Chapter 7: Interpersonal Attraction: Meeting, Liking, Becoming ...
Chapter 7: Interpersonal Attraction: Meeting, Liking, Becoming Acquainted Interpersonal attraction a person’s attitude about another person; attraction is expressed along a dimension that ranges from strong liking to strong feelings of dislike Internal Determinants of Attraction: The Need to Affiliate and the Basic Role of Affect The Importance of Affiliation for Human Existence: o Human infants are apparently born with the motivation and the ability to seek contact with their interpersonal world, and even newborns are predisposed to look toward faces in preference to other stimuli Individual Differences in the Need to Affiliate: o People differ in the strength of their need for affiliation the basic motive to seek and maintain interpersonal relationships o These differences, whether based on genetics or experience, constitute a relatively stable trait (or disposition) o People tend to seek the amount of social contact that is optimal for them, preferring to be alone some of the time and in social situations some of the time o When affiliation needs are not met (when we are “left out” by others), it hurts, it leaves you with a sense that you have lost control, and makes you feel both sad and angry because you simply don’t belong Social exclusion leads to increased sensitivity to interpersonal information and actually results in less effective cognitive functioning Situational Influences on the Need to Affiliate: o External events can elicit temporary states reflecting an increase in the need to affiliate o Underlying reason for responding to stress with friendliness and affiliation was first identified by Schachter (1959). His work revealed that participants in an experiment who were expecting to receive an electric shock preferred to spend time with others facing the same unpleasant prospect rather than being alone. Those in the control group not expecting the shock, preferred to be alone or didn’t care whether they were with others or not o Why? o Social comparison people want to be with others, even strangers, in order to communicate about what they were experiencing and to compare their affective reactions o Arousing situations lead us to seek “cognitive clarity” in order to know what is going on and “emotional clarity” in order to make sense of what it is that we are feeling o Contact with other humans is likely to include both conversations and hugs – both can be comforting
Affect as a Basic Response System: o Your emotional state (happy, sad, fearful, etc.) at any given moment influences what you perceive, your thought process, your motivation, the decisions you make, and interpersonal attraction o Affect a person’s emotional state – positive and negative feelings and moods The 2 most important characteristics of affect are intensity the strength of the emotion and direction whether the emotion is positive or negative o The affect system is responsible for guiding our behavior toward whole classes of stimuli o The presence of 2 separate kinds of affect means that we can feel both positively and negatively at the same time; that is, we often respond to situations with ambivalence o Depending on the specific circumstances and on individual predispositions, positive and negative affect can be equally important in determining out evaluations
Affect and Attraction: o The presence of positive affect leads to positive evaluations of other people (liking), while negative affect leads to negative evaluations (disliking). The Direct Effect of Emotions on Attraction: o Emotions have a direct effect on attraction when another person says or does something that makes you feel good or bad o You tend to like someone who makes you feel good, and you tend to dislike someone who makes you feel bad The Associated Effect of Emotions on Attraction: o A phenomenon that is perhaps more surprising than the direct effect of emotions on attraction is the associated effect of emotions on attraction o This effect occurs when another person is simply present at the same time that one’s emotional state is aroused by something or someone else. Though the individual toward whom you express like or dislike is not in any way responsible for what you are feeling, you nevertheless tend to evaluate him or her more positively when you are feeling good and more negatively when you are feeling bad
Additional Implications of the AffectAttraction Relationship: Laughter and Liking:
o Because people like one another better when affect is positive, it is reasonable to suggest that laughter helps humans interact o One of the ways in which people can feel most comfortable when dealing with one another is to laugh together o Humor is not only pleasant, it also provides a nonthreatening way for people to deal with one another o Laughter helps strengthen social bonds and serves as a social “lubricant” that makes interpersonal behavior function more smoothly o If humor is a social lubricant, it follows that strangers who share a humorous experience are more likely to interact in a pleasant way o “laugh box” a simple toy containing a recording of raucous laughter that was activated whenever the box was picked up most people found the experience funny, most laughed, and most liked the stranger with whom they shared the experience positive affect leads to attraction o The shared experience was hypothesized to act as a distraction from the discomfort of interacting with a stranger and to create the perception that one has a new perspective on the situation (a feeling of selfexpansion)
Manipulating Affect to Influence Behavior:
External Determinants of Attraction: Proximity and Observable Characteristics The Power of Proximity: Unplanned Contacts: o Many seemingly unimportant details of the setting in which we live, work, and go to school can have a powerful influence on our interpersonal lives o Two people are likely to become acquaintances if external factors such as the location of their classroom seats, dorm rooms, office desks, or whatever brings them into repeated contacts; such contacts occur on the basis of physical proximity o People ordinarily become aware of one another and begin to interact in settings than bring them into close proximity
Why does Proximity matter? Repeated Exposure is the Key: o Repeated exposure frequent contact with any mildly negative, neutral, or positive stimulus results in an increasingly positive evaluation of that stimulus (Zajonc) o This finding is sometimes called the mere exposure effect because the positive response to a stranger, a drawing, a word in an unknown language, or whatever that is observed multiple times occurs simply on the basis of exposure
o With repeated exposure, however, in the absence of harmful consequences, negative emotions decrease and positive emotions increase familiarity with a stimulus reduces any feelings of uncertainty, suggesting that it is safe
Extensions of the Repeated Exposure Effect: o Repeated exposure to a stimulus results in a more positive evaluation of that stimulus, even when a person is not aware that the exposure has taken place o The effect is stronger under these conditions o The positive affect generated by repeated exposure to subliminal stimuli generalizes to other, similar stimuli and even to new, completely different stimuli o As powerful as the repeated exposure effect has been found to be, it fails to operate when a person’s initial reaction to the stimulus is extremely negative. Repeated exposure in this instance not only fails to bring about a more positive evaluation, it can even lead to greater dislike (Swap 1977)
Applying Knowledge about the Effects of Proximity:
Observable Characteristics: Instant Evaluations: o Instant likes and dislikes (first impressions) can also arouse strong affect, sometimes strong enough to overcome the proximity effect o Whenever we like or dislike someone at first sight, this reaction strongly suggests that something about that person has elicited positive or negative affect. Presumably, the affect is based on past experiences, stereotypes, and attribution that often are both inaccurate and irrelevant
Physical Attractiveness: Judging Books by their Covers: o It is repeatedly found that people are most likely to respond positively to those who are most attractive and negatively to those who are least attractive o The pervasive factor that influences one’s initial response to others is physical attractivenessthe combination of characteristics that are evaluated as beautiful or handsome at the positive extreme and as unattractive at the negative extreme o Physical appearance determines many types of interpersonal evaluations, including guilt or innocence in the courtroom, the grade that is assigned to an essay o People even respond more positively to attractive infants than unattractive ones o Appearance also plays a major role in mate selection
o One reason we focus on appearance is that we hold stereotypes based on how people look o Most people tend to believe attractive men and women are more poised, interesting, sociable, independent, dominant, exciting, sexy, well adjusted, socially skilled, successful, more masculine (men), more feminine (women) than unattractive individuals o Despite the powerful effects of attractiveness, people are not very accurate in estimating how they are perceived by others o Appearance anxiety apprehension or worry about whether one’s physical appearance is adequate and about the possible negative reactions of other people o Crosscultural research indicates that positive stereotypes about attractiveness are universal, the specific content of the stereotypes depends on the characteristics most valued by each culture in a collectivist culture (Korea), attractiveness is assumed to be associated with integrity and concern for others, but these attributes do not appear among the stereotypes that are common among individualistic North Americans o Though stereotypes about attractive people tend to be invalid, attractiveness actually is associated with popularity, good interpersonal skills, and high self esteem. A probable reason for this association between how one looks and social skills, and so on, is that very attractive people have spent their lives being liked and treated well by other people who are responding to their appearance o People who are beautiful are usually seen as “good” but attractiveness is also associated with a few negative assumptions – ex: beautiful women are sometimes perceived as vain and materialistic
What, Exactly, Constitutes “Attractiveness”? o Judgments of ones own attractiveness may not match the judgments of others very well, but there is surprisingly good agreement when 2 people are asked to rate a third person o The greatest agreement occurs when men are judging the attractiveness of women o It has proved difficult the precise cues that determine these judgments o One approach is to identify individuals who are perceived to be “attractive” and then to determine what they have in common o Some had “childlike features” consisting of large, widely spaced eyes and a small nose and chin (ex: Meg Ryan) and are considered “cute” o Other category of attractive women had features with prominent cheekbones, high eyebrows, large pupils, and a big smile (ex: Julia Roberts o A second approach to the determination of what is meant by attractiveness began with several facial photographs and then used computer digitizing to combine multiple faces into one face. The image in each photo is divided into microscopic squares, and each square is assigned a number that represents a specific shade.
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The numbers are averaged across 2 or more pictures, and this average is translated back into a corresponding shade. The overall result is assembled into a composite image of the combined faces composite faces are rates as more attractive than most the individual faces used to make the composite; the more faces that are averaged, the more beautiful the resulting face In addition to the details of facial features, perceptions of attractiveness are also influenced by the situation when research participants have been shown pictures of very attractive people, they then rate a stranger as less attractive than do participants who have not been looking at attractive pictures Why? The difference between the attractiveness of the people in the photographs and the stranger creates what is known as the contrast effect “girls” (and “boys” too) are perceived as more attractive by members of the opposite sex as the evening progresses Ratings of same sex strangers by heterosexuals do not improve as closing time approaches, so alcohol consumption does not explain the effects Rather, as people pair off and the number of available partners decreases, the resulting scarcity results in a more positive evaluation of those who remain unattached
Other Aspects of Appearance and Behavior that Influence Attraction: o When we meet someone for the first time, we usually react to a variety of factors. Any observable cue, no matter how superficial, may evoke a stereotype, and the resulting emotional reactions lead to instant likes or dislikes ex: clothing, neatness, clothing colors, presence of observable disabilities, behaviors that suggest mental illness, perceived age, presence of eyeglasses, and a man’s facial hair o Among other observable characteristics, a person’s physique also is associated with stereotypes that trigger emotional reactions and differential attraction o Obesity even functions as a stigma, and the stigma can rub off onto others a man sitting with an overweight woman is evaluated more negatively than a man sitting with a woman of average weight
Interactive Determinants of Attraction: Similarity and Mutual Liking Similarity: Birds of a Feather Actually Do Flock Together: o Role of similarity in fostering interpersonal attraction is now generally accepted
SimilarityDissimilarity: A Consistent Predictor of Attraction:
o Similaritydissimilarity effect the consistent finding that people respond positively to indications that another person is similar to themselves and negatively to indications that another person is dissimilar from themselves o Attitude similarity the extent to which 2 individuals share the same attitudes about a range of topics; in practice, the term also includes similarity of beliefs, values, and interests as well as attitudes o Attraction is determined by the portion of similarity the number of specific indicators that 2 people are similar divided by the number of specific indications that 2 people are similar plus the number of specific indicators that they are dissimilar higher the proportion of similarity, the greater the liking o Effect of attitude similarity on attraction is a strong one, and it holds true regardless of the number of topics on which people express their views regardless of how important or trivial the topics may be o Repulsion hypothesis Rosenbaum’s provocative proposal that attraction is not increased by similar attitudes but is simply decreased by dissimilar attitudes. This hypothesis is incorrect as stated, but it is true that dissimilar attitudes tend to have negative effects that are stronger than the positive effects of similar attitudes o There are a few partial exceptions to the similarity effect one example is the degree to which 2 people are similar with respect to ideal self. Similarity to ideal self has a positive effect (as is true of other types of similarity), but discovering that someone is closer to your ideal than you are is threatening
Explaining the Effect of SimilarityDissimilarity on Attraction: o Balance theory the formulations of Heider and of Newcomb that specify the relationships among (1) an individual’s liking for another person, (2) his or her attitude about a given topic, and (3) the other person’s attitude about the same topic; balance (liking plus agreement) results in a positive emotional state; imbalance (liking plus disagreement) results in a negative state and a desire to restore balance; nonbalance (disliking plus either agreement or disagreement) leads to indifference o Festinger’s (1954) social comparison theory you compare your attitudes and beliefs with those of others because the only way you can evaluate your accuracy and normality is by finding that other people agree with you o Consensual validation when you learn that someone else share your attitudes and beliefs, it feels good, because such information at least suggests that you have sound judgment, are normal and in contact with reality, and so forth. Dissimilarity suggests the opposite, and that creates negative affect o We are all anxious to be “right, sensible, and sane,” but we each have some degree of selfdoubt
o Adaptive response any physical characteristic or behavioral tendency that enhances the odds of reproductive success for an individual or for other individuals with similar genes
Attraction: Progressing from Bits and Pieces to an Overall Picture: o Affectcentered model of attraction a conceptual framework in which attraction is assumed to be based on positive and negative emotions; these emotions can be aroused directly by another person or simply associated with that person; the emotional arousal can also be enhanced or mitigated by cognitive processes
Mutual Evaluations: Reciprocal Liking or Disliking: o Mutual liking the intermediate step between initial attraction and the establishment of an interpersonal relationship o When each interacting individual communicates a positive evaluation of the other by what is said or done, this realization of mutual attraction is an added positive experience for each of them. Most of us are pleased to receive positive feedback and displeased to receive feedback that is negative o Not only do we enjoy being evaluated positively, we even welcome such an evaluation when it is inaccurate or an insincere attempt at flattery. To an outside observer, false flattery may be perceived accurately for what it is, but to the person being flattered, it is likely to appear honest and accurate o At times, the first sign of attraction is nonverbal ex: if an acquaintance chooses to sit next to you in class or on a bus, you reasonably interpret this as a positive sign of his or her feelings about you; in this instance, liking leads to proximity rather than the reverse. Another ex: when a woman maintains eye contact while talking to a man and leans toward him, the man tends to interpret these acts (sometimes incorrectly) to mean that she likes him; her positive signals, in turn, may lead him to like her o Our lives are made more pleasant by genuine, sincere communication of positive feelings about one another and sometimes even by positive messages that are not entirely genuine or sincere. In contrast, negative interpersonal communications almost always elicit unpleasant reactions it never hurts to be nice, but it always hurts to be nasty
Affect as a Basic Response System: o Your emotional state (happy, sad, fearful, etc.) at any given moment influences what you perceive, your thought process, your motivation, the decisions you make, and interpersonal attraction o Affect a person’s emotional state – positive and negative feelings and moods The 2 most important characteristics of affect are intensity the strength of the emotion and direction whether the emotion is positive or negative o The affect system is responsible for guiding our behavior toward whole classes of stimuli o The presence of 2 separate kinds of affect means that we can feel both positively and negatively at the same time; that is, we often respond to situations with ambivalence o Depending on the specific circumstances and on individual predispositions, positive and negative affect can be equally important in determining out evaluations
Affect and Attraction: o The presence of positive affect leads to positive evaluations of other people (liking), while negative affect leads to negative evaluations (disliking). The Direct Effect of Emotions on Attraction: o Emotions have a direct effect on attraction when another person says or does something that makes you feel good or bad o You tend to like someone who makes you feel good, and you tend to dislike someone who makes you feel bad The Associated Effect of Emotions on Attraction: o A phenomenon that is perhaps more surprising than the direct effect of emotions on attraction is the associated effect of emotions on attraction o This effect occurs when another person is simply present at the same time that one’s emotional state is aroused by something or someone else. Though the individual toward whom you express like or dislike is not in any way responsible for what you are feeling, you nevertheless tend to evaluate him or her more positively when you are feeling good and more negatively when you are feeling bad
Additional Implications of the AffectAttraction Relationship: Laughter and Liking:
o Because people like one another better when affect is positive, it is reasonable to suggest that laughter helps humans interact o One of the ways in which people can feel most comfortable when dealing with one another is to laugh together o Humor is not only pleasant, it also provides a nonthreatening way for people to deal with one another o Laughter helps strengthen social bonds and serves as a social “lubricant” that makes interpersonal behavior function more smoothly o If humor is a social lubricant, it follows that strangers who share a humorous experience are more likely to interact in a pleasant way o “laugh box” a simple toy containing a recording of raucous laughter that was activated whenever the box was picked up most people found the experience funny, most laughed, and most liked the stranger with whom they shared the experience positive affect leads to attraction o The shared experience was hypothesized to act as a distraction from the discomfort of interacting with a stranger and to create the perception that one has a new perspective on the situation (a feeling of selfexpansion)
Manipulating Affect to Influence Behavior:
External Determinants of Attraction: Proximity and Observable Characteristics The Power of Proximity: Unplanned Contacts: o Many seemingly unimportant details of the setting in which we live, work, and go to school can have a powerful influence on our interpersonal lives o Two people are likely to become acquaintances if external factors such as the location of their classroom seats, dorm rooms, office desks, or whatever brings them into repeated contacts; such contacts occur on the basis of physical proximity o People ordinarily become aware of one another and begin to interact in settings than bring them into close proximity
Why does Proximity matter? Repeated Exposure is the Key: o Repeated exposure frequent contact with any mildly negative, neutral, or positive stimulus results in an increasingly positive evaluation of that stimulus (Zajonc) o This finding is sometimes called the mere exposure effect because the positive response to a stranger, a drawing, a word in an unknown language, or whatever that is observed multiple times occurs simply on the basis of exposure
o With repeated exposure, however, in the absence of harmful consequences, negative emotions decrease and positive emotions increase familiarity with a stimulus reduces any feelings of uncertainty, suggesting that it is safe
Extensions of the Repeated Exposure Effect: o Repeated exposure to a stimulus results in a more positive evaluation of that stimulus, even when a person is not aware that the exposure has taken place o The effect is stronger under these conditions o The positive affect generated by repeated exposure to subliminal stimuli generalizes to other, similar stimuli and even to new, completely different stimuli o As powerful as the repeated exposure effect has been found to be, it fails to operate when a person’s initial reaction to the stimulus is extremely negative. Repeated exposure in this instance not only fails to bring about a more positive evaluation, it can even lead to greater dislike (Swap 1977)
Applying Knowledge about the Effects of Proximity:
Observable Characteristics: Instant Evaluations: o Instant likes and dislikes (first impressions) can also arouse strong affect, sometimes strong enough to overcome the proximity effect o Whenever we like or dislike someone at first sight, this reaction strongly suggests that something about that person has elicited positive or negative affect. Presumably, the affect is based on past experiences, stereotypes, and attribution that often are both inaccurate and irrelevant
Physical Attractiveness: Judging Books by their Covers: o It is repeatedly found that people are most likely to respond positively to those who are most attractive and negatively to those who are least attractive o The pervasive factor that influences one’s initial response to others is physical attractivenessthe combination of characteristics that are evaluated as beautiful or handsome at the positive extreme and as unattractive at the negative extreme o Physical appearance determines many types of interpersonal evaluations, including guilt or innocence in the courtroom, the grade that is assigned to an essay o People even respond more positively to attractive infants than unattractive ones o Appearance also plays a major role in mate selection
o One reason we focus on appearance is that we hold stereotypes based on how people look o Most people tend to believe attractive men and women are more poised, interesting, sociable, independent, dominant, exciting, sexy, well adjusted, socially skilled, successful, more masculine (men), more feminine (women) than unattractive individuals o Despite the powerful effects of attractiveness, people are not very accurate in estimating how they are perceived by others o Appearance anxiety apprehension or worry about whether one’s physical appearance is adequate and about the possible negative reactions of other people o Crosscultural research indicates that positive stereotypes about attractiveness are universal, the specific content of the stereotypes depends on the characteristics most valued by each culture in a collectivist culture (Korea), attractiveness is assumed to be associated with integrity and concern for others, but these attributes do not appear among the stereotypes that are common among individualistic North Americans o Though stereotypes about attractive people tend to be invalid, attractiveness actually is associated with popularity, good interpersonal skills, and high self esteem. A probable reason for this association between how one looks and social skills, and so on, is that very attractive people have spent their lives being liked and treated well by other people who are responding to their appearance o People who are beautiful are usually seen as “good” but attractiveness is also associated with a few negative assumptions – ex: beautiful women are sometimes perceived as vain and materialistic
What, Exactly, Constitutes “Attractiveness”? o Judgments of ones own attractiveness may not match the judgments of others very well, but there is surprisingly good agreement when 2 people are asked to rate a third person o The greatest agreement occurs when men are judging the attractiveness of women o It has proved difficult the precise cues that determine these judgments o One approach is to identify individuals who are perceived to be “attractive” and then to determine what they have in common o Some had “childlike features” consisting of large, widely spaced eyes and a small nose and chin (ex: Meg Ryan) and are considered “cute” o Other category of attractive women had features with prominent cheekbones, high eyebrows, large pupils, and a big smile (ex: Julia Roberts o A second approach to the determination of what is meant by attractiveness began with several facial photographs and then used computer digitizing to combine multiple faces into one face. The image in each photo is divided into microscopic squares, and each square is assigned a number that represents a specific shade.
o
o o o o
The numbers are averaged across 2 or more pictures, and this average is translated back into a corresponding shade. The overall result is assembled into a composite image of the combined faces composite faces are rates as more attractive than most the individual faces used to make the composite; the more faces that are averaged, the more beautiful the resulting face In addition to the details of facial features, perceptions of attractiveness are also influenced by the situation when research participants have been shown pictures of very attractive people, they then rate a stranger as less attractive than do participants who have not been looking at attractive pictures Why? The difference between the attractiveness of the people in the photographs and the stranger creates what is known as the contrast effect “girls” (and “boys” too) are perceived as more attractive by members of the opposite sex as the evening progresses Ratings of same sex strangers by heterosexuals do not improve as closing time approaches, so alcohol consumption does not explain the effects Rather, as people pair off and the number of available partners decreases, the resulting scarcity results in a more positive evaluation of those who remain unattached
Other Aspects of Appearance and Behavior that Influence Attraction: o When we meet someone for the first time, we usually react to a variety of factors. Any observable cue, no matter how superficial, may evoke a stereotype, and the resulting emotional reactions lead to instant likes or dislikes ex: clothing, neatness, clothing colors, presence of observable disabilities, behaviors that suggest mental illness, perceived age, presence of eyeglasses, and a man’s facial hair o Among other observable characteristics, a person’s physique also is associated with stereotypes that trigger emotional reactions and differential attraction o Obesity even functions as a stigma, and the stigma can rub off onto others a man sitting with an overweight woman is evaluated more negatively than a man sitting with a woman of average weight
Interactive Determinants of Attraction: Similarity and Mutual Liking Similarity: Birds of a Feather Actually Do Flock Together: o Role of similarity in fostering interpersonal attraction is now generally accepted
SimilarityDissimilarity: A Consistent Predictor of Attraction:
o Similaritydissimilarity effect the consistent finding that people respond positively to indications that another person is similar to themselves and negatively to indications that another person is dissimilar from themselves o Attitude similarity the extent to which 2 individuals share the same attitudes about a range of topics; in practice, the term also includes similarity of beliefs, values, and interests as well as attitudes o Attraction is determined by the portion of similarity the number of specific indicators that 2 people are similar divided by the number of specific indications that 2 people are similar plus the number of specific indicators that they are dissimilar higher the proportion of similarity, the greater the liking o Effect of attitude similarity on attraction is a strong one, and it holds true regardless of the number of topics on which people express their views regardless of how important or trivial the topics may be o Repulsion hypothesis Rosenbaum’s provocative proposal that attraction is not increased by similar attitudes but is simply decreased by dissimilar attitudes. This hypothesis is incorrect as stated, but it is true that dissimilar attitudes tend to have negative effects that are stronger than the positive effects of similar attitudes o There are a few partial exceptions to the similarity effect one example is the degree to which 2 people are similar with respect to ideal self. Similarity to ideal self has a positive effect (as is true of other types of similarity), but discovering that someone is closer to your ideal than you are is threatening
Explaining the Effect of SimilarityDissimilarity on Attraction: o Balance theory the formulations of Heider and of Newcomb that specify the relationships among (1) an individual’s liking for another person, (2) his or her attitude about a given topic, and (3) the other person’s attitude about the same topic; balance (liking plus agreement) results in a positive emotional state; imbalance (liking plus disagreement) results in a negative state and a desire to restore balance; nonbalance (disliking plus either agreement or disagreement) leads to indifference o Festinger’s (1954) social comparison theory you compare your attitudes and beliefs with those of others because the only way you can evaluate your accuracy and normality is by finding that other people agree with you o Consensual validation when you learn that someone else share your attitudes and beliefs, it feels good, because such information at least suggests that you have sound judgment, are normal and in contact with reality, and so forth. Dissimilarity suggests the opposite, and that creates negative affect o We are all anxious to be “right, sensible, and sane,” but we each have some degree of selfdoubt
o Adaptive response any physical characteristic or behavioral tendency that enhances the odds of reproductive success for an individual or for other individuals with similar genes
Attraction: Progressing from Bits and Pieces to an Overall Picture: o Affectcentered model of attraction a conceptual framework in which attraction is assumed to be based on positive and negative emotions; these emotions can be aroused directly by another person or simply associated with that person; the emotional arousal can also be enhanced or mitigated by cognitive processes
Mutual Evaluations: Reciprocal Liking or Disliking: o Mutual liking the intermediate step between initial attraction and the establishment of an interpersonal relationship o When each interacting individual communicates a positive evaluation of the other by what is said or done, this realization of mutual attraction is an added positive experience for each of them. Most of us are pleased to receive positive feedback and displeased to receive feedback that is negative o Not only do we enjoy being evaluated positively, we even welcome such an evaluation when it is inaccurate or an insincere attempt at flattery. To an outside observer, false flattery may be perceived accurately for what it is, but to the person being flattered, it is likely to appear honest and accurate o At times, the first sign of attraction is nonverbal ex: if an acquaintance chooses to sit next to you in class or on a bus, you reasonably interpret this as a positive sign of his or her feelings about you; in this instance, liking leads to proximity rather than the reverse. Another ex: when a woman maintains eye contact while talking to a man and leans toward him, the man tends to interpret these acts (sometimes incorrectly) to mean that she likes him; her positive signals, in turn, may lead him to like her o Our lives are made more pleasant by genuine, sincere communication of positive feelings about one another and sometimes even by positive messages that are not entirely genuine or sincere. In contrast, negative interpersonal communications almost always elicit unpleasant reactions it never hurts to be nice, but it always hurts to be nasty
