February2017 ppt
Transform Any Relationship: The 30-Day Kindness Challenge
www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com
A help for them, a tool for you
Slide 1
The 30-Day Kindness Challenge initiative: • Gives people a do-able, very effective way to improve one or more individual relationships • Gives people a way to improve themselves / opens their eyes to their own need to change • Provides you a compelling way to engage and equip not just current clients, but all those in your circle of influence (former clients, your congregation, and so on) • Helps you reach new men, women and families. • If you would like to do the 30-Day Kindness Challenge with your people directly, it grows your sphere of influence / email list • Provides an opportunity to follow up afterward with the new members of your audience, in whatever way you feel is needed
Conclusion Across All Studies
Slide 2
Whether you thrive in life and relationships is far more related to how you treat other people, than how you yourself are treated.
Slide 3
The 30-Day Kindness Challenge: Pick one or more people as a target for kindness* (your spouse, child, colleague, mother-in-law…). For the next 30 days do these three things: ●
POSITIVITY: Say nothing negative/negatively about your person – either to them or about them to someone else. (If negative feedback is unavoidable, be constructive/encouraging without a negative tone.)
●
PRAISE: Every day, find one positive thing that you can sincerely praise or affirm about your person and tell them, and tell someone else.
●
KINDNESS: Every day, do a small act of kindness or generosity for them.
*Note: this is usually done to improve an individual relationship, but could also be done broadly rather than for a specific person (i.e. ‚Say nothing negative during the day,‛ and so on).
Slide 4
An alternative option for husbands We learned during the study that one specific subgroup --men doing the 30 Day Kindness Challenge for their wives– often achieved better results with a slightly different first element of the kindness challenge.
The ‘don’t say anything negative’ challenge can lead some men to think, Fine, I just won’t talk. Which doesn’t help the marriage! Instead, husbands are encouraged to not be distracted and to give their wife full attention in conversation for at least 15 minutes a day.
We saw great results from this version of the challenge, as well.
Findings From the Study
Big-Picture Conclusions
Slide 5
In studying 700+ individuals who did the 30 Day Kindness Challenge we came to several big-picture conclusions: • Whether we thrive in life and relationship is much more related to how we treat and view other people, than how we are treated. • The three specific elements of the kindness challenge work in synergy to eliminate factors toxic to people, relationships and communities, and multiply those factors that are productive and helpful. • When directed toward a specific relationship (a spouse or child, for example), the 30 Day Kindness Challenge impacts the other person, changes the temperature of the relationship, and changes you.
Three simple habits: Three big changes
Slide 6
Among those who did the challenge, we saw three consistent changes : • Their eyes were opened to the ways they themselves had been unkind, negative, critical, and sabotaging the relationship.
• More appreciation and sincere positivity; a better outlook • Less irritation and conflict; they were significantly more willing to overlook frustrations / give benefit of doubt.
Bottom line: they ended up with a greater desire to be kind. When people are kind to those who irritate them, they end up wanting to be kind to those who irritate them … and the irritation occurs a lot less often or goes away entirely.
Kindness is Powerful
Slide 7
Participants were extensively surveyed before and after they did the 30 Day Kindness Challenge, with these results: • Relationship improved (all relationships):
89%
• Feel more love and affection for romantic partner:
74%
• Feel more loved and appreciated by romantic partner:
66%
• Other person changed (non-romantic relationships):
65%
• Other person changed (romantic relationship):
74%
Slide 8
9 in 10 Relationships Noticeably Improved
Do you believe your relationship improved as a result of the 30 Day Kindness challenge? 89.3%
10.7%
Yes
No
3 in 4 Felt More Love / Affection for their spouse or romantic partner How much love and affection you feel for the other person. Before/after 30 Day Kindness Challenge 74%
21%
5% Improved
No Change
Declined
Slide 9
2 in 3 Felt More Loved / Appreciated BY their spouse or romantic partner
How much YOU feel loved and appreciated by the other person. Before/after 30 Day Kindness Challenge* 66%
NOTE: This quantifies a crucial result of one-sided effort: Even if you are the only one doing the work --and even when your spouse doesn’t know you’re doing it -- in the end you are likely to feel more loved and appreciated.
34%
0% Improved
No change
Slide 10
Declined
*Among those with any room for improvement (i.e. does not include those who were already feeling the highest level of love/ appreciation, and thus could not improve)
Slide 11
3 in 4 saw the other person change NOTE: Even though participants said the main benefit was how much they, themselves, changed…they felt the other person changed too.
Has the other person changed? (romantic relationship)
Has the other person changed?
74%
(relationship other than romantic) 65%
23%
35%
3% They've changed for the better
No change
They've changed for the worse
yes
no
Slide 12
Summary of wgat gappens hnternally…
•
This process changes your feelings about the person. Gives you a new appreciation for them.
•
Shows you that you aren’t nearly as kind as you think you are. (You don’t praise/affirm nearly as much as you think you do.)
•
Shows you how unkind and negative you were before, without realizing it.
•
Shows you your strengths at kindness in ways you didn’t know mattered.
Examples of Unseen Negativity 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Slide 13
‚This Will Be Hard‛ Exasperation, Irritation, and Pointing Out Mistakes Sarcasm Grumbling / Complaining Bitterness (You Hurt Me, I Hurt You) Suspicion Catastrophizing
Example: for “Grumbling”, ask: “Which of the following do you find yourself saying or doing?” • Thinking or saying, “I want it this way, not that way.” • Noticing problems, what wasn’t done, not being done “right,” or isn’t likely to work. • Discounting good that came before, because right now isn’t quite up to snuff. • Thinking or saying, “What was he thinking?” • Beating yourself up over what you did or didn’t do.
How the Challenge works
How You Might Do the Challenge With Your People
Slide 14
There are multiple ways you might use the 30 Day Kindness Challenge: •
As a formal tool in One-on one therapy to improve relationships (‚Here’s your homework assignment until our next session‛)
•
Informally, as a suggested help for those who might benefit.
•
As a diagnostic mechanism. (See the lists in the book and assessments online at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com)
•
As a mechanism to bring a small group together
•
Broadly, to reach a larger or wider group / community (Either as an official 30DKC partner, or more informally)
Slide 15
As a simple diagnostic mechanism •
The specific types of negativity, obstacles to praise, strengths in types of kindness are broken out in The Kindness Challenge book.
•
Online assessments (Kindness Quotient, etc.) available at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com
Slide 16
Encourage Doing the Challenge in Community
The Challenge is better together! Use or encourage your people to use the free small group materials at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com
The Process for 30DKC Partners
Slide 17
• We will give you access to a centralized website housing key collateral for the initiative. (Via 30DKC partner tab on www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com) • Through existing channels (newsletters, social media, broadcasts.) you approach your current sphere of influence /audience to sign up for your 30 Day Kindness Challenge, to start on a given date.
• Encourage your existing audience to invite others to do the Challenge, drawing in new people you haven’t reached before. • You send out the emails from your system (alternatively, have your people sign up at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com and we send the emails) • Engage your audience regularly with updates and blogs (‘here’s how I’m doing, how is your challenge going? Any questions?‛)
Samples of Email Content
Slide 18
Slide 19
Tools / materials in the book and at:
www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com Contact Naomi at [email protected] to become a 30DKC partner (To get login code for partner downloads: 30 days of reminder emails, social media memes, small group materials, etc.)
The Kindness Challenge – Chapter 6, 7, 8 for individual diagnostic checklists on Negativity, Praise, Generosity
www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com
A help for them, a tool for you
Slide 1
The 30-Day Kindness Challenge initiative: • Gives people a do-able, very effective way to improve one or more individual relationships • Gives people a way to improve themselves / opens their eyes to their own need to change • Provides you a compelling way to engage and equip not just current clients, but all those in your circle of influence (former clients, your congregation, and so on) • Helps you reach new men, women and families. • If you would like to do the 30-Day Kindness Challenge with your people directly, it grows your sphere of influence / email list • Provides an opportunity to follow up afterward with the new members of your audience, in whatever way you feel is needed
Conclusion Across All Studies
Slide 2
Whether you thrive in life and relationships is far more related to how you treat other people, than how you yourself are treated.
Slide 3
The 30-Day Kindness Challenge: Pick one or more people as a target for kindness* (your spouse, child, colleague, mother-in-law…). For the next 30 days do these three things: ●
POSITIVITY: Say nothing negative/negatively about your person – either to them or about them to someone else. (If negative feedback is unavoidable, be constructive/encouraging without a negative tone.)
●
PRAISE: Every day, find one positive thing that you can sincerely praise or affirm about your person and tell them, and tell someone else.
●
KINDNESS: Every day, do a small act of kindness or generosity for them.
*Note: this is usually done to improve an individual relationship, but could also be done broadly rather than for a specific person (i.e. ‚Say nothing negative during the day,‛ and so on).
Slide 4
An alternative option for husbands We learned during the study that one specific subgroup --men doing the 30 Day Kindness Challenge for their wives– often achieved better results with a slightly different first element of the kindness challenge.
The ‘don’t say anything negative’ challenge can lead some men to think, Fine, I just won’t talk. Which doesn’t help the marriage! Instead, husbands are encouraged to not be distracted and to give their wife full attention in conversation for at least 15 minutes a day.
We saw great results from this version of the challenge, as well.
Findings From the Study
Big-Picture Conclusions
Slide 5
In studying 700+ individuals who did the 30 Day Kindness Challenge we came to several big-picture conclusions: • Whether we thrive in life and relationship is much more related to how we treat and view other people, than how we are treated. • The three specific elements of the kindness challenge work in synergy to eliminate factors toxic to people, relationships and communities, and multiply those factors that are productive and helpful. • When directed toward a specific relationship (a spouse or child, for example), the 30 Day Kindness Challenge impacts the other person, changes the temperature of the relationship, and changes you.
Three simple habits: Three big changes
Slide 6
Among those who did the challenge, we saw three consistent changes : • Their eyes were opened to the ways they themselves had been unkind, negative, critical, and sabotaging the relationship.
• More appreciation and sincere positivity; a better outlook • Less irritation and conflict; they were significantly more willing to overlook frustrations / give benefit of doubt.
Bottom line: they ended up with a greater desire to be kind. When people are kind to those who irritate them, they end up wanting to be kind to those who irritate them … and the irritation occurs a lot less often or goes away entirely.
Kindness is Powerful
Slide 7
Participants were extensively surveyed before and after they did the 30 Day Kindness Challenge, with these results: • Relationship improved (all relationships):
89%
• Feel more love and affection for romantic partner:
74%
• Feel more loved and appreciated by romantic partner:
66%
• Other person changed (non-romantic relationships):
65%
• Other person changed (romantic relationship):
74%
Slide 8
9 in 10 Relationships Noticeably Improved
Do you believe your relationship improved as a result of the 30 Day Kindness challenge? 89.3%
10.7%
Yes
No
3 in 4 Felt More Love / Affection for their spouse or romantic partner How much love and affection you feel for the other person. Before/after 30 Day Kindness Challenge 74%
21%
5% Improved
No Change
Declined
Slide 9
2 in 3 Felt More Loved / Appreciated BY their spouse or romantic partner
How much YOU feel loved and appreciated by the other person. Before/after 30 Day Kindness Challenge* 66%
NOTE: This quantifies a crucial result of one-sided effort: Even if you are the only one doing the work --and even when your spouse doesn’t know you’re doing it -- in the end you are likely to feel more loved and appreciated.
34%
0% Improved
No change
Slide 10
Declined
*Among those with any room for improvement (i.e. does not include those who were already feeling the highest level of love/ appreciation, and thus could not improve)
Slide 11
3 in 4 saw the other person change NOTE: Even though participants said the main benefit was how much they, themselves, changed…they felt the other person changed too.
Has the other person changed? (romantic relationship)
Has the other person changed?
74%
(relationship other than romantic) 65%
23%
35%
3% They've changed for the better
No change
They've changed for the worse
yes
no
Slide 12
Summary of wgat gappens hnternally…
•
This process changes your feelings about the person. Gives you a new appreciation for them.
•
Shows you that you aren’t nearly as kind as you think you are. (You don’t praise/affirm nearly as much as you think you do.)
•
Shows you how unkind and negative you were before, without realizing it.
•
Shows you your strengths at kindness in ways you didn’t know mattered.
Examples of Unseen Negativity 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Slide 13
‚This Will Be Hard‛ Exasperation, Irritation, and Pointing Out Mistakes Sarcasm Grumbling / Complaining Bitterness (You Hurt Me, I Hurt You) Suspicion Catastrophizing
Example: for “Grumbling”, ask: “Which of the following do you find yourself saying or doing?” • Thinking or saying, “I want it this way, not that way.” • Noticing problems, what wasn’t done, not being done “right,” or isn’t likely to work. • Discounting good that came before, because right now isn’t quite up to snuff. • Thinking or saying, “What was he thinking?” • Beating yourself up over what you did or didn’t do.
How the Challenge works
How You Might Do the Challenge With Your People
Slide 14
There are multiple ways you might use the 30 Day Kindness Challenge: •
As a formal tool in One-on one therapy to improve relationships (‚Here’s your homework assignment until our next session‛)
•
Informally, as a suggested help for those who might benefit.
•
As a diagnostic mechanism. (See the lists in the book and assessments online at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com)
•
As a mechanism to bring a small group together
•
Broadly, to reach a larger or wider group / community (Either as an official 30DKC partner, or more informally)
Slide 15
As a simple diagnostic mechanism •
The specific types of negativity, obstacles to praise, strengths in types of kindness are broken out in The Kindness Challenge book.
•
Online assessments (Kindness Quotient, etc.) available at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com
Slide 16
Encourage Doing the Challenge in Community
The Challenge is better together! Use or encourage your people to use the free small group materials at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com
The Process for 30DKC Partners
Slide 17
• We will give you access to a centralized website housing key collateral for the initiative. (Via 30DKC partner tab on www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com) • Through existing channels (newsletters, social media, broadcasts.) you approach your current sphere of influence /audience to sign up for your 30 Day Kindness Challenge, to start on a given date.
• Encourage your existing audience to invite others to do the Challenge, drawing in new people you haven’t reached before. • You send out the emails from your system (alternatively, have your people sign up at www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com and we send the emails) • Engage your audience regularly with updates and blogs (‘here’s how I’m doing, how is your challenge going? Any questions?‛)
Samples of Email Content
Slide 18
Slide 19
Tools / materials in the book and at:
www.jointhekindnesschallenge.com Contact Naomi at [email protected] to become a 30DKC partner (To get login code for partner downloads: 30 days of reminder emails, social media memes, small group materials, etc.)
The Kindness Challenge – Chapter 6, 7, 8 for individual diagnostic checklists on Negativity, Praise, Generosity
