Attraction and Close relationships Finding a partner ⢠Propinquity effect
Attraction and Close relationships Finding a partner •
Propinquity effect: tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those they encounter often
•
Segal (1974) → Police trainee’s assigned seats and dorms based on last name; who were they closest with after 6 weeks? → Mere exposure ⇒ Moreland and Beach •
4 women enrolled in class; each showed up different number of times (0, 5, 10, 15)
•
How attractive are they? How similar to you are they? [they were all about the same level of attractiveness] → Those who came to class the most were the most attractive and the most similar
•
Similarity → Behavior ⇒ We liked people who mimic our behavior and we nonconsciously mimic the behavior of those that we like → Personality ⇒ “You like House! I like House! We should date!” ⇒ When you first meet, you don’t talk about differences, you talk about things you have in common → Physical characteristics ⇒ Matching hypothesis: everyone wants attractive partners but you’re limited by your own physical attractiveness; your partner will probably be at the same level of physical attractiveness ⇒ Symmetry ⇒ Averageness – indicator that you have normal, healthy genes; no outliers
⇒ Gender differences •
Women → Waist-to-hip ratio – child bearing → Youth
•
Men → Masculinity: square jaw, prominent chin, heavier eyebrows, thinner lips
•
How important is attractiveness? → Li et al ⇒ Design your ideal mate with 20 mate dollars a. Given 10 different characteristics and traits i.
Physical attractiveness, yearly income, intelligence, kindness, creativity, sense of humor, etc.
b. Each mate dollar corresponded to 10 percentile increase in that trait Men prioritize attractiveness; women prioritize status/wealth What is a relationship? •
A relationship is characterized by interdependence – when my behaviors affect your outcomes and your behaviors affect my outcomes
•
A close relationship is one of strong, frequent, and diverse interdependence that lasts over a considerable period of time
How successful are close relationships? •
40-50% of all first marriages end in divorce or permanent separation
•
The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher (75%)
•
When do marriages end? → Mode= between 2-3 years
•
Trajectory of relationship satisfaction hasn’t changed much over time → Couples start moderately satisfied
→ Satisfaction slowly increases, peaking around marriage → Decline after marriage •
Although couples differ in how much and how fast satisfaction increases or decreases, most couples follow this pattern
Attachment •
Bowlby → Believed that childhood attachment predicted adult relationships (secure, avoidant, ambivalent/anxious)
•
Shaver → Identified attachment styles to describe adult relationship (child attachment is not necessarily attached to adult) → Two dimensions ⇒ Anxiety: extent to which insecure about the availability and responsiveness of romantic partners ⇒ Avoidance: extent to which uncomfortable being close to others → Four styles ⇒ Secure •
Low avoidance and low anxiety; roughly 56% of the population; find it easy to get close to romantic partners; trusting of their partners; tend to have committed, satisfying, longer lasting relationships; generally able to trust and communicate
⇒ Dismissing avoidant •
Low anxiety and high avoidance; about 24% of the population (this and fearful); don’t really trust partner; want to maintain distance between them and partner; not going to rely on partner; no sharing, no openness
⇒ Fearful avoidant •
High anxiety and high avoidance; about 24% (shared with dismissing); very poor outcome; want to be close while also not wanting to be close; do things to try and get close and then push away when they start to get close; they’re very random and unpredictable
⇒ Preoccupied (anxious/ambivalent) •
•
Low avoidance and high anxiety; really really want to be close to their partner and they are afraid they’re going to reject them; they are essentially merging their personalities; ex. – over attached girlfriend meme; about 20% of the population; jealous, expect rejection, suffocating to their partners, relationships have more conflict, not very satisfying
Attachment styles can change over time → They are based on our beliefs about our relationships; these beliefs change
•
Attachment styles can be different from one relationship to another → We might have a belief that partner A is responsive but partner B isn’t
Investment Model (Rusbult, 1983) •
Satisfaction → How happy are you with your partner? ⇒ If you’re happy, you’re more likely to stay with your partner → MacDonald and Ross ⇒ Parents, roommates, and participants made judgments on quality of relationship •
Parents and roommates were pretty consistent but the p’s were very escalated → Relationship enhancement: designed to keep people in their relationship
•
Available alternatives → Are there others who would make better partners? ⇒ If there are 5 other people asking you out, there’s more likelihood that you’ll say yes → Miller ⇒ P’s in relationship viewed slides of magazine ads ⇒ Still in relationship 2 months later? ⇒ Those who looked at ads with opposite sex were less likely to be in that relationship 2 months later
•
Investment → How much have I put into this relationship? ⇒ If you’ve put in time and money and you own things together, you’re less likely to leave → “Sunk cost” – invested resources you can’t get back; don’t want those investments to be for not; it’s time/money/etc. you can’t get back
•
Relationship satisfaction is determined by: → Relationship rewards → Relationship costs ⇒ Rewards and costs can be tangible or intangible → What we think we should get from a relationship (Comparison level; CL)
•
We are happy when we think our relationship outweighs our comparison level (expectations)
•
You can be in a bad relationship, yet think it is good → Low satisfaction (few rewards, high costs) yet you have a low comparison level
•
You can be in an unsatisfying relationship, yet want to stay in it → Low satisfaction, yet low alternative or high investments → Ex – abused spouses
•
You can be in a satisfying relationship, yet want out → High satisfaction, yet even higher alternatives → Ex – Brad Pitt →
Propinquity effect: tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those they encounter often
•
Segal (1974) → Police trainee’s assigned seats and dorms based on last name; who were they closest with after 6 weeks? → Mere exposure ⇒ Moreland and Beach •
4 women enrolled in class; each showed up different number of times (0, 5, 10, 15)
•
How attractive are they? How similar to you are they? [they were all about the same level of attractiveness] → Those who came to class the most were the most attractive and the most similar
•
Similarity → Behavior ⇒ We liked people who mimic our behavior and we nonconsciously mimic the behavior of those that we like → Personality ⇒ “You like House! I like House! We should date!” ⇒ When you first meet, you don’t talk about differences, you talk about things you have in common → Physical characteristics ⇒ Matching hypothesis: everyone wants attractive partners but you’re limited by your own physical attractiveness; your partner will probably be at the same level of physical attractiveness ⇒ Symmetry ⇒ Averageness – indicator that you have normal, healthy genes; no outliers
⇒ Gender differences •
Women → Waist-to-hip ratio – child bearing → Youth
•
Men → Masculinity: square jaw, prominent chin, heavier eyebrows, thinner lips
•
How important is attractiveness? → Li et al ⇒ Design your ideal mate with 20 mate dollars a. Given 10 different characteristics and traits i.
Physical attractiveness, yearly income, intelligence, kindness, creativity, sense of humor, etc.
b. Each mate dollar corresponded to 10 percentile increase in that trait Men prioritize attractiveness; women prioritize status/wealth What is a relationship? •
A relationship is characterized by interdependence – when my behaviors affect your outcomes and your behaviors affect my outcomes
•
A close relationship is one of strong, frequent, and diverse interdependence that lasts over a considerable period of time
How successful are close relationships? •
40-50% of all first marriages end in divorce or permanent separation
•
The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher (75%)
•
When do marriages end? → Mode= between 2-3 years
•
Trajectory of relationship satisfaction hasn’t changed much over time → Couples start moderately satisfied
→ Satisfaction slowly increases, peaking around marriage → Decline after marriage •
Although couples differ in how much and how fast satisfaction increases or decreases, most couples follow this pattern
Attachment •
Bowlby → Believed that childhood attachment predicted adult relationships (secure, avoidant, ambivalent/anxious)
•
Shaver → Identified attachment styles to describe adult relationship (child attachment is not necessarily attached to adult) → Two dimensions ⇒ Anxiety: extent to which insecure about the availability and responsiveness of romantic partners ⇒ Avoidance: extent to which uncomfortable being close to others → Four styles ⇒ Secure •
Low avoidance and low anxiety; roughly 56% of the population; find it easy to get close to romantic partners; trusting of their partners; tend to have committed, satisfying, longer lasting relationships; generally able to trust and communicate
⇒ Dismissing avoidant •
Low anxiety and high avoidance; about 24% of the population (this and fearful); don’t really trust partner; want to maintain distance between them and partner; not going to rely on partner; no sharing, no openness
⇒ Fearful avoidant •
High anxiety and high avoidance; about 24% (shared with dismissing); very poor outcome; want to be close while also not wanting to be close; do things to try and get close and then push away when they start to get close; they’re very random and unpredictable
⇒ Preoccupied (anxious/ambivalent) •
•
Low avoidance and high anxiety; really really want to be close to their partner and they are afraid they’re going to reject them; they are essentially merging their personalities; ex. – over attached girlfriend meme; about 20% of the population; jealous, expect rejection, suffocating to their partners, relationships have more conflict, not very satisfying
Attachment styles can change over time → They are based on our beliefs about our relationships; these beliefs change
•
Attachment styles can be different from one relationship to another → We might have a belief that partner A is responsive but partner B isn’t
Investment Model (Rusbult, 1983) •
Satisfaction → How happy are you with your partner? ⇒ If you’re happy, you’re more likely to stay with your partner → MacDonald and Ross ⇒ Parents, roommates, and participants made judgments on quality of relationship •
Parents and roommates were pretty consistent but the p’s were very escalated → Relationship enhancement: designed to keep people in their relationship
•
Available alternatives → Are there others who would make better partners? ⇒ If there are 5 other people asking you out, there’s more likelihood that you’ll say yes → Miller ⇒ P’s in relationship viewed slides of magazine ads ⇒ Still in relationship 2 months later? ⇒ Those who looked at ads with opposite sex were less likely to be in that relationship 2 months later
•
Investment → How much have I put into this relationship? ⇒ If you’ve put in time and money and you own things together, you’re less likely to leave → “Sunk cost” – invested resources you can’t get back; don’t want those investments to be for not; it’s time/money/etc. you can’t get back
•
Relationship satisfaction is determined by: → Relationship rewards → Relationship costs ⇒ Rewards and costs can be tangible or intangible → What we think we should get from a relationship (Comparison level; CL)
•
We are happy when we think our relationship outweighs our comparison level (expectations)
•
You can be in a bad relationship, yet think it is good → Low satisfaction (few rewards, high costs) yet you have a low comparison level
•
You can be in an unsatisfying relationship, yet want to stay in it → Low satisfaction, yet low alternative or high investments → Ex – abused spouses
•
You can be in a satisfying relationship, yet want out → High satisfaction, yet even higher alternatives → Ex – Brad Pitt →
