Carol Ferguson What You Want
Expert Interview with Marjean Holden
What You Want Carol Ferguson
www.LifeContinuesAfterDivorce.com
Marjean Holden Marjean Holden is an actress (Jurassic Park, Mortal Combat etc), stunt woman (Bulletproof, Speed 2 etc), dancer, martial artist and one of the few female Master Trainers on the self-development circuit today. I was so inspired by her confidence, words of wisdom, ability to connect one on one in a room of hundreds that I asked her to help me support you. She took time out from her busy schedule (currently producing the action packed film Number 10) to speak about moving on emotionally and financially after divorce.
Carol: Marjean Holden I am so glad that you could spend some time with me today to share your thoughts and advice on life after divorce. Before we get started, I just want to share with our listeners a little bit about your background.
Marjean: Ok
Carol: So Marjean Holden, I understand that you’ve been very involved with sports most of your life, skiing, volley ball, you actually had honors in volley ball through high school and got a scholarship to university. You did some track and field; even today you’re still probably very physically involved with weight training. I understand you also do some Kung Fu and ….
Marjean: (Laughs)
Carol: Sorry?
Marjean: Not so much anymore of Kung Fu, but I’m still active.
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Carol: Generally when people are active when they are younger, they keep that all through their life I find. Marjean also has been very involved in the entertainment business and I understand that even from the early age of grade 4, you were producing and starring in your own little plays. She’s had quite a bit of success in movies such as Speed 2, Philadelphia Experiment 2, starred in TV shows like Mortal Combat, Beast Master and make guest appearances in other shows like ER, Tales From The Crypt and La Femme Nikita.
Marjean: Yeah
Carol: So very busy and very interesting. Then in December of 2003, you attended a seminar called “The Millionaire Mind intensive”. Within 18 months, Marjean went from student to becoming the first female trainer at Peak Potentials, one of the fastest growing businesses in personal success training in North America. So far they’ve helped over 500,000 people transform their lives. So Marjean, could you tell me a little bit more about that journey and why you took it?
Marjean: Well, the journey, which journey? Chuckles The entertainment journey or the personal development journey or all of it?
Carol: The journey from MMI to becoming a trainer and from there on.
Marjean: Well, I had gone through a very challenging relationship, it wasn’t a marriage but it was a challenging relationship and that’s how I ended up at the millionaire mind intensive. You know, looking for a new plug of energy to instill in my life. I liked the conversation, I liked the fact that they were working on belief systems and moving through financial blocks and things like that. Just really loved the energy, loved the people, met some wonderful people and when I was there I really noticed there weren’t any females on the stage.
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I thought well, you know that’s something I could do and I really loved the message, I loved the energy. So let me go forward and see how that process works. The head of the company said, “Hey, we think you’d be really good, after one of the courses, we think you’d be a good fit for a trainer. What do you want to do?” I told them exactly what I wanted to teach and they said, “oh ok, that’s interesting. Great.” So, then the pathway started for training to actually lead the courses and be in that position. And it was really, very fulfilling to be able to give, and put forth that information so that others could make transformation in their lives.
Carol: So what’s given you the greatest satisfaction doing that?
Marjean: I think for me the greatest satisfaction with training is having someone come back to me years later saying, “You said something to me and you completely changed my life”. Most of the time, I won’t even know what it is I said, because I just allow spirit, my higher self, to work through me, when I am in those situations to bring up the information if I happen to be talking to an individual personally. I’d say that the energy comes through that they need at the moment and a lot of time it’s like “God, “what did I say?” I don’t recall what I said. You know, it’s just allowing spirit to move and that’s just beautiful. It’s beautiful to transfer that energy that way.
Carol: Wonderful, I am sure that different people can get different words at different times that mean something to them.
Marjean: Yeah
Carol: And what’s been your greatest frustration doing this?
Marjean: I think that my greatest frustration has been being away from home a lot or having been in the past away from home a lot. Some of the areas from my own life that I look at and go “ok I can step it up there and I can step it up there” in the ways I deal with business or in the ways which I deal with certain aspects of the business.
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Sometimes it’s frustrating that there’s a distinction in that there aren’t a lot of females on stage.
Marjean: That’s really tough. I say, “ok women, come on, get on stage, get yourselves out there, you have lots to say”. It’s a very masculine energy dominated field, that’s been a frustration, because there definitely needs to be more feminine energy in that arena.
Carol: Right, I know that when I’ve gone to some of the sessions, that there have been women that have been saying that too, there’s no women up there and yet nobody steps up to the plate. So, it seems to me that you have been very successful at everything you’ve done. Have you had times in your life where you didn’t feel all that successful or secure?
Marjean: Yes, (laughs) many many many times, I would say, even now. Particularly not feeling as strong and as powerful as I feel I would like to, being at the end of training. But moving through my own transitions and making the transition back into my first love of film and television and back in the entertainment industry. So, everything is new and everything is changing and the whole path won’t change but there’s been plenty of times, even when I’ve been at a very high level of what I consider for me to be successful, that I felt like, “wow, I know I can achieve more, I know I can be more, I know I can contribute more, I know I can allow myself the space to follow my heart more”. So, there’s been definite moments where I’ve just gone, “Arhhhh, okk, ah, what do I do?, where do I go?” It’s in those moments where I just have to be still and go ok, “Alright Spirit, God, where am I moving now?” “What steps do I take now?”
Carol: Well it’s so interesting because I think so many people believe that if you’re successful that you feel that success that you don’t have moments of doubts. We’re all human; we all experience those, don’t we?
Marjean: Yes, absolutely, you know it’s just expanding your container. It’s like the more you expand your container you say “Ok, now, I am going to this next level”. It’s like out of the comfort zone because there are new things that come up”.
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There’s more of everything as you climb the success ladder, even for yourself, you know what you deem to be the success ladder. It’s not ever about anybody else and what they perceive, because no matter where you are at somebody is going to look at you and go “Wow, you’re incredibly successful”. But for yourself you may be saying, “Yeah, I am” and for me personally I’ve had great moments, where I said, “God, you’re really accomplishing something and this is really great. Congratulations Marjean, you’ve done a great job. Look at how far you’ve come, look at how far you’ve come, look at what you’ve accomplished, look at what you have achieved, good for you, good for you.” Now what else do you want to create?
Carol: Right, I thing we have to get into the habit of actually doing that, and telling ourselves how good we are on a regular basis.
Marjean: Yeah and just approving of you “I’ve done well, wow”. And saying it and really getting into that feeling and in the emotion of saying, “yeah, you know what? I have accomplished a lot, wow I can be really really pleased with myself.”
Carol: And many women who have gone through or are going through divorce or a break up, of a very important relationship, feel that they are a victim of their circumstances. What do you say to them?
Marjean: That is one of the things that comes up unless you’re taking ownership. It’s always a two way street, it’s like what do you take responsibility for, because it’s never just about one person, it’s always about the collective, the two, if you’re in a partnership or relationship. Look at both sides and even though it’s hard to look at both sides, like ok, “what was my part in this?” and just stick to what was my part in this? “How did I create this? And why did I create it?” Sometimes the answers don’t always come right away. It’s like I’m not sure why I created this to be so because divorce was not my plan, having to move into my own space again was not my plan wow, “what do I do”? “And how do I work that”? And the biggest thing I think is just sitting and saying “where to now”? “Where to now”? And really it’s a moment by moment process, and those moments will start adding up. Pretty soon it’s like a couples of weeks pass and then a month passes, six months pass and everything continually shifts. 2012-10-12
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I’m not saying that is easy, not saying that it’s not energy because it is. There’s a certain amount of energy that goes into staying focused on “ok, what can I do right now? What can I do right now, right now, right now?” And taking a deep breath and finally saying that. Whether it’s activities or being around this special group of friends or whatever it is, that keeps that positive energy. Sometimes I know for me when I’m going through something like that, I go into hibernation. And if I equate myself, I’m a Scorpio so I equate myself to really being a Scorpio, if there’s something I feel out of alignment with myself or something that’s not quite right, it’s like I don’t want to be out there in the world, being influenced by other people’s energy. So I go internal and I go “ok, what’s going on and how can I shift this? What do I need to do to shift this? What are the things that make me feel good? What are the things that make me happy? What part of myself do I need to take care of right now?”
Carol: Yeah I agree that a lot of the times when any kind of situation happens to us, we need to take the time to sit back and really analyze and reflect. I know I personally believe that every relationship we have, whether it’s a love relationship or friend relationship or any relationship that we have, we are there to learn something from that relationship. And if it doesn’t work out, I think we need to look back and see, what went well, what didn’t, what am I to learn from this relationship.
Marjean: Exactly, what worked, what didn’t and hmmm, what can I do different next time.
Carol: Right, many divorced women also suffer from low self-esteem; I know I did after my divorce. What advice would you give these women to help them regain their self-worth?
Marjean: You know, that’s a tough one, I mean it’s really a tough one because we always take it that there’s something wrong with me, there’s something wrong with me and this happened and what’s wrong with me? And we all do it, we’re human, so we all do that and like I said before I think it’s just, I know for me, like when I feel not my strongest, not my most powerful, I think what things do make me feel strong? What things do make me feel powerful? It’s like what approval can I give to myself and doing my best to look at it from a positive aspect as opposed to the negative. I do a lot of spiritual work on myself, just kind of going in and sort of rehashing not rehashing, but getting into what is that belief?
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Where does that come from? And how can I create that energy and releasing that energy and going forward with what makes me feel really good. I love doing this; whatever it is and getting back out there and doing those things that are fun, doing those things that bring enjoyment
Carol: So really it’s all about believing in yourself and listening to yourself, not so much listening to what others have to say and other peoples’ opinions and other people perspectives, it’s really about listening to you.
Marjean: Well it is about listening to yourself and then being surrounded by people who do know how to encourage you and put positive energy in your space. And that can hold that space for you, because sometimes we have a hard time holding that space for ourselves. If we have a couple of really good friends around you, you just say, “Just hold this space for me to just keep moving with elegance and with grace and hold that thing knowing that it’s helping me through this”. And actually asking for help because a lot of people, especially women, we don’t ask for help.
Carol: How true, how true.
Marjean: Yeah and that’s one of those things that in the past it’s like “ok Marjean, why won’t you ask for help? And by asking for help it’s not that you’re weak, it’s not that you’re anything like that, it’s just allowing somebody else to give their gift.
Carol: Yes, yes well said. So what’s the most important piece of advice you can give to women about moving on emotionally after divorce?
Marjean: Being open to receive. Being open to receive more love, to be open to receive more goodness, just becoming a really good receiver again because I know a lot of times that you want to shut down emotionally. It’s like “I’ll never do that again”, “I’ll never open my heart to anyone again” and “I won’t do that” and yeah we all say those things.
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However, just be open, just be open as challenging as it can be, just be open for something great and know something great is coming, something great is happening right now.
Carol: And any advice to women about moving on financially after divorce because that is often a major problem for women especially women that don’t maybe have a career of their own or are more dependent in their relationship, what financial advice would you give to them?
Marjean: I would, that is education. Find something that can educate you; whether it’s creating more income, or managing money or something educational about finance. Doing something, I’m a big believer in do what you love, because when you do what you love, the money just flows. When you’re in your passion, when you’re in love of what you’re doing, then everything just seems to. I know for me, the experience, everything seems to flow, everything falls into place for me. And when I do things that I think, or someone else says you should do this, that’s where I always falter. But when I do something that I absolutely love, the blessings just flow. Not being afraid of money, because sometimes, like you said, women aren’t used to dealing with money and have been dependent on their partner or their husband to take care of those kinds of thing. Don’t be afraid of it. Look at it as a game and “oh, here’s a game and I’m going to learn how to play it.”
Carol: Exactly, it is a game and it is something that is learnable and it has nothing to do with sex.
Marjean: Exactly, absolutely not but we, as women, we do have more stigma around money because we are, DNA wise, we‘re bred that men are stronger. Men are the stronger of the sex and we are the weaker of the sexes and they are the providers, they are the protectors, they are the ones that should be taking care of us and they are they hunters and we are the gatherers, so it’s DNA and that’s something that men don’t have to deal with. They just go out, they produce, they bring the money and that’s it. They go, they hunt, they kill the deer, they bring it home, and we eat it. So for women to have to go into, oh now I have to go out, I have to create money, I have to go hunting and kill it and bring it home, it puts us out of our feminine energy and into our masculine.
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Carol: Right, although I understand from some research I’ve done that in actual fact women are better than men in financial terms especially when it comes to investing.
Marjean: Yes, because we don’t have a problem following the rules.
Carol: Right we don’t mind asking questions if we don’t know.
Marjean: Right and we’re ok with that. They’ve proven that women’s investment groups generally do better than men because they’re willing to follow the rules It’s like ok, here’s the rule, great! Follow them, perfect.
Carol: And of course its men that say that men are better at money than women, isn’t it?
Marjean: Yeah, well I would say, I don’t know that they say it. It’s at the society level, on the grander level, it’s shown that, oh yeah, men are in the high power positions, they’re way better at money. I think is a conditioning, not so much that men say it but, it’s a societal conditioning that we see it. It’s like especially if you’re growing up and you’re a little girl you see that your dad is the provider, protector, brings the money and mom distributes. That’s what I would experience, it’s like my dad was the primary bread winner in the family. So that’s what I saw, my dad made the money, my mum made a little bit of money but she was the one that balanced the check book, she was the one that followed the rules, she was the one that did the grocery shopping and took care of this and took care of that and could follow the budget.
Carol: Right, so to wrap up Marjean, what’s the most important warning that you would give to divorced women?
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Marjean: The most important warning?
Carol: Yeah
Marjean: Hmmm, oh my Gosh, most important warning, that’s a stumper for me, wow, most important warning.
Carol: Well then put it in your own words, how would you like to wrap up the interview, what would you like to say to divorced women that are struggling with moving on emotionally and financially?
Marjean: I would love to say that time heals, and that it won’t always be easy. However, just the fact that women are equipped with the ability to give birth and release the pain of childbirth, to have some women go through that process over and over and over again. It’s like I always say if a man had to go through childbirth, they’d never have children again.
Carol: You got it
Marjean: It’s like we’ve been given that ability to have children, release whatever comes with that as far as trauma and stress or pain and some of us go through and do it again. There is light at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel may seem long but there’s always light and to keep moving. Just one step at a time, one step at a time. Some days those steps are going to be big and other days those steps are going to be tiny but just to keep moving one step at a time.
Carol: I think it’s important also for women to realize that they’re going to go through many different emotions and there are all natural, they are all normal and it’s ok to go through them and to actually accept them because you’ll be able to move on faster if you accept these emotions as they come. 2012-10-12
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Marjean: Exactly, you know and not trying to say I’m bad for feeling that. It’s like no, this is what I’m feeling and it’s ok.”
Carol: Ok, well thank you very much Marjean I really enjoyed our conversation and hopefully we’ll get the chance to do this again.
Marjean: Yes, thank you, I appreciate the opportunity to speak out.
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What You Want Carol Ferguson
www.LifeContinuesAfterDivorce.com
Marjean Holden Marjean Holden is an actress (Jurassic Park, Mortal Combat etc), stunt woman (Bulletproof, Speed 2 etc), dancer, martial artist and one of the few female Master Trainers on the self-development circuit today. I was so inspired by her confidence, words of wisdom, ability to connect one on one in a room of hundreds that I asked her to help me support you. She took time out from her busy schedule (currently producing the action packed film Number 10) to speak about moving on emotionally and financially after divorce.
Carol: Marjean Holden I am so glad that you could spend some time with me today to share your thoughts and advice on life after divorce. Before we get started, I just want to share with our listeners a little bit about your background.
Marjean: Ok
Carol: So Marjean Holden, I understand that you’ve been very involved with sports most of your life, skiing, volley ball, you actually had honors in volley ball through high school and got a scholarship to university. You did some track and field; even today you’re still probably very physically involved with weight training. I understand you also do some Kung Fu and ….
Marjean: (Laughs)
Carol: Sorry?
Marjean: Not so much anymore of Kung Fu, but I’m still active.
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Carol: Generally when people are active when they are younger, they keep that all through their life I find. Marjean also has been very involved in the entertainment business and I understand that even from the early age of grade 4, you were producing and starring in your own little plays. She’s had quite a bit of success in movies such as Speed 2, Philadelphia Experiment 2, starred in TV shows like Mortal Combat, Beast Master and make guest appearances in other shows like ER, Tales From The Crypt and La Femme Nikita.
Marjean: Yeah
Carol: So very busy and very interesting. Then in December of 2003, you attended a seminar called “The Millionaire Mind intensive”. Within 18 months, Marjean went from student to becoming the first female trainer at Peak Potentials, one of the fastest growing businesses in personal success training in North America. So far they’ve helped over 500,000 people transform their lives. So Marjean, could you tell me a little bit more about that journey and why you took it?
Marjean: Well, the journey, which journey? Chuckles The entertainment journey or the personal development journey or all of it?
Carol: The journey from MMI to becoming a trainer and from there on.
Marjean: Well, I had gone through a very challenging relationship, it wasn’t a marriage but it was a challenging relationship and that’s how I ended up at the millionaire mind intensive. You know, looking for a new plug of energy to instill in my life. I liked the conversation, I liked the fact that they were working on belief systems and moving through financial blocks and things like that. Just really loved the energy, loved the people, met some wonderful people and when I was there I really noticed there weren’t any females on the stage.
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I thought well, you know that’s something I could do and I really loved the message, I loved the energy. So let me go forward and see how that process works. The head of the company said, “Hey, we think you’d be really good, after one of the courses, we think you’d be a good fit for a trainer. What do you want to do?” I told them exactly what I wanted to teach and they said, “oh ok, that’s interesting. Great.” So, then the pathway started for training to actually lead the courses and be in that position. And it was really, very fulfilling to be able to give, and put forth that information so that others could make transformation in their lives.
Carol: So what’s given you the greatest satisfaction doing that?
Marjean: I think for me the greatest satisfaction with training is having someone come back to me years later saying, “You said something to me and you completely changed my life”. Most of the time, I won’t even know what it is I said, because I just allow spirit, my higher self, to work through me, when I am in those situations to bring up the information if I happen to be talking to an individual personally. I’d say that the energy comes through that they need at the moment and a lot of time it’s like “God, “what did I say?” I don’t recall what I said. You know, it’s just allowing spirit to move and that’s just beautiful. It’s beautiful to transfer that energy that way.
Carol: Wonderful, I am sure that different people can get different words at different times that mean something to them.
Marjean: Yeah
Carol: And what’s been your greatest frustration doing this?
Marjean: I think that my greatest frustration has been being away from home a lot or having been in the past away from home a lot. Some of the areas from my own life that I look at and go “ok I can step it up there and I can step it up there” in the ways I deal with business or in the ways which I deal with certain aspects of the business.
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Sometimes it’s frustrating that there’s a distinction in that there aren’t a lot of females on stage.
Marjean: That’s really tough. I say, “ok women, come on, get on stage, get yourselves out there, you have lots to say”. It’s a very masculine energy dominated field, that’s been a frustration, because there definitely needs to be more feminine energy in that arena.
Carol: Right, I know that when I’ve gone to some of the sessions, that there have been women that have been saying that too, there’s no women up there and yet nobody steps up to the plate. So, it seems to me that you have been very successful at everything you’ve done. Have you had times in your life where you didn’t feel all that successful or secure?
Marjean: Yes, (laughs) many many many times, I would say, even now. Particularly not feeling as strong and as powerful as I feel I would like to, being at the end of training. But moving through my own transitions and making the transition back into my first love of film and television and back in the entertainment industry. So, everything is new and everything is changing and the whole path won’t change but there’s been plenty of times, even when I’ve been at a very high level of what I consider for me to be successful, that I felt like, “wow, I know I can achieve more, I know I can be more, I know I can contribute more, I know I can allow myself the space to follow my heart more”. So, there’s been definite moments where I’ve just gone, “Arhhhh, okk, ah, what do I do?, where do I go?” It’s in those moments where I just have to be still and go ok, “Alright Spirit, God, where am I moving now?” “What steps do I take now?”
Carol: Well it’s so interesting because I think so many people believe that if you’re successful that you feel that success that you don’t have moments of doubts. We’re all human; we all experience those, don’t we?
Marjean: Yes, absolutely, you know it’s just expanding your container. It’s like the more you expand your container you say “Ok, now, I am going to this next level”. It’s like out of the comfort zone because there are new things that come up”.
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There’s more of everything as you climb the success ladder, even for yourself, you know what you deem to be the success ladder. It’s not ever about anybody else and what they perceive, because no matter where you are at somebody is going to look at you and go “Wow, you’re incredibly successful”. But for yourself you may be saying, “Yeah, I am” and for me personally I’ve had great moments, where I said, “God, you’re really accomplishing something and this is really great. Congratulations Marjean, you’ve done a great job. Look at how far you’ve come, look at how far you’ve come, look at what you’ve accomplished, look at what you have achieved, good for you, good for you.” Now what else do you want to create?
Carol: Right, I thing we have to get into the habit of actually doing that, and telling ourselves how good we are on a regular basis.
Marjean: Yeah and just approving of you “I’ve done well, wow”. And saying it and really getting into that feeling and in the emotion of saying, “yeah, you know what? I have accomplished a lot, wow I can be really really pleased with myself.”
Carol: And many women who have gone through or are going through divorce or a break up, of a very important relationship, feel that they are a victim of their circumstances. What do you say to them?
Marjean: That is one of the things that comes up unless you’re taking ownership. It’s always a two way street, it’s like what do you take responsibility for, because it’s never just about one person, it’s always about the collective, the two, if you’re in a partnership or relationship. Look at both sides and even though it’s hard to look at both sides, like ok, “what was my part in this?” and just stick to what was my part in this? “How did I create this? And why did I create it?” Sometimes the answers don’t always come right away. It’s like I’m not sure why I created this to be so because divorce was not my plan, having to move into my own space again was not my plan wow, “what do I do”? “And how do I work that”? And the biggest thing I think is just sitting and saying “where to now”? “Where to now”? And really it’s a moment by moment process, and those moments will start adding up. Pretty soon it’s like a couples of weeks pass and then a month passes, six months pass and everything continually shifts. 2012-10-12
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I’m not saying that is easy, not saying that it’s not energy because it is. There’s a certain amount of energy that goes into staying focused on “ok, what can I do right now? What can I do right now, right now, right now?” And taking a deep breath and finally saying that. Whether it’s activities or being around this special group of friends or whatever it is, that keeps that positive energy. Sometimes I know for me when I’m going through something like that, I go into hibernation. And if I equate myself, I’m a Scorpio so I equate myself to really being a Scorpio, if there’s something I feel out of alignment with myself or something that’s not quite right, it’s like I don’t want to be out there in the world, being influenced by other people’s energy. So I go internal and I go “ok, what’s going on and how can I shift this? What do I need to do to shift this? What are the things that make me feel good? What are the things that make me happy? What part of myself do I need to take care of right now?”
Carol: Yeah I agree that a lot of the times when any kind of situation happens to us, we need to take the time to sit back and really analyze and reflect. I know I personally believe that every relationship we have, whether it’s a love relationship or friend relationship or any relationship that we have, we are there to learn something from that relationship. And if it doesn’t work out, I think we need to look back and see, what went well, what didn’t, what am I to learn from this relationship.
Marjean: Exactly, what worked, what didn’t and hmmm, what can I do different next time.
Carol: Right, many divorced women also suffer from low self-esteem; I know I did after my divorce. What advice would you give these women to help them regain their self-worth?
Marjean: You know, that’s a tough one, I mean it’s really a tough one because we always take it that there’s something wrong with me, there’s something wrong with me and this happened and what’s wrong with me? And we all do it, we’re human, so we all do that and like I said before I think it’s just, I know for me, like when I feel not my strongest, not my most powerful, I think what things do make me feel strong? What things do make me feel powerful? It’s like what approval can I give to myself and doing my best to look at it from a positive aspect as opposed to the negative. I do a lot of spiritual work on myself, just kind of going in and sort of rehashing not rehashing, but getting into what is that belief?
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Where does that come from? And how can I create that energy and releasing that energy and going forward with what makes me feel really good. I love doing this; whatever it is and getting back out there and doing those things that are fun, doing those things that bring enjoyment
Carol: So really it’s all about believing in yourself and listening to yourself, not so much listening to what others have to say and other peoples’ opinions and other people perspectives, it’s really about listening to you.
Marjean: Well it is about listening to yourself and then being surrounded by people who do know how to encourage you and put positive energy in your space. And that can hold that space for you, because sometimes we have a hard time holding that space for ourselves. If we have a couple of really good friends around you, you just say, “Just hold this space for me to just keep moving with elegance and with grace and hold that thing knowing that it’s helping me through this”. And actually asking for help because a lot of people, especially women, we don’t ask for help.
Carol: How true, how true.
Marjean: Yeah and that’s one of those things that in the past it’s like “ok Marjean, why won’t you ask for help? And by asking for help it’s not that you’re weak, it’s not that you’re anything like that, it’s just allowing somebody else to give their gift.
Carol: Yes, yes well said. So what’s the most important piece of advice you can give to women about moving on emotionally after divorce?
Marjean: Being open to receive. Being open to receive more love, to be open to receive more goodness, just becoming a really good receiver again because I know a lot of times that you want to shut down emotionally. It’s like “I’ll never do that again”, “I’ll never open my heart to anyone again” and “I won’t do that” and yeah we all say those things.
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However, just be open, just be open as challenging as it can be, just be open for something great and know something great is coming, something great is happening right now.
Carol: And any advice to women about moving on financially after divorce because that is often a major problem for women especially women that don’t maybe have a career of their own or are more dependent in their relationship, what financial advice would you give to them?
Marjean: I would, that is education. Find something that can educate you; whether it’s creating more income, or managing money or something educational about finance. Doing something, I’m a big believer in do what you love, because when you do what you love, the money just flows. When you’re in your passion, when you’re in love of what you’re doing, then everything just seems to. I know for me, the experience, everything seems to flow, everything falls into place for me. And when I do things that I think, or someone else says you should do this, that’s where I always falter. But when I do something that I absolutely love, the blessings just flow. Not being afraid of money, because sometimes, like you said, women aren’t used to dealing with money and have been dependent on their partner or their husband to take care of those kinds of thing. Don’t be afraid of it. Look at it as a game and “oh, here’s a game and I’m going to learn how to play it.”
Carol: Exactly, it is a game and it is something that is learnable and it has nothing to do with sex.
Marjean: Exactly, absolutely not but we, as women, we do have more stigma around money because we are, DNA wise, we‘re bred that men are stronger. Men are the stronger of the sex and we are the weaker of the sexes and they are the providers, they are the protectors, they are the ones that should be taking care of us and they are they hunters and we are the gatherers, so it’s DNA and that’s something that men don’t have to deal with. They just go out, they produce, they bring the money and that’s it. They go, they hunt, they kill the deer, they bring it home, and we eat it. So for women to have to go into, oh now I have to go out, I have to create money, I have to go hunting and kill it and bring it home, it puts us out of our feminine energy and into our masculine.
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Carol: Right, although I understand from some research I’ve done that in actual fact women are better than men in financial terms especially when it comes to investing.
Marjean: Yes, because we don’t have a problem following the rules.
Carol: Right we don’t mind asking questions if we don’t know.
Marjean: Right and we’re ok with that. They’ve proven that women’s investment groups generally do better than men because they’re willing to follow the rules It’s like ok, here’s the rule, great! Follow them, perfect.
Carol: And of course its men that say that men are better at money than women, isn’t it?
Marjean: Yeah, well I would say, I don’t know that they say it. It’s at the society level, on the grander level, it’s shown that, oh yeah, men are in the high power positions, they’re way better at money. I think is a conditioning, not so much that men say it but, it’s a societal conditioning that we see it. It’s like especially if you’re growing up and you’re a little girl you see that your dad is the provider, protector, brings the money and mom distributes. That’s what I would experience, it’s like my dad was the primary bread winner in the family. So that’s what I saw, my dad made the money, my mum made a little bit of money but she was the one that balanced the check book, she was the one that followed the rules, she was the one that did the grocery shopping and took care of this and took care of that and could follow the budget.
Carol: Right, so to wrap up Marjean, what’s the most important warning that you would give to divorced women?
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Marjean: The most important warning?
Carol: Yeah
Marjean: Hmmm, oh my Gosh, most important warning, that’s a stumper for me, wow, most important warning.
Carol: Well then put it in your own words, how would you like to wrap up the interview, what would you like to say to divorced women that are struggling with moving on emotionally and financially?
Marjean: I would love to say that time heals, and that it won’t always be easy. However, just the fact that women are equipped with the ability to give birth and release the pain of childbirth, to have some women go through that process over and over and over again. It’s like I always say if a man had to go through childbirth, they’d never have children again.
Carol: You got it
Marjean: It’s like we’ve been given that ability to have children, release whatever comes with that as far as trauma and stress or pain and some of us go through and do it again. There is light at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel may seem long but there’s always light and to keep moving. Just one step at a time, one step at a time. Some days those steps are going to be big and other days those steps are going to be tiny but just to keep moving one step at a time.
Carol: I think it’s important also for women to realize that they’re going to go through many different emotions and there are all natural, they are all normal and it’s ok to go through them and to actually accept them because you’ll be able to move on faster if you accept these emotions as they come. 2012-10-12
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Marjean: Exactly, you know and not trying to say I’m bad for feeling that. It’s like no, this is what I’m feeling and it’s ok.”
Carol: Ok, well thank you very much Marjean I really enjoyed our conversation and hopefully we’ll get the chance to do this again.
Marjean: Yes, thank you, I appreciate the opportunity to speak out.
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