Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
American Statistical Association Webinar Presentation By David M. Louis, MPA, CDFA January 24, 2018
David Louis, MPA, CDFA
President and Founder Louis Mediation Services- Chicago, LLC [email protected] Primary Practice Areas Mediation (Divorce and Family Matters, Workplace) Conflict Coaching
Presentation Outline 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Introduction What is Conflict Resolution Framework for Discussing Conflict Resolution Analyzing and Understanding Conflict Conflict Resolution Strategies Helpful Communication Techniques Looking Outside for Help – Other Options
What is Conflict Resolution ? Definitions (from the internet): 1. (Wikipedia): Conflict resolution is conceptualized as the methods and processes involved in facilitating the peaceful ending of conflict and retribution. 2. (BusinessDictionary.com): Intervention aimed at alleviating or eliminating discord through conciliation.
My Working Definition Conflict Resolution is the process by which we answer the following question?
What are We Going to Do About Where We Are At?
A Framework for Discussing Conflict Resolution
PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE
Two Roads in Our Journey This is the Road of the Past
PAST
PRESENT
This road is built and cannot be changed
Two Roads in Our Journey This is the Road of the FUTURE
FUTURE
PRESENT
This road is yet to be built
Analyzing and Understanding Conflict
Lenses to Analyze Conflict
The Conflict Triangle Identity
Emotion
Power
Identity • How do we see ourselves?
• How do we want to be seen by others?
Key Identity Concept - Face • Our “Face” is how we want to be seen in a situation. It is our claim to who we are. • In Conflict, we may feel that our Face is under attack: – Losing face is losing a claim to our desired identity – Saving face is protecting our desired identity
The Identity Landscape • We can have multiple identities: – Our personal identity – Our professional identity (expertise, training) – Our relational identity (friendships, groups) – Our organizational identity – Our cultural identity (race, ethnicity, gender, age, religion, etc.)
• Our different identities can be in conflict with each other
The Lens of Emotion
Emotion in Conflict • Emotions are central to conflict – We know there is conflict when we feel badly about something – How we feel determines our orientation to the conflict – To manage the conflict, we must be able to transform our emotions in the conflict
Emotion in Conflict (cont.) • Emotion connects to Identity – Our identity influences how we feel – Our identity influences our emotional responses
• Emotion connects to Power/Influence – Emotion can reveal the power in a relationship – Threats to power produce emotion – Power influences emotional expression
The Lens of Power/Influence
The Power Perspective • Power in a conflict can be seen as one’s ability to influence the current situation in a way that is favorable to her/him. – Considerations: • What factors are in the way? • What resources are needed? • What are the consequences of changing power in the relationship?
Assumptions Regarding Power • Power is what we need from each other that they can’t get as easily from anyone else. • The more interdependent we are, the more power we have over each other. • Power is influenced by organizational, social, and cultural structures and rules. • The better that one understands the organizations and systems they work in, the more power they are likely to have.
Resources that Enhance Power • Information and Expertise • (this can include system knowledge) • Economic Based (rewards and punishments) • Position or Role • Human Relations (personality and affiliation)
Using Inquiry for Analysis and Understanding
Identity Emotion Power/Influence
CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES
Conflict Styles Map Collaborating
Competing
Concern for Self (Goals)
High
Compromising
Avoiding
Accommodating
Low
Low
Concern for Others (Relationship)
High
Conflict Styles (Cont.) Conflict Style
When Useful
Avoiding
• Issue not important • Nothing is resolved • Perception as • Not the right time uncooperative • Not a long term relationship • May confirm • Don’t think there can be unassertive behavior a successful resolution • Less Power
(No engagement as if conflict doesn’t exist)
Accommodating (Keep everyone happy by smoothing things over and giving in to the other’s goals)
• Issue not important to You • You caused the conflict • Harmony in relationship is all important • To build trust in others by demonstrating a protection of their interests • Less Power
Possible Disadvantages
• Your needs are not met • Your interests are not considered • Your differences are not addressed • May confirm unassertive behavior
Conflict Styles (Cont.) Conflict Style
When Useful
Competing
• Relationship Damage • The other person is also • Alienation competitive • Important others expect you to • Mistrust compete • Perception by others • Stakes are high • Aggressive • Not concerned about the long term relationship • Coercive • Time pressure • Controlling • High Power
(Maximize control and win)
Compromising (bargain for what you can, ½ loaf safer than total loss)
• Resources are truly finite • Different interests that can’t be reconciled • Other options not desirable or too costly • Equal Power
Possible Disadvantages
• All needs are not met • Tends to leave participants feeling unfulfilled
Conflict Styles (Cont.) Conflict Style Collaborating
Times to Consider Using
• The task is complex and requires creative problem (Maximize total gain; solving the relationship and • The long term relationship is achieving results is of important equal importance • The issue(s) are important to all participants • The participants will be responsible for implementation
Risks • More time may be needed to effect a satisfactory collaborative outcome. • Requires effective communication • May require more effort than the other options
Engagement
Do You Engage? How Do You Engage?
Reasons to Engage 1. You can learn about “their story” – – – – – – –
Their information Their experiences Their feelings Their reasoning Their intentions The impact your behavior/actions has had on them Their impressions of your/their contributions to the conflict
Reasons to Engage (Cont.) 2. You can express yourself Your information Your experiences Your feelings Your reasoning Your intentions Your impressions of your/their contributions to the conflict – The impact their behavior/actions has had on you – – – – – –
Reasons to Engage (Cont.) 3. You can decide to problem solve together, and in doing so, perhaps you both can answer this question:
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT WHERE WE ARE AT?
Situations Where Engagement May Not Work 1. The real conflict is inside you, and not with the other person. 2. There may be a better way to address the conflict than engagement (actions speak louder than words) 3. You --– want to change who the other person is – want to vent – don’t know what a good outcome would be
Purposes for Engagement Purpose
Steps
A. To Clarify an Assumption
1. State the Assumption 2. Check to see if Assumption is shared
(“Are we seeing things the same way?”) B. To address negative behavior and advance a specific solution (“ I think you/we need to do this.”) C. To invite Problem Solving (“ Are you willing to work with me on this problem?”)
1. 2. 3. 4.
Identify specific negative behavior Point out negative effects Suggest a positive alternative behavior State likely positive effects
1. Acknowledge the opportunity to address the issue(s) 2. State the issue(s) in neutral terms 3. Set collaborative tone 4. Invite them to problem solve with you.
Interest Based Negotiation
Interest Based Negotiation Interests/Needs
Options for Mutual Gain
Interest Based vs. Positional Negotiation
Positions – What We Want Interests – Why we want it Why it is important to us What our motivation is
Process Map for Interest Based Negotiation 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Frame the Issues to be Discussed Identify each participant’s interests/needs Generate Options Evaluate Options (Using Objective Standards) Agreement/No Agreement
Helpful Negotiation Principles 1. Focus on the Problem instead of the People (“Separate the People from the Problem”) 2. Focus on the Future – Interests are more likely to be met if we focus on where to go vs. where we’ve been. 3. Explain Interests a. Be specific b. Make sure your interests get the attention they deserve c. Acknowledge the other person’s interests d. Interests before Solutions
Helpful Negotiation Principles 4. Option Generation a. Brainstorm (any option can be presented – be creative) b. Present all options before any evaluation c. Look for shared interests or competing interests that can be met
5. Objective Criteria/Standards for Evaluation
Helpful Negotiation Principles 6. Reality Testing a. Are all the details of implementing the agreement known? b. Can all the details of the agreement be implemented?
7. Know Your BATNA/WATNA before impasse a. BATNA – Best alternative to negotiated agreement b. WATNA – Worst alternative to negotiated agreement
COMMUNICATION FOR UNDERSTANDING
Non-Defensive Communication
Questions Statements Predictions
Asking Questions Use Questions to be curious: • Details of Situation • Clarification • Assumptions • Values • Emotions • Reasoning • Behavior • Attitude • Motivation • Intention
Don’t use Questions to: • Make a Statement about: – Opinions – Feelings – Beliefs
• To Entrap by: – Exposing – Incriminating – Making someone look bad
Making Statements A Statement can be used to: • Speak about your own viewpoint and experience without generally applying it to everyone • Express yourself without trying to convince anyone else to agree • Be open and direct about emotions • Provide clarification regarding your observations or reasoning
Statements shouldn’t be used to: • Express your own personal opinion, feelings, and beliefs as “universal truth” • Persuade someone else to agree with your personal opinion, feelings and beliefs • Speak on behalf of someone else.
Predictions Should:
Should Not:
• Make a clear and neutral prediction about how you will react to various choices a person might make. • Be prepared to accept whatever choice the other person makes and carry out your predicted response. • Provide at least two clear choices and your predicted response to each choice.
• Predict negative consequences in order to try to force someone into doing what you want done. • Predict appealing consequences to someone in order to coax the person into doing what you want done.
Components of Effective Conversations
The What Happened Conversation The Feelings Conversation The Identity Conversation
The What Happened Conversation (a.k.a. “How Did We Get Here?) • Three stories 1. Your story 2. Their story 3. The “third story” Begin with the “third story”
The Third Story • The story a third party might tell • A story that describes the problem in a way that rings true for both sides. • The third story refers to your/their stories – Different vs. Right/Wrong vs. Better/Worse
• The third story is an invitation: – To share their/your story – To obtain mutual understanding – To engage in problem solving (how to go forward)
The Third Story - Examples • “My sense is that you and I see this situation differently. I’d like to share how I’m seeing it and learn more about how you’re seeing it”. • “I’m seeing your approach as being ______ while my approach is ________. I’d like to understand your reasoning better and be able to share my reasoning with you. (The second statement requires more in depth knowledge of the differences between you)
What You Should Be Ready to Talk About • Explore where each story comes from • Share the impact on you • Take responsibility for your contribution to the conflict • Describe your feelings • Reflect on the identity issues
Their Story – Listen to Learn • Listening to them helps them listen to us • Be curious – good active listening skills demonstrate curiosity and interest • Ask clarifying questions – – – – –
Information they have that you don’t Impact of your actions on them Examples Reasoning What there ideas would look like in action
• Paraphrase (to confirm understanding) • Acknowledge (feelings)
Your Story – Express Yourself • Address What Matters Most – What you think the conflict is about – What you are feeling about the conflict – What is important to you (interests and needs)
• • • • •
Say What You Mean (Don’t make them guess) “And” Statements to connect thoughts Your conclusions are not the absolute truth Explain reasoning for your Conclusions Avoid Generalizing with “Always” and “Never”
Help Them Understand Your Story • • • • •
Use terms and language they understand Consider appropriate format (verbal vs. visual) Use comparisons to familiar situations Ask them to paraphrase back Ask them if they see it differently and why
When You Need Help
Dispute Resolution Options Process
Who Is Present
Decision Maker(s)
Outcome
Participant Control
Negotiation
Participants
Participants
Uncertain
Total
Mediation
Participants and neutral mediator
Participants
Uncertain
Total
Ombudsman
One participant and Ombudsman
Depends on next steps
Depends on next steps
Depends on next steps
Arbitration
Participants, Attorneys , Arbitrator
Arbitrator
Binding or Non-Binding Decision
None
Judicial
Participants, Attorneys, Judge
Judge
Binding Legal Decision
None
Closing Thoughts • When Conflict Resolution is approached as a future focused effort, efforts are often more productive. • “What are we going to do?” – Thinking of Conflict as a Problem to be Solved invites all participants to share in finding the answers • “About where we are at” acknowledges that to
address conflict, we try to analyze and understand it in terms of the present. Identity, Emotions and Power are important aspects of conflict.
Closing Thoughts • Conflict styles can affect the process and techniques of conflict resolution. • Engagement is a critical starting point in conflict resolution • Interest based negotiation places the emphasis on meeting needs/interests and problem solving. • Effective Communication is a key ingredient for successful conflict resolution.
Thank You!
David M. Louis, MPA, CDFA Louis Mediation Services – Chicago, LLC (773) 633-0256 www.louismediationservices.com [email protected]
American Statistical Association Webinar Presentation By David M. Louis, MPA, CDFA January 24, 2018
David Louis, MPA, CDFA
President and Founder Louis Mediation Services- Chicago, LLC [email protected] Primary Practice Areas Mediation (Divorce and Family Matters, Workplace) Conflict Coaching
Presentation Outline 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Introduction What is Conflict Resolution Framework for Discussing Conflict Resolution Analyzing and Understanding Conflict Conflict Resolution Strategies Helpful Communication Techniques Looking Outside for Help – Other Options
What is Conflict Resolution ? Definitions (from the internet): 1. (Wikipedia): Conflict resolution is conceptualized as the methods and processes involved in facilitating the peaceful ending of conflict and retribution. 2. (BusinessDictionary.com): Intervention aimed at alleviating or eliminating discord through conciliation.
My Working Definition Conflict Resolution is the process by which we answer the following question?
What are We Going to Do About Where We Are At?
A Framework for Discussing Conflict Resolution
PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE
Two Roads in Our Journey This is the Road of the Past
PAST
PRESENT
This road is built and cannot be changed
Two Roads in Our Journey This is the Road of the FUTURE
FUTURE
PRESENT
This road is yet to be built
Analyzing and Understanding Conflict
Lenses to Analyze Conflict
The Conflict Triangle Identity
Emotion
Power
Identity • How do we see ourselves?
• How do we want to be seen by others?
Key Identity Concept - Face • Our “Face” is how we want to be seen in a situation. It is our claim to who we are. • In Conflict, we may feel that our Face is under attack: – Losing face is losing a claim to our desired identity – Saving face is protecting our desired identity
The Identity Landscape • We can have multiple identities: – Our personal identity – Our professional identity (expertise, training) – Our relational identity (friendships, groups) – Our organizational identity – Our cultural identity (race, ethnicity, gender, age, religion, etc.)
• Our different identities can be in conflict with each other
The Lens of Emotion
Emotion in Conflict • Emotions are central to conflict – We know there is conflict when we feel badly about something – How we feel determines our orientation to the conflict – To manage the conflict, we must be able to transform our emotions in the conflict
Emotion in Conflict (cont.) • Emotion connects to Identity – Our identity influences how we feel – Our identity influences our emotional responses
• Emotion connects to Power/Influence – Emotion can reveal the power in a relationship – Threats to power produce emotion – Power influences emotional expression
The Lens of Power/Influence
The Power Perspective • Power in a conflict can be seen as one’s ability to influence the current situation in a way that is favorable to her/him. – Considerations: • What factors are in the way? • What resources are needed? • What are the consequences of changing power in the relationship?
Assumptions Regarding Power • Power is what we need from each other that they can’t get as easily from anyone else. • The more interdependent we are, the more power we have over each other. • Power is influenced by organizational, social, and cultural structures and rules. • The better that one understands the organizations and systems they work in, the more power they are likely to have.
Resources that Enhance Power • Information and Expertise • (this can include system knowledge) • Economic Based (rewards and punishments) • Position or Role • Human Relations (personality and affiliation)
Using Inquiry for Analysis and Understanding
Identity Emotion Power/Influence
CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES
Conflict Styles Map Collaborating
Competing
Concern for Self (Goals)
High
Compromising
Avoiding
Accommodating
Low
Low
Concern for Others (Relationship)
High
Conflict Styles (Cont.) Conflict Style
When Useful
Avoiding
• Issue not important • Nothing is resolved • Perception as • Not the right time uncooperative • Not a long term relationship • May confirm • Don’t think there can be unassertive behavior a successful resolution • Less Power
(No engagement as if conflict doesn’t exist)
Accommodating (Keep everyone happy by smoothing things over and giving in to the other’s goals)
• Issue not important to You • You caused the conflict • Harmony in relationship is all important • To build trust in others by demonstrating a protection of their interests • Less Power
Possible Disadvantages
• Your needs are not met • Your interests are not considered • Your differences are not addressed • May confirm unassertive behavior
Conflict Styles (Cont.) Conflict Style
When Useful
Competing
• Relationship Damage • The other person is also • Alienation competitive • Important others expect you to • Mistrust compete • Perception by others • Stakes are high • Aggressive • Not concerned about the long term relationship • Coercive • Time pressure • Controlling • High Power
(Maximize control and win)
Compromising (bargain for what you can, ½ loaf safer than total loss)
• Resources are truly finite • Different interests that can’t be reconciled • Other options not desirable or too costly • Equal Power
Possible Disadvantages
• All needs are not met • Tends to leave participants feeling unfulfilled
Conflict Styles (Cont.) Conflict Style Collaborating
Times to Consider Using
• The task is complex and requires creative problem (Maximize total gain; solving the relationship and • The long term relationship is achieving results is of important equal importance • The issue(s) are important to all participants • The participants will be responsible for implementation
Risks • More time may be needed to effect a satisfactory collaborative outcome. • Requires effective communication • May require more effort than the other options
Engagement
Do You Engage? How Do You Engage?
Reasons to Engage 1. You can learn about “their story” – – – – – – –
Their information Their experiences Their feelings Their reasoning Their intentions The impact your behavior/actions has had on them Their impressions of your/their contributions to the conflict
Reasons to Engage (Cont.) 2. You can express yourself Your information Your experiences Your feelings Your reasoning Your intentions Your impressions of your/their contributions to the conflict – The impact their behavior/actions has had on you – – – – – –
Reasons to Engage (Cont.) 3. You can decide to problem solve together, and in doing so, perhaps you both can answer this question:
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT WHERE WE ARE AT?
Situations Where Engagement May Not Work 1. The real conflict is inside you, and not with the other person. 2. There may be a better way to address the conflict than engagement (actions speak louder than words) 3. You --– want to change who the other person is – want to vent – don’t know what a good outcome would be
Purposes for Engagement Purpose
Steps
A. To Clarify an Assumption
1. State the Assumption 2. Check to see if Assumption is shared
(“Are we seeing things the same way?”) B. To address negative behavior and advance a specific solution (“ I think you/we need to do this.”) C. To invite Problem Solving (“ Are you willing to work with me on this problem?”)
1. 2. 3. 4.
Identify specific negative behavior Point out negative effects Suggest a positive alternative behavior State likely positive effects
1. Acknowledge the opportunity to address the issue(s) 2. State the issue(s) in neutral terms 3. Set collaborative tone 4. Invite them to problem solve with you.
Interest Based Negotiation
Interest Based Negotiation Interests/Needs
Options for Mutual Gain
Interest Based vs. Positional Negotiation
Positions – What We Want Interests – Why we want it Why it is important to us What our motivation is
Process Map for Interest Based Negotiation 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Frame the Issues to be Discussed Identify each participant’s interests/needs Generate Options Evaluate Options (Using Objective Standards) Agreement/No Agreement
Helpful Negotiation Principles 1. Focus on the Problem instead of the People (“Separate the People from the Problem”) 2. Focus on the Future – Interests are more likely to be met if we focus on where to go vs. where we’ve been. 3. Explain Interests a. Be specific b. Make sure your interests get the attention they deserve c. Acknowledge the other person’s interests d. Interests before Solutions
Helpful Negotiation Principles 4. Option Generation a. Brainstorm (any option can be presented – be creative) b. Present all options before any evaluation c. Look for shared interests or competing interests that can be met
5. Objective Criteria/Standards for Evaluation
Helpful Negotiation Principles 6. Reality Testing a. Are all the details of implementing the agreement known? b. Can all the details of the agreement be implemented?
7. Know Your BATNA/WATNA before impasse a. BATNA – Best alternative to negotiated agreement b. WATNA – Worst alternative to negotiated agreement
COMMUNICATION FOR UNDERSTANDING
Non-Defensive Communication
Questions Statements Predictions
Asking Questions Use Questions to be curious: • Details of Situation • Clarification • Assumptions • Values • Emotions • Reasoning • Behavior • Attitude • Motivation • Intention
Don’t use Questions to: • Make a Statement about: – Opinions – Feelings – Beliefs
• To Entrap by: – Exposing – Incriminating – Making someone look bad
Making Statements A Statement can be used to: • Speak about your own viewpoint and experience without generally applying it to everyone • Express yourself without trying to convince anyone else to agree • Be open and direct about emotions • Provide clarification regarding your observations or reasoning
Statements shouldn’t be used to: • Express your own personal opinion, feelings, and beliefs as “universal truth” • Persuade someone else to agree with your personal opinion, feelings and beliefs • Speak on behalf of someone else.
Predictions Should:
Should Not:
• Make a clear and neutral prediction about how you will react to various choices a person might make. • Be prepared to accept whatever choice the other person makes and carry out your predicted response. • Provide at least two clear choices and your predicted response to each choice.
• Predict negative consequences in order to try to force someone into doing what you want done. • Predict appealing consequences to someone in order to coax the person into doing what you want done.
Components of Effective Conversations
The What Happened Conversation The Feelings Conversation The Identity Conversation
The What Happened Conversation (a.k.a. “How Did We Get Here?) • Three stories 1. Your story 2. Their story 3. The “third story” Begin with the “third story”
The Third Story • The story a third party might tell • A story that describes the problem in a way that rings true for both sides. • The third story refers to your/their stories – Different vs. Right/Wrong vs. Better/Worse
• The third story is an invitation: – To share their/your story – To obtain mutual understanding – To engage in problem solving (how to go forward)
The Third Story - Examples • “My sense is that you and I see this situation differently. I’d like to share how I’m seeing it and learn more about how you’re seeing it”. • “I’m seeing your approach as being ______ while my approach is ________. I’d like to understand your reasoning better and be able to share my reasoning with you. (The second statement requires more in depth knowledge of the differences between you)
What You Should Be Ready to Talk About • Explore where each story comes from • Share the impact on you • Take responsibility for your contribution to the conflict • Describe your feelings • Reflect on the identity issues
Their Story – Listen to Learn • Listening to them helps them listen to us • Be curious – good active listening skills demonstrate curiosity and interest • Ask clarifying questions – – – – –
Information they have that you don’t Impact of your actions on them Examples Reasoning What there ideas would look like in action
• Paraphrase (to confirm understanding) • Acknowledge (feelings)
Your Story – Express Yourself • Address What Matters Most – What you think the conflict is about – What you are feeling about the conflict – What is important to you (interests and needs)
• • • • •
Say What You Mean (Don’t make them guess) “And” Statements to connect thoughts Your conclusions are not the absolute truth Explain reasoning for your Conclusions Avoid Generalizing with “Always” and “Never”
Help Them Understand Your Story • • • • •
Use terms and language they understand Consider appropriate format (verbal vs. visual) Use comparisons to familiar situations Ask them to paraphrase back Ask them if they see it differently and why
When You Need Help
Dispute Resolution Options Process
Who Is Present
Decision Maker(s)
Outcome
Participant Control
Negotiation
Participants
Participants
Uncertain
Total
Mediation
Participants and neutral mediator
Participants
Uncertain
Total
Ombudsman
One participant and Ombudsman
Depends on next steps
Depends on next steps
Depends on next steps
Arbitration
Participants, Attorneys , Arbitrator
Arbitrator
Binding or Non-Binding Decision
None
Judicial
Participants, Attorneys, Judge
Judge
Binding Legal Decision
None
Closing Thoughts • When Conflict Resolution is approached as a future focused effort, efforts are often more productive. • “What are we going to do?” – Thinking of Conflict as a Problem to be Solved invites all participants to share in finding the answers • “About where we are at” acknowledges that to
address conflict, we try to analyze and understand it in terms of the present. Identity, Emotions and Power are important aspects of conflict.
Closing Thoughts • Conflict styles can affect the process and techniques of conflict resolution. • Engagement is a critical starting point in conflict resolution • Interest based negotiation places the emphasis on meeting needs/interests and problem solving. • Effective Communication is a key ingredient for successful conflict resolution.
Thank You!
David M. Louis, MPA, CDFA Louis Mediation Services – Chicago, LLC (773) 633-0256 www.louismediationservices.com [email protected]
