Grief Loss and Change
GRIEF, lOSS AND CHANGE Grief is the word we use for the way we feel when we are trying to cope during a time of loss or change in our life. Grieving is the process we go through as we adjust to the change caused by losing someone, or something, that was important to us. We may grieve as a result of many types of loss – perhaps someone we cared about has died, or there is a separation in our family, or a major event has happened such as an earthquake or a flood. We may also grieve when faced with situations such as changing schools, dealing with a bully, having a friend move away, or the death of a pet we love. In all of these situations, our lives have changed, and will never be quite the same again. Grief is a very personal process, and is unique to each person. There is no ‘right way’ to grieve, and no ‘right time’ to feel ‘better’. As we grieve, we begin to accept what has happened, and to see a new way to live our lives.
Grief feels like…. Grief can feel overwhelming. It may even feel like ‘waves’ of emotion crashing over us. Although we all experience grief in individual ways, here are some things that grieving people often feel: • • • • • • • • • • •
angry abandoned or lonely sad and unhappy changed sleeping patterns – finding it hard to sleep, or sleeping more than usual changed eating patterns – loss of appetite, or eating more than normal guilty fearful – for example, of the dark, or of being alone ill - Tummy aches, headaches, exhaustion forgetful, distracted confused, disbelieving worried about, or responsible for, other family members To find out more about Life Education Trust in your local area visit www.lifeeducation.org.nz or call 0800 454 333
What can help me get through this? There are things I can do to help me cope during a tough time. Here are some ideas: • • • • • •
Talk to trusted friends, family, and support people – and keep talking. Understand that it’s ok to feel what I feel. Get some exercise – it will help to clear my head, as well help me sleep. Be gentle with myself. Remember it’s not my fault. Understand that it’s ok to enjoy playing with friends, and to feel happy Express myself - write down my feelings and thoughts in a diary; write a story or cartoon; paint an artwork; or sing.
Will I always feel like this? When something bad happens, it may feel like things will never get better. However, as time passes, life will begin to seem possible again. Although I may always miss what I have lost, I may also be able to see that my new life can be a good and positive one, even though it has changed.
To find out more about Life Education Trust in your local area visit www.lifeeducation.org.nz or call 0800 454 333
How can I help others? When our friends, family, or classmates are having a tough time, it is important to remember that they will take time to process what has happened. Even if a person seems ‘like themselves’ again, they may still be thinking about what has happened, and be grieving inside. Some ways that I can help include: • • • • •
Listening to them if they want to talk about how they feel. Understanding if they seem irritable or upset. Asking them to join in games - but realizing they may not want to . Write a card or letter, or draw a picture for the person. Offer to do something practical – even small things will be appreciated.
References
Skylight NZ n.d. Retrieved from http://skylight.org.nz/ http://skylight.org.nz/uploads/files/microsoft_word__what_does_a_grieving_child_or_teen_need_the_most.pdf 7 July 2015 The Grief Centre n.d. Retrived from http://www.griefcentre.org.nz/ 7 July 2015 Te Kete Ipurangi ‘Understanding Loss and Grief’ n.d. Retrieved from http://health.tki.org.nz/Key-collections/Curriculum-in-action/Change-loss-andgrief/Understanding-loss-and-grief 7 July 2015 The Dougy Centre ‘Grief Resources’ 2015. Retrieved from: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/ 7 July 2015 With support from
JSB Education
LET NZ 12 August 2015
To find out more about Life Education Trust in your local area visit www.lifeeducation.org.nz or call 0800 454 333
Grief feels like…. Grief can feel overwhelming. It may even feel like ‘waves’ of emotion crashing over us. Although we all experience grief in individual ways, here are some things that grieving people often feel: • • • • • • • • • • •
angry abandoned or lonely sad and unhappy changed sleeping patterns – finding it hard to sleep, or sleeping more than usual changed eating patterns – loss of appetite, or eating more than normal guilty fearful – for example, of the dark, or of being alone ill - Tummy aches, headaches, exhaustion forgetful, distracted confused, disbelieving worried about, or responsible for, other family members To find out more about Life Education Trust in your local area visit www.lifeeducation.org.nz or call 0800 454 333
What can help me get through this? There are things I can do to help me cope during a tough time. Here are some ideas: • • • • • •
Talk to trusted friends, family, and support people – and keep talking. Understand that it’s ok to feel what I feel. Get some exercise – it will help to clear my head, as well help me sleep. Be gentle with myself. Remember it’s not my fault. Understand that it’s ok to enjoy playing with friends, and to feel happy Express myself - write down my feelings and thoughts in a diary; write a story or cartoon; paint an artwork; or sing.
Will I always feel like this? When something bad happens, it may feel like things will never get better. However, as time passes, life will begin to seem possible again. Although I may always miss what I have lost, I may also be able to see that my new life can be a good and positive one, even though it has changed.
To find out more about Life Education Trust in your local area visit www.lifeeducation.org.nz or call 0800 454 333
How can I help others? When our friends, family, or classmates are having a tough time, it is important to remember that they will take time to process what has happened. Even if a person seems ‘like themselves’ again, they may still be thinking about what has happened, and be grieving inside. Some ways that I can help include: • • • • •
Listening to them if they want to talk about how they feel. Understanding if they seem irritable or upset. Asking them to join in games - but realizing they may not want to . Write a card or letter, or draw a picture for the person. Offer to do something practical – even small things will be appreciated.
References
Skylight NZ n.d. Retrieved from http://skylight.org.nz/ http://skylight.org.nz/uploads/files/microsoft_word__what_does_a_grieving_child_or_teen_need_the_most.pdf 7 July 2015 The Grief Centre n.d. Retrived from http://www.griefcentre.org.nz/ 7 July 2015 Te Kete Ipurangi ‘Understanding Loss and Grief’ n.d. Retrieved from http://health.tki.org.nz/Key-collections/Curriculum-in-action/Change-loss-andgrief/Understanding-loss-and-grief 7 July 2015 The Dougy Centre ‘Grief Resources’ 2015. Retrieved from: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/ 7 July 2015 With support from
JSB Education
LET NZ 12 August 2015
To find out more about Life Education Trust in your local area visit www.lifeeducation.org.nz or call 0800 454 333
