3 Step Module6 Worksheet
MODULE 6: “EFFECTIVELY DEALING WITH ANGER: YOURS AND HIS” REVIEW OF THE THREE-STEP “TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE” SYSTEM: The 3 Steps are: Step One: Step One is: Your “ ________________________ ________________________ .” Discovering and realizing how you have been blaming your partner for your own unhappiness. Part of this Step is to change your________________________ from your partner, whom you cannot change to ________________________ whom you can ________________________ . Step Two: Step Two is: Your “________________________ ________________________ ______________________.” No relationship can survive without at least ________________________ person having a clear and powerful ________________________ of what that relationship could truly be like - what is most desireable in terms of the QUALITIES that are present for both of you. You're the one who's here, so I'm voting on you to be the person to create and hold the vision. Step Three: Step Three is: “Getting from ________________________ ________________________ ________________________ to where you ________________________ ________________________ ________________________ .” Put another way, Step Three is about getting from your Step One to your Step Two.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 1 of 7
In the Step Three presentation, you learned 7 tools you can use toward this end. Review them in the audio recording and in the Worksheet. Choose the ones you want to start with and begin using them right away, if you haven’t already. Once you start getting the benefits from one or two, begin adding in more of those tools, until you can call on all ten whenever you want. Here are some of my favorite tools once again, as a reminder: * Notice and comment on everything he/they do ________________________ . Make it a point to find at least one thing and compliment them at least once a day. * Show ________________________ as much as possible. * ________________________ every time you see everyone in your family - partner and kids.
BE A GOOD REPORTER Remember that the essence of being able to let go of all your judgments and disappoinments and the anger that accompanies them is to become an “outside observer” of your own life, and simply report on what happens and your responses and reactions as if you were a newspaper, radio or TV reporter. “Just the facts, Ma’am.” Remember to: A. Keep a ________________________ of what ________________________ you, and what ________________________ you give it. B. Keep a list of what makes you feel ________________________ , and what meaning you give to that.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet Page 2 of 7
YOUR CLEAR, POWERFUL, IMPERFECT SPOUSE “VISION STATEMENT” Your one-sentence Vision Statement that allows you to compare your reactions and responses from day to day and week to week (and even moment to moment) is the central key to your ability to track and measure your progress and success. You need to know it by heart, and remind yourself of it constantly, so you can be concsiously observing the ways and degree to which you are improving. Fill it in here: I go through each day of this next month with less________________________ and more________________________ .
YOUR MEASURING TOOLS FOR STEP THREE: THE WORKSHEETS In order to determine your progress, you must first determine and measure your “What Is.” The first three days of your self-observations are used to create a ________________________ by first recording and then averaging them. Make sure to keep a log of the things that “trigger” both your “negative” and your “positive” reactions/responses by placing hashmarks in the appropriate columns of the worksheet(s) and reviewing your ________________________ ________________________ .
21-DAY COURSE The design of this Three-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course includes the expectation that those of you who consistently apply the ________________________ and use the ________________________ you learn as they are meant to be ________________________ will experience more ________________________ ________________________ and ________________________ within the ________________________ days during which you are participating in this course.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 3 of 7
This expectation is reflected in the guarantee of this Three-Step 21-Day Course: As long as you participate fully in the course (meaning that you attend and/or listen to the audio recordings of all of the classes AND do the exercises you'll learn) you'll experience measurable positive results in your life in 21 days or less, or your money back. No further question asked.
MODULE 4: “EFFECTIVELY DEALING WITH ANGER: YOURS AND HIS” In Step 3, you learned the following tool: “Take Dominion over your ________________________ .” Let’s explore “anger” in greater depth. Anger is a ________________________ feeling and a doorway to ________________________ meaning. As soon as you feel any ________________________ welling up inside you, open the doorway to your ________________________ meaning. Ask yourself: What ________________________ do I give to this anger? Don't even think about it, simply accept the first thing that comes up for you and be willing to act “as if” that was the “right” answer for you in that moment. ________________________ your answer down on your Module One Homework sheet. Then, stop and ________________________ . Focus on taking onscious, slow, measured breaths, all the way down into your abdomen. As you breathe, say: “ ________________________ !. Say it to yourself on the inside or out loud in the same way as you would if you were entertaining your little toddler with a nursery rhyme and he was getting bored, so you ________________________ the story when he least expected it to an entirely different story. It's a fun game to play in your head.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet Page 4 of 7
________________________ feelings very often cover another ________________________ meaning that you are giving to them - often unconsciously. For instance, when you are angry, when you search deeper you might notice that your anger lies on top of and is being powered by an underly ing sense of disappointment. Many people can get that far in recognizing what lies underneath their anger, but then they ________________________ . It’s not uncommon for some people to maintain their self-________________________ . You may believe that you have a “right” to be disappointed, and that you have the right to make the other person the “ ________________________ ________________________” who was the cause of your disappointment. But the other person is just doing whatever s/he’s doing. You can’t change him or her. YOU are the one who is getting triggered, and YOU are the only one who can decide to change whether you get triggered, and in what way.
Neither ________________________ nor any one ________________________ to be yelled at. No matter ________________________ started it, being yelled at in ________________________ is ________________________ acceptable. There is ________________________ a reason that you ________________________ to be yelled at. Whoever is yelling at you is dealing with issues that may have nothing to do with you.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet Page 5 of 7
WHEN ANGER IS THE FUEL IN A CONVERSATION Although it takes practice (and often it takes inner strength), you do NOT have to participate in angry discussions, under any circumstance. When either you or the person you are interacting with or both of you are angry, that’s not the time to be talking to each other. Instead, stop and say: I will not engage with ________________________ when ________________________ is the ________________________ for our conversation. However, when we can both talk ________________________ , I will be ________________________ ( to work with you to ________________________ what is causing us discord.
To enforce this, you can ask that the person you’re engaged with let go of their anger swiftly so that you can continue to talk, or you must have the strength and courage to end the conversation immediately by walking away or hanging up right then and there. You can say: I will ________________________ this conversation now ONLY if we can do so ________________________ . Otherwise, I’m going to take care of myself by ________________________ this conversation right now, and we can continue later, when both of us are more ________________________ . Once you determine that it’s not a benefit to continue because anger (your’s or the other person’s or both) is still present, do NOT continue to engage. It’s easier and better to simply walk away rather than risk escalating the anger.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 6 of 7
ANGER AND PHYSICAL VIOLENCE Abuse is abuse, period. It doesnt’ matter if it’s verbal or physical abuse. No-one - meaning YOU - should allow him/herself to continue to be abused for any length of time. Not even for a moment. If anger (often accompanied by verbal abuse, which you should ask the other person to change, or walk away from immediately) devolves into physical ________________________ of any sort - even someone simply touching you in an angry way then... no, no, ________________________ ________________________ ________________________ . Neither you nor ________________________ ________________________ deserves any physical violence anytime, ________________________ . If you find yourself in a situation in which you are being abused (verbally, but especially physically), do only two things and do them immediately: 1. Get out. 2. Get help.
SUMMARY Although change CAN happen instantly, transformatively, change is often a ________________________ which must be ________________________ . When it comes to fulfilling the Vision you’ve created about your relationship experience, simply do what you can, where you can, to the extent that you can, and stop judging it; merely measure it. Each day, you need only to be a little less________________________ and a little more ________________________ to fulfill your dreams and enjoy life more! Congratulations!
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 7 of 7
Congratulations Everyone,
This is the end of the 3-Step Transform Your Relationship Experience Course. Congratulations to you for having seen it through to the end. I know that if you did the homework that you have changed things in your life that has enhanced your relationship experience with yourself first and foremost. Also, you have increased and continue to increase your incremental happiness. This would be a good time to visit visit http://rmw/feedback and submit your testimonial. Did the course change your life? In what way? What do you most appreciate learning? Any additional comments you deem relevant. Please note that by your leaving your testimonial at my feedback site you give me permission to use it in my marketing just indicate whether you’d prefer that i share it with your name, or anonymously. If you’d like me to include your picture with your testimonial, let me know when you submit it, and I’ll contact you and tell you how to get me your picture, too. Thank you so much. This is Merle Singer, THE Relationship Miracle Worker. I’m the Founder of RelationshipMiracleWorker.com and the creator of The 3-step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course. I truly believe that we can bring peace to the world, one couple at a time. Now it’s YOUR turn, and I’m very excited for you!
Merle Singer Founder, www.RelationshipMiracleWorker.com Creator, 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” © System Follow me on facebook.com/merlesinger
Note: All contents of this worksheet are International © Merle Singer and Jay Aaron, 2009. All international rights reserved This document is not for public distribution or sale without the express permission of the authors Ê Ê
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 1 of 7
In the Step Three presentation, you learned 7 tools you can use toward this end. Review them in the audio recording and in the Worksheet. Choose the ones you want to start with and begin using them right away, if you haven’t already. Once you start getting the benefits from one or two, begin adding in more of those tools, until you can call on all ten whenever you want. Here are some of my favorite tools once again, as a reminder: * Notice and comment on everything he/they do ________________________ . Make it a point to find at least one thing and compliment them at least once a day. * Show ________________________ as much as possible. * ________________________ every time you see everyone in your family - partner and kids.
BE A GOOD REPORTER Remember that the essence of being able to let go of all your judgments and disappoinments and the anger that accompanies them is to become an “outside observer” of your own life, and simply report on what happens and your responses and reactions as if you were a newspaper, radio or TV reporter. “Just the facts, Ma’am.” Remember to: A. Keep a ________________________ of what ________________________ you, and what ________________________ you give it. B. Keep a list of what makes you feel ________________________ , and what meaning you give to that.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet Page 2 of 7
YOUR CLEAR, POWERFUL, IMPERFECT SPOUSE “VISION STATEMENT” Your one-sentence Vision Statement that allows you to compare your reactions and responses from day to day and week to week (and even moment to moment) is the central key to your ability to track and measure your progress and success. You need to know it by heart, and remind yourself of it constantly, so you can be concsiously observing the ways and degree to which you are improving. Fill it in here: I go through each day of this next month with less________________________ and more________________________ .
YOUR MEASURING TOOLS FOR STEP THREE: THE WORKSHEETS In order to determine your progress, you must first determine and measure your “What Is.” The first three days of your self-observations are used to create a ________________________ by first recording and then averaging them. Make sure to keep a log of the things that “trigger” both your “negative” and your “positive” reactions/responses by placing hashmarks in the appropriate columns of the worksheet(s) and reviewing your ________________________ ________________________ .
21-DAY COURSE The design of this Three-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course includes the expectation that those of you who consistently apply the ________________________ and use the ________________________ you learn as they are meant to be ________________________ will experience more ________________________ ________________________ and ________________________ within the ________________________ days during which you are participating in this course.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 3 of 7
This expectation is reflected in the guarantee of this Three-Step 21-Day Course: As long as you participate fully in the course (meaning that you attend and/or listen to the audio recordings of all of the classes AND do the exercises you'll learn) you'll experience measurable positive results in your life in 21 days or less, or your money back. No further question asked.
MODULE 4: “EFFECTIVELY DEALING WITH ANGER: YOURS AND HIS” In Step 3, you learned the following tool: “Take Dominion over your ________________________ .” Let’s explore “anger” in greater depth. Anger is a ________________________ feeling and a doorway to ________________________ meaning. As soon as you feel any ________________________ welling up inside you, open the doorway to your ________________________ meaning. Ask yourself: What ________________________ do I give to this anger? Don't even think about it, simply accept the first thing that comes up for you and be willing to act “as if” that was the “right” answer for you in that moment. ________________________ your answer down on your Module One Homework sheet. Then, stop and ________________________ . Focus on taking onscious, slow, measured breaths, all the way down into your abdomen. As you breathe, say: “ ________________________ !. Say it to yourself on the inside or out loud in the same way as you would if you were entertaining your little toddler with a nursery rhyme and he was getting bored, so you ________________________ the story when he least expected it to an entirely different story. It's a fun game to play in your head.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet Page 4 of 7
________________________ feelings very often cover another ________________________ meaning that you are giving to them - often unconsciously. For instance, when you are angry, when you search deeper you might notice that your anger lies on top of and is being powered by an underly ing sense of disappointment. Many people can get that far in recognizing what lies underneath their anger, but then they ________________________ . It’s not uncommon for some people to maintain their self-________________________ . You may believe that you have a “right” to be disappointed, and that you have the right to make the other person the “ ________________________ ________________________” who was the cause of your disappointment. But the other person is just doing whatever s/he’s doing. You can’t change him or her. YOU are the one who is getting triggered, and YOU are the only one who can decide to change whether you get triggered, and in what way.
Neither ________________________ nor any one ________________________ to be yelled at. No matter ________________________ started it, being yelled at in ________________________ is ________________________ acceptable. There is ________________________ a reason that you ________________________ to be yelled at. Whoever is yelling at you is dealing with issues that may have nothing to do with you.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet Page 5 of 7
WHEN ANGER IS THE FUEL IN A CONVERSATION Although it takes practice (and often it takes inner strength), you do NOT have to participate in angry discussions, under any circumstance. When either you or the person you are interacting with or both of you are angry, that’s not the time to be talking to each other. Instead, stop and say: I will not engage with ________________________ when ________________________ is the ________________________ for our conversation. However, when we can both talk ________________________ , I will be ________________________ ( to work with you to ________________________ what is causing us discord.
To enforce this, you can ask that the person you’re engaged with let go of their anger swiftly so that you can continue to talk, or you must have the strength and courage to end the conversation immediately by walking away or hanging up right then and there. You can say: I will ________________________ this conversation now ONLY if we can do so ________________________ . Otherwise, I’m going to take care of myself by ________________________ this conversation right now, and we can continue later, when both of us are more ________________________ . Once you determine that it’s not a benefit to continue because anger (your’s or the other person’s or both) is still present, do NOT continue to engage. It’s easier and better to simply walk away rather than risk escalating the anger.
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 6 of 7
ANGER AND PHYSICAL VIOLENCE Abuse is abuse, period. It doesnt’ matter if it’s verbal or physical abuse. No-one - meaning YOU - should allow him/herself to continue to be abused for any length of time. Not even for a moment. If anger (often accompanied by verbal abuse, which you should ask the other person to change, or walk away from immediately) devolves into physical ________________________ of any sort - even someone simply touching you in an angry way then... no, no, ________________________ ________________________ ________________________ . Neither you nor ________________________ ________________________ deserves any physical violence anytime, ________________________ . If you find yourself in a situation in which you are being abused (verbally, but especially physically), do only two things and do them immediately: 1. Get out. 2. Get help.
SUMMARY Although change CAN happen instantly, transformatively, change is often a ________________________ which must be ________________________ . When it comes to fulfilling the Vision you’ve created about your relationship experience, simply do what you can, where you can, to the extent that you can, and stop judging it; merely measure it. Each day, you need only to be a little less________________________ and a little more ________________________ to fulfill your dreams and enjoy life more! Congratulations!
TRMW 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course: “Anger” Worksheet, Page 7 of 7
Congratulations Everyone,
This is the end of the 3-Step Transform Your Relationship Experience Course. Congratulations to you for having seen it through to the end. I know that if you did the homework that you have changed things in your life that has enhanced your relationship experience with yourself first and foremost. Also, you have increased and continue to increase your incremental happiness. This would be a good time to visit visit http://rmw/feedback and submit your testimonial. Did the course change your life? In what way? What do you most appreciate learning? Any additional comments you deem relevant. Please note that by your leaving your testimonial at my feedback site you give me permission to use it in my marketing just indicate whether you’d prefer that i share it with your name, or anonymously. If you’d like me to include your picture with your testimonial, let me know when you submit it, and I’ll contact you and tell you how to get me your picture, too. Thank you so much. This is Merle Singer, THE Relationship Miracle Worker. I’m the Founder of RelationshipMiracleWorker.com and the creator of The 3-step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” Course. I truly believe that we can bring peace to the world, one couple at a time. Now it’s YOUR turn, and I’m very excited for you!
Merle Singer Founder, www.RelationshipMiracleWorker.com Creator, 3-Step “Transform Your Relationship Experience” © System Follow me on facebook.com/merlesinger
Note: All contents of this worksheet are International © Merle Singer and Jay Aaron, 2009. All international rights reserved This document is not for public distribution or sale without the express permission of the authors Ê Ê
