Writing file Student scripts
Practice Tests Plus
Advanced 2 New Edition
Writing file Student scripts
Proposal (Test 1, Part 2, Question 2) Script A: Good answer Introduction The purpose of this proposal is to assess the needs of new students in the college with regard to sporting and social activities, and make recommendation about what should be provided. Needs of new students Students need to be integrated into the college so quickly as possible, so they can make the most of the opportunities available as they tend to stick to what they know. They often lack confidence and require support. They also tend to stick within their year group. Current situation There are currently a number of activities on offer. 1 Sports Clubs are run through the department of Physical Education. However, they are perceived as elite and difficult to get into. 2 Faculty clubs run a variety of activities from the Geography club’s weekend trips to the Philosophy club’s regular ‘dinner and debate’ evenings. Although information about these can be found on every faculty noticeboard, it can be daunting and difficult for new students to take the first step. Recommendations • Run free ‘taster days’ for all sporting activities, so new students can to meet older students and try new sports. This would give them confidence, and widen their experience. • Implement a system of ‘buddies’ in the faculty clubs where an existing member takes a new student to one of the meetings. • Introduce a new type of informal gathering regularly where all students meet in the coffee shop to mingle and to discuss. Conclusions The recommendations would be simple to implement, but would help new students socially.
Examiner comments This answer is clear and well-organised with clear paragraphs. The style is appropriate for a proposal, and the use of headings makes it very easy to read. The use of bullet points and numbers also help to make it clear. There is a good range of language, and minor mistakes do not impede communication. The content is relevant and the target reader would be informed and able to assess the value of the recommendations.
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Practice Tests Plus
Advanced 2 New Edition
Writing file Student scripts
Proposal (Test 1, Part 2, Question 2) Script B: Satisfactory answer The college currently provides many facilities for students apart from the excellent academic programme. There is a great range of social and sporting activities on offer that students can join to have fun and make new friends, although many new students don’t take up the opportunities. These are some of our recommendations for helping students make the most of their time. In the sports facilities can students play football, rugby, cricket, basketball, softball and the badminton. The college teams are always looking for skilled sportspeople to join the college leagues, and students should be encouraged to join these; this can be done by having special training sessions for all new students. If they have chance to represent the college this is useful because it is good to include on your CV when you apply for jobs in the future. The facilities also include a sophisticated gym and an enjoyable swimming pool, and college should use these for social activities as well as serious training. There could to be a special ‘meet and greet’ night every week. The college should to provide some other social activities that don’t require great skills, for instance dancing lessons, book clubs, and cultural heritage tours around the area. One good suggestion is that every Thursday should be students’ night with half-price drinks between 8 – 10 pm, because this provides perfect opportunity for meeting friends. If these recomendations are followed, new students will benefit from them.
Examiner comments The content is relevant, and the writer has made some good points. The answer is organised although it is not always easy to pick out the different sections of the proposal, and this makes it less communicative as the reader would find it hard to process. It would have been better with clearer paragraphs or headings. The language is generally semi-formal and appropriate for the task, although it is sometimes too informal, e.g. the use of you. There are also spelling and grammatical mistakes, e.g. with articles. Although the answer is just about satisfactory, it is quite short.
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Practice Tests Plus
Advanced 2 New Edition
Writing file Student scripts
Proposal (Test 1, Part 2, Question 2) Script C: Unsatisfactory answer Some useful tips for students My name is Joe and I’m a student in this college. This is my last year now that I’m here. So I would say that I know quite a lot of things about the life and the spirit of my college. That’s why it could be helpful to give you some useful information. At first I want to tell to you about the social activities offered by the college showing several good ways to make new friends here. Afterwards I inform you about the sporting activities which are organised by the college. First of all l really want to recommend you to become a member in one of the several working groups which meet after the lessons in the school. You can for example enter the ‘chess club’ or the ‘cooking club’. In those groups you really get to know other pupils very fast and besides you learn a practical thing like playing chess or cooking. The group that I am prefer is the ‘debate club’ where you talk and discuss about politics and economics. Additionally you get to know how other pupils think and you can learn from them. These ‘working groups’ or ‘clubs’ were founded to advance socially and I really can recommend them. The sporting activities are another great aspect offered by the college. I play volleyball in the college team and right there I found my first friends on the college. I think sports is the easiest way of getting people together. So don’t be shy and go to training lessons of football, volleyball or swimming. Do whatever you like! Sports really can help you to distract from learning. My final tip is to be open minded, if you have any further questions don’t hesitate asking me.
Examiner comments The content is not relevant to the task, as the writer has not given an assessment of the situation nor made recommendations about new activities. The ideas are confused which means they are not communicated successfully and the target reader (the principal) would not be informed. The conclusion is inappropriate. Although there is a range of language, the style is too informal for a proposal (it is more like a personal letter) and the use of exclamation marks is inappropriate. There are too many paragraphs, so the organisation is confused; a proposal should have paragraphs with one topic in each and/or headings.
Photocopiable © Pearson Education Limited 2014
Advanced 2 New Edition
Writing file Student scripts
Proposal (Test 1, Part 2, Question 2) Script A: Good answer Introduction The purpose of this proposal is to assess the needs of new students in the college with regard to sporting and social activities, and make recommendation about what should be provided. Needs of new students Students need to be integrated into the college so quickly as possible, so they can make the most of the opportunities available as they tend to stick to what they know. They often lack confidence and require support. They also tend to stick within their year group. Current situation There are currently a number of activities on offer. 1 Sports Clubs are run through the department of Physical Education. However, they are perceived as elite and difficult to get into. 2 Faculty clubs run a variety of activities from the Geography club’s weekend trips to the Philosophy club’s regular ‘dinner and debate’ evenings. Although information about these can be found on every faculty noticeboard, it can be daunting and difficult for new students to take the first step. Recommendations • Run free ‘taster days’ for all sporting activities, so new students can to meet older students and try new sports. This would give them confidence, and widen their experience. • Implement a system of ‘buddies’ in the faculty clubs where an existing member takes a new student to one of the meetings. • Introduce a new type of informal gathering regularly where all students meet in the coffee shop to mingle and to discuss. Conclusions The recommendations would be simple to implement, but would help new students socially.
Examiner comments This answer is clear and well-organised with clear paragraphs. The style is appropriate for a proposal, and the use of headings makes it very easy to read. The use of bullet points and numbers also help to make it clear. There is a good range of language, and minor mistakes do not impede communication. The content is relevant and the target reader would be informed and able to assess the value of the recommendations.
Photocopiable © Pearson Education Limited 2014
Practice Tests Plus
Advanced 2 New Edition
Writing file Student scripts
Proposal (Test 1, Part 2, Question 2) Script B: Satisfactory answer The college currently provides many facilities for students apart from the excellent academic programme. There is a great range of social and sporting activities on offer that students can join to have fun and make new friends, although many new students don’t take up the opportunities. These are some of our recommendations for helping students make the most of their time. In the sports facilities can students play football, rugby, cricket, basketball, softball and the badminton. The college teams are always looking for skilled sportspeople to join the college leagues, and students should be encouraged to join these; this can be done by having special training sessions for all new students. If they have chance to represent the college this is useful because it is good to include on your CV when you apply for jobs in the future. The facilities also include a sophisticated gym and an enjoyable swimming pool, and college should use these for social activities as well as serious training. There could to be a special ‘meet and greet’ night every week. The college should to provide some other social activities that don’t require great skills, for instance dancing lessons, book clubs, and cultural heritage tours around the area. One good suggestion is that every Thursday should be students’ night with half-price drinks between 8 – 10 pm, because this provides perfect opportunity for meeting friends. If these recomendations are followed, new students will benefit from them.
Examiner comments The content is relevant, and the writer has made some good points. The answer is organised although it is not always easy to pick out the different sections of the proposal, and this makes it less communicative as the reader would find it hard to process. It would have been better with clearer paragraphs or headings. The language is generally semi-formal and appropriate for the task, although it is sometimes too informal, e.g. the use of you. There are also spelling and grammatical mistakes, e.g. with articles. Although the answer is just about satisfactory, it is quite short.
Photocopiable © Pearson Education Limited 2014
Practice Tests Plus
Advanced 2 New Edition
Writing file Student scripts
Proposal (Test 1, Part 2, Question 2) Script C: Unsatisfactory answer Some useful tips for students My name is Joe and I’m a student in this college. This is my last year now that I’m here. So I would say that I know quite a lot of things about the life and the spirit of my college. That’s why it could be helpful to give you some useful information. At first I want to tell to you about the social activities offered by the college showing several good ways to make new friends here. Afterwards I inform you about the sporting activities which are organised by the college. First of all l really want to recommend you to become a member in one of the several working groups which meet after the lessons in the school. You can for example enter the ‘chess club’ or the ‘cooking club’. In those groups you really get to know other pupils very fast and besides you learn a practical thing like playing chess or cooking. The group that I am prefer is the ‘debate club’ where you talk and discuss about politics and economics. Additionally you get to know how other pupils think and you can learn from them. These ‘working groups’ or ‘clubs’ were founded to advance socially and I really can recommend them. The sporting activities are another great aspect offered by the college. I play volleyball in the college team and right there I found my first friends on the college. I think sports is the easiest way of getting people together. So don’t be shy and go to training lessons of football, volleyball or swimming. Do whatever you like! Sports really can help you to distract from learning. My final tip is to be open minded, if you have any further questions don’t hesitate asking me.
Examiner comments The content is not relevant to the task, as the writer has not given an assessment of the situation nor made recommendations about new activities. The ideas are confused which means they are not communicated successfully and the target reader (the principal) would not be informed. The conclusion is inappropriate. Although there is a range of language, the style is too informal for a proposal (it is more like a personal letter) and the use of exclamation marks is inappropriate. There are too many paragraphs, so the organisation is confused; a proposal should have paragraphs with one topic in each and/or headings.
Photocopiable © Pearson Education Limited 2014
