DANDINI EXTRACT â THEATRE ROYAL BURY ST EDMUNDS ...
DANDINI EXTRACT – THEATRE ROYAL BURY ST EDMUNDS
PRINCE
I just saw the most beautiful creature.
DANDINI
Did you kill it sire?
PRINCE
No Dandini, I did not kill it because it was a human being. A female in rags.
DANDINI
How compassionate. Where did she go?
PRINCE
She ran off.
DANDINI
She won’t be coming to the Ball then in a ruby encrusted crinoline with diamanté earrings. I expect she’s one of those warbling forest folk.
PRINCE
I think not. I hope she has been invited. My bachelor days are over, I must find me a wife.
RAYMOND
What about the deer hunt?
PRINCE
Let it run free. Do you know, I sometimes think of that doe eyed deer as me - yes me - me being chased, always on the run. Life is so predictable in the ivory tower.
DANDINI
Why not take a sabbatical, abroad?
PRINCE
Can’t stand the heat of a foreign clime. Poverty makes me retch.
DANDINI
Join the big society.
PRINCE
Look I may be charming but I’m not necessarily sincere. No what I need to do is to fall in love - spontaneously, my heart needs to pound in my chest. I want wild irrational thoughts...I’m going to find her.
DANDINI
If she sees you’re the Prince, you’ll frighten her off. She’ll be overwhelmed sire.
PRINCE
Alright, You be me and I’ll be you
DANDINI
I can’t be you. I don’t sound like a Prince.
PRINCE
I always wondered how you got to be part of the Royal household. It’s easy to sound posh. What do we breathe?
DANDINI
Air.
PRINCE
What do have on your head?
DANDINI
Hair.
PRINCE
Where do bears live? In a...
DANDINI
Lair.
PRINCE
Put all three together and you’re a top toff.
DANDINI
Air..Hair..Lair. Air. Hair. Lair. Air,hair, lair.
PRINCE
Hair lair.
DANDINI
Air, hair lair.
PRINCE
Now you sound like me only less flamboyant. Here wear this.
(The Prince puts his insignia on Dandini’s jacket. The Ugly sisters can be heard offstage. When they enter they appear to be partly covered in animal camouflage over their outdoor pursuits outfit.) LADY G
Cooee. Ra ra ra ra ra. I’m a tiger. Chase me. Chase me.
LADY P
And I’m a poor pussy cat. Meow. Meow. Meow. Look hunters.
PRINCE
This is far too surreal for my taste.
DANDINI
Not the lady you encountered earlier then sire?
PRINCE
The antithesis.
DANDINI
What’s that?
PRINCE
The very opposite.
LADY P
Why aren’t they chasing us?
LADY G
What’s a girl got to do to get attention.
PRINCE
Oh you’ve got our attention.
LADY G
Look you’ve got a big insignia. You must be the Prince.
PRINCE
Yes he is.
DANDINI
Hold up. Air Hair Lair.
LADY P
Very well thank you. And who are you?
PRINCE
I’m the Prince’s cobbler.
LADY P
So I can see.
LADY G
Let’s be grown ups.
LADY P
and play kiss chase.
PRINCE
Good idea.
LADY G
Ready go.
LADY P
Don’t you want to chase us?
DANDINI
Not in the least. We don’t chase, we pursue.
LADY G
Well. Pursue.
LADY P
Pursue.
LADY G
Alright. We give up. You can snog us now.
DANDINI
Run for it.
(There is a chase)
EXTRACT 2 THE BALL DANDINI
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Baron Hardup.
BARON HARDUP DANDINI
So kind. Thank you. I’m afraid one of my number isn’t coming, my daughter couldn’t make it due to unforeseen circumstances. So sad.
I’m sorry to hear that.
BARON HARDUP But this is a wonderful ballroom, just like Elys on Christmas Eve. Do you know this is much better than the last do I went to? They had those crinkly things on sticks. DANDINI
Sausages.
BARON HARDUP
No, pensioners.
PRINCE
Dandini, I really hope the girl I met in the wood comes. And I really, really hope she forgives me for pretending to be someone else.
DANDINI
I’ve never seen you like this. I think you’re smitten sire.
(The Ugly Sisters gather on the steps to be announced.) PRINCE
I think you’re about to be smitten too.
DANDINI
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen. The Queen of raw meat. Lady Poker face. Accompanied by her sister Snoop Dog’s muse, the candy scented Lady Pussy cat.
(The Sisters are led down the stairs by their escorts.) LADY G
Can I put you down for the Polka or shall I just take you in the Tango?
DANDINI
I’d be delighted.
LADY P
Where’s the nosh? I’m starving.
DANDINI
I’m a little peckish too.
LADY P
Perhaps you’d like to nibble on my candy floss Princy Poo.
DANDINI
I’m afraid I must inform you that I am not the Prince.
LADY G
What?
DANDINI
May I introduce you to his Royal Highness.
LADY P
He’s a cobbler.
PRINCE
Good evening ladies. May I say you really do stand out from the crowd.
LADY G
Baron, we’ve been bamboozled
LADY P
My bam has never been so boozled.
PRINCE
I just saw the most beautiful creature.
DANDINI
Did you kill it sire?
PRINCE
No Dandini, I did not kill it because it was a human being. A female in rags.
DANDINI
How compassionate. Where did she go?
PRINCE
She ran off.
DANDINI
She won’t be coming to the Ball then in a ruby encrusted crinoline with diamanté earrings. I expect she’s one of those warbling forest folk.
PRINCE
I think not. I hope she has been invited. My bachelor days are over, I must find me a wife.
RAYMOND
What about the deer hunt?
PRINCE
Let it run free. Do you know, I sometimes think of that doe eyed deer as me - yes me - me being chased, always on the run. Life is so predictable in the ivory tower.
DANDINI
Why not take a sabbatical, abroad?
PRINCE
Can’t stand the heat of a foreign clime. Poverty makes me retch.
DANDINI
Join the big society.
PRINCE
Look I may be charming but I’m not necessarily sincere. No what I need to do is to fall in love - spontaneously, my heart needs to pound in my chest. I want wild irrational thoughts...I’m going to find her.
DANDINI
If she sees you’re the Prince, you’ll frighten her off. She’ll be overwhelmed sire.
PRINCE
Alright, You be me and I’ll be you
DANDINI
I can’t be you. I don’t sound like a Prince.
PRINCE
I always wondered how you got to be part of the Royal household. It’s easy to sound posh. What do we breathe?
DANDINI
Air.
PRINCE
What do have on your head?
DANDINI
Hair.
PRINCE
Where do bears live? In a...
DANDINI
Lair.
PRINCE
Put all three together and you’re a top toff.
DANDINI
Air..Hair..Lair. Air. Hair. Lair. Air,hair, lair.
PRINCE
Hair lair.
DANDINI
Air, hair lair.
PRINCE
Now you sound like me only less flamboyant. Here wear this.
(The Prince puts his insignia on Dandini’s jacket. The Ugly sisters can be heard offstage. When they enter they appear to be partly covered in animal camouflage over their outdoor pursuits outfit.) LADY G
Cooee. Ra ra ra ra ra. I’m a tiger. Chase me. Chase me.
LADY P
And I’m a poor pussy cat. Meow. Meow. Meow. Look hunters.
PRINCE
This is far too surreal for my taste.
DANDINI
Not the lady you encountered earlier then sire?
PRINCE
The antithesis.
DANDINI
What’s that?
PRINCE
The very opposite.
LADY P
Why aren’t they chasing us?
LADY G
What’s a girl got to do to get attention.
PRINCE
Oh you’ve got our attention.
LADY G
Look you’ve got a big insignia. You must be the Prince.
PRINCE
Yes he is.
DANDINI
Hold up. Air Hair Lair.
LADY P
Very well thank you. And who are you?
PRINCE
I’m the Prince’s cobbler.
LADY P
So I can see.
LADY G
Let’s be grown ups.
LADY P
and play kiss chase.
PRINCE
Good idea.
LADY G
Ready go.
LADY P
Don’t you want to chase us?
DANDINI
Not in the least. We don’t chase, we pursue.
LADY G
Well. Pursue.
LADY P
Pursue.
LADY G
Alright. We give up. You can snog us now.
DANDINI
Run for it.
(There is a chase)
EXTRACT 2 THE BALL DANDINI
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Baron Hardup.
BARON HARDUP DANDINI
So kind. Thank you. I’m afraid one of my number isn’t coming, my daughter couldn’t make it due to unforeseen circumstances. So sad.
I’m sorry to hear that.
BARON HARDUP But this is a wonderful ballroom, just like Elys on Christmas Eve. Do you know this is much better than the last do I went to? They had those crinkly things on sticks. DANDINI
Sausages.
BARON HARDUP
No, pensioners.
PRINCE
Dandini, I really hope the girl I met in the wood comes. And I really, really hope she forgives me for pretending to be someone else.
DANDINI
I’ve never seen you like this. I think you’re smitten sire.
(The Ugly Sisters gather on the steps to be announced.) PRINCE
I think you’re about to be smitten too.
DANDINI
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen. The Queen of raw meat. Lady Poker face. Accompanied by her sister Snoop Dog’s muse, the candy scented Lady Pussy cat.
(The Sisters are led down the stairs by their escorts.) LADY G
Can I put you down for the Polka or shall I just take you in the Tango?
DANDINI
I’d be delighted.
LADY P
Where’s the nosh? I’m starving.
DANDINI
I’m a little peckish too.
LADY P
Perhaps you’d like to nibble on my candy floss Princy Poo.
DANDINI
I’m afraid I must inform you that I am not the Prince.
LADY G
What?
DANDINI
May I introduce you to his Royal Highness.
LADY P
He’s a cobbler.
PRINCE
Good evening ladies. May I say you really do stand out from the crowd.
LADY G
Baron, we’ve been bamboozled
LADY P
My bam has never been so boozled.
