what every man magnet knows
What Every Man Magnet Knows: 7 Ways to Attract and Keep the Relationship You Desire
By Jonathon Aslay Your Guy Spy into the Male Mind and Your Heart Protector Copyright © 2015 JSA Communications
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The information provided in this book is designed to be intellectually and conversationally stimulating, and it is for enlightenment purposes only. It is not intended to replace the advice and care of your physician, nor is it intended to be used for mental or medical diagnosis and/or treatment. Jonathon Aslay makes no guarantees or represents he will find you a match or resolve your relationship issue; his services are merely designed to help you make a shift in a positive direction.
Table of Contents
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Introduction…………………………………………………………………….page 4 Important Note……………………………………………………………….page 6 Principle #1: Fall in Love with Yourself First………………….page 8 Principle #2: Know What You Want in a Man………………..page 14 Principle #3: Know What Your Dream Man is Looking For…….. …………..page 21 Principle #4: Be Passionate and Detached…………………….page 24 Principle #5: Always Be Curious…………………………………….page 27 Principle #6: Stay Open and Positive…………………………….page 30 Principle #7: Keep Your Energy Light and Flowing………. page 33 Conclusion………………………………………………………………………. page 36 Cheat Sheet for Making Him Fall for You……………………….page 37
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Introduction Many women I talk to have a hard time attracting the type of relationship they want. Often, the men they attract are all wrong for them, or the relationship doesn’t get off the ground. They disappear or do the slow fade, or the women realize early on that these guys aren’t their one. And if one of them does attract a good guy, she’s not sure how to keep the relationship going long enough for him to fall in love. Either way, women come to me frustrated and ready to quit dating altogether. I hear statements like… “There are no good men out there.” “I can’t believe my bad luck with men.” “My friend Sharon doesn’t have as much to offer men as I do, but she’s always got someone. How come I don’t?” “Men don’t want anything more than sex.”
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“Two guys told me they weren’t ready for a relationship, and then they married the very next woman they dated after me. What’s wrong with ME?” These women are hurting, and they don’t understand why dating has gone so horribly wrong for them. They want answers and help to improve their dating situations. If you nodded your head at any of the above, keep reading. I’ll help you attract the relationship you deserve and desire, and most importantly, I’ll show you how to KEEP it going. And it all begins with loving yourself, knowing who you are, and deciding what you want. You’ll have fun with this, but it will make you think too. Let’s get started!
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***Important Note*** Please Read*** As you go through this book, you’ll realize how much power you have to attract and create the relationship you want. I’m not kidding. Enjoy the fact that you can influence all your relationships for the better very easily, just by being you… an amazing woman. But some who read this book will (understandably) ask me one question: “Jonathon, why is it up to ME to do all this stuff? Why not him?” This is going to sound lame, but it’s the truth… Men do not seek help like women do. That’s just how we are. Heck, we don’t like to ask for directions! So it’s up to you to get the ball rolling. It’s unfair and it sucks, I know. But if you take the bull by the horns and jump in here, you can find, create, and keep a truly wonderful, happy, great relationship.
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And a few short months from now, you’ll be thrilled with the results. Give me one hour and read this workbook, or use it as a reference during the workshop. You’ll have access to the recording so you can listen to it as much as you need to. Your dating life will change for the better, and you’ll wonder how you ever managed without this information. Good luck, and know I’m always here for you. Hugs, Jonathon
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Principle #1: Fall in Love with Yourself First What are relationship-ready guys really looking for? A hot body and large breasts? Nope. Someone to cook and clean and look pretty? Nope. Guys want a happy woman who loves herself, is comfortable in her own skin, and is easy to be around. Yep, it’s true. All you need to do is be the happiest you that you can be. When you love yourself, men love you. They’re drawn to you and can’t help but want to be near you. You have a glow they can’t resist. Here’s how you fall in love with yourself, heal old wounds, and get that glow… It all begins with you. Honor yourself. Above all else, be true to yourself, even if it means leaving a relationship. You’re the one you’ll have a lifetime relationship with, so make choices that will benefit you and make you happy. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Men love women who honor themselves, even if they have to say no occasionally. An example of honoring yourself is not going out with your guy on Thursdays, because that’s your night with your best girlfriend and has been for years… long before he came along. Let go of the past, and forgive yourself. If you’re anything like me, you’ve beaten yourself up about your past. Stop now. We all have pasts, and we’ve all made mistakes. Forgive yourself and forgive your exes. Don’t be ashamed of your mistakes; they led you where you are today and will take you where you’ll be tomorrow, which is a great place. Don’t forget what’s happened in your past, but leave it there… it’s history. You may need to take some time alone to work on your past, but it’s well worth it. One way to let go of your past is to acknowledge your part in your last relationship, and acknowledge his part. Know what you did right and what you could have done better. Then let it go in your mind. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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What did you do right and not so right in your last relationship? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ How about your partner? What did he do (or what didn’t he do)? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Have fun. Men love it when women have their own lives outside the relationship. Do what you love. If you enjoy volunteering, find a good cause. If you like helping people, find a way to do it that you’ll benefit from. Keep doing you, and if it’s not fun, it isn’t worth doing… right?
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Pamper yourself. When you feel beautiful, that aura you have glows even brighter. Do what makes you feel your most amazing self. If you’ve been thinking about a new haircut, go for it! Buy that perfume you’ve had your eye on, or treat your BFF to a spa day with you. How do you “do you”, and how do you pamper yourself? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Know your worth. So many times, I hear women say things like, “He’s the only man in this world for me” as these men treat them badly. No, he’s not, and you are worth far more than that. Own it! When you do, the quality of men you attract will instantly improve. And you’ll be amazed at how you’re treated—like the queen you are.
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Don’t settle. This one can be a bit tricky. I don’t mean you should settle for a man who doesn’t love you or treats you badly. You should always feel like your man treasures and values you. When women say they won’t settle, they’re often holding out for a handsome, athletic man who makes six figures, lives in a mansion, and has three degrees. In all my years of coaching women, I can say that typically those men make the worst mates because they’re hung up on maintaining their status and are rarely home. Or they cheat on their spouses because they feel entitled to have any woman they want. Often, women are too focused on the man’s external trappings and don’t take the time to find out who he is under all that money or his high-powered career. Please don’t do that. Look for a man who loves you and shows you every day what you mean to him. Don’t be hung up on the little, superficial things about men, just as you wouldn’t want them to overlook you for them. Choose a man of good character who cares about you and treats you as you deserve to be treated. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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We’ll talk more about not settling and about what you want in a man in the next chapter. What can you do to fall in love with yourself? Include what you can do to honor yourself, heal yourself, and realize your worth. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ When I say, “Don’t settle,” what does that make you think of? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ We’ll talk more about settling in the next chapter, so keep this in mind.
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Principle #2: Know What You Want in a Man When I discuss not settling with my clients, I ask them to think about what they want and don’t want in a man. I will always encourage you to stand tall for what you want, but you have to know what it is. The right man can’t fall in love with you if you can’t find him. If you don’t know who that right man is, you won’t know where to look or how you’ll know you’ve found him. Women are amazing creatures because they’re so loving and accepting of us men, even when we screw up. But the dark side to all that love and light is that women sometimes accept too much bad behavior from men, or they allow men into their lives who need a lot of fixing… too much, in fact. Every man has his issues, and you need to decide what your deal breakers are. But you deserve a man who is ready for a relationship now, not in five years after he’s fixed. A man who is not ready for a relationship will not and cannot fall in love with you because his head isn’t in the right place. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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This is the reason I help my clients determine if their men are relationship material. I try to spare them from heartbreak if they aren’t… and I show them how to create a great relationship if they are. So what are your deal breakers? When I ask women this, I sometimes get answers like: • No less than six figures a year income. • No bald guys. • No guys more than four years older or younger. • No short guys. • Must have a nice house and a newer car. Then other times, I ask the question and I get responses like: • No drug or alcohol abuse. • No liars. • No cheaters. • He needs to make enough to support himself decently, no mama’s boys. • He needs to treat me right and accept my kids (or dogs or cats). What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Do you see a difference between the two groups of responses? The first group are external deal breakers, meaning appearance and income. The second group are internal deal breakers, having to do with character and personality. Which deal breakers make more sense? I’m not saying you can’t exclude bald or older men, but that will reduce your dating pool and may mean you miss out on a great guy. Please, please save your true deal breakers for the stuff that really matters to you, whether it’s external or internal. And in the end, the man who will fall in love with you, and you with him, may not look like the ideal in your head… but he will not have any of the internal, character-based deal breakers. I can’t tell you how many times my clients have been ambivalent about a guy because he didn’t fit their idea of the ideal man appearance or income-wise. I convinced them to give these guys a chance, and they found love.
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Write down your deal breakers, and if you have more than three, revisit them in a day or two, after you’ve read this through. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Let’s talk a little more about settling. Settling means compromising your standards and principles and dating a man who is beneath you in ethics or morals. It does not mean dating a guy who is short, dresses differently than you would like, or drives a small car instead of a large luxury sedan or pickup truck. Settling is accepting a man with less soul, integrity, and heart than you deserve. It’s all about what’s inside. If you accept a man who makes less money than you would like, lives in a small house, or eats with the wrong fork, you’re accepting a less-than-perfect man, not settling. That’s all on the
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outside, and what’s on the outside is not nearly as important as what is on the inside. When you settle for a man who doesn’t deserve you, or is less than you wanted, it might be OK for a while. But you will probably become unhappy at some point. When you settle, often you stuff your needs inside yourself and put on a happy face. Here are some examples of settling: • You put your man through college while you work, but then when it’s your turn, it doesn’t happen. He gives you some baloney reason why not. • You spend all your free time doing what he wants to do, rarely what you want to do. • Deep down you know he’s not the one, but you’re just happy to have a man so you make the best of it. It will get better, and you’re afraid there’s no one else out there. • He doesn’t treat you as well as he should, or he has bad habits such as drinking too much, but you look the other way. • You go ahead and have a baby with this man, even though you don’t really love him, because you want a child. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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You’re equal partners, and you deserve to get as much from the relationship as he does. And you deserve to be as happy as you can… so hold out for the man who makes you happy. Have you ever settled? What did that look like? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ When you know what you want in a man, you can be clear up front what you’re looking for. When you don’t know what you want, you attract the not-so-good guys who are definitely not what you want. So what do you want in a man? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ What Every Man Magnet Knows
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OK, these first two chapters were long because I had some important stuff to share with you. Now that you know who you are and what you want in a man, follow me for more, and the next chapters will be shorter, I promise.
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Principle #3: Know What Your Dream Man is Looking For This chapter may be a bit difficult to read, but it’s not intended to be. It’s here to help you clarify what kind of relationship you’re meant to have and what kind of man you’ll be happiest with. With that said, let me ask a question. Are you the right woman for the man of your dreams? Realistically speaking, is the man you described in the last chapter going to fall in love with you? I’m not talking about your height, weight, hair color, or any of that superficial stuff, though for many men that’s important. I’m talking about what you bring to the table in any relationship. When you think about the man you’re looking for, is he looking for you? What can you offer your dream man that no one else does? Does your dream man align with your life, and do you align with his? What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Here are some examples of dream men who didn’t align with the women who sought them: • Woman who’s a homebody = Man who loves outdoor adventures • Woman who wants children = Man who is adamant that he doesn’t • Woman who’s a night owl = Man who’s a rancher or farmer • Woman who’s a morning person = Man who plays in a band • Woman who loves city life = Man who loves living in the country I’m not saying these relationships wouldn’t work, not at all. But men don’t typically change at their foundation, so wouldn’t these men be looking for adventurous, outdoorsy women who don’t want kids and want to live in the country and follow the band and keep a similar time and sleep schedule as he does? If your dream man is a rancher in Montana, are you the woman he’d be looking for? Or if your dream man is a heart surgeon, can you make the sacrifices a doctor’s wife must make? If you really want a rock star, will you be on his radar? What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Only you can answer those questions. What do you bring to the table in a relationship? Will your dream man be looking for those qualities? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Do you believe your dream man and you are aligned? Why or why not? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________
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Principle #4: Be Passionate and Detached If you’re new to Understand Men Now, you may be wondering what I mean by being (and dating) passionate and detached. It means you stay happy, vibrant, and open to all possibilities (passionate) while attaching to none (detached). You don’t overinvest in men, and you watch what they do. You give them a chance and don’t overreact. Dating passionate and detached will make your energy attractive and inviting to men. This spills over into everything having to do with dating, such as online profiles, simply walking into a room, any opportunities to meet men. Heck, it spills over into everything you do and say. You simply become happier. Men LOVE happy women, as we said a few chapters ago… and those are the women they fall in love with. It’s so easy to fall for a happy woman, and so difficult to fall for an unhappy one. Staying passionate and detached keeps you happy. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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So how do you do this passionate and detached thing? If you’ve made peace with your past and figured out what kind of man you want, you’re halfway to finding the love of your life. Here are a few more keys to being passionate and detached… 1. Have no expectations or agendas. Easier said than done, but it means you go with the flow. Just relax, and your vibe will be higher and your happiness level will increase. 2. Let him lead. If he asks where you want to eat, give him a few ideas of food you like, but let him decide. And then let him know you’re happy with whichever decision he makes. 3. Practice gratitude. Even if a man isn’t the right one, you’ll learn something that will help you later. 4. Tame your anxiety. It’s easy to get worked up if he doesn’t call or text. Give him some time. One secret about guys… we don’t notice time like you do. Live your life. Don’t put your life on hold for any man. This helps you stay detached and gives you things to be passionate about. In short, being passionate and detached means you embrace your life and him, but you don’t let yourself overinvest in him. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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You have no agenda or expectations of him other than having fun. He will find that incredibly attractive, and it will draw him to you.
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Principle #5: Always Be Curious The best way to date passionate and detached is to be curious, ask questions, and pay attention to what he says. Men love women who are interested and interesting—and they adore women who are truly into them. Don’t you love it when people are interested in your life and in what makes you tick? When you can show a man that curiosity, he won’t let you go. (This never stops, by the way. Even after you’re the girlfriend or the wife, keep being curious about him… he will fall for you even harder because you’re there and listening.) Over the years, I've noticed that most people date with an intent for connection or completion, which is why so many struggle in the early stages. They have an agenda for dating and put expectations on each other, which can kill the natural unfolding of a relationship. And it kills love before it has a chance to develop.
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Men often date with the desire for physical connection, and women want an emotional connection. One of the most important ways we men get to know a woman is through sex. A man will not fully commit and will not feel completely connected to a woman unless and until he has sex with her. Women, on the other hand, typically need an emotional connection before having sex. Women think that men put the cart before the horse with sex, while men find it very difficult to feel an emotional connection without having a physical one first. Then there are those who seek completion, as if the other person will make their life complete. It’s no wonder dating can be confusing! When you date, be curious rather than focusing on a connection or a completion. You should be wondering whether this man is a right match for you, not worried about whether you’re good enough for him. Believe me, you are! Being curious is also part of dating passionate and detached. When you have no expectation of outcome, you’re naturally
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inquisitive and ask questions. This is incredibly sexy and attractive to guys. So date with curiosity. Date men to determine if they are right for you and not the other way around. Date curious, and all else will fall into place. The man will show you all you need to know if you’re curious. Here are a few ways to be curious with a man: 1. Ask follow-up questions. If you’re talking about what he does for a living, don’t move on once you find out he’s an accountant. Ask why he chose that field. Find out what he likes and doesn’t like about his job. 2. If you’re in his car, ask what he likes about his car. Don’t do it as if you’re interrogating him. Make it light and playful. Or if he has an unusual ornament in the car, ask about it. 3. When you’re out to dinner, ask him if he’s ever had one of the dishes on the menu. Or ask if he knows how to make it. Talk about his favorite foods and his least-liked dishes.
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Principle #6: Stay Open and Positive Men fall in love with women who are open and positive, because they see so many women who are not. They’ve dated, lived with, and been married to women who were closed up, negative, critical, and demanding, and they don’t want to go there again. Then when they see You—glorious You—happy, passionate, positive, and open, they’re intrigued, and they instinctively want to get to know you. They can sense that glow of yours across a room or through texts or emails. The energy is so different from what they’re used to that they’ll drink it up. And then they’ll want more. I can tell you that if you can stay open and positive with men, you’ll be far ahead of other women who don’t act like glorious You. Being open and positive is simple, but it’s not always easy. Things happen at work and at home that may not make you happy. Family members and friends may stress you. If you can leave
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those at home while you’re dating, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to loosen up and be open and positive. The best, first thing to do is simply smile. Have you noticed how few people truly smile? Their lips might curl up at the edges, but do you see that true smile in their eyes? Not often. Smile from the eyes. Know that this is going to be a great date, because you want it to be for YOU. Even if things go wrong—he gets lost on the way to dinner, the food isn’t so good, or he’s so nervous he spills a drink on you—let it go. Laugh it off, because it won’t matter next week or next month. Don’t take yourself or dating too seriously. Dating is meant to be fun, and the more you enjoy yourself, the closer you’ll get to the relationship you want. And it will happen faster than you ever imagined. Your man is looking for you. Staying open and positive will help him find you!
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How do you stay positive now, and what can you do to be even more open and happy? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Do you have any habits you could change to help you be positive and open? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________
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Principle #7: Keep Your Energy Light and Flowing This is the chapter that will get me in trouble with other men. I’m going to spill some secrets they don’t want you ladies to know. We guys are much more affected by you than we want to admit. We want to make you happy, and when you’re not, we’re not. When we see you laughing and smiling, we feel we’ve done our jobs. So it makes sense that to make your man fall in love with you, let him know what he does right on a regular basis, and try to ignore the not-so-right stuff if it’s not a big deal. (Leaving his shoes in the hallway is not a big deal. Lying or being nasty to you is a big deal.) When your energy is light, happy, and free flowing, it keeps your man in love and wanting the same things you do in a relationship. We men really are pretty simple. To make your man crave you and love you like no one else, all you have to do is be happy with him, laugh, and smile. When you do that, you’ll melt his heart and he’ll bond to you tightly. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Let us know when you’re happy with us. When we have sex, let us know how we did a good job. Make compliments as specific as you can. You don’t have to go nuts and do it all day, but please don’t hold back. All we want is to be acknowledged as the men we are. Anything you can do to make us feel more manly is greatly appreciated. And please, no criticism. When I say that, I don’t mean not discussing things that may be negative. I mean no nagging, complaining, putting him down (especially in front of other people), or doing anything else that might make him feel like a little boy or less of a man. Just like women, we men have our pride… and when you build us up, we love you more. When you tear us down, little holes develop in our hearts and in the relationship. Like we discussed at the beginning, you hold the cards. You have the power. When you use it for good, your man won’t let you go.
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I can’t wait to hear how wonderful your next relationship is now that you know all the tricks! What do you do to make your man feel like a man? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ What do you do that might not make him feel so manly, if anything? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________
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Conclusion If I could put everything we’ve talked about in a nutshell, it would be to love and honor yourself, be happy and open, and give the guy a chance (or two). And don’t be so worried about “chemistry”. Both sexes place far too much emphasis on it. Yes, amazing chemistry is a wonderful feeling, but several types of chemistry may not be as explosive at first as the physical. However, spiritual, intellectual, mental, and emotional chemistry (or compatibility) are just as important for a lasting and loving relationship as physical chemistry is. It just happens that physical chemistry will probably be the first piece of the puzzle you experience. Remember, amazing physical chemistry does not always equal a fantastic, long-lasting connection. When we focus too much on chemistry, we often fail in creating a relationship. Take this book, read it at least twice, and go for it! But no matter what happens, remember: you are enough by yourself—you don’t need someone else to make you whole or complete.
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Bonus: Cheat Sheet for Getting Him to Fall for You: 25 Do’s and Don’ts for Landing the Man of Your Dreams Remember, it all begins with you, and you have tremendous power to create the relationship you want with the man you want. If you take nothing away from this workbook, learn at least some of these 25 tips to make him fall in love with you. The 13 Do’s that Make Your Man Fall Hard for You 1. Make him feel like your hero. He is hard wired to protect you. Show him respect. 2. Men thrive on appreciation. Let him know you appreciate him daily. 3. Let him know when he makes you happy. That’s all he wants to do, deep down. Ask him to do things for you. He wants to feel needed. 4. Accept him as the amazing man he is, and take every opportunity to make him feel even more masculine. 5. Make him feel safe, and be your most honest with him. He wants to be your safe place, so don’t hide yourself from him.
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He needs to know he can be his true self with you and that you are his safe haven too. 6. He needs to know that you will not take away his freedom. Let him know he can still join the guys for Monday Night Football parties. 7. Exude confidence, happiness, and kindness. Men need to see your soul in your eyes. Love and honor yourself. 8. Enjoy an abundant, varied sex life with him. Remember that old saying about being a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom. It’s true. 9. Ask his opinion and listen to it. He wants to help, and he wants to have some say over the day-to-day stuff. 10. When he goes into the man cave, don’t follow him, but do let him know you’ll be there when he comes out. 11. When there’s a time he needs you to be strong, do it silently. Just hold him and love him. Let him collapse, and let him regroup. And never, ever hold that against him. 12. Be his partner, not his mother or his child. He wants you to walk next to him, not behind or in front of him. 13. Objectify him once in a while. Tell him in detail what you love about his body.
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The 12 Don’ts that Can Ruin the Whole Thing 1. Don’t be high maintenance. Men can sense that from a mile away and are extremely turned off by it. 2. Don’t criticize. The quickest way to kill love is to stab it in the back with criticism. And absolutely do not ever put him down in public. 3. Don’t second-guess him. Let him do things his way. 4. Don’t treat him like your sperm donor, your wallet, your maid, or your cook. If he doesn’t feel like you’re in his corner, he won’t fall for you. Loyalty is vital to men. 5. Don’t have an agenda or expectations. He is not part of your life schedule. Don’t push him to call you his girlfriend, live together, or get married. Let him set the pace. 6. Don’t try to change him. Accept him just as he is, or find a man you can accept. 7. Don’t pick fights or create drama, but if you need to have a discussion, have it. Drama is unnecessary and puts holes in love. 8. Don’t make him feel like a little boy or even worse, one of your girlfriends. He’s a man, so treat him like one. 9. Don’t try to get between him and his mother, his daughter, or his grandma. They’ve been in his life longer than you have. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Sometimes they will come first. This is not to say you shouldn’t let him know if there are issues, and I’m not saying you don’t come first, especially after you’re married. But don’t put him in a corner… you might not like the outcome. 10. Don’t let yourself go. I’m not saying you have to look like a beauty queen, and we men love when you just throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and go. Sometimes when women get into a relationship, they stop doing those little grooming things. We love you as you are, but please show us you’re still trying to be our lovers. And get on us if we let ourselves go. 11. Never, ever, EVER make disparaging comments about a man’s body, even if you’re joking. You wouldn’t want us to make those comments about yours. 12. Don’t try to get your man to talk about every little thing that pops into your head. While we love to talk with you, we don’t need to talk as much as women do, especially about the relationship. We live it rather than talk about it. If there’s an issue, certainly we need to talk. But we don’t need to analyze everything. Just live in the moment. I hope these help! Jonathon
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By Jonathon Aslay Your Guy Spy into the Male Mind and Your Heart Protector Copyright © 2015 JSA Communications
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The information provided in this book is designed to be intellectually and conversationally stimulating, and it is for enlightenment purposes only. It is not intended to replace the advice and care of your physician, nor is it intended to be used for mental or medical diagnosis and/or treatment. Jonathon Aslay makes no guarantees or represents he will find you a match or resolve your relationship issue; his services are merely designed to help you make a shift in a positive direction.
Table of Contents
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Introduction…………………………………………………………………….page 4 Important Note……………………………………………………………….page 6 Principle #1: Fall in Love with Yourself First………………….page 8 Principle #2: Know What You Want in a Man………………..page 14 Principle #3: Know What Your Dream Man is Looking For…….. …………..page 21 Principle #4: Be Passionate and Detached…………………….page 24 Principle #5: Always Be Curious…………………………………….page 27 Principle #6: Stay Open and Positive…………………………….page 30 Principle #7: Keep Your Energy Light and Flowing………. page 33 Conclusion………………………………………………………………………. page 36 Cheat Sheet for Making Him Fall for You……………………….page 37
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Introduction Many women I talk to have a hard time attracting the type of relationship they want. Often, the men they attract are all wrong for them, or the relationship doesn’t get off the ground. They disappear or do the slow fade, or the women realize early on that these guys aren’t their one. And if one of them does attract a good guy, she’s not sure how to keep the relationship going long enough for him to fall in love. Either way, women come to me frustrated and ready to quit dating altogether. I hear statements like… “There are no good men out there.” “I can’t believe my bad luck with men.” “My friend Sharon doesn’t have as much to offer men as I do, but she’s always got someone. How come I don’t?” “Men don’t want anything more than sex.”
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“Two guys told me they weren’t ready for a relationship, and then they married the very next woman they dated after me. What’s wrong with ME?” These women are hurting, and they don’t understand why dating has gone so horribly wrong for them. They want answers and help to improve their dating situations. If you nodded your head at any of the above, keep reading. I’ll help you attract the relationship you deserve and desire, and most importantly, I’ll show you how to KEEP it going. And it all begins with loving yourself, knowing who you are, and deciding what you want. You’ll have fun with this, but it will make you think too. Let’s get started!
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***Important Note*** Please Read*** As you go through this book, you’ll realize how much power you have to attract and create the relationship you want. I’m not kidding. Enjoy the fact that you can influence all your relationships for the better very easily, just by being you… an amazing woman. But some who read this book will (understandably) ask me one question: “Jonathon, why is it up to ME to do all this stuff? Why not him?” This is going to sound lame, but it’s the truth… Men do not seek help like women do. That’s just how we are. Heck, we don’t like to ask for directions! So it’s up to you to get the ball rolling. It’s unfair and it sucks, I know. But if you take the bull by the horns and jump in here, you can find, create, and keep a truly wonderful, happy, great relationship.
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And a few short months from now, you’ll be thrilled with the results. Give me one hour and read this workbook, or use it as a reference during the workshop. You’ll have access to the recording so you can listen to it as much as you need to. Your dating life will change for the better, and you’ll wonder how you ever managed without this information. Good luck, and know I’m always here for you. Hugs, Jonathon
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Principle #1: Fall in Love with Yourself First What are relationship-ready guys really looking for? A hot body and large breasts? Nope. Someone to cook and clean and look pretty? Nope. Guys want a happy woman who loves herself, is comfortable in her own skin, and is easy to be around. Yep, it’s true. All you need to do is be the happiest you that you can be. When you love yourself, men love you. They’re drawn to you and can’t help but want to be near you. You have a glow they can’t resist. Here’s how you fall in love with yourself, heal old wounds, and get that glow… It all begins with you. Honor yourself. Above all else, be true to yourself, even if it means leaving a relationship. You’re the one you’ll have a lifetime relationship with, so make choices that will benefit you and make you happy. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Men love women who honor themselves, even if they have to say no occasionally. An example of honoring yourself is not going out with your guy on Thursdays, because that’s your night with your best girlfriend and has been for years… long before he came along. Let go of the past, and forgive yourself. If you’re anything like me, you’ve beaten yourself up about your past. Stop now. We all have pasts, and we’ve all made mistakes. Forgive yourself and forgive your exes. Don’t be ashamed of your mistakes; they led you where you are today and will take you where you’ll be tomorrow, which is a great place. Don’t forget what’s happened in your past, but leave it there… it’s history. You may need to take some time alone to work on your past, but it’s well worth it. One way to let go of your past is to acknowledge your part in your last relationship, and acknowledge his part. Know what you did right and what you could have done better. Then let it go in your mind. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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What did you do right and not so right in your last relationship? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ How about your partner? What did he do (or what didn’t he do)? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Have fun. Men love it when women have their own lives outside the relationship. Do what you love. If you enjoy volunteering, find a good cause. If you like helping people, find a way to do it that you’ll benefit from. Keep doing you, and if it’s not fun, it isn’t worth doing… right?
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Pamper yourself. When you feel beautiful, that aura you have glows even brighter. Do what makes you feel your most amazing self. If you’ve been thinking about a new haircut, go for it! Buy that perfume you’ve had your eye on, or treat your BFF to a spa day with you. How do you “do you”, and how do you pamper yourself? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Know your worth. So many times, I hear women say things like, “He’s the only man in this world for me” as these men treat them badly. No, he’s not, and you are worth far more than that. Own it! When you do, the quality of men you attract will instantly improve. And you’ll be amazed at how you’re treated—like the queen you are.
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Don’t settle. This one can be a bit tricky. I don’t mean you should settle for a man who doesn’t love you or treats you badly. You should always feel like your man treasures and values you. When women say they won’t settle, they’re often holding out for a handsome, athletic man who makes six figures, lives in a mansion, and has three degrees. In all my years of coaching women, I can say that typically those men make the worst mates because they’re hung up on maintaining their status and are rarely home. Or they cheat on their spouses because they feel entitled to have any woman they want. Often, women are too focused on the man’s external trappings and don’t take the time to find out who he is under all that money or his high-powered career. Please don’t do that. Look for a man who loves you and shows you every day what you mean to him. Don’t be hung up on the little, superficial things about men, just as you wouldn’t want them to overlook you for them. Choose a man of good character who cares about you and treats you as you deserve to be treated. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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We’ll talk more about not settling and about what you want in a man in the next chapter. What can you do to fall in love with yourself? Include what you can do to honor yourself, heal yourself, and realize your worth. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ When I say, “Don’t settle,” what does that make you think of? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ We’ll talk more about settling in the next chapter, so keep this in mind.
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Principle #2: Know What You Want in a Man When I discuss not settling with my clients, I ask them to think about what they want and don’t want in a man. I will always encourage you to stand tall for what you want, but you have to know what it is. The right man can’t fall in love with you if you can’t find him. If you don’t know who that right man is, you won’t know where to look or how you’ll know you’ve found him. Women are amazing creatures because they’re so loving and accepting of us men, even when we screw up. But the dark side to all that love and light is that women sometimes accept too much bad behavior from men, or they allow men into their lives who need a lot of fixing… too much, in fact. Every man has his issues, and you need to decide what your deal breakers are. But you deserve a man who is ready for a relationship now, not in five years after he’s fixed. A man who is not ready for a relationship will not and cannot fall in love with you because his head isn’t in the right place. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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This is the reason I help my clients determine if their men are relationship material. I try to spare them from heartbreak if they aren’t… and I show them how to create a great relationship if they are. So what are your deal breakers? When I ask women this, I sometimes get answers like: • No less than six figures a year income. • No bald guys. • No guys more than four years older or younger. • No short guys. • Must have a nice house and a newer car. Then other times, I ask the question and I get responses like: • No drug or alcohol abuse. • No liars. • No cheaters. • He needs to make enough to support himself decently, no mama’s boys. • He needs to treat me right and accept my kids (or dogs or cats). What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Do you see a difference between the two groups of responses? The first group are external deal breakers, meaning appearance and income. The second group are internal deal breakers, having to do with character and personality. Which deal breakers make more sense? I’m not saying you can’t exclude bald or older men, but that will reduce your dating pool and may mean you miss out on a great guy. Please, please save your true deal breakers for the stuff that really matters to you, whether it’s external or internal. And in the end, the man who will fall in love with you, and you with him, may not look like the ideal in your head… but he will not have any of the internal, character-based deal breakers. I can’t tell you how many times my clients have been ambivalent about a guy because he didn’t fit their idea of the ideal man appearance or income-wise. I convinced them to give these guys a chance, and they found love.
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Write down your deal breakers, and if you have more than three, revisit them in a day or two, after you’ve read this through. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Let’s talk a little more about settling. Settling means compromising your standards and principles and dating a man who is beneath you in ethics or morals. It does not mean dating a guy who is short, dresses differently than you would like, or drives a small car instead of a large luxury sedan or pickup truck. Settling is accepting a man with less soul, integrity, and heart than you deserve. It’s all about what’s inside. If you accept a man who makes less money than you would like, lives in a small house, or eats with the wrong fork, you’re accepting a less-than-perfect man, not settling. That’s all on the
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outside, and what’s on the outside is not nearly as important as what is on the inside. When you settle for a man who doesn’t deserve you, or is less than you wanted, it might be OK for a while. But you will probably become unhappy at some point. When you settle, often you stuff your needs inside yourself and put on a happy face. Here are some examples of settling: • You put your man through college while you work, but then when it’s your turn, it doesn’t happen. He gives you some baloney reason why not. • You spend all your free time doing what he wants to do, rarely what you want to do. • Deep down you know he’s not the one, but you’re just happy to have a man so you make the best of it. It will get better, and you’re afraid there’s no one else out there. • He doesn’t treat you as well as he should, or he has bad habits such as drinking too much, but you look the other way. • You go ahead and have a baby with this man, even though you don’t really love him, because you want a child. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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You’re equal partners, and you deserve to get as much from the relationship as he does. And you deserve to be as happy as you can… so hold out for the man who makes you happy. Have you ever settled? What did that look like? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ When you know what you want in a man, you can be clear up front what you’re looking for. When you don’t know what you want, you attract the not-so-good guys who are definitely not what you want. So what do you want in a man? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ What Every Man Magnet Knows
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OK, these first two chapters were long because I had some important stuff to share with you. Now that you know who you are and what you want in a man, follow me for more, and the next chapters will be shorter, I promise.
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Principle #3: Know What Your Dream Man is Looking For This chapter may be a bit difficult to read, but it’s not intended to be. It’s here to help you clarify what kind of relationship you’re meant to have and what kind of man you’ll be happiest with. With that said, let me ask a question. Are you the right woman for the man of your dreams? Realistically speaking, is the man you described in the last chapter going to fall in love with you? I’m not talking about your height, weight, hair color, or any of that superficial stuff, though for many men that’s important. I’m talking about what you bring to the table in any relationship. When you think about the man you’re looking for, is he looking for you? What can you offer your dream man that no one else does? Does your dream man align with your life, and do you align with his? What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Here are some examples of dream men who didn’t align with the women who sought them: • Woman who’s a homebody = Man who loves outdoor adventures • Woman who wants children = Man who is adamant that he doesn’t • Woman who’s a night owl = Man who’s a rancher or farmer • Woman who’s a morning person = Man who plays in a band • Woman who loves city life = Man who loves living in the country I’m not saying these relationships wouldn’t work, not at all. But men don’t typically change at their foundation, so wouldn’t these men be looking for adventurous, outdoorsy women who don’t want kids and want to live in the country and follow the band and keep a similar time and sleep schedule as he does? If your dream man is a rancher in Montana, are you the woman he’d be looking for? Or if your dream man is a heart surgeon, can you make the sacrifices a doctor’s wife must make? If you really want a rock star, will you be on his radar? What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Only you can answer those questions. What do you bring to the table in a relationship? Will your dream man be looking for those qualities? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Do you believe your dream man and you are aligned? Why or why not? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________
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Principle #4: Be Passionate and Detached If you’re new to Understand Men Now, you may be wondering what I mean by being (and dating) passionate and detached. It means you stay happy, vibrant, and open to all possibilities (passionate) while attaching to none (detached). You don’t overinvest in men, and you watch what they do. You give them a chance and don’t overreact. Dating passionate and detached will make your energy attractive and inviting to men. This spills over into everything having to do with dating, such as online profiles, simply walking into a room, any opportunities to meet men. Heck, it spills over into everything you do and say. You simply become happier. Men LOVE happy women, as we said a few chapters ago… and those are the women they fall in love with. It’s so easy to fall for a happy woman, and so difficult to fall for an unhappy one. Staying passionate and detached keeps you happy. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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So how do you do this passionate and detached thing? If you’ve made peace with your past and figured out what kind of man you want, you’re halfway to finding the love of your life. Here are a few more keys to being passionate and detached… 1. Have no expectations or agendas. Easier said than done, but it means you go with the flow. Just relax, and your vibe will be higher and your happiness level will increase. 2. Let him lead. If he asks where you want to eat, give him a few ideas of food you like, but let him decide. And then let him know you’re happy with whichever decision he makes. 3. Practice gratitude. Even if a man isn’t the right one, you’ll learn something that will help you later. 4. Tame your anxiety. It’s easy to get worked up if he doesn’t call or text. Give him some time. One secret about guys… we don’t notice time like you do. Live your life. Don’t put your life on hold for any man. This helps you stay detached and gives you things to be passionate about. In short, being passionate and detached means you embrace your life and him, but you don’t let yourself overinvest in him. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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You have no agenda or expectations of him other than having fun. He will find that incredibly attractive, and it will draw him to you.
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Principle #5: Always Be Curious The best way to date passionate and detached is to be curious, ask questions, and pay attention to what he says. Men love women who are interested and interesting—and they adore women who are truly into them. Don’t you love it when people are interested in your life and in what makes you tick? When you can show a man that curiosity, he won’t let you go. (This never stops, by the way. Even after you’re the girlfriend or the wife, keep being curious about him… he will fall for you even harder because you’re there and listening.) Over the years, I've noticed that most people date with an intent for connection or completion, which is why so many struggle in the early stages. They have an agenda for dating and put expectations on each other, which can kill the natural unfolding of a relationship. And it kills love before it has a chance to develop.
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Men often date with the desire for physical connection, and women want an emotional connection. One of the most important ways we men get to know a woman is through sex. A man will not fully commit and will not feel completely connected to a woman unless and until he has sex with her. Women, on the other hand, typically need an emotional connection before having sex. Women think that men put the cart before the horse with sex, while men find it very difficult to feel an emotional connection without having a physical one first. Then there are those who seek completion, as if the other person will make their life complete. It’s no wonder dating can be confusing! When you date, be curious rather than focusing on a connection or a completion. You should be wondering whether this man is a right match for you, not worried about whether you’re good enough for him. Believe me, you are! Being curious is also part of dating passionate and detached. When you have no expectation of outcome, you’re naturally
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inquisitive and ask questions. This is incredibly sexy and attractive to guys. So date with curiosity. Date men to determine if they are right for you and not the other way around. Date curious, and all else will fall into place. The man will show you all you need to know if you’re curious. Here are a few ways to be curious with a man: 1. Ask follow-up questions. If you’re talking about what he does for a living, don’t move on once you find out he’s an accountant. Ask why he chose that field. Find out what he likes and doesn’t like about his job. 2. If you’re in his car, ask what he likes about his car. Don’t do it as if you’re interrogating him. Make it light and playful. Or if he has an unusual ornament in the car, ask about it. 3. When you’re out to dinner, ask him if he’s ever had one of the dishes on the menu. Or ask if he knows how to make it. Talk about his favorite foods and his least-liked dishes.
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Principle #6: Stay Open and Positive Men fall in love with women who are open and positive, because they see so many women who are not. They’ve dated, lived with, and been married to women who were closed up, negative, critical, and demanding, and they don’t want to go there again. Then when they see You—glorious You—happy, passionate, positive, and open, they’re intrigued, and they instinctively want to get to know you. They can sense that glow of yours across a room or through texts or emails. The energy is so different from what they’re used to that they’ll drink it up. And then they’ll want more. I can tell you that if you can stay open and positive with men, you’ll be far ahead of other women who don’t act like glorious You. Being open and positive is simple, but it’s not always easy. Things happen at work and at home that may not make you happy. Family members and friends may stress you. If you can leave
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those at home while you’re dating, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to loosen up and be open and positive. The best, first thing to do is simply smile. Have you noticed how few people truly smile? Their lips might curl up at the edges, but do you see that true smile in their eyes? Not often. Smile from the eyes. Know that this is going to be a great date, because you want it to be for YOU. Even if things go wrong—he gets lost on the way to dinner, the food isn’t so good, or he’s so nervous he spills a drink on you—let it go. Laugh it off, because it won’t matter next week or next month. Don’t take yourself or dating too seriously. Dating is meant to be fun, and the more you enjoy yourself, the closer you’ll get to the relationship you want. And it will happen faster than you ever imagined. Your man is looking for you. Staying open and positive will help him find you!
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How do you stay positive now, and what can you do to be even more open and happy? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Do you have any habits you could change to help you be positive and open? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________
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Principle #7: Keep Your Energy Light and Flowing This is the chapter that will get me in trouble with other men. I’m going to spill some secrets they don’t want you ladies to know. We guys are much more affected by you than we want to admit. We want to make you happy, and when you’re not, we’re not. When we see you laughing and smiling, we feel we’ve done our jobs. So it makes sense that to make your man fall in love with you, let him know what he does right on a regular basis, and try to ignore the not-so-right stuff if it’s not a big deal. (Leaving his shoes in the hallway is not a big deal. Lying or being nasty to you is a big deal.) When your energy is light, happy, and free flowing, it keeps your man in love and wanting the same things you do in a relationship. We men really are pretty simple. To make your man crave you and love you like no one else, all you have to do is be happy with him, laugh, and smile. When you do that, you’ll melt his heart and he’ll bond to you tightly. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Let us know when you’re happy with us. When we have sex, let us know how we did a good job. Make compliments as specific as you can. You don’t have to go nuts and do it all day, but please don’t hold back. All we want is to be acknowledged as the men we are. Anything you can do to make us feel more manly is greatly appreciated. And please, no criticism. When I say that, I don’t mean not discussing things that may be negative. I mean no nagging, complaining, putting him down (especially in front of other people), or doing anything else that might make him feel like a little boy or less of a man. Just like women, we men have our pride… and when you build us up, we love you more. When you tear us down, little holes develop in our hearts and in the relationship. Like we discussed at the beginning, you hold the cards. You have the power. When you use it for good, your man won’t let you go.
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I can’t wait to hear how wonderful your next relationship is now that you know all the tricks! What do you do to make your man feel like a man? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ What do you do that might not make him feel so manly, if anything? ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________
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Conclusion If I could put everything we’ve talked about in a nutshell, it would be to love and honor yourself, be happy and open, and give the guy a chance (or two). And don’t be so worried about “chemistry”. Both sexes place far too much emphasis on it. Yes, amazing chemistry is a wonderful feeling, but several types of chemistry may not be as explosive at first as the physical. However, spiritual, intellectual, mental, and emotional chemistry (or compatibility) are just as important for a lasting and loving relationship as physical chemistry is. It just happens that physical chemistry will probably be the first piece of the puzzle you experience. Remember, amazing physical chemistry does not always equal a fantastic, long-lasting connection. When we focus too much on chemistry, we often fail in creating a relationship. Take this book, read it at least twice, and go for it! But no matter what happens, remember: you are enough by yourself—you don’t need someone else to make you whole or complete.
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Bonus: Cheat Sheet for Getting Him to Fall for You: 25 Do’s and Don’ts for Landing the Man of Your Dreams Remember, it all begins with you, and you have tremendous power to create the relationship you want with the man you want. If you take nothing away from this workbook, learn at least some of these 25 tips to make him fall in love with you. The 13 Do’s that Make Your Man Fall Hard for You 1. Make him feel like your hero. He is hard wired to protect you. Show him respect. 2. Men thrive on appreciation. Let him know you appreciate him daily. 3. Let him know when he makes you happy. That’s all he wants to do, deep down. Ask him to do things for you. He wants to feel needed. 4. Accept him as the amazing man he is, and take every opportunity to make him feel even more masculine. 5. Make him feel safe, and be your most honest with him. He wants to be your safe place, so don’t hide yourself from him.
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He needs to know he can be his true self with you and that you are his safe haven too. 6. He needs to know that you will not take away his freedom. Let him know he can still join the guys for Monday Night Football parties. 7. Exude confidence, happiness, and kindness. Men need to see your soul in your eyes. Love and honor yourself. 8. Enjoy an abundant, varied sex life with him. Remember that old saying about being a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom. It’s true. 9. Ask his opinion and listen to it. He wants to help, and he wants to have some say over the day-to-day stuff. 10. When he goes into the man cave, don’t follow him, but do let him know you’ll be there when he comes out. 11. When there’s a time he needs you to be strong, do it silently. Just hold him and love him. Let him collapse, and let him regroup. And never, ever hold that against him. 12. Be his partner, not his mother or his child. He wants you to walk next to him, not behind or in front of him. 13. Objectify him once in a while. Tell him in detail what you love about his body.
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The 12 Don’ts that Can Ruin the Whole Thing 1. Don’t be high maintenance. Men can sense that from a mile away and are extremely turned off by it. 2. Don’t criticize. The quickest way to kill love is to stab it in the back with criticism. And absolutely do not ever put him down in public. 3. Don’t second-guess him. Let him do things his way. 4. Don’t treat him like your sperm donor, your wallet, your maid, or your cook. If he doesn’t feel like you’re in his corner, he won’t fall for you. Loyalty is vital to men. 5. Don’t have an agenda or expectations. He is not part of your life schedule. Don’t push him to call you his girlfriend, live together, or get married. Let him set the pace. 6. Don’t try to change him. Accept him just as he is, or find a man you can accept. 7. Don’t pick fights or create drama, but if you need to have a discussion, have it. Drama is unnecessary and puts holes in love. 8. Don’t make him feel like a little boy or even worse, one of your girlfriends. He’s a man, so treat him like one. 9. Don’t try to get between him and his mother, his daughter, or his grandma. They’ve been in his life longer than you have. What Every Man Magnet Knows
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Sometimes they will come first. This is not to say you shouldn’t let him know if there are issues, and I’m not saying you don’t come first, especially after you’re married. But don’t put him in a corner… you might not like the outcome. 10. Don’t let yourself go. I’m not saying you have to look like a beauty queen, and we men love when you just throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and go. Sometimes when women get into a relationship, they stop doing those little grooming things. We love you as you are, but please show us you’re still trying to be our lovers. And get on us if we let ourselves go. 11. Never, ever, EVER make disparaging comments about a man’s body, even if you’re joking. You wouldn’t want us to make those comments about yours. 12. Don’t try to get your man to talk about every little thing that pops into your head. While we love to talk with you, we don’t need to talk as much as women do, especially about the relationship. We live it rather than talk about it. If there’s an issue, certainly we need to talk. But we don’t need to analyze everything. Just live in the moment. I hope these help! Jonathon
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