4 Goals of Misbehavior

4 Goals of Misbehavior ATTENTION

POWER

Need:  Connect   Child  thinks:  I  only  count  when  I’m   noticed.  

Need:  Capable   Child  thinks:  my  strength  is  in  showing   you  that  you  can’t  make  me.  

Parent  Feels:  Irritated  &  Annoyed  

Parent  Feels:  Angry  &  Challenged  

Encourage:  Replace  negative   attention  with  positive attention.   Plan  activities  together.  Don’t ignore   child;  ignore  unwanted  behavior.  

Encourage:  Give  choices  so  child   can  display  power  constructively.   Maintain  a  friendly  attitude.    

Child  feels:  I  belong.  

Child  feels:  I  can  do  it.  

REVENGE

GIVING UP

Need:  Count     Child  thinks:  I  knew  you  were  against   me.  I’ll  show  you  how  it  feels.  

Need:  Courage   Child  thinks:  I  can’t  do  anything  right,  so   I  won’t  try.  

Parent  Feels:  Hurt  &  Wants  to  punish  

Parent  Feels:  Despair  &  Hopelessness  

Encourage:  Maintain  appreciation   in  relationship.  Offer  chances  to   help.  Seek  support  and  help  in   identifying  positives.  Don’t  give  up.    

Encourage:  Notice  strengths  and   ignore  the  negative.  Set  up  steady   exposure  to  manageable  tasks  that   have  a  likelihood  of  success.  Avoid   criticism.  

Child  feels:  I  matter.  I  can  make  a   difference  

Child  feels:  I  can  handle  what  comes.  

 

 

8.2