Day03 Mindset ParentingSuccessEcourse
30 Days to Parenting Success Lesson 3: How Does Your Mindset Affect Your Style & Outcomes? Yesterday, you learned about the 5 parenting styles and decided which style you want to be (if you are still reading, I’ll assume that’s the Balanced parenting style). Despite your best intentions, however, your mindset and belief system, which is what drives your parenting style, will determine every choice you make in parenting. So, before you dive into the plan and its tools, it's important to first discuss the number one key that can unlock the secrets to getting the results you want --- your parenting mindset. The bottom line is that if you don’t have a healthy mindset, it doesn’t matter what plan or tools you use; you won’t get the best results. Conditioned, Reactive or Conscious Parenting — Which Do You Use? Your parenting style is first and foremost determined by how you were parented. When under stress or when you’ve run out of options, this is usually your “fallback” parenting style. Sherry* was a Conditioned Parent. She was raising her three children the way she was raised. She often found herself in power struggles with her disrespectful teenage son. When she was a child, she would never have spoken to her parents that way and would have gotten a slap in the face or whooping for it. Although she admitted to resorting to those tactics, she could tell it was just driving her son farther away --- they were barely on speaking terms. Sherry wanted to heal their relationship, so she came to the T.I.P.S. class. Each week, Sherry would have “aha” moments and say, “I love my parents and know they did what they believed was best, but I wish they’d known how to do that. I wouldn’t have had such a hard time in life or as a parent if I’d learned this growing up.” By the end of the class she and her teenage son were closer than ever and her younger children’s behavior had improved more than she had ever expected or hoped it would.
Success Stories This program was excellent. It totally opened my eyes to parenting. It not only taught me about parenting my child, but also helped me realize things about my childhood and why I reacted to situations as I did. It made me look at parenting a whole new way. I would recommend Parents Toolshop® to everyone. – – Tabitha Markley, OH The Parent’s Toolshop® has made me more aware of positive parenting skills and has shown me some definite ways I could improve my relationship with my children. I now find myself stopping to think more before reacting. I feel more positive about my parenting and helpful that my children will benefit from this in more ways than I can even see at this point. – – Maura Hamilton, OH
I was brought up in boarding schools in Lebanon, so I had no role models for parenting. When I escaped from Kuwait and came to America I realized how different Arab culture is from American. My son used to be so uncontrollable. I would try to reason with him but nothing worked, so I finally ended up punishing him, which also didn't work. This class has changed our whole family. Now I feel like I know what to do, I am more consistent, and my son is much more cooperative. -- Rosie Terzian, OH (formerly form Kuwait)
So your Mission, should you decide to accept it, is this: The TOP benefit I got from The Parents Toolshop® is that I went from a Totally Overwhelmed
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30 Days to Parenting Success Your Mission When you experience a problem you will know how to . . . 1. STOP and THINK for 1-10 seconds, 2. PLAN a helpful response 3. DELIVER it effectively STOP AND THINK… Deanice was a Reactive Parent. She was raised in an abusive home and swore she’d never treat her children the way she was treated. She hated it when her daughter would get demanding and she’d find herself getting in screaming matches with her. She tried not to use physical punishment, but when pushed to her limit she’d find herself blowing up, saying and doing things she regretted. Through the T.I.P.S. class, Deanice learned how to stay calm and respond helpfully to her daughter’s outbursts. After several sessions, her daughter said to her, “What happened to my mom?! I don’t know who you are, but I like this mom a lot better.” They are now closer than ever and her daughter’s attitude, behavior and grades have all improved. To raise well-behaved children, you need to avoid quick fixes that may stop the behavior in the short-run, but have negative long-term side effects. You need to be willing to make an initial investment of time and energy to learn the skills and steps that achieve that goal. The good news is that the skills aren’t difficult to learn or use and you usually see positive results right away. Many of the changes you’ll make are simple and small. This gets you on the “right path.” Then you can learn more tools and advanced uses, if you choose, to get even better results in more areas with longer-lasting results. PLAN A HELPFUL RESPONSE… Mike was a Conscious Parent. As a single father of 8 children, he and his ex-wife got along generally well and agreed on parenting. Yet, he was finding it difficult to manage all eight children on his own when they visited. When he took the T.I.P.S. class, he liked the Universal Blueprint® and its logical approach. He said the goal-oriented approach was similar to what he used in his professional life. It gave him practical tools for improving every area of his relationships with his children and responding helpfully to problems that arose when they were together. If you want to be really good at something, whether it’s golfing, sewing or painting, you set goals, develop a step-by-step plan for reaching those goals and seek additional education and skill-building to help you
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Parent to a Totally Observant Parent. I am more observant of how my beliefs color a situation. I am more observant of who's problem it really is. I am more observant of respecting my child. I am more observant of my words. I am more observant of the tools I have available to me. Most of all you have given me hope that I can change my bad habits and misguided parenting approaches and be the Mother that I dream of becoming. And to think, my children will learn many of these skills at such a young age. What a wonderful gift to give them! Thank you for all you have done for my family. — — Kay Lynch, OH
I've just finished Chapter3 "Universal Blueprint®". I am so thrilled by the comprehensive framework for parenting that I see in this book!!! As a grandmother of two and mother of two, I wish that I had this when I was raising my children and I'm sending a copy to my son, the father of my grandsons. My own childrearing was haphazard to say the least although I did the best I could with the information available. I want to use this information to change my internal parent patterns. Thanks for this valuable guide! -- Oshara Petaja, MT No matter how skilled you think you are, this course can really give you very effective ways to parent that you never thought of before. -- Rudy Thomas, Dayton, OH
I have done a lot of reading and research to be an effective parent and The Parent's Toolshop® is the most comprehensive, clearly communicated and exciting format that I have come across. I
30 Days to Parenting Success achieve those goals. If you take the same approach with parenting, you will need to know what to do when challenges arise, which reduces your frustration and gives you more patience and confidence as a parent. DELIVER IT EFFECTIVELY “Right/Wrong” Parenting vs. “More/Less Effective” Parenting Speaking of the “right” path, in parenting, there is never only one “right” way to do anything; but there are “more effective” and “less effective” ways to reach your parenting goals. Nancy found herself screaming at her kids and punishing them. She felt guilty, because she was also a therapist. She didn’t want to attend the T.I.P.S. class (even though she could have gotten continuing education credits for her therapist license) and didn’t even want to buy The Parent’s Toolshop® book. (Not a problem.) But she was willing to take this free 30-Day course, to “try out” the ideas. (Perfect! That’s exactly why I offer it.) Nancy soon became calmer, more patience, and started feeling better about herself. She learned more effective skills, but she often questioned what she was learning. “What’s wrong with doing (what she’d been doing that was less effective)?” She would take a pause when a situation happened, to respond instead of react. She might try using what she was learning, but if it didn’t work immediately, she’d conclude, “This doesn’t work,” as in none of it. She’d say “My child is doing this just to make me mad. Nothing will work” and would resort, again, to punishing her children to “teach them a lesson.” Unfortunately, Nancy dropped out of the course, not because what she tried didn’t work – it did -- but because it was so different from her belief system that she couldn’t get past judging whether the advice or her being “right” or “wrong.” You can expect that some of your parenting beliefs will be challenged in this course. If you see this course through --- just 30 days out of your entire lifetime --- and consistently apply what you are learning, you will see results.
see the success of this information when I am in public with my children and adults compliment me on how well behaved my children are. I've even had strangers come up to me on the playground and ask me "Where did you learn to talk to your kids like that?" I love referring parents to this class. I reference the book regularly. -- Carolyn McDermott, former President, The Family Network, Centerville, OH
I liked that Jody stressed the fact that she would never teach us what not to do without first teaching us alternatives to try that have been proven to work. I learned so many tools in the class that will benefit me as a parent and as a partner. I was hesitant and skeptical about enrolling in the class and now I am so glad that I did. -- Robin Laake, Kettering, OH
I have read numerous articles, magazines, and books which addressed parenting issues, attended lectures, and met with counselors in the past. Yet, I have never attended a class a thorough, well-organized and interesting as The Parent's Toolshop®. I gained so much more than I ever expected when I signed up for this class. The most rewarding aspect was seeing positive results at home with my son, who is diagnosed with A.D.D. These techniques really work!! I have more confidence and like having a book which I can use to refresh my memory on those days I suffer from memory loss and slip backwards to my old ways. -- Rebecca Streeter, Dayton, OH
(If you are basing your parenting on beliefs that have been passed down to you (like a roasting pan) or want to know if it’s the “right” thing to do, get the free bonus report, "The Common Sense Guide To Screening & Weeding Parenting Advice" and/or the “Top 10 Parenting Myths & The best thing I got from taking a Truths.”) ® Parents Toolshop class is more confidence that I'm on the right
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30 Days to Parenting Success Don and his wife took the T.I.P.S. class together. She could use the tools with the children she cared for as a home daycare provider and they both were at their wits end with their drama queen daughter. His wife’s calm nature seemed to escalate the performances as did Don’s no-nonsense refusal to listen to the drama. Throughout the course, Don asked a lot of questions, because this approach was very different from how he was raised and what he thought was the “right” thing to do. The answers made a lot of sense to him, so he committed to using the tools and plan consistently for the eight-week class. In the beginning of the class, he had a cocky know-it-all air and jokester personality. Week by week, I could see the wheels turning in his head as he processed the information. He was trusting the process and getting results. As the class clown, clear to the last session, it surprised everyone when he said that what he got out of the class most was that he was the one who needed to change; when he changed his parenting approach, his daughter naturally adjusted. Don and his wife knew how to respond helpfully and were seeing dramatic improvement and less drama from their daughter. Do this course for yourself, not to change your child. The only person who you can actually control is you. Take responsibility for your own growth and start using the skills. This will set the wheels of change in motion. If you control your emotions, actions, perceptions, and words, others often respond in more positive ways. This is called the ripple effect. When you drop a pebble into a pond, ripples start at the middle, expanding outward. Any time one person in a family changes, it is like dropping a pebble in the family pond. There is always some change; it's the natural law of cause and effect. ACTION STEPS: 1. In order to get the most out of the powerful parenting strategies you'll be learning and putting into place, please identify one parenting challenge that you want to work on in the next 30 days. Here is a list of the recommended resources in this lesson: Chapter 1 of The Parent’s Toolshop® book. It’s a free download. Get the free bonus report, "The Common Sense Guide To Screening & Weeding Parenting Advice." Read the “Top 10 Parenting Myths & Truths.”
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track. -- Sue Peterson I’m not sure exactly how to thank you for teaching this class. It has literally changed the dynamics in my home from a battle (complete with swearing, orders, and foot stomping) to a mostly cooperative, sometimes chaotic, but overall LOVING atmosphere. I am enjoying my children more than I ever have, because I have learned what to reasonably expect of them and how to teach them my expectations. I am keeping myself calm (most of the time!) and focusing on what I want my children to do, what they can do, instead of constantly scolding, “no!” and putting them in time out. I don’t know if there’s a greater gift you can give a person than helping them better their relationship with their children. I am so, so grateful to you for teaching me how. What I’ve learned in this class will positively impact my family’s entire future. Thank you. All my best, Rose Lounsbury Parents Toolshop® has helped me evaluate my beliefs and how to evaluate what type of problem it is and get to the core problem. -Belinda Long, Xenia, OH
The Parents Toolshop Book: Get your copy today!
http://askjjp.com/book
Success Stories This program was excellent. It totally opened my eyes to parenting. It not only taught me about parenting my child, but also helped me realize things about my childhood and why I reacted to situations as I did. It made me look at parenting a whole new way. I would recommend Parents Toolshop® to everyone. – – Tabitha Markley, OH The Parent’s Toolshop® has made me more aware of positive parenting skills and has shown me some definite ways I could improve my relationship with my children. I now find myself stopping to think more before reacting. I feel more positive about my parenting and helpful that my children will benefit from this in more ways than I can even see at this point. – – Maura Hamilton, OH
I was brought up in boarding schools in Lebanon, so I had no role models for parenting. When I escaped from Kuwait and came to America I realized how different Arab culture is from American. My son used to be so uncontrollable. I would try to reason with him but nothing worked, so I finally ended up punishing him, which also didn't work. This class has changed our whole family. Now I feel like I know what to do, I am more consistent, and my son is much more cooperative. -- Rosie Terzian, OH (formerly form Kuwait)
So your Mission, should you decide to accept it, is this: The TOP benefit I got from The Parents Toolshop® is that I went from a Totally Overwhelmed
Page 1 of 4
30 Days to Parenting Success Your Mission When you experience a problem you will know how to . . . 1. STOP and THINK for 1-10 seconds, 2. PLAN a helpful response 3. DELIVER it effectively STOP AND THINK… Deanice was a Reactive Parent. She was raised in an abusive home and swore she’d never treat her children the way she was treated. She hated it when her daughter would get demanding and she’d find herself getting in screaming matches with her. She tried not to use physical punishment, but when pushed to her limit she’d find herself blowing up, saying and doing things she regretted. Through the T.I.P.S. class, Deanice learned how to stay calm and respond helpfully to her daughter’s outbursts. After several sessions, her daughter said to her, “What happened to my mom?! I don’t know who you are, but I like this mom a lot better.” They are now closer than ever and her daughter’s attitude, behavior and grades have all improved. To raise well-behaved children, you need to avoid quick fixes that may stop the behavior in the short-run, but have negative long-term side effects. You need to be willing to make an initial investment of time and energy to learn the skills and steps that achieve that goal. The good news is that the skills aren’t difficult to learn or use and you usually see positive results right away. Many of the changes you’ll make are simple and small. This gets you on the “right path.” Then you can learn more tools and advanced uses, if you choose, to get even better results in more areas with longer-lasting results. PLAN A HELPFUL RESPONSE… Mike was a Conscious Parent. As a single father of 8 children, he and his ex-wife got along generally well and agreed on parenting. Yet, he was finding it difficult to manage all eight children on his own when they visited. When he took the T.I.P.S. class, he liked the Universal Blueprint® and its logical approach. He said the goal-oriented approach was similar to what he used in his professional life. It gave him practical tools for improving every area of his relationships with his children and responding helpfully to problems that arose when they were together. If you want to be really good at something, whether it’s golfing, sewing or painting, you set goals, develop a step-by-step plan for reaching those goals and seek additional education and skill-building to help you
Page 2 of 4
Parent to a Totally Observant Parent. I am more observant of how my beliefs color a situation. I am more observant of who's problem it really is. I am more observant of respecting my child. I am more observant of my words. I am more observant of the tools I have available to me. Most of all you have given me hope that I can change my bad habits and misguided parenting approaches and be the Mother that I dream of becoming. And to think, my children will learn many of these skills at such a young age. What a wonderful gift to give them! Thank you for all you have done for my family. — — Kay Lynch, OH
I've just finished Chapter3 "Universal Blueprint®". I am so thrilled by the comprehensive framework for parenting that I see in this book!!! As a grandmother of two and mother of two, I wish that I had this when I was raising my children and I'm sending a copy to my son, the father of my grandsons. My own childrearing was haphazard to say the least although I did the best I could with the information available. I want to use this information to change my internal parent patterns. Thanks for this valuable guide! -- Oshara Petaja, MT No matter how skilled you think you are, this course can really give you very effective ways to parent that you never thought of before. -- Rudy Thomas, Dayton, OH
I have done a lot of reading and research to be an effective parent and The Parent's Toolshop® is the most comprehensive, clearly communicated and exciting format that I have come across. I
30 Days to Parenting Success achieve those goals. If you take the same approach with parenting, you will need to know what to do when challenges arise, which reduces your frustration and gives you more patience and confidence as a parent. DELIVER IT EFFECTIVELY “Right/Wrong” Parenting vs. “More/Less Effective” Parenting Speaking of the “right” path, in parenting, there is never only one “right” way to do anything; but there are “more effective” and “less effective” ways to reach your parenting goals. Nancy found herself screaming at her kids and punishing them. She felt guilty, because she was also a therapist. She didn’t want to attend the T.I.P.S. class (even though she could have gotten continuing education credits for her therapist license) and didn’t even want to buy The Parent’s Toolshop® book. (Not a problem.) But she was willing to take this free 30-Day course, to “try out” the ideas. (Perfect! That’s exactly why I offer it.) Nancy soon became calmer, more patience, and started feeling better about herself. She learned more effective skills, but she often questioned what she was learning. “What’s wrong with doing (what she’d been doing that was less effective)?” She would take a pause when a situation happened, to respond instead of react. She might try using what she was learning, but if it didn’t work immediately, she’d conclude, “This doesn’t work,” as in none of it. She’d say “My child is doing this just to make me mad. Nothing will work” and would resort, again, to punishing her children to “teach them a lesson.” Unfortunately, Nancy dropped out of the course, not because what she tried didn’t work – it did -- but because it was so different from her belief system that she couldn’t get past judging whether the advice or her being “right” or “wrong.” You can expect that some of your parenting beliefs will be challenged in this course. If you see this course through --- just 30 days out of your entire lifetime --- and consistently apply what you are learning, you will see results.
see the success of this information when I am in public with my children and adults compliment me on how well behaved my children are. I've even had strangers come up to me on the playground and ask me "Where did you learn to talk to your kids like that?" I love referring parents to this class. I reference the book regularly. -- Carolyn McDermott, former President, The Family Network, Centerville, OH
I liked that Jody stressed the fact that she would never teach us what not to do without first teaching us alternatives to try that have been proven to work. I learned so many tools in the class that will benefit me as a parent and as a partner. I was hesitant and skeptical about enrolling in the class and now I am so glad that I did. -- Robin Laake, Kettering, OH
I have read numerous articles, magazines, and books which addressed parenting issues, attended lectures, and met with counselors in the past. Yet, I have never attended a class a thorough, well-organized and interesting as The Parent's Toolshop®. I gained so much more than I ever expected when I signed up for this class. The most rewarding aspect was seeing positive results at home with my son, who is diagnosed with A.D.D. These techniques really work!! I have more confidence and like having a book which I can use to refresh my memory on those days I suffer from memory loss and slip backwards to my old ways. -- Rebecca Streeter, Dayton, OH
(If you are basing your parenting on beliefs that have been passed down to you (like a roasting pan) or want to know if it’s the “right” thing to do, get the free bonus report, "The Common Sense Guide To Screening & Weeding Parenting Advice" and/or the “Top 10 Parenting Myths & The best thing I got from taking a Truths.”) ® Parents Toolshop class is more confidence that I'm on the right
Page 3 of 4
30 Days to Parenting Success Don and his wife took the T.I.P.S. class together. She could use the tools with the children she cared for as a home daycare provider and they both were at their wits end with their drama queen daughter. His wife’s calm nature seemed to escalate the performances as did Don’s no-nonsense refusal to listen to the drama. Throughout the course, Don asked a lot of questions, because this approach was very different from how he was raised and what he thought was the “right” thing to do. The answers made a lot of sense to him, so he committed to using the tools and plan consistently for the eight-week class. In the beginning of the class, he had a cocky know-it-all air and jokester personality. Week by week, I could see the wheels turning in his head as he processed the information. He was trusting the process and getting results. As the class clown, clear to the last session, it surprised everyone when he said that what he got out of the class most was that he was the one who needed to change; when he changed his parenting approach, his daughter naturally adjusted. Don and his wife knew how to respond helpfully and were seeing dramatic improvement and less drama from their daughter. Do this course for yourself, not to change your child. The only person who you can actually control is you. Take responsibility for your own growth and start using the skills. This will set the wheels of change in motion. If you control your emotions, actions, perceptions, and words, others often respond in more positive ways. This is called the ripple effect. When you drop a pebble into a pond, ripples start at the middle, expanding outward. Any time one person in a family changes, it is like dropping a pebble in the family pond. There is always some change; it's the natural law of cause and effect. ACTION STEPS: 1. In order to get the most out of the powerful parenting strategies you'll be learning and putting into place, please identify one parenting challenge that you want to work on in the next 30 days. Here is a list of the recommended resources in this lesson: Chapter 1 of The Parent’s Toolshop® book. It’s a free download. Get the free bonus report, "The Common Sense Guide To Screening & Weeding Parenting Advice." Read the “Top 10 Parenting Myths & Truths.”
Page 4 of 4
track. -- Sue Peterson I’m not sure exactly how to thank you for teaching this class. It has literally changed the dynamics in my home from a battle (complete with swearing, orders, and foot stomping) to a mostly cooperative, sometimes chaotic, but overall LOVING atmosphere. I am enjoying my children more than I ever have, because I have learned what to reasonably expect of them and how to teach them my expectations. I am keeping myself calm (most of the time!) and focusing on what I want my children to do, what they can do, instead of constantly scolding, “no!” and putting them in time out. I don’t know if there’s a greater gift you can give a person than helping them better their relationship with their children. I am so, so grateful to you for teaching me how. What I’ve learned in this class will positively impact my family’s entire future. Thank you. All my best, Rose Lounsbury Parents Toolshop® has helped me evaluate my beliefs and how to evaluate what type of problem it is and get to the core problem. -Belinda Long, Xenia, OH
The Parents Toolshop Book: Get your copy today!
http://askjjp.com/book
