Role Model One pagers
“I’m not a role model…Just because I dunk a basketball doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.” - Charles Barkley “My job isn’t to tell your kids how to act or how not to act, because I am still figuring that out for myself.” - Miley Cyrus role model noun : someone who another person admires and tries to be like Lord Jacobowitz, former Chief Rabbi of the United Kingdom, quoted in Wikipedia, Jewish Principles of Faith – Chosen as the pioneers of religion and morality. Yes, I do believe that the Chosen People concept as affirmed by Judaism in its holy writ, its prayers, and its millennial tradition [is valid]. In fact, I believe that every people – and indeed, in a more limited way, every individual – is “chosen” or destined for some distinct purpose in advancing the designs of Providence. Only, some fulfill their mission and others do not. Perhaps the Greeks were chosen for their unique contributions to art and philosophy, the Romans for their pioneering services in law and government, the British for bringing parliamentary rule into the world, and the Americans for piloting democracy in a pluralistic society. The Jews were chosen by God to be peculiar unto Me as the pioneers of religion and morality; that was, and is, their national purpose. Psychology Today– The First Impression by: Azadeh Aalai, Ph.D. I always find myself peeved when in the aftermath of negative publicity, or “bad behavior,” celebrities offer the disclaimer that they never set out to be role models. For instance, in the aftermath of her provocative (pornographic?) VMA performance, Miley Cyrus has reportedly stated, “My job isn’t to tell your kids how to act or how not to act, because I am still figuring that out for myself” (as reported in OK Magazine). Similarly, Rihanna has posted on Instagram that, “’Role Model’ is not a position or title that I have ever campaigned for, so chill wit dat!” (Here’s hoping that nobody is modeling her grammar). While it is true that neither female performer has necessarily set out to deliberately be a model for other girls, intention is only one of many factors that determine which figures are elevated to role model status in our culture. Who is following, and who is leading or setting the trends? It may not always be the people who want to be the leaders, or the individuals who are exhibiting the behaviors we would like to see modeled in the larger society. Guess what: The reality is that in today’s ubiquitous celebrity culture, public figures with a spotlight on them, whether for good behavior or bad, are the role models of the 21st century. To suggest otherwise is not only willfully ignorant, but also wildly irresponsible. So to all the Mileys out there, don’t play dumb, you are more media savvy than you let on: own up to the fact that you are a role model, and then decide if the behaviors you are displaying for the masses lives up to who you want to be. Being a role model isn’t a choice; we are all to a greater or lesser extent being observed by others and thus have the capacity to influence others’ choices. Celebrities just have a much wider audience and spotlight for this, and thus it is both a responsibility and a privilege that should not be dismissed
Pirkei Avot 1:6 Joshua the son of Perachia would say: Assume for yourself a master, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every man to the side
Rambam on Prikei Avot 1:6
משנה מסכת אבות פרק א יהושע בן פרחיה ונתאי הארבלי קבלו מהם יהושע בן פרחיה אומר עשה לך רב :וקנה לך חבר והוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות
פירוש המשנה לרמב"ם מסכת אבות פרק א משנה ו
Aquire for yourself a friend- [The Mishnah] uses the expression התחבר: או, עשה לך חבר: ולא אמר, הוציאו בלשון קנייה-וקנה לך חבר ,פנים והכוונה שראוי לאדם שיקנה לעצמו חבר על כל, וכיוצא בזה,לחברים “acquire,” not “provide yourself with a friend,” or “make friends with others.” [This emphasizes the importance of friendship.] For ואם לא מצאו," "אי חברא אי מיתותא: כמו שאמרו,כדי שייתקנו בו כל עניניו ולא, ואפילו ימשכהו לחברות תחילה עד שיהיה חבר, צריך להשתדל בוa person should always have a friend who will [help him] better all כאשר : כמו שיאמרו אנשי המוסר, עד שיחזק חברותו,יסור מלכת אחר רצונו aspects of his conduct, as our Sages commented, “Either comradeואוהב … אלא התחבר לפי מידות חברך, אל תתחבר לפי מידותיך,תתחבר ship or death.” If one does not find one easily, one must make וירצה ,הטוב : והיא, הוא שתהיה תאות שניהם וכוונתם למטרה אחת,המעלה efforts in this direction.If necessary, once should procure his אשר החבר הוא וזה.כל אחד להעזר בחברו בהגיע הטוב ההוא לשניהם יחד friendship until [true] friendship is established. One should not . והוא כחברות הרב לתלמיד והתלמיד לרב,ציוה לקנותו cease accommodating oneself to the other person’s nature until such friendship has been established. Thus, the ethical masters have taught “Do not establish friendship according to your nature; establish friendship according to your friend’s nature.”… A friend befriended for the sake of a higher purpose refers to a situation where both desire focus on a single objective: doing good. Each will desire to draw strength from his colleague, and to attain this good for both. This is the type of friend [the Mishnah] commanded us to acquire.– for example, the comradeship between a teacher and disciple, and between a disciple and his teacher. NSW Parent Council- Why We All Need Role Models By: Steve Biddulph The recent discovery of a second network of neurons running throughout the body, alongside our ordinary motor neurons (that control things like movement, posture, facial expressions, in fact anything that muscles do) - caused some bafflement. It was discovered that these neurons run not to the motor part of our brain, but to the visual part. Gradually it was realized that these nerve cells work by copying what we see. When we see an action or activity, it helps our motor neurons to then replicate that behaviour. The second set of neurons are called “Mirror” neurons because they mirror what we have seen. This is probably the reason why we enjoy watching sport or dancing because our mirror neurons copy those actions and we can imagine the pleasure even as we lie on the couch at home ! The idea of role modelling, seeing complex behaviours carried out by others, as a way of learning to act, feel and think more appropriately, may be the key to how human beings can learn a new skill so quickly, and also develop character and a good attitude. We don’t just learn knowledge, but we take in the whole attitude of the person we learn from - their enthusiasm for a subject can interest us in something we didn’t really care about beforehand. We know that the key to role modelling is perceiving similarity - so boys need to know men who share the same biology and the same challenges and feelings, and have learned how to be fine men. Girls need to see women who have achieved, been strong, shown fairness and kindness, if they are to turn out the same. School is one of the best places for children to meet a range of great adults, often the only place outside the family. The media world, with its Shane Warne’s and Charlie Sheen’s is not a great source of role models. Luckily, close up caring adults rate a lot higher than remote screen heroes. We model most on those we love and admire, and those who care about us. A school should be an extension of family, and the teachers like uncles and aunts, people who form an attachment to us individually. Letting schools be more family-like, making sure there is time, not too great a rush, and not too much emphasis on performance, testing and achieving, so that real contact can be made and there is time for stories, sharing and laughter, ensures that our kids get well developed role models they can carry with them for life.
Pirkei Avot 1:6 Joshua the son of Perachia would say: Assume for yourself a master, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every man to the side
Rambam on Prikei Avot 1:6
משנה מסכת אבות פרק א יהושע בן פרחיה ונתאי הארבלי קבלו מהם יהושע בן פרחיה אומר עשה לך רב :וקנה לך חבר והוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות
פירוש המשנה לרמב"ם מסכת אבות פרק א משנה ו
Aquire for yourself a friend- [The Mishnah] uses the expression התחבר: או, עשה לך חבר: ולא אמר, הוציאו בלשון קנייה-וקנה לך חבר ,פנים והכוונה שראוי לאדם שיקנה לעצמו חבר על כל, וכיוצא בזה,לחברים “acquire,” not “provide yourself with a friend,” or “make friends with others.” [This emphasizes the importance of friendship.] For ואם לא מצאו," "אי חברא אי מיתותא: כמו שאמרו,כדי שייתקנו בו כל עניניו ולא, ואפילו ימשכהו לחברות תחילה עד שיהיה חבר, צריך להשתדל בוa person should always have a friend who will [help him] better all כאשר : כמו שיאמרו אנשי המוסר, עד שיחזק חברותו,יסור מלכת אחר רצונו aspects of his conduct, as our Sages commented, “Either comradeואוהב … אלא התחבר לפי מידות חברך, אל תתחבר לפי מידותיך,תתחבר ship or death.” If one does not find one easily, one must make וירצה ,הטוב : והיא, הוא שתהיה תאות שניהם וכוונתם למטרה אחת,המעלה efforts in this direction.If necessary, once should procure his אשר החבר הוא וזה.כל אחד להעזר בחברו בהגיע הטוב ההוא לשניהם יחד friendship until [true] friendship is established. One should not . והוא כחברות הרב לתלמיד והתלמיד לרב,ציוה לקנותו cease accommodating oneself to the other person’s nature until such friendship has been established. Thus, the ethical masters have taught “Do not establish friendship according to your nature; establish friendship according to your friend’s nature.”… A friend befriended for the sake of a higher purpose refers to a situation where both desire focus on a single objective: doing good. Each will desire to draw strength from his colleague, and to attain this good for both. This is the type of friend [the Mishnah] commanded us to acquire.– for example, the comradeship between a teacher and disciple, and between a disciple and his teacher. NSW Parent Council- Why We All Need Role Models By: Steve Biddulph The recent discovery of a second network of neurons running throughout the body, alongside our ordinary motor neurons (that control things like movement, posture, facial expressions, in fact anything that muscles do) - caused some bafflement. It was discovered that these neurons run not to the motor part of our brain, but to the visual part. Gradually it was realized that these nerve cells work by copying what we see. When we see an action or activity, it helps our motor neurons to then replicate that behaviour. The second set of neurons are called “Mirror” neurons because they mirror what we have seen. This is probably the reason why we enjoy watching sport or dancing because our mirror neurons copy those actions and we can imagine the pleasure even as we lie on the couch at home ! The idea of role modelling, seeing complex behaviours carried out by others, as a way of learning to act, feel and think more appropriately, may be the key to how human beings can learn a new skill so quickly, and also develop character and a good attitude. We don’t just learn knowledge, but we take in the whole attitude of the person we learn from - their enthusiasm for a subject can interest us in something we didn’t really care about beforehand. We know that the key to role modelling is perceiving similarity - so boys need to know men who share the same biology and the same challenges and feelings, and have learned how to be fine men. Girls need to see women who have achieved, been strong, shown fairness and kindness, if they are to turn out the same. School is one of the best places for children to meet a range of great adults, often the only place outside the family. The media world, with its Shane Warne’s and Charlie Sheen’s is not a great source of role models. Luckily, close up caring adults rate a lot higher than remote screen heroes. We model most on those we love and admire, and those who care about us. A school should be an extension of family, and the teachers like uncles and aunts, people who form an attachment to us individually. Letting schools be more family-like, making sure there is time, not too great a rush, and not too much emphasis on performance, testing and achieving, so that real contact can be made and there is time for stories, sharing and laughter, ensures that our kids get well developed role models they can carry with them for life.
