made things any easier for us. Grief manifests itself in different ways. In the first eight to nine months, I refused to interact with anyone. I hated being in groups and even pushed my closest friends away. I could barely muster the energy to get out of bed. This was so unlike me as I’ve always been a very active person. “When they found the flaperon from the plane recently, that was a breaking point for me. I started having memory loss issues. I would forget which floor I worked on or where I parked my car. “It escalated to the point where I forgot even my client’s name in court! My psychiatrists suggested I take a break from work, which I did from December 2014 until early April 2016.”
Grace and her dad (in white shirt) with friends who helped out with the event at Publika.
Getting Help
PHOTOS: COURTESY OF GRACE NATHAN; shutterstock; 123rf.com
Prepare For The Unknown MORE ON MH370 To leave a supportive message for those affected and to sign a pettition to urge and support the continued search of the missing flight MH370, go to www.facebook.com/ MH370Families For official updates, visit www.mh370.gov.my
“This serves as a reminder that everything is temporary. Anything can change at anytime. You should make preparations. For example, do not assume that you are too young to make a will – that can always be updated from time to time. “It is also important to be transparent with your family. I saw many problems with other families, as the wives and kids were not aware about the existence of a will. “All this can help to reduce the amount of heartache a family faces during times of crisis.”
Say I Love You Often “The last thing my mother said to me before the flight was that she loves me. I can remember hesitating before replying her, but I am so glad
When asked about her views on depression, Grace admitted that although she never took the matter lightly, she never thought depression would be able to affect someone for this long. “My psychiatrists were upfront with me that there is nothing they can do to help me resolve this because there is no closure. In most cases, there is a plan where the end point is in sight. However, there needs to be some sort of closure in order for that to happen. “Medications only help me to sleep better. In terms of coping mechanisms, I try to sleep well, eat well, exercise, avoid being alone and make an effort to engage with others. “They told me to try journalling, but it is too painful. I used to Whatsapp my mother every day until her account ceased to exist (Whatsapp accounts are deactivated when they have not been used for a period of time). I would ask her how her day is going and update her on mine.”
Keep Living Your Life “My dad pushed me to complete my exams, so I went back to England to sit for my papers, even though I was advised to take a year off. In my mind, I was thinking, what if my mother comes back in two to three months? She’d be happy to see me graduated. “Putting my life on hold does not help. It is important to live my life. To try to be as normal as possible and to keep moving forward. It is not easy, but if I stop, it only gets worse.” W
may 2016 | The Malaysian Women’s Weekly
103
“
The last thing my mother said to me
From left: Five-year-old Grace, with her mother Anne Daisy and younger sister, Azelia.
before the flight was that she loves me”
I
t was a normal day for the 28-year-old lawyer who was studying in England when she received the dreaded call from her father, informing her about the ill-fated flight MH370. It has been over two years since flight MH370 went off the radar with 227 passengers and 12 crew members on March 8, 2014. However, for Grace, it still feels like it had just happened yesterday. Her mother, Anne Daisy, 58, had been on board the flight to visit her husband who was based in Beijing. Grace now lives at the family’s home while her father has resumed work in Beijing and her sister is currently based in England. She admits it is tough living by herself, but her three cheerful and ever-active dogs keep her going – especially on days when she cannot seem to get out of bed. “Faith, Moose and Hope are my biggest sources of motivation. Faith is a pure black German Shepherd – my mother had always wanted one. Naming her Faith seemed apt as that was something important to my mother.” While the search for flight MH370 goes on, everyone continues to hope and wait for answers. Here, Grace shares how she is coping with putting her life back together.
102
Grace Nathan, whose mother was on board flight MH370, shares how she is dealing with the ordeal BY jasnitha nair
The Malaysian Women’s Weekly | MAy 2016
Constant Uncertainty “When I got the call I immediately took a flight back to Malaysia. It was the worst 14 hours for me. I did not know what was going on. I kept thinking, they could have found the plane, maybe found survivors... “The last news I heard before boarding was that the plane went missing over the South China Sea, so they were looking for survivors in that area,” recalls Grace. “I was worried because my mother does not know how to swim – what are her chances of survival? Once I landed in KL and found out there was no news, in a way I was relieved. That meant there was hope.”
Grace addressing the crowd at an event at Publika which marked two years since the dissapearance of flight MH370.
I did tell her I love her back. It was a rare occasion, especially since we are a typical Asian family and we often only say we love each other when signing off birthday cards. I honestly think that was the only time my mother ever said that to me over the phone. It’s a moment I cherish.”
When Depression Hits “Time has not made things any easier for us. Grief manifests itself in different ways. In the first eight to nine months, I refused to interact with anyone. I hated being in groups and even pushed my closest friends away. I could barely muster the energy to get out of bed. This was so unlike me as I’ve always been a very active person. “When they found the flaperon from the plane recently, that was a breaking point for me. I started having memory loss issues. I would forget which floor I worked on or where I parked my car. “It escalated to the point where I forgot even my client’s name in court! My psychiatrists suggested I take a break from work, which I did from December 2014 until early April 2016.”
Grace and her dad (in white shirt) with friends who helped out with the event at Publika.
Getting Help
PHOTOS: COURTESY OF GRACE NATHAN; shutterstock; 123rf.com
Prepare For The Unknown MORE ON MH370 To leave a supportive message for those affected and to sign a pettition to urge and support the continued search of the missing flight MH370, go to www.facebook.com/ MH370Families For official updates, visit www.mh370.gov.my
“This serves as a reminder that everything is temporary. Anything can change at anytime. You should make preparations. For example, do not assume that you are too young to make a will – that can always be updated from time to time. “It is also important to be transparent with your family. I saw many problems with other families, as the wives and kids were not aware about the existence of a will. “All this can help to reduce the amount of heartache a family faces during times of crisis.”
Say I Love You Often “The last thing my mother said to me before the flight was that she loves me. I can remember hesitating before replying her, but I am so glad
When asked about her views on depression, Grace admitted that although she never took the matter lightly, she never thought depression would be able to affect someone for this long. “My psychiatrists were upfront with me that there is nothing they can do to help me resolve this because there is no closure. In most cases, there is a plan where the end point is in sight. However, there needs to be some sort of closure in order for that to happen. “Medications only help me to sleep better. In terms of coping mechanisms, I try to sleep well, eat well, exercise, avoid being alone and make an effort to engage with others. “They told me to try journalling, but it is too painful. I used to Whatsapp my mother every day until her account ceased to exist (Whatsapp accounts are deactivated when they have not been used for a period of time). I would ask her how her day is going and update her on mine.”
Keep Living Your Life “My dad pushed me to complete my exams, so I went back to England to sit for my papers, even though I was advised to take a year off. In my mind, I was thinking, what if my mother comes back in two to three months? She’d be happy to see me graduated. “Putting my life on hold does not help. It is important to live my life. To try to be as normal as possible and to keep moving forward. It is not easy, but if I stop, it only gets worse.” W
may 2016 | The Malaysian Women’s Weekly
103
