Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Growing Growing Wise Wise
Serving Your Family and Friends
Lesson Notes
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TEACHER TO TEACHER
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hen I began teaching in the late 1960’s, learning theory was not as well-developed as it is today. However, repetition is one teaching principle that has survived through the advances in learning theory. Repetition (reviewing) serves to solidify our thinking about what we know, thereby making easier the learning of related material. Reviewing what has most recently been learned makes it possible for learners to more easily assimilate and retain new information. So let’s take a moment to briefly review an important definition and two principles that we discussed in the last lesson. Love (agapé) connotes the following: 1. Agapé in all of its forms was used within the context of relationship. 2. Agapé is other-focused. 3. Agapé is volitionally and benevolently giving. 4. Agapé gives first. 5. Agapé is never devoid of emotion. We discussed two biblical principles: 1. The “love gives first” principle of agapé : Christ first loved us and gave Himself for us. 2. The Zacchaeus principle: Look beyond the deed to see the need.
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n today’s lesson we will extend our understanding of the “love gives first” aspect of agapé to recognize that, following Christ’s example, husbands love and give first to meet their wife’s needs; parents love and give first to meet their child’s needs; friends love and give first to meet a friend’s need. This lesson originally was titled “Loving and Serving Begins at Home.” I changed the title to “Serving Family and Friends” because I felt that it was important in this discussion to extend the principles of love and service beyond the boundaries of the family unit. However, we still will focus most of our attention on some of what Scripture tells us about love and service (or ministry) in the family unit. As you teach the importance of love within the family unit, be aware of some in your class who may struggle due to emotional scars from failures of husbands and/or parents—past or current. God has provided healing for those wounds through relationships with Himself, with friends, and within their faith community. This lesson is important for single adults and married adults. Many single adults will marry (or marry again). This lesson will help them understand better the biblical teachings of mutual giving and receiving in the marriage relationship. Married couples will have opportunity to think through the application of the principles within their own relationships. Parents—both single and married—will benefit from some ideas about ministering to the biblical relational needs of their children through the application of the “love gives first” principle and the “Zacchaeus principle.” As promised, this lesson is very much about the practical application of the principles of loving and serving that we discussed in the preceding lesson.
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Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
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Growing Wise
STUDYING THE WORD TOGETHER
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n the previous lesson, we learned that humans were created as relational beings with corresponding biblical relational needs,1 ten of which are: acceptance (Rom 15:7), affection (Rom 16:16; Mark 10:16), appreciation (Col 3:15b; 1 Cor 11:2), approval (Eph 4:29), attention (1 Cor 12:25), comfort (2 Cor 1:3-4), encouragement (1 Thess 5:11), respect (Rom 12:10b), security (Rom 12:16a, 18), and support (Gal 6:2). God surely is the first to minister through His Holy Spirit to these needs in man. However, by His design, God chooses to work through the secondary agency of human beings who are “suitable helpers” to more completely satisfy man’s relational needs. Remember, God not only created man with relational needs; He also made provision for the satisfaction of those needs. In Genesis 2 we learn that husbands and wives mutually serve one another, ensuring that their relational needs are met. God expanded the network of “suitable helpers” or servants to include the family (Gen 4:1; Ps 127:3), close friends, (1 Sam 18:1) and other members of His Body (Matt 16:18; 1 Cor 12:25).
SERVING IN THE FAMILY said, “Christian service S omeone begins in the family.” Husbands and
wives serve one another. Parents serve their children. Children honor and serve their parents. If you struggle with the word serve, be reminded that serving is synonymous with ministering. By the way, some single adults may feel parts of this segment to be irrelevant. May I remind you to consider that many singles will be married or married again and the principles that follow will at that time have greater relevance? The section on serving and being served by close friends will feel more immediately relevant.
Husbands Model Love and Service
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ften it is my privilege to counsel with engaged couples as they prepare for marriage. A topic that usually is of concern to both the bride- and groom-to-be is “spiritual leadership” in the family. Some couples have a feel for what that phrase means. Others have some rather warped ideas. However, most seem to intuitively understand that it is the 1
husband’s responsibility to provide such leadership. I believe the Apostle Paul gave us some great insight into spiritual leadership in his letter written to the church in Ephesus. In the fifth chapter he said: [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—[30] for we are members of his body. [31] “For this reason a man
See Growing Wise Lesson 11: “Loving and Serving,” pages 11-4 and 11-9.
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Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:23-33) Throughout the passage, the love a husband gives to His wife is compared to Christ’s love for, and service to, the church. The metaphor becomes clearer when we recall that the Apostle John referred to the church as the Bride of Christ (Rev 19:7-8). Therefore, we can say that Paul presents Jesus’ pattern for loving and serving His Bride as a model that husbands can employ in loving and serving their wives. Christ
The Bride
Husband
Wife
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et’s take note of how Jesus loves and serves His Bride. 1. Christ gave Himself up in order to s a t i s f y Hi s Br i d e ’ s n e e d f o r holiness and purity so that His relationship with His Bride might b e u nbl e mi s h ed an d w i t h out offense (vs. 25-27). Christ’s giving had implications for the relationship between Him and His Bride. 2. Jesus nurtures and cares for the members of His Body—His Bride —because caring for her is in essence carrying for Himself (vs. 28-30). 3. There is a mysterious union or oneness between Jesus and His Bride. This oneness is possible only because for a time Jesus gave up the glory of being equal with God in order to become one with His followers (V. 32; Philip 2:6-8; John 17:23).
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
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rom this example of Christ loving a n d s e r vi n g H i s B r i de , P a ul establishes a framework for how husbands should love and serve their wives. Three times in the span of these eleven verses Paul admonishes husbands by saying: 1.Husband love your wives as Christ loved His Bride—the church— and gave Himself up for her (v. 25). 2.Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies (v. 28). 3.Husbands leave behind previous priority relationships to faithfully, and with fidelity, love your [one] wife (vs. 31-33).
Notes
Let’s look at these three admonitions, each in turn. The first instructs a husband out of love to serve his wife by sacrificially giving to meet her needs. The implication in verses 25-27 is that Christ sacrificially gave Himself for His followers in order that the relationship with His Bride could be untainted by sinful offenses. The pattern, then, is for a husband to minister to the needs of his wife so that unmet needs do not lead to emotional pain and offense that hinder the oneness or relational intimacy between them. The second admonition based upon the pattern we observe in Christ’s relationship with His Bride is that a husband should be just as committed to ministering to the needs of his wife as he is to making certain that his own needs are satisfied. This may be first an issue of “oneness” and second an issue of the intensity and focus of commitment. Does this remind you of the second of the Great Commandments—“Love your neighbor [near ones] as yourself”? In the final of the three admonitions to husbands, Paul seems to remind us that Christ has but one Bride—the Church. He gives first to His Bride. He is faithful to His one Bride. In like manner a husband is to be faithfully committed to his one wife. I think that we also can express the idea this way: in the same way that a
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Word Study
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Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
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Growing Wise
husband’s faithfulness to Christ keeps him from chasing after other gods, his relationship with his wife demands the utmost fidelity. ow let’s deal with the issue of the husband’s headship or leadership for his wife and family. Recall our discussion concerning Christ’s servant heart.2 Do you recall that Jesus as Teacher and Lord demonstrated His love for the Twelve by serving them—by washing their dirty feet (John 13:1-5, 12-17)? Jesus as their “Head” served His disciples. Husbands, then, exercise headship (v. 23) over their wives in the same manner in which Christ exercises headship over the church—by lovingly and sacrificially giving to or serving her. For the husband, spiritual leadership means committedly giving first to love and serve his wife, ensuring her needs are met so that their relationship is protected from hurtful offense.
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Wives Respond to Their Husband’s Love and Service
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ives are instructed in verse 24 to respond to their husbands as the church (the Bride) responds to Christ. Christ
The Bride
Husband
Wife
Before looking at Paul’s specific instructions to wives, let’s recall how believers, in general, respond to God’s service or ministry to them. ♦ The Bride responds to Christ’s agapé love with agapé love for Him and others: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). ♦ The Bride responds to Christ with gratitude: “Enter His gates with thanksgiving” (Ps 100:4).
♦ The Bride submits herself to Christ as Lord: “Submit yourselves…to God” (James 4:7). 2
♦ The Bride responds to Christ with honor: “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive…honor” (Rev 4:11). What then should be the wife’s response to the Christlike agapé love she receives from her husband? I want to suggest a wife’s first response to her husband would be to return the love that she has gratefully received from him, in the same manner that the Bride returns the love first given to her by Christ. In our subject passages, Paul admonishes wives to do two specific things:
♦ Wives submit to your husbands in everything as the church (the Bride) submits to Christ (v. 24).
♦ Wives respect (honor) your husbands (v. 33b). As before, let’s discuss each admonition in sequence. The word rendered submit in verse 24 does not literally exist in the Greek text. It is implied by hupotassómenoi (from NT 5293) in verse 21 (not shown in the above passage): Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) In the context of verse 21, hupotassómenoi refers to a mutual voluntary submission in the sense that all parties voluntarily submit to the leadership of the other at appropriate times. This idea is reinforced in verse 24 where Paul instructs wives to submit to the headship or leadership of their husbands in the same way that the church voluntarily submits to the leadership of Christ—the head of the Church. In a healthy biblical marriage relationship, a wife gratefully responds with agapé love to the agapé love she has received from her husband. She submits herself to a husband who loves her by giving first to meet her needs. Thus we say that a healthy marriage relationship is characterized by mutual giving and receiving.
See Growing Wise Lesson 10: “The Servant Heart of God,” pages 10-3—10-4.
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Growing Wise
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ow let’s turn our attention to the issue of wives respecting their husbands. The USB [United Bible Society] New Testament Handbook3 says the following regarding respect. Respect translates the Greek verb “to fear” which means “to fear, [to] have awe, [to] reverence.” In the Old Testament “to fear God” indicates the proper attitude an Israelite should have for Yahweh. Here most translations have “respect” or “show respect for.” In some languages it may be appropriate to speak of respect as “to think of a person as being important” or “to see a person as being great” or “regarding a person as deserving to be honored.” Paul’s message in verse 33 seems straightforward. Wives should think of their husbands as deserving of honor, in the same way that they reverence Christ or see Him as deserving of honor. It is fitting to reverence, respect, or honor Christ because He gives first to love us and ministers to our needs. Similarly, it is appropriate for a wife to respect and honor a husband who gives first to love her and minister to her needs. We can’t leave this section without reinforcing a final observation: husbands and wives give to and receive from one another, with the husband giving first. This is one of the reasons that the marriage relationship is used by Scripture writers as a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and the believer or Christ and His Bride, with Christ giving first. Christ
(1)
The Bride
(2)
Husband
(1) (2)
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Wife
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
If the husband is going to lead or exercise God-given headship in the family, he must lead by giving first to meet the needs of his wife. As the wife responds by also lovingly serving her husband, the cycle of mutual giving and receiving begins. Love happens. Mutual giving and receiving to meet biblical relational needs (as well as physical and material needs) is something that is missing from too many marital relationships, even in Christian homes. The pride-filled sins of self-reliance, selfishness, and self-condemnation4 too often blind husbands and wives to the truth of this concept.
Notes
Parents Love Their Children by Giving First to Meet Their Needs provides some instruction S cripture f or parent s regar di ng sever al
important matters. For example, we learn in Deuteronomy that parents are responsible for playing an active role in the spiritual growth of their children. Shortly after presenting the commandments to the recently-liberated Hebrews, Moses gave this instruction to parents: These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, my italics) The underlying meaning of these verses is that parents were to repeatedly and diligently pierce the minds of their children with the teachings of the Lord. In short, parents love and serve their children by being disciple-makers, and as such they are responsible for guiding and nurturing their spiritual growth. The church has the privilege of serving parents by partnering with them to rear their children in the
UBS New Testament Handbook Series, copyright © 1961-1997, by United Bible Societies. See The Prayer God Always Answers, copyright © 2005 by Casas Adobe Baptist Church, Tucson, AZ, pp. 9-9—9-12.
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Growing Wise
“training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). Parents also are to provide necessary discipline for their children. Children learn to develop self control and become wise through lovingly-administered discipline . Do not withhold discipline from a child. (Proverbs 23:13) Wise discipline imparts wisdom; spoiled adolescents embarrass their parents. (Proverbs 29:15, The Message) It is important, I think, to apply the Zacchaeus principle when considering disciple. Sometimes children misbehave out of their sinful, rebellious natures just as adults do. Other times, they act out because they are experiencing the emotional pain of unmet relational needs. So it is often important for us “to look beyond the deed to see the need.” Bad behavior cannot be ignored, but it is very important for parents to focus attention on giving first to meet their children’s biblical relational needs. Removing children’s “aloneness” by ministering to their relational needs will not only impact their “acting out”; it also will help ensure that they grow into adults who are more capable of healthy interpersonal relationships. This is likely part of the wisdom that the following ancient proverb seeks to impart: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6) as the Bride’s response to the love J ust of Christ is an example for wives, so Christ’s response to His Father is an example for a child’s response to his/her parents. The Father loves the Son (John 5:20). The Son loves the Father and obediently serves Him (John 15:10). Paul suggests that children respond to their parents in a similar manner. Read carefully the following passages from Ephesians and Colossians. Notice the similarity between the two.
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Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:20-21) In the Ephesians passage, Paul admonishes children to respond in two ways to the love and service given them by their parents: children are to obey and to honor (or respect) their parents. Let’s not miss the explicit role of the father in parenting his children. Fathers are to avoid exasperating, embittering, and discouraging their children. Such actions will make it hard for their children to biblically respond with respect and obedience. Instead, fathers are to make certain that they train and instruct their children in a Christlike manner. The phrase “training and instruction of the Lord” in Ephesians 6:4 communicates that the father’s parenting should be of a kind that nurtures a child so that his/her nature is formed to be a reflection of Christ’s nature and character. Such instruction would be accomplished through both the example of a loving father and the formal instruction in the teachings of Christ. When parents bring up their children in this manner, their children will be capable of responding with Christlike behavior to the Christ-likeness they see and experience in their parents.
LOVING OUR CLOSE FRIENDS
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n the introduction to this lesson, I mentioned that God provided friends who could help meet our biblical relational needs. And I referenced 1 Samuel 18:1 as
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Growing Wise an example. In that verse you can find commentary on the friendship that God formed between Jonathan and David. [1]After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond of love between them, and they became the best of friends.. [3] And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. [4] Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt. (1 Samuel 18:1-4; NLT5)
Friends United in Spirit
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otice the phrase “he loved him as he loved himself” (v. 3). Could this be a reference on Samuel’s part to Leviticus 19:18? Remember that this is the passage that Jesus quoted in Matthew 22:39, indicating that it was the second of the Great Commandments: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The word neighbor can also be correctly rendered “near one,” “one near by,” or “friend.” In fact, the TEV6 uses friend rather than neighbor in Matthew 5:43-44, where we have an account of Jesus saying, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your friends; hate your enemies.’ But now I tell you: love your enemies….’” We can rightly say that the second of the Great Commandments admonishes us to love our friend(s) as we love ourselves. The phrase immediate bond of love (v. 1) is from a Hebrew word often translated as “knit together.” It means “of one mind” or “united in spirit.” However, we must also understand that “knit together” carries with it the idea of an emotional bonding similar to what a parent might have with an only child.
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
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The Characteristics of Close Friendships
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his passage certainly describes a very deep and committed friendship. It is the kind of friendship that C.S. Lewis describes in his book The Four Loves.7 Lewis observes that close friends: 1. Bond around a common interest. Their bond supersedes issues of class, family background, income, race, or previous history. (E.g., the “soul tie” between Jonathan and David may have been based upon their shared love for King Saul and Israel. Jonathan was a prince; David was a shepherd.) 2. Have a relationship characterized by caring involvement in one another’s lives, by vulnerable communication that leads to deep trust, by a sense of interdependence, and by mutual giving and receiving. Me
My friend
In such a friendship, agapé love leads each friend to serve the other. A close friend can facilitate emotional healing in one whose relational needs have gone unmet in their families. When my friend’s feet are dirty, I become a servant and wash them. When my friend needs comfort, I comfort him. When my friend needs support, I support him. Because my friend is worthy of respect, I honor him. And with a towel draped across his arm, my friend is quick to get a bowl of water and wash my dirty feet.
Application Ideas and Questions
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his study addressed the application of some biblical teachings and
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The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Second Edition, copyright © 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved. Today’s English Version, First Edition, copyright © 1976 by the American Bible Society (First Edition no longer in print). 6 C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves, copyright © 1960 by Helen Joy Lewis, published by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, New York and London. 6
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principles related to loving and serving in the family and in close friendships. Let’s review them in more depth. Love (agapé) connotes the following: 1. Agapé in all of its forms was used within the context of relationship in common Greek and in the language of the early church. It can refer to a relationship between man and the Divine and to a relationship between people (e.g. love God, love your neighbors, and love one another). 2. Agapé is other-focused. It always serves the beloved’s needs without regard to self-satisfaction. Thus it is sometimes rendered as charity in the KJV and believers often describe it as “unconditional love.” 3. Agapé is volitionally and benevolently giving. The lover decides or chooses to give (sometimes very sacrificially) from his/her resources to meet the needs of the beloved. 4. Agapé gives first. God and Jesus set the pattern for the principle of giving first. While we were still sinners, God gave His Son to die for us (Rom 5:8). When preparing to send the Twelve on a ministry trip, Jesus said to them “freely you have received; freely give” (Matt 10:8b). The Twelve had received first from Jesus and were to give first to those to whom they would minister or serve. 5. Agapé is never devoid of emotion. It always values and may have great affection for the beloved. The more intimate the relationship, the deeper the sense of value and affection the lover has for the beloved. We discussed two biblical principles: 1. The “love gives first” principle: Christ first loved us and gave Himself for us. Following Christ’s example, husbands love and give first to meet their wife’s needs; parents love and give first to meet
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their child’s needs; friends love and give first to meet a friend’s need. 2. The Zacchaeus principle: Look beyond the deed to see the need. Offensive behavior must always be dealt with in a relationship. There will be times when we need to allow love to cover a multitude of sins—looking beyond the offense to see the relational pain the offender is experiencing—and minister directly to the unmet needs, as Christ did with Zacchaeus. In seeking to apply these teachings and principles, husbands might ask: 1. Am I taking initiative to give first to meet my wife’s physical, material and relational needs? 2. How might I be more diligent in communicating acceptance, appreciation, approval, and respect for my wife? 3. What might I do to minister to my wife’s need for security and support? Wives might ask: 1. How can I be more effective in showing respect for my husband? 2. How can I more effectively express my appreciation for the spiritual leadership he exercises in our home? 3. How can I give to him to meet his bibl ical relati onal needs for acceptance, approval, etc.? 4. Are there instances when I might need to look past my husband’s deeds to see his needs?” Similar questions could be asked by parents as they seek to love and serve their children and by everyone as they learn to more effectively love and serve their friends. Finally, we must remember that there is always a mutual giving and receiving involved in agapé love relationships. So each one might ask, “How do I grow in my ability to humbly receive from those who wish to love and serve me?”
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Growing Wise
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
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COMMENTARY
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s you read “Studying the Word Together,” it is likely that you noticed the heavy emphasis that both Scripture and the lesson placed upon the husband’s and father’s role in the family structure. The following remarks by Dr. Warren W. Wiersbe,1 writing in The Bible Exposition Commentary,2 provide additional insight into the husband’s spiritual leadership or headship in the family. Husbands, love your wives (vs. 25-33). Paul had much more to say to the Christian husbands than to the wives. He set for them a very high standard: Love your wives “even as Christ also loved the church.” Paul was lifting married love to the highest level possible, for he saw in the Christian home an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the church. God established marriage for many reasons. For one thing, it meets man’s emotional needs. “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Ge 2:18). Marriage also has a social purpose in the bearing of children to continue the race (Ge 1:28). Paul indicated a physical purpose for marriage—to help man and woman fulfill the normal desires given them by God (1 Co 7:1-3). But in Eph 5, Paul indicated also a spiritual purpose in marriage, as the husband and wife experience with each other the submission and the love of Christ (Eph 5:22-33). If the husband makes Christ’s love for the church the pattern for loving his wife, then he will love her sacrificially (Eph 5:25). Christ gave Himself for the church; so the husband, in love,
gives himself for his wife. Jacob so loved Rachel that he sacrificially worked fourteen years to win her. True Christian love “seeketh not her own” (1 Co 13:5)—it is not selfish. If a husband is submitted to Christ and filled with the Spirit, his sacrificial love will willingly pay a price that she might be able to serve Christ in the home and glorify Him. The husband’s love for his wife should be sacrificial and sanctifying, but it should also be satisfying (Eph 5:2830). In the marriage relationship, the husband and wife become “one flesh.” Therefore, whatever each does to the other, he does to himself or herself. It is a mutually satisfying experience. The man who loves his wife is actually loving his own body, since he and his wife are one flesh. As he loves her, he is nourishing her. Just as love is the circulatory system of the body of Christ (Eph 4:16), so love is the nourishment of the home. How many people have confessed, “I am starved for love.” There should be no starvation for love in the Christian home, for the husband and wife should so love each other that their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met. If both are submitted to the Lord, and to each other, they will be so satisfied that they will not be tempted to look anywhere else for fulfillment. Our Christian homes are to be pictures of Christ’s relationship to His church. Each believer is a member of Christ’s body, and each believer is to help nourish the body in love (Eph 4:16). We are one with Christ. The
1
Warren W. Wiersbe is a well-known international Bible conference teacher with a heart for missions and is a former pastor of Moody Church in Chicago. He served for ten years as General Director and Bible Teacher for Back to the Bible. Dr. Wiersbe is author of more than 80 books. 2 Abridged from The Bible Exposition Commentary, copyright © 1989 by Chariot Victor Publishing, an imprint of Cook Communication Ministries. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
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church is His body and His bride, and the Christian home is a divinely ordained illustration of this relationship. This certainly makes marriage a serious matter. Paul referred to the creation of Eve and the forming of the first home (Ge 2:18-24). Adam had to give part of himself in order to get a bride, but Christ gave all of Himself to purchase His bride at the cross. God opened Adam’s side, but sinful men pierced Christ’s side. So united are a husband and wife that they are “one flesh.” Their union is even closer than that of parents and children. The believer’s union with Christ is even closer and, unlike human marriage, will last for all eternity. Paul closed with a final admonition that the husband love his wife and that the wife reverence (respect) her husband, all of which require the power of the Holy Spirit. Chapter 5 begins with a E phesians discussion of “walking in love”
(5:1-6) and progresses to a discussion on “walking in the light” (5:7-14). Next, Paul speaks about “walking in wisdom” (5:156:9). In Ephesians 5:19-21, Paul gave four results of being filled with the Spirit: communication with one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs; communication with the Lord through singing and making melodies in the heart; thanking God for all things; and submitting to one another—willingly serving others by being under them rather than dominating them and exalting ourselves. Then Paul elaborated on the topic of mutual submission by speaking first to wives. The Bible Knowledge Commentary3 reports this: Eph 5:22-24: Having admonished believers to be wise by being
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controlled by the Holy Spirit, Paul now applied this to specific liferelationships. It is relatively easy to exhibit a Spirit-filled life for one or two hours a week in church but it takes the work of the Holy Spirit to exhibit godliness not only on Sundays but also in everyday relationships between wives and husbands, children and parents, and slaves and masters. In each of these three relationships the first partner is commanded to be submissive or obedient (5:22; 6:1, 5). But the second partner is also to show submissiveness by his care and concern for the first partner. Both partners are to act toward one another as a service rendered to the Lord. Wives are to submit to their husbands. As to the Lord does not mean that a wife is to submit to her husband in the same way she submits to the Lord, but rather that her submission to her husband is her service rendered “to the Lord” (cf. Col 3:18). The reason for this submission is that the husband is the head of the wife (cf. 1 Co 11:3), and this is compared to Christ’s headship over the church (Eph 5:23; cf. 4:15; Col 1:18). As Christ is the Savior of the church, His body, so a husband should be the protector of his wife, who is “one flesh” with him (Ge 2:24). As the church is in submission to Christ, so also a wife should be to her husband. It would be foolish to think of the church being head over Christ. But submission does not mean inferiority. It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself.
Abridged from Bible Knowledge Commentary/New Testament, copyright © 1983, 2000 Cook Communications Ministries. All rights reserved.
12-10 Commentary
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
SUGGESTED LESSON PLAN NOTE TO TEACHER: This suggested lesson plan contains many elements that, if employed, will help maximize learning for life-change in your Bible Fellowship. If you are an experienced teacher, you have freedom to create your own plan based upon the “Studying the Word Together” section. If you are less experienced, we suggest that you “stick to the plan.” However, even less-experienced teachers should feel free to modify the plan based upon the needs of your Bible Fellowship. This plan is designed to be presented in 45 minutes. It is important, therefore, that you carefully plan your presentation so that you communicate the main points with brevity and clarity.
Important Scripture References: ♦ Ephesians 5:23-33 ♦ 1 Samuel 18:1-4
Teaching Goals: ♦ Learn: Following Christ’s example of loving and serving, Bible Fellowship members learn to apply the teachings of agapé love, as well as the “love gives first” principle and the Zacchaeus principle in their family relationships and close friendships. ♦ Experience: Bible Fellowship members will reflect upon and express thanksgiving for Jesus’ love for them, review their response to His love, and seek His power to enable them to love and serve others more effectively.
Before Class Begins: ♦ Wait until after Step One to distribute handouts. ♦ Distribute scripture references (see “Resources Needed” in margin) to class members; ask them to find the passage and be ready to read it when asked.
STEP ONE: GETTING READY TO LEARN (5 MINUTES)
♦ Divide into groups of 4-6 people. Read Ephesians 5:23-24. Ask them to discuss whether this is an easy or difficult scripture to receive—and why. ♦ At about 4 minutes, ask for a show of hands for “easy” and “difficult.” Have someone distribute handouts. ♦ Transition statement: An accurate understanding and application of this passage is vital to healthy family relationships. In contrast, misunderstanding or misusing its intent can be highly detrimental to families. Let’s see what Paul is really saying.
RESOURCES NEEDED: ♦ 2-sided copies of Lesson Notes / Take-Home pages ♦ Pencils or pens for each person ♦ Dry erase markers and marker board or felt tip markers and a flip chart ♦ Slips of paper with one of these Scripture references listed on each: Revelation 19:7-8 Philippians 2:6-8 John 17:23 1 John 4:19 Psalm 100:4 Revelation 4:11 James 4:7
TIME FRAME: ♦ 45 minutes
STEP TWO: SERVING IN THE FAMILY (23 MINUTES) ♦ Note: Carefully plan your time and
presentation. There is much to cover, and potential “detours” could prevent you from landing crucial key concepts. Husbands Model Love and Service ♦ Explain that Eph 5:23-33 compares the love between husband and wife to the love between Christ and the church—His Bride, and that today you will examine it in sections. ♦ Have someone read Rev 19:7-8. Draw the diagram to illustrate Christ loving the Bride and the husband, his wife. ♦ Using points 1-3 from the first table on Lesson Notes, show how “Jesus
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Lesson Plan 12-11
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
NOTES BLANKS: Jesus loves...
1. Vs. 25-27: ... His Bride’s needs... 2. Vs. 28-30: … means caring for Himself. 3. V. 32: ... to become one with His followers.
Husbands love...
1. V. 25: ... to meet his wife’s needs,…. 2. V. 28: ... wife’s needs as to his own needs. 3. V. 31-33: ... faithful to and one with his wife.
The Bride responds… 1. With agapé love for Him and others. 2. With gratitude. 3. By voluntarily submitting …. 4. With honor.
Wives respond…
1. By returning the agapé love .... 2. With gratitude …. 3. V. 24: Voluntarily submitting herself .... 4. V. 33b: With respect. “Submit ... to one another .... ... give to and receive from ... the husband giving first.
♦ Parents love…
1. ... spiritual growth. 2. ... lovingly-administered discipline. 3. ... relational needs.
loves and serves His Bride.” Have volunteers read the verses; teach each point; fill in Lesson Notes blanks. ♦ Follow the same process to explain how “Husbands love and serve their wives”; correlate points with Jesus’ love for His Bride (pp.12-3 to 12-4). ♦ Stress that spiritual leadership means that the husband gives first to love his wife and serve her needs. Wives Respond to Their Husband’s Love and Service
♦ Use page 12-4’s diagram to illustrate ♦
♦ ♦
♦
♦ ♦
♦
♦ Friends united…
1. ...as we love ourselves.
♦ ...close friendships
1. ...common bond. 2. ...caringly involved…; ...deep trust; are interdependent; mutually give and receive .
Growing Wise
♦
that wives respond to their husbands as the Bride responds to Christ. Have assigned readers present each passage under “The Bride responds to Jesus’ love” before you teach each point and complete blanks. Present points 1 and 2 under “Wives respond…” as logical extensions of the corresponding Bride’s responses. Read verse 24 and fill in the blank, “submitting.” Mention that this verse has been abusively interpreted, often with devastating results to families. Explain hupotassómenoi as implied by Eph. 5:21 in the original Greek (see p. 12-4). Complete the blanks in the Eph. 5:21 passage. Read verse 33b. Refer to page 12-5 for your explanation as you fill in the Lesson Notes blank, “respect.” Use the diagram and info on p. 12-5 to explain mutuality in the husbandwife relationship; fill in the blanks. “give,” “receive,” and “first.” Mention that too many marriages— even between Christians—are blind to the truths of this passage. Avoid a possible “detour” here. This is not a time to debate nor problemsolve, but rather to teach principles. Empathize with hurts; encourage any who struggle with application to visit more with you after class. Refer them to Pastoral Care as needed.
12-12 Lesson Plan
Parents Love Their Children by Giving First to Meet Their Needs ♦ Use pp. 12-5—12-6 to explain concepts and complete blanks for this topic. ♦ Using the Eph 6 and Col 3 passages, stress the importance of the manner in which fathers parent their children.
STEP THREE: LOVING OUR CLOSE FRIENDS (7 MINUTES)
Friends United in Spirit ♦ Have a volunteer read 1 Sam 18:1-4 (NLT) from Lesson Notes. ♦ Explain the concepts in this subtitle and fill in the Lesson Notes blank. The Characteristics of Close Friendships ♦ Use the two points from The Four Loves to explain and complete the Lesson Notes blanks. ♦ Use the diagram and explain how close friends minister to one another.
STEP FOUR: APPLICATION
(5 MINUTES) ♦ Use “Application Ideas and Questions” to suggest appropriate applications for your department.
STEP FOUR: CLOSING (5 MINUTES)
♦ Ask your classmates first to reflect
upon how Jesus loves and serves His Bride—and then to express to Him their thanksgiving. After a moment, express your own prayer of thanks. ♦ Next, ask them to review the Bride’s response to Jesus’ love—and assess their own response to Him. Suggest that they confess their shortcomings. Verbalize your own confession. ♦ Finally, have everyone select one role —husband, wife, parent, or friend— where they need God’s power to love and serve more effectively. Pray for God to empower and indwell you all. ♦ Invite all back for next week’s lesson; remind them about Daily Reflections.
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes SERVING IN THE FAMILY ♦ Husbands model love and service (Eph. 5:25-33; see also Rev. 19:7-8) Jesus loves and serves His Bride
Husbands love and serve their wives
1. Vs. 25-27: Christ gave Himself up to 1. V. 25: A husband sacrificially gives to satisfy His Bride’s ______________, meet his wife’s ____________, so that so that His relationship with her their relationship might not be hindered might be without offense. by offense. 2. Vs. 28-30: Jesus nurtures and cares 2. V. 28: A husband should be as for His Bride because caring for her committed to meeting his wife’s needs means caring for ______________. as to __________ ___________ needs. 3. V. 32: Jesus gave up equality with God to become __________ with His followers (Philip. 2:6-8; John 17:23).
3. V. 31-33: A husband leaves behind previous relationships to be faithful to and __________ with his wife.
♦ Wives respond to husbands’ love and service (Eph. 5:24, 33b) The Bride responds to Jesus’ love
Wives respond to husbands’ love
1. With agapé love for _________ and ______________ (1 John 4:19).
1. By _______________ the agapé love she has received from him.
2. With _________________ (Ps. 100:4).
2. With __________________ for his love
3. By voluntarily __________________ 3. V. 24: Voluntarily ________________ herself to Christ’s leadership (Jas. 4:7). herself to her husband’s leadership. 4. With ______________ (Rev. 4:11).
4. V. 33b: With _______________.
“Submit [hupotassómenoi, i.e., mutual voluntary submission] to __________ _________________ out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). Husbands and wives ____________ to and ___________________ from one another, with the husband giving ________________.
♦ Parents love their children by giving first to meet their needs 1. By guiding and nurturing their ________________________ growth. 2. By training through lovingly-administered _________________________. 3. By meeting their biblical __________________________ needs.
LOVING OUR CLOSE FRIENDS ♦ Friends united in spirit We love our close friend(s) as we love _______________________.
♦ The characteristics of close friendships 1. Close friends bond around a common ______________________. 2. Close friends are caringly __________________ in each other’s lives; vulnerably communicate, developing deep ______________; are _____________________; mutually _______________ and ____________________. Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Today’s Scriptures Ephesians 5:23-33: For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without s ta in o r wrink le o r any o th e r blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—[30] for we are members of his body. [31] “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 1 Samuel 18:1-4: After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. [2] From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. [3] And Jonathan ma d e a c o v e n a n t w i t h D a v i d because he loved him as himself. [4] Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
Next Week’s Lesson: Serving
Your Bible Fellowship
Lesson Notes
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
Growing Wise Daily Reflections
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egin each daily reflection by meditating a few minutes on the suggested Scripture passage. Seek to listen to the Holy Spirit as He speaks to you. Then, consider the comments and questions about the passage. Be aware of both your thoughts and your feelings. Respond to God through both. Monday: Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27) What heart response is stirred in you when you think that Christ “gave Himself up” for you, long before you were able to give to Him? That because of His ministry to you, you are able to enjoy an intimate relationship with Him, free from offensive and hurtful sin? What does such provision tell you about God’s heart for you? Vulnerably share your heart with Him in prayer now. Tuesday: Christ is the head of the church, His Body, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:23) There are three “big ideas” in this verse: Christ is the head of His Body; believers serve as individual parts of His Body; He is the Savior of all of the individual parts of His Body. We know that this applies to the universal church. Yet Paul seemed to think of the church in very local terms. Pause for a moment and meditate upon this verse as it applies to you and your participation in His Body called Casas. Wednesday: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) The Apostle Paul addressed this instruction to the church at Ephesus. Its meaning is straightforward. We submit to those who, because of gifting and role, have responsibility for ministering to us. Others submit to our service when we have responsibility to minister to them through our role and giftings. What heart-feelings do you experience as you consider that Christ chooses to exercise His headship over Casas through people in the church? How do you feel, knowing that Christ at times may choose to exercise His headship over members of Casas through you? We all must wash each other’s feet. Thursday: After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond of love between them, and they became the best of friends. (1 Samuel 18:1) Are there any with whom you have a Jonathan/David-like friendship? How has your friend loved and served you? What biblical relational needs has your friend met for you? How do you serve your friend? What biblical relational needs does your friend need for you to meet for him/her? Friday: And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt. (1 Samuel 18:3-4) Friends who enjoy a Jonathan-and-David-like relationship see beyond differences in family backgrounds, financial status, and social positions. David had been a shepherd; Jonathan was a prince. What do your close friends look beyond in order to love you? How do they “look beyond your deeds (sins)” to see your needs? Do you do the same for your close friends?
Take-Home
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Serving Your Family and Friends
Lesson Notes
12
TEACHER TO TEACHER
W
hen I began teaching in the late 1960’s, learning theory was not as well-developed as it is today. However, repetition is one teaching principle that has survived through the advances in learning theory. Repetition (reviewing) serves to solidify our thinking about what we know, thereby making easier the learning of related material. Reviewing what has most recently been learned makes it possible for learners to more easily assimilate and retain new information. So let’s take a moment to briefly review an important definition and two principles that we discussed in the last lesson. Love (agapé) connotes the following: 1. Agapé in all of its forms was used within the context of relationship. 2. Agapé is other-focused. 3. Agapé is volitionally and benevolently giving. 4. Agapé gives first. 5. Agapé is never devoid of emotion. We discussed two biblical principles: 1. The “love gives first” principle of agapé : Christ first loved us and gave Himself for us. 2. The Zacchaeus principle: Look beyond the deed to see the need.
I
n today’s lesson we will extend our understanding of the “love gives first” aspect of agapé to recognize that, following Christ’s example, husbands love and give first to meet their wife’s needs; parents love and give first to meet their child’s needs; friends love and give first to meet a friend’s need. This lesson originally was titled “Loving and Serving Begins at Home.” I changed the title to “Serving Family and Friends” because I felt that it was important in this discussion to extend the principles of love and service beyond the boundaries of the family unit. However, we still will focus most of our attention on some of what Scripture tells us about love and service (or ministry) in the family unit. As you teach the importance of love within the family unit, be aware of some in your class who may struggle due to emotional scars from failures of husbands and/or parents—past or current. God has provided healing for those wounds through relationships with Himself, with friends, and within their faith community. This lesson is important for single adults and married adults. Many single adults will marry (or marry again). This lesson will help them understand better the biblical teachings of mutual giving and receiving in the marriage relationship. Married couples will have opportunity to think through the application of the principles within their own relationships. Parents—both single and married—will benefit from some ideas about ministering to the biblical relational needs of their children through the application of the “love gives first” principle and the “Zacchaeus principle.” As promised, this lesson is very much about the practical application of the principles of loving and serving that we discussed in the preceding lesson.
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
To Teacher 12-1
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
Growing Wise
STUDYING THE WORD TOGETHER
I
n the previous lesson, we learned that humans were created as relational beings with corresponding biblical relational needs,1 ten of which are: acceptance (Rom 15:7), affection (Rom 16:16; Mark 10:16), appreciation (Col 3:15b; 1 Cor 11:2), approval (Eph 4:29), attention (1 Cor 12:25), comfort (2 Cor 1:3-4), encouragement (1 Thess 5:11), respect (Rom 12:10b), security (Rom 12:16a, 18), and support (Gal 6:2). God surely is the first to minister through His Holy Spirit to these needs in man. However, by His design, God chooses to work through the secondary agency of human beings who are “suitable helpers” to more completely satisfy man’s relational needs. Remember, God not only created man with relational needs; He also made provision for the satisfaction of those needs. In Genesis 2 we learn that husbands and wives mutually serve one another, ensuring that their relational needs are met. God expanded the network of “suitable helpers” or servants to include the family (Gen 4:1; Ps 127:3), close friends, (1 Sam 18:1) and other members of His Body (Matt 16:18; 1 Cor 12:25).
SERVING IN THE FAMILY said, “Christian service S omeone begins in the family.” Husbands and
wives serve one another. Parents serve their children. Children honor and serve their parents. If you struggle with the word serve, be reminded that serving is synonymous with ministering. By the way, some single adults may feel parts of this segment to be irrelevant. May I remind you to consider that many singles will be married or married again and the principles that follow will at that time have greater relevance? The section on serving and being served by close friends will feel more immediately relevant.
Husbands Model Love and Service
O
ften it is my privilege to counsel with engaged couples as they prepare for marriage. A topic that usually is of concern to both the bride- and groom-to-be is “spiritual leadership” in the family. Some couples have a feel for what that phrase means. Others have some rather warped ideas. However, most seem to intuitively understand that it is the 1
husband’s responsibility to provide such leadership. I believe the Apostle Paul gave us some great insight into spiritual leadership in his letter written to the church in Ephesus. In the fifth chapter he said: [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—[30] for we are members of his body. [31] “For this reason a man
See Growing Wise Lesson 11: “Loving and Serving,” pages 11-4 and 11-9.
12-2 Word Study
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:23-33) Throughout the passage, the love a husband gives to His wife is compared to Christ’s love for, and service to, the church. The metaphor becomes clearer when we recall that the Apostle John referred to the church as the Bride of Christ (Rev 19:7-8). Therefore, we can say that Paul presents Jesus’ pattern for loving and serving His Bride as a model that husbands can employ in loving and serving their wives. Christ
The Bride
Husband
Wife
L
et’s take note of how Jesus loves and serves His Bride. 1. Christ gave Himself up in order to s a t i s f y Hi s Br i d e ’ s n e e d f o r holiness and purity so that His relationship with His Bride might b e u nbl e mi s h ed an d w i t h out offense (vs. 25-27). Christ’s giving had implications for the relationship between Him and His Bride. 2. Jesus nurtures and cares for the members of His Body—His Bride —because caring for her is in essence carrying for Himself (vs. 28-30). 3. There is a mysterious union or oneness between Jesus and His Bride. This oneness is possible only because for a time Jesus gave up the glory of being equal with God in order to become one with His followers (V. 32; Philip 2:6-8; John 17:23).
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
F
rom this example of Christ loving a n d s e r vi n g H i s B r i de , P a ul establishes a framework for how husbands should love and serve their wives. Three times in the span of these eleven verses Paul admonishes husbands by saying: 1.Husband love your wives as Christ loved His Bride—the church— and gave Himself up for her (v. 25). 2.Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies (v. 28). 3.Husbands leave behind previous priority relationships to faithfully, and with fidelity, love your [one] wife (vs. 31-33).
Notes
Let’s look at these three admonitions, each in turn. The first instructs a husband out of love to serve his wife by sacrificially giving to meet her needs. The implication in verses 25-27 is that Christ sacrificially gave Himself for His followers in order that the relationship with His Bride could be untainted by sinful offenses. The pattern, then, is for a husband to minister to the needs of his wife so that unmet needs do not lead to emotional pain and offense that hinder the oneness or relational intimacy between them. The second admonition based upon the pattern we observe in Christ’s relationship with His Bride is that a husband should be just as committed to ministering to the needs of his wife as he is to making certain that his own needs are satisfied. This may be first an issue of “oneness” and second an issue of the intensity and focus of commitment. Does this remind you of the second of the Great Commandments—“Love your neighbor [near ones] as yourself”? In the final of the three admonitions to husbands, Paul seems to remind us that Christ has but one Bride—the Church. He gives first to His Bride. He is faithful to His one Bride. In like manner a husband is to be faithfully committed to his one wife. I think that we also can express the idea this way: in the same way that a
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Word Study
12-3
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
Growing Wise
husband’s faithfulness to Christ keeps him from chasing after other gods, his relationship with his wife demands the utmost fidelity. ow let’s deal with the issue of the husband’s headship or leadership for his wife and family. Recall our discussion concerning Christ’s servant heart.2 Do you recall that Jesus as Teacher and Lord demonstrated His love for the Twelve by serving them—by washing their dirty feet (John 13:1-5, 12-17)? Jesus as their “Head” served His disciples. Husbands, then, exercise headship (v. 23) over their wives in the same manner in which Christ exercises headship over the church—by lovingly and sacrificially giving to or serving her. For the husband, spiritual leadership means committedly giving first to love and serve his wife, ensuring her needs are met so that their relationship is protected from hurtful offense.
N
Wives Respond to Their Husband’s Love and Service
W
ives are instructed in verse 24 to respond to their husbands as the church (the Bride) responds to Christ. Christ
The Bride
Husband
Wife
Before looking at Paul’s specific instructions to wives, let’s recall how believers, in general, respond to God’s service or ministry to them. ♦ The Bride responds to Christ’s agapé love with agapé love for Him and others: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). ♦ The Bride responds to Christ with gratitude: “Enter His gates with thanksgiving” (Ps 100:4).
♦ The Bride submits herself to Christ as Lord: “Submit yourselves…to God” (James 4:7). 2
♦ The Bride responds to Christ with honor: “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive…honor” (Rev 4:11). What then should be the wife’s response to the Christlike agapé love she receives from her husband? I want to suggest a wife’s first response to her husband would be to return the love that she has gratefully received from him, in the same manner that the Bride returns the love first given to her by Christ. In our subject passages, Paul admonishes wives to do two specific things:
♦ Wives submit to your husbands in everything as the church (the Bride) submits to Christ (v. 24).
♦ Wives respect (honor) your husbands (v. 33b). As before, let’s discuss each admonition in sequence. The word rendered submit in verse 24 does not literally exist in the Greek text. It is implied by hupotassómenoi (from NT 5293) in verse 21 (not shown in the above passage): Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) In the context of verse 21, hupotassómenoi refers to a mutual voluntary submission in the sense that all parties voluntarily submit to the leadership of the other at appropriate times. This idea is reinforced in verse 24 where Paul instructs wives to submit to the headship or leadership of their husbands in the same way that the church voluntarily submits to the leadership of Christ—the head of the Church. In a healthy biblical marriage relationship, a wife gratefully responds with agapé love to the agapé love she has received from her husband. She submits herself to a husband who loves her by giving first to meet her needs. Thus we say that a healthy marriage relationship is characterized by mutual giving and receiving.
See Growing Wise Lesson 10: “The Servant Heart of God,” pages 10-3—10-4.
12-4 Word Study
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise
N
ow let’s turn our attention to the issue of wives respecting their husbands. The USB [United Bible Society] New Testament Handbook3 says the following regarding respect. Respect translates the Greek verb “to fear” which means “to fear, [to] have awe, [to] reverence.” In the Old Testament “to fear God” indicates the proper attitude an Israelite should have for Yahweh. Here most translations have “respect” or “show respect for.” In some languages it may be appropriate to speak of respect as “to think of a person as being important” or “to see a person as being great” or “regarding a person as deserving to be honored.” Paul’s message in verse 33 seems straightforward. Wives should think of their husbands as deserving of honor, in the same way that they reverence Christ or see Him as deserving of honor. It is fitting to reverence, respect, or honor Christ because He gives first to love us and ministers to our needs. Similarly, it is appropriate for a wife to respect and honor a husband who gives first to love her and minister to her needs. We can’t leave this section without reinforcing a final observation: husbands and wives give to and receive from one another, with the husband giving first. This is one of the reasons that the marriage relationship is used by Scripture writers as a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and the believer or Christ and His Bride, with Christ giving first. Christ
(1)
The Bride
(2)
Husband
(1) (2)
3 4
Wife
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
If the husband is going to lead or exercise God-given headship in the family, he must lead by giving first to meet the needs of his wife. As the wife responds by also lovingly serving her husband, the cycle of mutual giving and receiving begins. Love happens. Mutual giving and receiving to meet biblical relational needs (as well as physical and material needs) is something that is missing from too many marital relationships, even in Christian homes. The pride-filled sins of self-reliance, selfishness, and self-condemnation4 too often blind husbands and wives to the truth of this concept.
Notes
Parents Love Their Children by Giving First to Meet Their Needs provides some instruction S cripture f or parent s regar di ng sever al
important matters. For example, we learn in Deuteronomy that parents are responsible for playing an active role in the spiritual growth of their children. Shortly after presenting the commandments to the recently-liberated Hebrews, Moses gave this instruction to parents: These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, my italics) The underlying meaning of these verses is that parents were to repeatedly and diligently pierce the minds of their children with the teachings of the Lord. In short, parents love and serve their children by being disciple-makers, and as such they are responsible for guiding and nurturing their spiritual growth. The church has the privilege of serving parents by partnering with them to rear their children in the
UBS New Testament Handbook Series, copyright © 1961-1997, by United Bible Societies. See The Prayer God Always Answers, copyright © 2005 by Casas Adobe Baptist Church, Tucson, AZ, pp. 9-9—9-12.
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Word Study
12-5
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
Growing Wise
“training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). Parents also are to provide necessary discipline for their children. Children learn to develop self control and become wise through lovingly-administered discipline . Do not withhold discipline from a child. (Proverbs 23:13) Wise discipline imparts wisdom; spoiled adolescents embarrass their parents. (Proverbs 29:15, The Message) It is important, I think, to apply the Zacchaeus principle when considering disciple. Sometimes children misbehave out of their sinful, rebellious natures just as adults do. Other times, they act out because they are experiencing the emotional pain of unmet relational needs. So it is often important for us “to look beyond the deed to see the need.” Bad behavior cannot be ignored, but it is very important for parents to focus attention on giving first to meet their children’s biblical relational needs. Removing children’s “aloneness” by ministering to their relational needs will not only impact their “acting out”; it also will help ensure that they grow into adults who are more capable of healthy interpersonal relationships. This is likely part of the wisdom that the following ancient proverb seeks to impart: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6) as the Bride’s response to the love J ust of Christ is an example for wives, so Christ’s response to His Father is an example for a child’s response to his/her parents. The Father loves the Son (John 5:20). The Son loves the Father and obediently serves Him (John 15:10). Paul suggests that children respond to their parents in a similar manner. Read carefully the following passages from Ephesians and Colossians. Notice the similarity between the two.
12-6 Word Study
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:20-21) In the Ephesians passage, Paul admonishes children to respond in two ways to the love and service given them by their parents: children are to obey and to honor (or respect) their parents. Let’s not miss the explicit role of the father in parenting his children. Fathers are to avoid exasperating, embittering, and discouraging their children. Such actions will make it hard for their children to biblically respond with respect and obedience. Instead, fathers are to make certain that they train and instruct their children in a Christlike manner. The phrase “training and instruction of the Lord” in Ephesians 6:4 communicates that the father’s parenting should be of a kind that nurtures a child so that his/her nature is formed to be a reflection of Christ’s nature and character. Such instruction would be accomplished through both the example of a loving father and the formal instruction in the teachings of Christ. When parents bring up their children in this manner, their children will be capable of responding with Christlike behavior to the Christ-likeness they see and experience in their parents.
LOVING OUR CLOSE FRIENDS
I
n the introduction to this lesson, I mentioned that God provided friends who could help meet our biblical relational needs. And I referenced 1 Samuel 18:1 as
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise an example. In that verse you can find commentary on the friendship that God formed between Jonathan and David. [1]After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond of love between them, and they became the best of friends.. [3] And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. [4] Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt. (1 Samuel 18:1-4; NLT5)
Friends United in Spirit
N
otice the phrase “he loved him as he loved himself” (v. 3). Could this be a reference on Samuel’s part to Leviticus 19:18? Remember that this is the passage that Jesus quoted in Matthew 22:39, indicating that it was the second of the Great Commandments: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The word neighbor can also be correctly rendered “near one,” “one near by,” or “friend.” In fact, the TEV6 uses friend rather than neighbor in Matthew 5:43-44, where we have an account of Jesus saying, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your friends; hate your enemies.’ But now I tell you: love your enemies….’” We can rightly say that the second of the Great Commandments admonishes us to love our friend(s) as we love ourselves. The phrase immediate bond of love (v. 1) is from a Hebrew word often translated as “knit together.” It means “of one mind” or “united in spirit.” However, we must also understand that “knit together” carries with it the idea of an emotional bonding similar to what a parent might have with an only child.
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
The Characteristics of Close Friendships
T
his passage certainly describes a very deep and committed friendship. It is the kind of friendship that C.S. Lewis describes in his book The Four Loves.7 Lewis observes that close friends: 1. Bond around a common interest. Their bond supersedes issues of class, family background, income, race, or previous history. (E.g., the “soul tie” between Jonathan and David may have been based upon their shared love for King Saul and Israel. Jonathan was a prince; David was a shepherd.) 2. Have a relationship characterized by caring involvement in one another’s lives, by vulnerable communication that leads to deep trust, by a sense of interdependence, and by mutual giving and receiving. Me
My friend
In such a friendship, agapé love leads each friend to serve the other. A close friend can facilitate emotional healing in one whose relational needs have gone unmet in their families. When my friend’s feet are dirty, I become a servant and wash them. When my friend needs comfort, I comfort him. When my friend needs support, I support him. Because my friend is worthy of respect, I honor him. And with a towel draped across his arm, my friend is quick to get a bowl of water and wash my dirty feet.
Application Ideas and Questions
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his study addressed the application of some biblical teachings and
5
The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Second Edition, copyright © 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved. Today’s English Version, First Edition, copyright © 1976 by the American Bible Society (First Edition no longer in print). 6 C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves, copyright © 1960 by Helen Joy Lewis, published by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, New York and London. 6
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Word Study
12-7
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
Growing Wise
principles related to loving and serving in the family and in close friendships. Let’s review them in more depth. Love (agapé) connotes the following: 1. Agapé in all of its forms was used within the context of relationship in common Greek and in the language of the early church. It can refer to a relationship between man and the Divine and to a relationship between people (e.g. love God, love your neighbors, and love one another). 2. Agapé is other-focused. It always serves the beloved’s needs without regard to self-satisfaction. Thus it is sometimes rendered as charity in the KJV and believers often describe it as “unconditional love.” 3. Agapé is volitionally and benevolently giving. The lover decides or chooses to give (sometimes very sacrificially) from his/her resources to meet the needs of the beloved. 4. Agapé gives first. God and Jesus set the pattern for the principle of giving first. While we were still sinners, God gave His Son to die for us (Rom 5:8). When preparing to send the Twelve on a ministry trip, Jesus said to them “freely you have received; freely give” (Matt 10:8b). The Twelve had received first from Jesus and were to give first to those to whom they would minister or serve. 5. Agapé is never devoid of emotion. It always values and may have great affection for the beloved. The more intimate the relationship, the deeper the sense of value and affection the lover has for the beloved. We discussed two biblical principles: 1. The “love gives first” principle: Christ first loved us and gave Himself for us. Following Christ’s example, husbands love and give first to meet their wife’s needs; parents love and give first to meet
12-8
Word Study
their child’s needs; friends love and give first to meet a friend’s need. 2. The Zacchaeus principle: Look beyond the deed to see the need. Offensive behavior must always be dealt with in a relationship. There will be times when we need to allow love to cover a multitude of sins—looking beyond the offense to see the relational pain the offender is experiencing—and minister directly to the unmet needs, as Christ did with Zacchaeus. In seeking to apply these teachings and principles, husbands might ask: 1. Am I taking initiative to give first to meet my wife’s physical, material and relational needs? 2. How might I be more diligent in communicating acceptance, appreciation, approval, and respect for my wife? 3. What might I do to minister to my wife’s need for security and support? Wives might ask: 1. How can I be more effective in showing respect for my husband? 2. How can I more effectively express my appreciation for the spiritual leadership he exercises in our home? 3. How can I give to him to meet his bibl ical relati onal needs for acceptance, approval, etc.? 4. Are there instances when I might need to look past my husband’s deeds to see his needs?” Similar questions could be asked by parents as they seek to love and serve their children and by everyone as they learn to more effectively love and serve their friends. Finally, we must remember that there is always a mutual giving and receiving involved in agapé love relationships. So each one might ask, “How do I grow in my ability to humbly receive from those who wish to love and serve me?”
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
COMMENTARY
A
s you read “Studying the Word Together,” it is likely that you noticed the heavy emphasis that both Scripture and the lesson placed upon the husband’s and father’s role in the family structure. The following remarks by Dr. Warren W. Wiersbe,1 writing in The Bible Exposition Commentary,2 provide additional insight into the husband’s spiritual leadership or headship in the family. Husbands, love your wives (vs. 25-33). Paul had much more to say to the Christian husbands than to the wives. He set for them a very high standard: Love your wives “even as Christ also loved the church.” Paul was lifting married love to the highest level possible, for he saw in the Christian home an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the church. God established marriage for many reasons. For one thing, it meets man’s emotional needs. “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Ge 2:18). Marriage also has a social purpose in the bearing of children to continue the race (Ge 1:28). Paul indicated a physical purpose for marriage—to help man and woman fulfill the normal desires given them by God (1 Co 7:1-3). But in Eph 5, Paul indicated also a spiritual purpose in marriage, as the husband and wife experience with each other the submission and the love of Christ (Eph 5:22-33). If the husband makes Christ’s love for the church the pattern for loving his wife, then he will love her sacrificially (Eph 5:25). Christ gave Himself for the church; so the husband, in love,
gives himself for his wife. Jacob so loved Rachel that he sacrificially worked fourteen years to win her. True Christian love “seeketh not her own” (1 Co 13:5)—it is not selfish. If a husband is submitted to Christ and filled with the Spirit, his sacrificial love will willingly pay a price that she might be able to serve Christ in the home and glorify Him. The husband’s love for his wife should be sacrificial and sanctifying, but it should also be satisfying (Eph 5:2830). In the marriage relationship, the husband and wife become “one flesh.” Therefore, whatever each does to the other, he does to himself or herself. It is a mutually satisfying experience. The man who loves his wife is actually loving his own body, since he and his wife are one flesh. As he loves her, he is nourishing her. Just as love is the circulatory system of the body of Christ (Eph 4:16), so love is the nourishment of the home. How many people have confessed, “I am starved for love.” There should be no starvation for love in the Christian home, for the husband and wife should so love each other that their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met. If both are submitted to the Lord, and to each other, they will be so satisfied that they will not be tempted to look anywhere else for fulfillment. Our Christian homes are to be pictures of Christ’s relationship to His church. Each believer is a member of Christ’s body, and each believer is to help nourish the body in love (Eph 4:16). We are one with Christ. The
1
Warren W. Wiersbe is a well-known international Bible conference teacher with a heart for missions and is a former pastor of Moody Church in Chicago. He served for ten years as General Director and Bible Teacher for Back to the Bible. Dr. Wiersbe is author of more than 80 books. 2 Abridged from The Bible Exposition Commentary, copyright © 1989 by Chariot Victor Publishing, an imprint of Cook Communication Ministries. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Commentary 12-9
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
Growing Wise
church is His body and His bride, and the Christian home is a divinely ordained illustration of this relationship. This certainly makes marriage a serious matter. Paul referred to the creation of Eve and the forming of the first home (Ge 2:18-24). Adam had to give part of himself in order to get a bride, but Christ gave all of Himself to purchase His bride at the cross. God opened Adam’s side, but sinful men pierced Christ’s side. So united are a husband and wife that they are “one flesh.” Their union is even closer than that of parents and children. The believer’s union with Christ is even closer and, unlike human marriage, will last for all eternity. Paul closed with a final admonition that the husband love his wife and that the wife reverence (respect) her husband, all of which require the power of the Holy Spirit. Chapter 5 begins with a E phesians discussion of “walking in love”
(5:1-6) and progresses to a discussion on “walking in the light” (5:7-14). Next, Paul speaks about “walking in wisdom” (5:156:9). In Ephesians 5:19-21, Paul gave four results of being filled with the Spirit: communication with one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs; communication with the Lord through singing and making melodies in the heart; thanking God for all things; and submitting to one another—willingly serving others by being under them rather than dominating them and exalting ourselves. Then Paul elaborated on the topic of mutual submission by speaking first to wives. The Bible Knowledge Commentary3 reports this: Eph 5:22-24: Having admonished believers to be wise by being
3
controlled by the Holy Spirit, Paul now applied this to specific liferelationships. It is relatively easy to exhibit a Spirit-filled life for one or two hours a week in church but it takes the work of the Holy Spirit to exhibit godliness not only on Sundays but also in everyday relationships between wives and husbands, children and parents, and slaves and masters. In each of these three relationships the first partner is commanded to be submissive or obedient (5:22; 6:1, 5). But the second partner is also to show submissiveness by his care and concern for the first partner. Both partners are to act toward one another as a service rendered to the Lord. Wives are to submit to their husbands. As to the Lord does not mean that a wife is to submit to her husband in the same way she submits to the Lord, but rather that her submission to her husband is her service rendered “to the Lord” (cf. Col 3:18). The reason for this submission is that the husband is the head of the wife (cf. 1 Co 11:3), and this is compared to Christ’s headship over the church (Eph 5:23; cf. 4:15; Col 1:18). As Christ is the Savior of the church, His body, so a husband should be the protector of his wife, who is “one flesh” with him (Ge 2:24). As the church is in submission to Christ, so also a wife should be to her husband. It would be foolish to think of the church being head over Christ. But submission does not mean inferiority. It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself.
Abridged from Bible Knowledge Commentary/New Testament, copyright © 1983, 2000 Cook Communications Ministries. All rights reserved.
12-10 Commentary
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
SUGGESTED LESSON PLAN NOTE TO TEACHER: This suggested lesson plan contains many elements that, if employed, will help maximize learning for life-change in your Bible Fellowship. If you are an experienced teacher, you have freedom to create your own plan based upon the “Studying the Word Together” section. If you are less experienced, we suggest that you “stick to the plan.” However, even less-experienced teachers should feel free to modify the plan based upon the needs of your Bible Fellowship. This plan is designed to be presented in 45 minutes. It is important, therefore, that you carefully plan your presentation so that you communicate the main points with brevity and clarity.
Important Scripture References: ♦ Ephesians 5:23-33 ♦ 1 Samuel 18:1-4
Teaching Goals: ♦ Learn: Following Christ’s example of loving and serving, Bible Fellowship members learn to apply the teachings of agapé love, as well as the “love gives first” principle and the Zacchaeus principle in their family relationships and close friendships. ♦ Experience: Bible Fellowship members will reflect upon and express thanksgiving for Jesus’ love for them, review their response to His love, and seek His power to enable them to love and serve others more effectively.
Before Class Begins: ♦ Wait until after Step One to distribute handouts. ♦ Distribute scripture references (see “Resources Needed” in margin) to class members; ask them to find the passage and be ready to read it when asked.
STEP ONE: GETTING READY TO LEARN (5 MINUTES)
♦ Divide into groups of 4-6 people. Read Ephesians 5:23-24. Ask them to discuss whether this is an easy or difficult scripture to receive—and why. ♦ At about 4 minutes, ask for a show of hands for “easy” and “difficult.” Have someone distribute handouts. ♦ Transition statement: An accurate understanding and application of this passage is vital to healthy family relationships. In contrast, misunderstanding or misusing its intent can be highly detrimental to families. Let’s see what Paul is really saying.
RESOURCES NEEDED: ♦ 2-sided copies of Lesson Notes / Take-Home pages ♦ Pencils or pens for each person ♦ Dry erase markers and marker board or felt tip markers and a flip chart ♦ Slips of paper with one of these Scripture references listed on each: Revelation 19:7-8 Philippians 2:6-8 John 17:23 1 John 4:19 Psalm 100:4 Revelation 4:11 James 4:7
TIME FRAME: ♦ 45 minutes
STEP TWO: SERVING IN THE FAMILY (23 MINUTES) ♦ Note: Carefully plan your time and
presentation. There is much to cover, and potential “detours” could prevent you from landing crucial key concepts. Husbands Model Love and Service ♦ Explain that Eph 5:23-33 compares the love between husband and wife to the love between Christ and the church—His Bride, and that today you will examine it in sections. ♦ Have someone read Rev 19:7-8. Draw the diagram to illustrate Christ loving the Bride and the husband, his wife. ♦ Using points 1-3 from the first table on Lesson Notes, show how “Jesus
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Lesson Plan 12-11
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
NOTES BLANKS: Jesus loves...
1. Vs. 25-27: ... His Bride’s needs... 2. Vs. 28-30: … means caring for Himself. 3. V. 32: ... to become one with His followers.
Husbands love...
1. V. 25: ... to meet his wife’s needs,…. 2. V. 28: ... wife’s needs as to his own needs. 3. V. 31-33: ... faithful to and one with his wife.
The Bride responds… 1. With agapé love for Him and others. 2. With gratitude. 3. By voluntarily submitting …. 4. With honor.
Wives respond…
1. By returning the agapé love .... 2. With gratitude …. 3. V. 24: Voluntarily submitting herself .... 4. V. 33b: With respect. “Submit ... to one another .... ... give to and receive from ... the husband giving first.
♦ Parents love…
1. ... spiritual growth. 2. ... lovingly-administered discipline. 3. ... relational needs.
loves and serves His Bride.” Have volunteers read the verses; teach each point; fill in Lesson Notes blanks. ♦ Follow the same process to explain how “Husbands love and serve their wives”; correlate points with Jesus’ love for His Bride (pp.12-3 to 12-4). ♦ Stress that spiritual leadership means that the husband gives first to love his wife and serve her needs. Wives Respond to Their Husband’s Love and Service
♦ Use page 12-4’s diagram to illustrate ♦
♦ ♦
♦
♦ ♦
♦
♦ Friends united…
1. ...as we love ourselves.
♦ ...close friendships
1. ...common bond. 2. ...caringly involved…; ...deep trust; are interdependent; mutually give and receive .
Growing Wise
♦
that wives respond to their husbands as the Bride responds to Christ. Have assigned readers present each passage under “The Bride responds to Jesus’ love” before you teach each point and complete blanks. Present points 1 and 2 under “Wives respond…” as logical extensions of the corresponding Bride’s responses. Read verse 24 and fill in the blank, “submitting.” Mention that this verse has been abusively interpreted, often with devastating results to families. Explain hupotassómenoi as implied by Eph. 5:21 in the original Greek (see p. 12-4). Complete the blanks in the Eph. 5:21 passage. Read verse 33b. Refer to page 12-5 for your explanation as you fill in the Lesson Notes blank, “respect.” Use the diagram and info on p. 12-5 to explain mutuality in the husbandwife relationship; fill in the blanks. “give,” “receive,” and “first.” Mention that too many marriages— even between Christians—are blind to the truths of this passage. Avoid a possible “detour” here. This is not a time to debate nor problemsolve, but rather to teach principles. Empathize with hurts; encourage any who struggle with application to visit more with you after class. Refer them to Pastoral Care as needed.
12-12 Lesson Plan
Parents Love Their Children by Giving First to Meet Their Needs ♦ Use pp. 12-5—12-6 to explain concepts and complete blanks for this topic. ♦ Using the Eph 6 and Col 3 passages, stress the importance of the manner in which fathers parent their children.
STEP THREE: LOVING OUR CLOSE FRIENDS (7 MINUTES)
Friends United in Spirit ♦ Have a volunteer read 1 Sam 18:1-4 (NLT) from Lesson Notes. ♦ Explain the concepts in this subtitle and fill in the Lesson Notes blank. The Characteristics of Close Friendships ♦ Use the two points from The Four Loves to explain and complete the Lesson Notes blanks. ♦ Use the diagram and explain how close friends minister to one another.
STEP FOUR: APPLICATION
(5 MINUTES) ♦ Use “Application Ideas and Questions” to suggest appropriate applications for your department.
STEP FOUR: CLOSING (5 MINUTES)
♦ Ask your classmates first to reflect
upon how Jesus loves and serves His Bride—and then to express to Him their thanksgiving. After a moment, express your own prayer of thanks. ♦ Next, ask them to review the Bride’s response to Jesus’ love—and assess their own response to Him. Suggest that they confess their shortcomings. Verbalize your own confession. ♦ Finally, have everyone select one role —husband, wife, parent, or friend— where they need God’s power to love and serve more effectively. Pray for God to empower and indwell you all. ♦ Invite all back for next week’s lesson; remind them about Daily Reflections.
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Growing Wise
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes SERVING IN THE FAMILY ♦ Husbands model love and service (Eph. 5:25-33; see also Rev. 19:7-8) Jesus loves and serves His Bride
Husbands love and serve their wives
1. Vs. 25-27: Christ gave Himself up to 1. V. 25: A husband sacrificially gives to satisfy His Bride’s ______________, meet his wife’s ____________, so that so that His relationship with her their relationship might not be hindered might be without offense. by offense. 2. Vs. 28-30: Jesus nurtures and cares 2. V. 28: A husband should be as for His Bride because caring for her committed to meeting his wife’s needs means caring for ______________. as to __________ ___________ needs. 3. V. 32: Jesus gave up equality with God to become __________ with His followers (Philip. 2:6-8; John 17:23).
3. V. 31-33: A husband leaves behind previous relationships to be faithful to and __________ with his wife.
♦ Wives respond to husbands’ love and service (Eph. 5:24, 33b) The Bride responds to Jesus’ love
Wives respond to husbands’ love
1. With agapé love for _________ and ______________ (1 John 4:19).
1. By _______________ the agapé love she has received from him.
2. With _________________ (Ps. 100:4).
2. With __________________ for his love
3. By voluntarily __________________ 3. V. 24: Voluntarily ________________ herself to Christ’s leadership (Jas. 4:7). herself to her husband’s leadership. 4. With ______________ (Rev. 4:11).
4. V. 33b: With _______________.
“Submit [hupotassómenoi, i.e., mutual voluntary submission] to __________ _________________ out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). Husbands and wives ____________ to and ___________________ from one another, with the husband giving ________________.
♦ Parents love their children by giving first to meet their needs 1. By guiding and nurturing their ________________________ growth. 2. By training through lovingly-administered _________________________. 3. By meeting their biblical __________________________ needs.
LOVING OUR CLOSE FRIENDS ♦ Friends united in spirit We love our close friend(s) as we love _______________________.
♦ The characteristics of close friendships 1. Close friends bond around a common ______________________. 2. Close friends are caringly __________________ in each other’s lives; vulnerably communicate, developing deep ______________; are _____________________; mutually _______________ and ____________________. Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
Today’s Scriptures Ephesians 5:23-33: For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without s ta in o r wrink le o r any o th e r blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—[30] for we are members of his body. [31] “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 1 Samuel 18:1-4: After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. [2] From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. [3] And Jonathan ma d e a c o v e n a n t w i t h D a v i d because he loved him as himself. [4] Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
Next Week’s Lesson: Serving
Your Bible Fellowship
Lesson Notes
Lesson 12 Serving Your Family and Friends
Notes
Growing Wise Daily Reflections
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egin each daily reflection by meditating a few minutes on the suggested Scripture passage. Seek to listen to the Holy Spirit as He speaks to you. Then, consider the comments and questions about the passage. Be aware of both your thoughts and your feelings. Respond to God through both. Monday: Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27) What heart response is stirred in you when you think that Christ “gave Himself up” for you, long before you were able to give to Him? That because of His ministry to you, you are able to enjoy an intimate relationship with Him, free from offensive and hurtful sin? What does such provision tell you about God’s heart for you? Vulnerably share your heart with Him in prayer now. Tuesday: Christ is the head of the church, His Body, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:23) There are three “big ideas” in this verse: Christ is the head of His Body; believers serve as individual parts of His Body; He is the Savior of all of the individual parts of His Body. We know that this applies to the universal church. Yet Paul seemed to think of the church in very local terms. Pause for a moment and meditate upon this verse as it applies to you and your participation in His Body called Casas. Wednesday: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) The Apostle Paul addressed this instruction to the church at Ephesus. Its meaning is straightforward. We submit to those who, because of gifting and role, have responsibility for ministering to us. Others submit to our service when we have responsibility to minister to them through our role and giftings. What heart-feelings do you experience as you consider that Christ chooses to exercise His headship over Casas through people in the church? How do you feel, knowing that Christ at times may choose to exercise His headship over members of Casas through you? We all must wash each other’s feet. Thursday: After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond of love between them, and they became the best of friends. (1 Samuel 18:1) Are there any with whom you have a Jonathan/David-like friendship? How has your friend loved and served you? What biblical relational needs has your friend met for you? How do you serve your friend? What biblical relational needs does your friend need for you to meet for him/her? Friday: And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt. (1 Samuel 18:3-4) Friends who enjoy a Jonathan-and-David-like relationship see beyond differences in family backgrounds, financial status, and social positions. David had been a shepherd; Jonathan was a prince. What do your close friends look beyond in order to love you? How do they “look beyond your deeds (sins)” to see your needs? Do you do the same for your close friends?
Take-Home
Helping People Close the Gap Through the Sunday Morning Experience
