What to do with a child's feelings?
Heart Matters what to do with a child’s feelings
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What to do with a child’s feelings?
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Defining Emotion • to be stirred up" - happens to us as opposed to under our control ! - is irrational although the brain has its reasons!
• to be moved to" - is meant to move us in ways that would serve us! - creates an action potential that seeks expression! - how a child is moved reveals how they are stirred up!
the action potential of emotion"
Emotion is how the brain moves the child …" … to CAUTION when facing what alarms! … to SEEK TOGETHERNESS when hungry for contact and closeness and connection! … to STOP when encountering futility! … to VENTURE FORTH when home base is secure! … to SHY AWAY from contact with those not attached to! … to CARE about one’s attachments! … to RESIST when feeling controlled! … to EMERGE as a separate person when attachment hunger is satiated!
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Step One - Expressing
We cannot truly convey an " invitation to exist in our presence ! when we fail to include ALL their emotions."
Step One - Expressing
We cannot " invite in a child" that which we have not " yet accepted in ourselves."
Challenges regarding problem behaviour that is fueled by emotion:! • to read the driving emotion correctly! • to deal with the incident in such a way that doesn’t create a deeper emotional problem! • to take responsibility for creating acceptable outlets of expression! • to conceptualize and address the ‘problem’ at the level of emotion, not at the level of behaviour or social relationships! • to support Nature’s developmental solution to uncivilized emotional expression!
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- shaming or "
h+ put-downs!
h+
- not being " held on to! m - losses and " e+ lacks! n+
t+ - peer or " sibling rejection!
m - not feeling
liked, wanted "
CHILD+
t+
e+ or valued! n+
- feeling too much to handle!
To come alongside a child’s feelings is a matter of focus! %$NKIH"#GSHU, R$SKTH"J%, %$KG"#PH#OQ, $L"IH"#,
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To come alongside a child’s feelings is to refrain from the opposite! • judging feelings! • discounting/negating/countering feelings! • defending oneself or another! • conveying that they are too much to handle! • teaching a lesson! • solving a problem!
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What to do with a child’s feelings?
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!"#"$%&'"()*$+,+-$.(./*$+012/3%$%4.1)+ D8(?@A+
Defining Emotion • to be stirred up" - happens to us as opposed to under our control ! - is irrational although the brain has its reasons!
• to be moved to" - is meant to move us in ways that would serve us! - creates an action potential that seeks expression! - how a child is moved reveals how they are stirred up!
the action potential of emotion"
Emotion is how the brain moves the child …" … to CAUTION when facing what alarms! … to SEEK TOGETHERNESS when hungry for contact and closeness and connection! … to STOP when encountering futility! … to VENTURE FORTH when home base is secure! … to SHY AWAY from contact with those not attached to! … to CARE about one’s attachments! … to RESIST when feeling controlled! … to EMERGE as a separate person when attachment hunger is satiated!
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!"#$%&'()*+,''$#(-*+.+/0&%0(+1'23'$%4+5"6+
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A+
!"#$%&'()*+,''$#(-*+.+/0&%0(+1'23'$%4+5"6+
1078904+!:+.+;8&?@A+
Step One - Expressing
We cannot truly convey an " invitation to exist in our presence ! when we fail to include ALL their emotions."
Step One - Expressing
We cannot " invite in a child" that which we have not " yet accepted in ourselves."
Challenges regarding problem behaviour that is fueled by emotion:! • to read the driving emotion correctly! • to deal with the incident in such a way that doesn’t create a deeper emotional problem! • to take responsibility for creating acceptable outlets of expression! • to conceptualize and address the ‘problem’ at the level of emotion, not at the level of behaviour or social relationships! • to support Nature’s developmental solution to uncivilized emotional expression!
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=+
!"#$%&'()*+,''$#(-*+.+/0&%0(+1'23'$%4+5"6+
1078904+!:+.+;8&?@A+/0&%0(+1'23'$%+5"6+
Z+
!"#$%&'()*+,''$#(-*+.+/0&%0(+1'23'$%4+5"6+
1078904+!:+.+;8&3/2-1,
D,;--&,97-1,A2-*,*--1)*+,7-:0,
D,;--&,:25,A2-*,*'0,3>3/2-1,
D,;--&,:'775,A2-*,B31,02)*+:,2344-*,
D,;--&,7-C-/0-1,A2-*,*'0,)*()0-1,
D,;--&,2'4-;8&,A2-*,&''3/26-*0,28*+-7,):,;8&@&&-1, D,;--&,-6405,E,&'*-&5,A2-*,34370,;7'6,3>3/26-*0:, D,;--&,-6B3773::-1,A2-*,-.4':-1,)*,3,*-+39(-,&)+20, D,;--&,:236-,A2-*,:-*:)*+,:'6-02)*+,):,A7'*+,A)02,:-&;, D,;--&,/389'8:,A2-*,:-*:)*+,0230,:'6-02)*+,/'8&1,+',A7'*+,
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@?+
!"#$%&'()*+,''$#(-*+.+/0&%0(+1'23'$%4+5"6+
1078904+!:+.+;8&?@A+
- shaming or "
h+ put-downs!
h+
- not being " held on to! m - losses and " e+ lacks! n+
t+ - peer or " sibling rejection!
m - not feeling
liked, wanted "
CHILD+
t+
e+ or valued! n+
- feeling too much to handle!
To come alongside a child’s feelings is a matter of focus! %$NKIH"#GSHU, R$SKTH"J%, %$KG"#PH#OQ, $L"IH"#,
"%,M$$NH#O,
GHIJKIH"#,
To come alongside a child’s feelings is to refrain from the opposite! • judging feelings! • discounting/negating/countering feelings! • defending oneself or another! • conveying that they are too much to handle! • teaching a lesson! • solving a problem!
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