Risk takers - Clover Sites
Risk takers Ps. Anthony Njoroge – 15 Feb. 2015 Survivor: The Love Edition Sermon Notes QOD: What is your worst “date” experience? Why don't you turn and share with someone next to you. If these stories are anything to go by, relationships in this city are in a tough space. And whether you are single, married or dating, this whole thing about relationships can get so messy. The people who are on the outside are all looking in and praying ”God remember me” and let them in to the relationships club. Hashtag breakthrough today. But there are many people who are on the inside who are looking outside and thinking, “What the Heaven did I get myself in to?” “This guy’s arm pits stink, and I have to sleep next to him every night”. Or “Don’t these kids come with an off button. I need my sleep.” Relationships are interesting. But they can also be very chaotic and unsafe spaces, and we see evidence of this all around us. Single moms, struggling to raise their kids by themselves. Dead beat dads, who’ve walked away from their responsibilities are increasing by the day. Some are in bitter and difficult marriages, wondering how they got there, while others try to avoid the drama by just moving in together. Soon they have kids, become some amorphous union with unique challenges few others will understand. Still others struggle with the pain of failed relationships, broken engagements, abortions, parents as poor role models and blended families. As a result, many of us feel like we are in survivor mode in our relationships. It’s a jungle out there. And we haven't even addressed singleness yet, and the unique challenges that it brings. Our society stigmatizes the unmarried, and makes the term “single” such a dirty word. There is immense pressure on those not in relationships to fall in line, to act, to be, to do. As a result the single people either end up in bad situations, or they end up afraid to enter situations in the first place. And that’s why this month we have been going through a series called SURVIVOR: The Love Edition. The premise of this series is that relationships can be very chaotic and unsafe spaces, and as we look at God’s word hopefully we find a way to maneuver through this jungle of dating and relationships. Today we want to talk especially to the singles, and the unique challenges they face. If you are single, sit tight, you have come to the right place. But if you are in a dating or marriage relationship this message is also for you. I am certain you have single people around you -‐ here at Mavuno Kampala, in your family, your workplaces and as friends. Hopefully this message will not only give you better insights into their world, it will also help you relate with them in a way that gives them, honour and dignity. So take notes. Today we read from Ruth Chapter 3 -‐ Ruth is a small book of only four chapters, and each week we've been looking at a different chapter. Let me remind you to take some time to read through the book this week. Allow me to give some context. As we start to read the book, we come across a lady from Bethlehem called Naomi. As a famine rages in their land, her, her husband and her two sons move to a land called Moab, seeking better lives. There her sons get married. But as fate would have it, her husband dies. Thereafter both her sons die, leaving her with two daughters-‐in-‐law. Broken and with little left, Naomi decides to return to Bethlehem, and urges her daughters-‐in-‐law to go back to their homes. One does, but Ruth decides to return to Bethlehem with Naomi. By the time we are getting to chapter 3, they are back in Bethlehem, and Ruth is spending her time doing what is called gleaning -‐ a practice of collecting left-‐over crops from the farmers' fields after they are done with
harvesting. At this point, she is gleaning in the farm of a man called Boaz, who just happens to be a relative of Naomi's late husband. Let's read. RUTH 3:1-‐13 (NIV) [ ]
3 One day Ruth’s mother-‐in-‐law Naomi said to her, “My daughter, I must find a home h for you, where you will be well provided 2 for. Now Boaz, with whose women you have worked, is a relative of ours. Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing 3 floor. Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know 4 you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and 5 6 uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.” “I will do whatever you say,” Ruth answered. So she went down to 7 the threshing floor and did everything her mother-‐in-‐law told her to do. When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay 8 down. In the middle of the night something startled the man; he turned—and there was a woman lying at his feet! 9
“Who are you?” he asked. “I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a [] guardian-‐redeemer i of our family.” 10
“The Lord bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run 11 after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people 12 of my town know that you are a woman of noble character. Although it is true that I am a guardian-‐redeemer of our 13 family, there is another who is more closely related than I. Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to do his duty as your guardian-‐redeemer, good; let him redeem you. But if he is not willing, as surely as the Lord lives I will do it. Lie here until morning.”
The first thing to note here is that Ruth was single, a situation occasioned by the death of her husband. By this point Naomi is very concerned about her daughter-‐in-‐law. She knows that for her, the time for marriage and relationships is long past. But she has great compassion for Ruth, and still desires to see her happy. What she proceeds to do is to give her the Bethlehem play-‐book – “How to snag an eligible bachelor”. What I like about Ruth is that she took a risk. Fortunately Boaz understood the gesture and reciprocated – they eventually marry. But Ruth knew that she wanted to be in a relationship, and she ventured out. She disregarded any of the challenges that could have held her back, kept her heart open, and fought any sense of inertia. It was a big risk. Boaz could have kicked her off his bed, commanded her to cover his feet and get her to vamoose into the cover of night. She could have lost her gleaning privileges on his farm and ended up with nothing. But I like her because she took a risk. She teaches us the one point of this message, and that is – A RISK TO LOVE IS A RISK WORTH FIGHTING FOR. I see three important things that helped Ruth, lessons that I think can be very useful for us today. 1. Don’t Over-‐spiritualize As Christian people, we often struggle with how to communicate our availability, and as a result, our default behavior is to pray about it. This is presumably because we want to go about relating in a Godly way. But many times all this does is add confusion. We want to know straight up: "is this what God wants?" We want to see his writing on the wall, even though we have never seen His handwriting. Other times we have our own expectations about how things should unfold if God wants things to happen. And other times we feel paralyzed because we cannot hear God. Nowhere in this passage do we see Boaz and Ruth being paralyzed about whether God wants this to happen or not. In fact they go about things in an extremely practical way. There is a basic acceptance that they are both looking for someone and they get on with various types of actions. Ruth gets instructions from her mother-‐in-‐ law and follows them. She asks Boaz to spread the corner of his garment over her, which means essentially to marry her. And Boaz also responds, he acts honorably but also decisively towards Ruth. At no point do you see them on a 40-‐day fast at a prayer mountain where all they eat is locusts and wild honey. They don't over-‐
spiritualize; they respond practically. At this point it is important to say that the danger is not in waiting on God, but in over-‐spiritualizing matters. We want God to be a part of all our conversations and decisions, but what we are calling for is a sense of balance. We are not advocating for people to become serial daters. But we are also not saying that we become so insular that we can never go on a date. I think there is a place to say "Lord direct me". But as He begins to, then we must respond in faith. God has a part to play but you also have your part to play. Take a risk. Go out on a date. God is not going to eat your popcorn, He is relying on you to eat the popcorn He is providing. Remember, A RISK TO LOVE IS A RISK WORTH FIGHTING FOR. 2. Don't Be Too Picky One way to sabotage what God could be doing in your life is being too picky. A friend of mine always tells the story of how every African man wants a woman with long flowing hair that flays in the wind, and that she can run her fingers all the way through her hair. The problem is that most men get a woman who, once she places her fingers in her hair, if she attempts to moves her fingers more than two inches she sabotages her scalp. It is fine to have a checklist of what you want in a future relationship…it's what's on the checklist that matters. If your list includes the big non-‐negotiable rocks such as value system and character, that's fine. Once it gets too specific and says, "I want someone with a nice car, who has blue eyes and dark hair, not too big but not too thin, has to have at least one tattoo, etc.", then it is not okay. You can't build your perfect partner out of your imagination! This is life. Not the Make-‐A-‐Wish Foundation. My point is that it's so easy to get caught up in the superficial, that we forget what truly matters. What good will her long-‐flowing hair be when a few years into the marriage you realize you have completely different value systems, and you believe that its "till death do you part" and her value system tells her it is till "irreconcilable differences do you part"? There's an interesting saying that goes "The child who didn't see his mother as a bride thinks his father wasted his cows.” The point is that you might see your mother today and wonder what your father initially saw in her. But in her day and at the time, she was pretty (can I say) hot!! But people change. If your bench-‐marks are superficial, they will change, and you will be left very disappointed. Remember, A RISK TO LOVE IS A RISK WORTH FIGHTING FOR. 3. Invite Others To Speak Into Your Life What I love about Ruth is that she had allowed Naomi the right to speak into her life. Not only does Naomi realize that her daughter-‐in-‐law needs a husband, she goes ahead and introduces her to Boaz. Ruth doesn't see this as interference nor does she fight it. She actually welcomes it, and it lands her in good stead. Are you looking to enter a dating or marriage relationship? Who is your Naomi? Who is speaking into your life? Are people in your sphere even aware that you are looking for someone? Half the time we pretend so much that we don't even ask God, let alone telling other people that we available for a relationship. Naomi plays an integral role in this story by guiding Ruth on what she should do. For just a moment, allow me to speak to the married people in the room. If you are listening and you are married, you need to realize that you have the opportunity to be a Naomi in the lives of the single people in your lives. You need to realize that your ring does not automatically give you the right to speak into the lives of single people. Just like everybody else, you must earn the right. Naomi had earned the right, and when she spoke, she spoke in a way that did not shame Ruth, rather, it dignified her.
Be aware that married people have a special way of creating social crises in the lives of singles around them -‐ constantly pushing and prodding them, sometimes inadvertently feeding their already large insecurities causing them to feel inferior and incomplete. Why not make a conscious decision today -‐ chose to be someone who builds up, and not tears down. Chose to be one who ministers grace, and never condemnation. Do you want to be a good Naomi to those around you? For one, instead of prodding people, chose to connect people. The theory of six degrees of separation states that you are never more than six connections away from anyone you want to know. When you know you have the right, prayerfully chose to be a connector, just like Naomi connected Ruth and Boaz. Secondly, engage with single people in a way that dignifies and honors them. A little useless story I heard was about a middle-‐aged man who, whenever he attended weddings, his aunts would come up to him from behind, tap him on the shoulder and say, "You're next". He found the perfect response. Whenever there was a family funeral, he would go up to his aunts, tap them on the shoulder and tell them, "You're next". That shut them up. But the point of this is to be gracious. Colossians 4:5-‐6 (NIV) says, "Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person." PRAYER -‐Healing for those who are dating and single. You are whole and complete in God. Don’t let your past hinder you from connecting to what God is doing. People have looked down on you dismissed you on the basis of your singlehood. -‐For the married people, may you become Naomi’s to the people around you.
harvesting. At this point, she is gleaning in the farm of a man called Boaz, who just happens to be a relative of Naomi's late husband. Let's read. RUTH 3:1-‐13 (NIV) [ ]
3 One day Ruth’s mother-‐in-‐law Naomi said to her, “My daughter, I must find a home h for you, where you will be well provided 2 for. Now Boaz, with whose women you have worked, is a relative of ours. Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing 3 floor. Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know 4 you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and 5 6 uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.” “I will do whatever you say,” Ruth answered. So she went down to 7 the threshing floor and did everything her mother-‐in-‐law told her to do. When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay 8 down. In the middle of the night something startled the man; he turned—and there was a woman lying at his feet! 9
“Who are you?” he asked. “I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a [] guardian-‐redeemer i of our family.” 10
“The Lord bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run 11 after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people 12 of my town know that you are a woman of noble character. Although it is true that I am a guardian-‐redeemer of our 13 family, there is another who is more closely related than I. Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to do his duty as your guardian-‐redeemer, good; let him redeem you. But if he is not willing, as surely as the Lord lives I will do it. Lie here until morning.”
The first thing to note here is that Ruth was single, a situation occasioned by the death of her husband. By this point Naomi is very concerned about her daughter-‐in-‐law. She knows that for her, the time for marriage and relationships is long past. But she has great compassion for Ruth, and still desires to see her happy. What she proceeds to do is to give her the Bethlehem play-‐book – “How to snag an eligible bachelor”. What I like about Ruth is that she took a risk. Fortunately Boaz understood the gesture and reciprocated – they eventually marry. But Ruth knew that she wanted to be in a relationship, and she ventured out. She disregarded any of the challenges that could have held her back, kept her heart open, and fought any sense of inertia. It was a big risk. Boaz could have kicked her off his bed, commanded her to cover his feet and get her to vamoose into the cover of night. She could have lost her gleaning privileges on his farm and ended up with nothing. But I like her because she took a risk. She teaches us the one point of this message, and that is – A RISK TO LOVE IS A RISK WORTH FIGHTING FOR. I see three important things that helped Ruth, lessons that I think can be very useful for us today. 1. Don’t Over-‐spiritualize As Christian people, we often struggle with how to communicate our availability, and as a result, our default behavior is to pray about it. This is presumably because we want to go about relating in a Godly way. But many times all this does is add confusion. We want to know straight up: "is this what God wants?" We want to see his writing on the wall, even though we have never seen His handwriting. Other times we have our own expectations about how things should unfold if God wants things to happen. And other times we feel paralyzed because we cannot hear God. Nowhere in this passage do we see Boaz and Ruth being paralyzed about whether God wants this to happen or not. In fact they go about things in an extremely practical way. There is a basic acceptance that they are both looking for someone and they get on with various types of actions. Ruth gets instructions from her mother-‐in-‐ law and follows them. She asks Boaz to spread the corner of his garment over her, which means essentially to marry her. And Boaz also responds, he acts honorably but also decisively towards Ruth. At no point do you see them on a 40-‐day fast at a prayer mountain where all they eat is locusts and wild honey. They don't over-‐
spiritualize; they respond practically. At this point it is important to say that the danger is not in waiting on God, but in over-‐spiritualizing matters. We want God to be a part of all our conversations and decisions, but what we are calling for is a sense of balance. We are not advocating for people to become serial daters. But we are also not saying that we become so insular that we can never go on a date. I think there is a place to say "Lord direct me". But as He begins to, then we must respond in faith. God has a part to play but you also have your part to play. Take a risk. Go out on a date. God is not going to eat your popcorn, He is relying on you to eat the popcorn He is providing. Remember, A RISK TO LOVE IS A RISK WORTH FIGHTING FOR. 2. Don't Be Too Picky One way to sabotage what God could be doing in your life is being too picky. A friend of mine always tells the story of how every African man wants a woman with long flowing hair that flays in the wind, and that she can run her fingers all the way through her hair. The problem is that most men get a woman who, once she places her fingers in her hair, if she attempts to moves her fingers more than two inches she sabotages her scalp. It is fine to have a checklist of what you want in a future relationship…it's what's on the checklist that matters. If your list includes the big non-‐negotiable rocks such as value system and character, that's fine. Once it gets too specific and says, "I want someone with a nice car, who has blue eyes and dark hair, not too big but not too thin, has to have at least one tattoo, etc.", then it is not okay. You can't build your perfect partner out of your imagination! This is life. Not the Make-‐A-‐Wish Foundation. My point is that it's so easy to get caught up in the superficial, that we forget what truly matters. What good will her long-‐flowing hair be when a few years into the marriage you realize you have completely different value systems, and you believe that its "till death do you part" and her value system tells her it is till "irreconcilable differences do you part"? There's an interesting saying that goes "The child who didn't see his mother as a bride thinks his father wasted his cows.” The point is that you might see your mother today and wonder what your father initially saw in her. But in her day and at the time, she was pretty (can I say) hot!! But people change. If your bench-‐marks are superficial, they will change, and you will be left very disappointed. Remember, A RISK TO LOVE IS A RISK WORTH FIGHTING FOR. 3. Invite Others To Speak Into Your Life What I love about Ruth is that she had allowed Naomi the right to speak into her life. Not only does Naomi realize that her daughter-‐in-‐law needs a husband, she goes ahead and introduces her to Boaz. Ruth doesn't see this as interference nor does she fight it. She actually welcomes it, and it lands her in good stead. Are you looking to enter a dating or marriage relationship? Who is your Naomi? Who is speaking into your life? Are people in your sphere even aware that you are looking for someone? Half the time we pretend so much that we don't even ask God, let alone telling other people that we available for a relationship. Naomi plays an integral role in this story by guiding Ruth on what she should do. For just a moment, allow me to speak to the married people in the room. If you are listening and you are married, you need to realize that you have the opportunity to be a Naomi in the lives of the single people in your lives. You need to realize that your ring does not automatically give you the right to speak into the lives of single people. Just like everybody else, you must earn the right. Naomi had earned the right, and when she spoke, she spoke in a way that did not shame Ruth, rather, it dignified her.
Be aware that married people have a special way of creating social crises in the lives of singles around them -‐ constantly pushing and prodding them, sometimes inadvertently feeding their already large insecurities causing them to feel inferior and incomplete. Why not make a conscious decision today -‐ chose to be someone who builds up, and not tears down. Chose to be one who ministers grace, and never condemnation. Do you want to be a good Naomi to those around you? For one, instead of prodding people, chose to connect people. The theory of six degrees of separation states that you are never more than six connections away from anyone you want to know. When you know you have the right, prayerfully chose to be a connector, just like Naomi connected Ruth and Boaz. Secondly, engage with single people in a way that dignifies and honors them. A little useless story I heard was about a middle-‐aged man who, whenever he attended weddings, his aunts would come up to him from behind, tap him on the shoulder and say, "You're next". He found the perfect response. Whenever there was a family funeral, he would go up to his aunts, tap them on the shoulder and tell them, "You're next". That shut them up. But the point of this is to be gracious. Colossians 4:5-‐6 (NIV) says, "Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person." PRAYER -‐Healing for those who are dating and single. You are whole and complete in God. Don’t let your past hinder you from connecting to what God is doing. People have looked down on you dismissed you on the basis of your singlehood. -‐For the married people, may you become Naomi’s to the people around you.
