save our family foundation
SAVE OUR FAMILY FOUNDATION
ROLE OF DIALOGUE BASED COMMUNITY FORUMS TO PREVENT FAMILY VIOLENCE
Contact : NDAYISABA Edouard P.O.Box: 1437 Kigali – Rwanda E-mail: [email protected]; Tel: +250788302624;
January, 2013
INTRODUCTION The “Save Our Family” (SOF) is foundation founded by NDAYISABA Edouard and NYIRANEZA Marie Denise aiming at helping families to prevent violence based family, by strengthening love in mutual respect by active non-violent dialogue and pardon between husband and wife; prevent disputes and divorce of married partners.
BACKGROUND In Rwanda, a serious epidemic is raising and attacks Rwandan families. Some Rwandan families are facing a serious problem of disputes that lead to divorce or death of one partner caused by his/her partner of the married couple. Man kills his wife, woman kills his husband, parents kill their children and children kill their parents, etc. In our days, such cases of death and divorce are considerably increasing in Rwanda; many children are leaving their families due to the disputes in their families. The infidelities are increasing due to non sexual satisfaction and disputes. The lack of dialogue between husband and wife, Word of God, prayers in families, sharing experience of life in families are key factors contributing to the disputes in family. Save Our Family Foundation started its mission by approaching some vulnerable families and later these families make a forum where they met, discussed and exchanged ideas on their roles, responsibilities to renounce bad practices and indiscipline for men & women towards each other, and emphasize on best practices for love, mutual respect, pardon, patience, collaboration and active nonviolent dialogue. And discuss their roles and responsibilities towards their children, relatives and the community. And to announce violence to competent authority in case it happens. Now, these families are happy for the benefits that they have got from such forums of married couples. After one year, Save Our Family Foundation carried out participatory direct broadcasting emissions from National Radio Rwanda, and many married couples reported to be happy with the emissions but requested to be approached by
expert to share constructive ideas. The emissions were done in national language, which is common to all nationals and it was participatory through phone calls and SMS. Save Our Family Foundation believes that information, love and active non-violent dialogue among family members are the key issues to prevent violence based family. Save Our Family Foundation has a projection of organizing many forums at local level in the near future aiming at regrouping men and women to discuss their roles, responsibilities and appropriate practices to prevent violence based family! The experience of working with communities so far indicates that forums where active non-violent dialogue are organized, husbands and their wives understand well their role and responsibilities to prevent violence based family. Forums of dialogue are effective in message disseminations, driving communities into action, and creating behavior change.
DIALOGUE BASED COMMUNITY FORUMS TO PREVENT FAMILY VIOLENCE Part 1: Forum by local community The forum by community is an important and effective way to meet local population face to face and sharing ideas and views on specific issue. Men, women and children are interested to know or learn best practices that can help them to prevent violence in the family. The importance of such meetings is that local community is involved in identifying their roles and responsibilities in solving the problem. To be successful, these forums must be well organized, prepare an interesting topic for discussion and give them enough time to talk to you and strategically orient them to the focus of the meeting. You have prepare them to accept the instruments that you are going to use in conducting your meeting, such microphones, recording, camera and photos.
Part 2: Why community needs a dialogue? A dialogue is a powerful tool that helps people to understand concept, problems and find appropriate solutions to their problems. The community should be involved in preventing and solving the problems of violence in their families because that violence is done in the family by the family members. To prevent or end the violence, family members are involve in best ways and practices that can help them to end-up this problem. Under guidance of expertise, community should discuss the problem and draw their solutions. To find best solutions, the forum should base on the local cultural behaviors and attitudes. Part 3: Relevant message to right audience To give an effective message, you have to draw an interesting topic and targeting appropriate audience. The audience may differ from another audience. You have to be careful on the audience. Examples of audience in preventing violence based family are the following: 1. If you want to call upon women to understand their roles and responsibilities in preventing violence based family, you have to choose only women. That Forum of women should focus only to discuss their roles, responsibilities to renounce bad practices, behaviors and indiscipline for women towards their husbands, children and emphasize best practices to keep their husbands and children happy, so to maintain the family stable 2. If you want to call upon men to understand their roles and responsibilities in preventing violence based family, you have to choose only men. Forums of men should focus only to discuss their roles, responsibilities to renounce bad practices, behaviors and indiscipline for men towards their wives, and emphasize best practices for men to maintain their wives and children happy, so to maintain the family stable 3. If you want the husband and wife to understand the importance of mutual respect and love between a husband and a wife to prevent violence based family, you should choose married couples. Forums of married couples
should focus on and discuss their roles, co-responsibilities to renounce bad practices and indiscipline for men & women towards each other, and emphasize on best practices for love, mutual respect, pardon, patience, collaboration and active non-violent dialogue. And discuss their roles and responsibilities towards their children, relatives and the community. And to announce violence to competent authority in case it happens 4. If you want youth to understand the future without violence and prepare their own families without violence, you have to make a forum of youth and fiancées. Forums of youth should discuss their roles, behaviors, and responsibilities basing on the experience from their parents and community in general. The lessons drawn from their parents and community may help them to take good decisions and make good choice for their future without violence to maintain the family stable, and to announce violence to competent authority in case it happens
Part 4: Organizing community forum As discussed in previous parts, you have to choose an interesting topic to attract the audience to talk and discuss. After that, you have to know how you will reach the community to gathering your targeting group. You have to use appropriate channels to communicate them. To be successful, you have to use existing local community mobilizers and other means of communications such as local radios, churches etc… You have to make sure your message reaches the targeted group without losing its original consistency.
Part 5: Conducting a Dialogue Dialogue by community is very important to prevent violence in the family. The dialogue should focus on the problem that they do have or to increase awareness on the problem. Women and children especially girls are most vulnerable in many communities around the world. Every dialogue should be targeting on strengthening women and girls by involving them in the process of taking
decisions, being political decisions or community and family decision. The men should clearly understand their roles and responsibilities in protecting the rights of women and girls. They should understand the importance and benefits of having a family without violence. During the dialogue and discussion, you have to encourage people to talk by discovering themselves the problems, to discuss its bad effects to the society. And encourage them to find the appropriate solutions to their current situation. Fixing own targets and appropriate strategies in terms of preventing violence based family. Part 6: Feedback and results oriented After the dialogue, you should get positive feedback and results of behavior changes from the community in terms of preventing violence. You should have many men and women changed who become partners to prevent violence based family. After the dialogue, you should make documentaries such as films, brochures and books that could help others. You should facilitate them to form small groups that would help them to continuously meet and evaluate what they have done, and along the period, they can also organize another forum and invite experts to refresh them. They could also put a mechanism of continuous selfassistance each other for the sustainability of the action. As an initiator, you should organize refresh visits to support their activities. Part 7: Special involvement of women and girls to fight violence Generally, women are the pillars of a good family and many cases of domestic violence are done to women and/or girls. Women are the principal actors of development of the family. So they have to be prevented from any violence against them. They have to be fully involved to fight violence against them. They have be enough educated in all domains especially in management of the family and fight any violence against the family. Women are powerful in all activities related to socio-economic development of any country around the world. Educating women is to educate the community, powerful women equal to powerful community.
Part 8: Avon Communications awards Once we are awarded, the price award will be help “Save Our Family” foundation to expand my targeted communities especially, empowering women in managing family conflicts and prevent violence based family. It will help also contribute highly to play a film named “IBANGA RY’URUGO” meaning “SECRET OF FAMILY” written by us that may contribute significantly to behavior changing of many men and women about negative behaviors and adoption of best practices that can help husbands and wives to prevent violence based family.
CONCLUSION Fighting violence based family is role and responsibility of every one living in the community. To be successful in this war, it is crucial to involve all stakeholders especially family members and the entire community. The dialogue based community forum should be encouraged for the community to own the solutions to the problems. “Save Our Family” Foundation will continuously, in its limited capacity, try to organize such forums and using broadcasting media, films, brochures and books to spread the message of active non-violent dialogue in the community.
By NDAYISABA Edouard
ROLE OF DIALOGUE BASED COMMUNITY FORUMS TO PREVENT FAMILY VIOLENCE
Contact : NDAYISABA Edouard P.O.Box: 1437 Kigali – Rwanda E-mail: [email protected]; Tel: +250788302624;
January, 2013
INTRODUCTION The “Save Our Family” (SOF) is foundation founded by NDAYISABA Edouard and NYIRANEZA Marie Denise aiming at helping families to prevent violence based family, by strengthening love in mutual respect by active non-violent dialogue and pardon between husband and wife; prevent disputes and divorce of married partners.
BACKGROUND In Rwanda, a serious epidemic is raising and attacks Rwandan families. Some Rwandan families are facing a serious problem of disputes that lead to divorce or death of one partner caused by his/her partner of the married couple. Man kills his wife, woman kills his husband, parents kill their children and children kill their parents, etc. In our days, such cases of death and divorce are considerably increasing in Rwanda; many children are leaving their families due to the disputes in their families. The infidelities are increasing due to non sexual satisfaction and disputes. The lack of dialogue between husband and wife, Word of God, prayers in families, sharing experience of life in families are key factors contributing to the disputes in family. Save Our Family Foundation started its mission by approaching some vulnerable families and later these families make a forum where they met, discussed and exchanged ideas on their roles, responsibilities to renounce bad practices and indiscipline for men & women towards each other, and emphasize on best practices for love, mutual respect, pardon, patience, collaboration and active nonviolent dialogue. And discuss their roles and responsibilities towards their children, relatives and the community. And to announce violence to competent authority in case it happens. Now, these families are happy for the benefits that they have got from such forums of married couples. After one year, Save Our Family Foundation carried out participatory direct broadcasting emissions from National Radio Rwanda, and many married couples reported to be happy with the emissions but requested to be approached by
expert to share constructive ideas. The emissions were done in national language, which is common to all nationals and it was participatory through phone calls and SMS. Save Our Family Foundation believes that information, love and active non-violent dialogue among family members are the key issues to prevent violence based family. Save Our Family Foundation has a projection of organizing many forums at local level in the near future aiming at regrouping men and women to discuss their roles, responsibilities and appropriate practices to prevent violence based family! The experience of working with communities so far indicates that forums where active non-violent dialogue are organized, husbands and their wives understand well their role and responsibilities to prevent violence based family. Forums of dialogue are effective in message disseminations, driving communities into action, and creating behavior change.
DIALOGUE BASED COMMUNITY FORUMS TO PREVENT FAMILY VIOLENCE Part 1: Forum by local community The forum by community is an important and effective way to meet local population face to face and sharing ideas and views on specific issue. Men, women and children are interested to know or learn best practices that can help them to prevent violence in the family. The importance of such meetings is that local community is involved in identifying their roles and responsibilities in solving the problem. To be successful, these forums must be well organized, prepare an interesting topic for discussion and give them enough time to talk to you and strategically orient them to the focus of the meeting. You have prepare them to accept the instruments that you are going to use in conducting your meeting, such microphones, recording, camera and photos.
Part 2: Why community needs a dialogue? A dialogue is a powerful tool that helps people to understand concept, problems and find appropriate solutions to their problems. The community should be involved in preventing and solving the problems of violence in their families because that violence is done in the family by the family members. To prevent or end the violence, family members are involve in best ways and practices that can help them to end-up this problem. Under guidance of expertise, community should discuss the problem and draw their solutions. To find best solutions, the forum should base on the local cultural behaviors and attitudes. Part 3: Relevant message to right audience To give an effective message, you have to draw an interesting topic and targeting appropriate audience. The audience may differ from another audience. You have to be careful on the audience. Examples of audience in preventing violence based family are the following: 1. If you want to call upon women to understand their roles and responsibilities in preventing violence based family, you have to choose only women. That Forum of women should focus only to discuss their roles, responsibilities to renounce bad practices, behaviors and indiscipline for women towards their husbands, children and emphasize best practices to keep their husbands and children happy, so to maintain the family stable 2. If you want to call upon men to understand their roles and responsibilities in preventing violence based family, you have to choose only men. Forums of men should focus only to discuss their roles, responsibilities to renounce bad practices, behaviors and indiscipline for men towards their wives, and emphasize best practices for men to maintain their wives and children happy, so to maintain the family stable 3. If you want the husband and wife to understand the importance of mutual respect and love between a husband and a wife to prevent violence based family, you should choose married couples. Forums of married couples
should focus on and discuss their roles, co-responsibilities to renounce bad practices and indiscipline for men & women towards each other, and emphasize on best practices for love, mutual respect, pardon, patience, collaboration and active non-violent dialogue. And discuss their roles and responsibilities towards their children, relatives and the community. And to announce violence to competent authority in case it happens 4. If you want youth to understand the future without violence and prepare their own families without violence, you have to make a forum of youth and fiancées. Forums of youth should discuss their roles, behaviors, and responsibilities basing on the experience from their parents and community in general. The lessons drawn from their parents and community may help them to take good decisions and make good choice for their future without violence to maintain the family stable, and to announce violence to competent authority in case it happens
Part 4: Organizing community forum As discussed in previous parts, you have to choose an interesting topic to attract the audience to talk and discuss. After that, you have to know how you will reach the community to gathering your targeting group. You have to use appropriate channels to communicate them. To be successful, you have to use existing local community mobilizers and other means of communications such as local radios, churches etc… You have to make sure your message reaches the targeted group without losing its original consistency.
Part 5: Conducting a Dialogue Dialogue by community is very important to prevent violence in the family. The dialogue should focus on the problem that they do have or to increase awareness on the problem. Women and children especially girls are most vulnerable in many communities around the world. Every dialogue should be targeting on strengthening women and girls by involving them in the process of taking
decisions, being political decisions or community and family decision. The men should clearly understand their roles and responsibilities in protecting the rights of women and girls. They should understand the importance and benefits of having a family without violence. During the dialogue and discussion, you have to encourage people to talk by discovering themselves the problems, to discuss its bad effects to the society. And encourage them to find the appropriate solutions to their current situation. Fixing own targets and appropriate strategies in terms of preventing violence based family. Part 6: Feedback and results oriented After the dialogue, you should get positive feedback and results of behavior changes from the community in terms of preventing violence. You should have many men and women changed who become partners to prevent violence based family. After the dialogue, you should make documentaries such as films, brochures and books that could help others. You should facilitate them to form small groups that would help them to continuously meet and evaluate what they have done, and along the period, they can also organize another forum and invite experts to refresh them. They could also put a mechanism of continuous selfassistance each other for the sustainability of the action. As an initiator, you should organize refresh visits to support their activities. Part 7: Special involvement of women and girls to fight violence Generally, women are the pillars of a good family and many cases of domestic violence are done to women and/or girls. Women are the principal actors of development of the family. So they have to be prevented from any violence against them. They have to be fully involved to fight violence against them. They have be enough educated in all domains especially in management of the family and fight any violence against the family. Women are powerful in all activities related to socio-economic development of any country around the world. Educating women is to educate the community, powerful women equal to powerful community.
Part 8: Avon Communications awards Once we are awarded, the price award will be help “Save Our Family” foundation to expand my targeted communities especially, empowering women in managing family conflicts and prevent violence based family. It will help also contribute highly to play a film named “IBANGA RY’URUGO” meaning “SECRET OF FAMILY” written by us that may contribute significantly to behavior changing of many men and women about negative behaviors and adoption of best practices that can help husbands and wives to prevent violence based family.
CONCLUSION Fighting violence based family is role and responsibility of every one living in the community. To be successful in this war, it is crucial to involve all stakeholders especially family members and the entire community. The dialogue based community forum should be encouraged for the community to own the solutions to the problems. “Save Our Family” Foundation will continuously, in its limited capacity, try to organize such forums and using broadcasting media, films, brochures and books to spread the message of active non-violent dialogue in the community.
By NDAYISABA Edouard
