CHAPTER 9 – INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTIONS MAJOR ...

CHAPTER 9 – INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTIONS MAJOR ANTECEDENTS OF ATTRACTION: 1. Proximity:  Propinquity effect – the finding that the more we see and interact with people, the more likely they are to become our friends  Functional distance – certain aspects of architectural design that make it likely that some people will come into contact with each other more often than with others  Mere exposure effect – the finding that the more exposure we have to a stimulus, the more apt we are to like it 2. Similarity – attraction to people who are like us  Complementarity – attraction to people who are opposite to us  Similarity seems to be the strongest in individualistic cultures  Similarity provides us with the feeling that we are right in our views and our thinking  Rewards of interaction explanation – if a person feels the same way we do on important issues, we assume it would be enjoyable to spend time with him or her  Attraction can lead to perceptions of similarity  “Perceived” similarity predicted liking and attraction better than “actual” similarity did 3. Reciprocal liking – when you like someone and that person also likes you  Can make up for the absence of similarity  May come about because of a self-fulfilling prophecy  Can occur only if a person likes himself in the first place 4. Physical attractiveness  Baby face features (large eyes) are thought to be attractive because they elicit feelings of warmth and nurturance in perceivers  Prominent cheek bones is an adult feature that is found as sexually mature  Smiling faces found to be more attractive  Visual point of view may affect what you find most attractive (eg. Perceiver’s height)  High 2D:4D ratio is associated with femininity, whereas low ratio is associated with masculinity  Attractiveness and income are positively correlated  Older men seem to perceive that what is beautiful and younger is good  Attractive individuals are thought to be more socially competent than less attractive ones Misattribution of arousal – the process whereby people make mistaken inferences about what is causing them to feel the way they do KINDS OF LOVE 1. Companionate love – the feelings of intimacy and affection we feel toward someone with whom our lives are deeply intertwined; has no great deal of heat and passion  Found to be the essence of love 2. Passionate love – the feelings of intense longing, accompanied by physiological arousal, we feel for another person; when our love is reciprocated, we feel great fulfillment and ecstasy; but, when it is note, we feel sadness and despair  VTA (ventral tegmental area) – a major “reward” and “motivation” centre of the brain that is activated when in love  induces feelings of pleasure, euphoria, restlessness and loss of appetite

GENDER AND LOVE a. Men:  Fall in love more quickly than women and are more likely to endorse romantic beliefs such as “ true love lasts forever”  More likely to report having experienced love at first sight  Gave higher ratings to romantic, passionate love than did women b. Women:  Hold a more practical, friendship-based orientation to love ( a companionate view of love)  Gave higher rating to companionate love than did men CULTURE AND LOVE a. Individualists:  Value passionate love more than people from collectivists cultures  Romantic love is heady, highly personal experience  Marrying for love is most important b. Collectivists:  The individual in love must take into account the wishes of family and other group members (marriage arrangements)  Familial relationships play an important role in the choice of romantic partners  Most likely to value and identify with companionate love Evolutionary approach – an approach derived fro m evolutionary biology that states that men and women are attracted to different characteristics in each other – men are attracted women’s appearances; women are attracted by men’s resources – because this maximizes their reproductive success ATTACHMENT STYLES AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS Attachment theory – states that our behaviour in adult relationships is based on our experiences as infants with our parents or caregivers Attachment styles – states that the kinds of bonds we form early in life influence the kinds of relationships we form as adults 1. Secure attachment style – caregivers are responsive to their need and who show positive emotions when interacting with them  Characterized by trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned, and the view that one is worthy and well liked 2. Avoidant attachment style – caregivers are aloof and distant, rebuffing the infant’s attempt to establish intimacy  these infants desire to be intimate but learn to suppress their need because they know they will be rejected  people with this style find it difficult to become close to other people i. Fearful avoidant – consciously desire close relationships but avoid them because of mistrust and fears of being hurt  Has a negative view of oneself ii. Dismissive avoidant style – the person is self-sufficient and claims not to need close relationships  Has a positive view of oneself but a negative view of others 2. Anxious/ambivalent attachment style – caregivers are inconsistent and overbearing in their affection

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Characterized by a concern that others will not reciprocate one’s desire for intimacy, resulting in high levels of anxiety People with this style desperately seek closeness to other but experience mixed, conflicted feelings even when they are in a loving relationship

Social exchange theory – states that how people feel about a relationship depends on their perception of the rewards and costs of the relationship they deserve, and the probability that they could have better relationship with someone else  Reward/cost ratio – the notion that there is a balance between the rewards that come from a relationship and the personal cost of maintaining the relationship; if the ratio is not favourable, the result is dissatisfaction with the relationship  Comparison level – people’s expectations about the levels of rewards and costs that they deserve in a relationship  Comparison level for alternatives – people expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they would receive in an alternative relationship  Investment model – the theory that people’s commitment to a relationship depends on their satisfaction with the relationship (rewards, costs, and comparison level); their comparison level for alternatives; and how much they have invested in the relationship that would be lost by leaving it Equity theory – the theory that people are happiest with relationships in which the rewards and costs that a person experiences, and the contributions that he or she makes to the relationship are roughly equal to the rewards, costs and contributions of the other person  Exchange relationships – relationships governed by the need for equity  Communal relationships – relationships in which people’s primary concern is being responsive to the other person’s needs Positive illusion – idealization of our romantic relationships and partners in order to maintain the relationship 4 MAJOR STRATEGIES OF ENDING RELATIONSHIP 1. Withdrawal/avoidance – used for friendship termination 2. Positive tone – trying to prevent “hard feelings” 3. Manipulative strategies – getting a third party to break the bad news, 4. Open confrontation - more likely a strategy for ending romantic relationships