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On Their Own LGBTQ Youth Are Coming Out Earlier, But Where Is Their Support?
by Orie Givens As more youth come out and live openly at earlier ages, their schools, communities and the images in they see in media might not be as affirming and inclusive as many perceive. The effects can be detrimental. “I feel like they put me in a box because of stereotypical norms on TV,” said Deonte’, a 17-year-old high school wrestler and GSA Network board member from California who came out as gay in the eighth grade. “I think it’s really bad because there are many different aspects of gay people.” Deonte’ said his peers thought his love of sports conflicted with his gay identity, but he said he feels that being out as both an athlete and a gay male shows new possibilities for LGBTQ youth. “It allows me to be an inspiration for the people still in the closet ... to make them feel strong and comfortable with who they are,” he said. 12
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For Zeam, a 17-year-old Minnesota youth identifying as gender non-conforming and trans*-masculine, the representations of trans* people in media left them with limited possibilities. They think it would be more authentic to show LGBTQ characters doing real, everyday activities. “For a long time, I didn’t realize I could be trans* and not die at a young age,” said Zeam, a National Youth Council member for GSA Network. “I never saw a trans* character where they weren’t being beaten to death. I just didn’t think that existed.” To some, 2014 was a banner year for LGBTQ rights. There are more out people, and marriage equality is flourishing. But we’re still losing our LGBTQ youth to bullying, homophobia and suicide. And because of Leelah Alcorn, and others like her, we still need to ask the question: How do we help our young LGBTQ people survive coming out and being out? “For youth, the issues can be quite critical and vary in intensity or risk,” said Amy Eldridge, executive director of Kaleidoscope Youth Center in Columbus, a drop-in cen-
ter for teens and young adults. Eldridge said she’s seen double the youth at KYC since she joined the staff four years ago. And they come at all stages of the coming out process. “When we’ve got young people coming out - their vulnerability in terms of whether they have parental support, peer support or school support - their risk can be a lot higher,” Eldridge said. According to the HRC’s latest National Coming Out Day Youth Report, around 90 percent of LGBTQ youth surveyed are out to close friends. Two-thirds of those youth are out to their whole school, and more than half are out to immediate family.
it’s kind of like those microaggressions that you have to start dealing with,” Zeam said. Zeam said that comments like, “You were so pretty as a girl” or, “But I’ve always called you by that name,” are hurtful and prevalent. Although the national media watchdog group GLAAD reports a small growth in the representation of LGBTQ people on television in its latest Where We Are on Television report, LGBTQ characters are still overwhelmingly gay or lesbian, white and cisgender. And much of that representation is still based in stereotypes.
Perceived homophobia and a lack of resources or role models are all causes of youth not coming out completely. And once they do come out, they face a different type of pressure.
“It seems like they are able to accept us as one-dimensional characters, but not at a 3D person,” Zeam said. Both Zeam and Deonte’ said that if more mainstream outlets told stories relevant to all parts of their identity, including race, gender, sexual orientation and other factors, classmates might have been more understanding and less hurtful.
“People like to say that they are liberal, or say that they are trans*-friendly, but when it comes to getting pronouns right or just being mindful of what they say…
But despite the lack of accurate portrayal of LGBTQ people with intersectional identities in mainstream media, online resources are helping to fill the gap.
Kaleidoscope Youth Center: kycohio.org, 614.294.5437.
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“So many young people are getting information online before they talk to anyone,” Eldridge said. “They have access to information to know they aren’t alone ... and can start communicating and coming out before they try their parents, friends, teachers.” Web resources help, but data show young people still need face-to-face community affirmation to succeed. The 2013 GLSEN National Student Climate Survey reported only 40 percent of students in Ohio indicated that their school had a gay- straight alliance or similar program in Ohio. GLSEN chapters only exist in Cincinnati, Cleveland and Dayton. Additionally, only 4 percent of Ohio students attend a school with a comprehensive anti-bullying/harassment policy. Groups such as Kaleidoscope, GLSEN and GSA Network are trying to expand their network of GSAs and community support groups. “If they have a supportive school system and supportive friends at school, I think the children are more willing to come out,” said Kevin Mabrey, chair of GLSEN-Greater Dayton. “They learn how to accept themselves, they learn how to accept each other, they learn how to teach each other,” he said. Schools without resources for LGBTQ students can leave those students feeling isolated and disconnected. They also can promote higher levels of bullying, victimization and self-harm and other issues, according to the GLSEN Student Climate Survey. Data from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show LGBTQ youth are twice as likely as others to attempt suicide, with even higher rates for LGB youth of color, and trans*, genderqueer or gender non-conforming youth. “Kids who have supportive GSAs in their schools have better graduation rates, lower suicide rates, and more kids are going to college,” Mabrey said. He said he speaks from personal experience: A lack of resources hindered him from coming out as a teen in Northwest Ohio. “I don’t have any schools that have GSAs where the kids still suffer,” he said. outlookohio.com
But not all schools and administrators are welcoming. Mabrey some schools still are hesitant to offer GSAs, while others reject the idea altogether or deny that LGBTQ kids attend their schools. He said one Dayton-area school principal removed him for trying to propose a GSA. “They don’t want us ‘bringing homosexuality in’ to their schools,” Mabrey said. “There are so many people out there that just don’t understand how many differences there are, and when someone who is different is placed in front of them they don’t know how to act.” To offer alternatives, LGBTQ groups continue to open their doors, literally, to provide a safe space for youth to be themselves. Carey Gibbons, program activities director for the LGBT Community Center of Greater Cleveland, said many of her program participants couldn’t come out at home. “When they leave the center, they are not LGBT,” Gibbons said. “There are success stories where young people will have supporting and caring parents ... but for the most part, most of the youth and young adults are working on their own.” There is definitely a coalition of teams working to develop programs to empower LGBTQ youth - especially marginalized groups within the LGBTQ community. GLSEN Greater Dayton just formed a transgender student committee to provide resources to trans*, genderqueer and gender non-conforming students, their schools and their parents. Partnerships between GLSEN chapters and LGBTQ groups are creating a pipeline of support. Although it can feel lonely being young and LGBTQ, there are organizations that can help, all day, every day. Connecting to our LGBTQ youth is not only vital to their success, but it’s saving lives. And the kids are carrying that message forward. “I made a pact to myself that I will be the gayest kid I can be and show all aspects of my personality without fear, so I could live my life for those who aren’t able to,” Deonte’ said. Orie Givens is a freelance journalist and co-host of the syndicated radio show Queer Minded. Reach him via Twitter @oracle83 or by visiting radioqueerminded.com.
GLSEN Cincinnati: glsen.org/chapters/cincinnati, 1.866.934.9119.
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