Psyche Chakra 4, Week 1
Psyche Chakra 4, Week 1
Artwork from Will Zero.
Dear Co-hearts, Love. It makes the world go round, draws everything into relationship, and lives at the heart of everything we do. There’s nothing more important and nothing that builds up our psychological defenses quite so quickly as the need to love and be loved. These defenses, originally formed to protect the tender heart of an innocent child, are later fortified through the common experience of rejections, betrayals, and broken love affairs. Over time, the defenses become counterproductive. They actually keep love from entering the very heart they are designed to protect. So finding our way to love is like finding our way to air, its vital element. It is always there, all around us, as we are enveloped in it, invisible though it might be. We just need to remove the blocks that keep us from receiving and expressing that love.
Childhood Development As a child, the heart chakra stage begins after we have “mastered” impulse control in the third chakra and are ready to be “socialized” into the world of preschool, kindergarten and early elementary. Now we shape our actions into behaviors that win us love and approval. Of course, these are culturally sanctioned behaviors, ones that are not always in keeping with the authentic self, so we often lose touch with our innermost being as we try to be any of these things: Nice: Helpful: Smart: Funny: Attractive: Good boy/girl: Neat:
This is also where we start to learn how to be masculine or feminine, according to what is modeled by the culture around us, our family, our big brothers and sisters, and those at school. Here boys learn they can no longer cry and be accepted; girls learn they can’t be angry. We start to separate from aspects of the authentic self and live more and more in our personas or personalities—without even realizing we are doing that. The psychological work of the heart chakra is, in part, reclaiming the authenticity beneath our desire for love. It requires loving all of oneself, even those insecure, messy places that lurk in the shadow of our shining persona.
Identifying and Understanding Parts Exercise Divide a piece of paper into 3 columns and label them this way: • Column A: Socially Acceptable Behaviors • Column B: What I Sacrificed • Column C: What I Gained Under Column A, list behaviors you developed in order to be loved, starting with the list above and adding any of your own. Include those you might have added over time (good bread winner, good mother, toned and skinny, never makes a fuss, etc.) Under Column B, next to items in Column A, write down what you had to sacrifice in order to do that behavior. For example, if it was a being a “good girl” you might have sacrificed “saying no” and being able to be spontaneous or wild. Under Column C, write down what you gained from developing the behaviors in Column A. With the above example, you might have gained approval and security. These gains were important for your psychic survival, but the behaviors and feelings you suppressed lie buried underneath your consciousness. We might call these repressed energies “rejected parts.” Though they may be rejected, these parts still have power, often rising up with vehemence. For instance, you might find yourself overreacting when you don’t get something you need or want, or receive some slight. The mature part of you might wonder, “Why was I so upset?” when it’s really a younger part that threw a tantrum. Now reflect on your list, and notice what feelings come up. Spend some time understanding the tradeoffs you made. When your choices begin to make sense to you, hold the rejected parts in your heart with understanding, forgiveness, and love.
Grief, the Demon of the Heart Ultimately, our psychological work is to return to loving ourselves and heal the hurts in our heart that we have collected through life. This means really feeling ourselves, experiencing, expressing, and releasing our grief, and practicing the ahimsa, or non-violence toward ourselves and others that is the true meaning of Anahata, meaning unstruck or unhurt. We must be good to ourselves and treat ourselves lovingly. Then we will be more likely to do so with others.
We must unhurt our hurts—which means do the healing work—to open the heart. That can be a period of therapy, self-reflection, journal writing, forgiveness, inner compassion, etc. As the heart heals of its wounds, defenses fall away, and love abounds. While grief is appropriate for any real loss, sometimes we carry a pervasive sense of grief, or sometimes we simply get stuck in it, carrying too long after the loss occurs. If this is the case, make a list of the things you miss most: the traits of the person (funny, supportive, good listener, strong, etc) and see how you can develop those traits more yourself. If it is a thing, like a job or a house, make a list of what that thing brought to you: security, status, freedom, recognition, etc. Then see how you can replace those needs appropriately, or else let go of them.
The Attitude of Gratitude What we appreciate appreciates—meaning our very appreciation increases the value of something. When we appreciate our partner, they brighten up and actually look more attractive, and improve their behavior. When we appreciate our home, we take care of it and that care improves its value. List some of the things that you love: from people to objects to experiences such as a beautiful sunrise or the taste of strawberries, or a friend’s smile. As you write each one down, take a moment to fill yourself with gratitude. Then imagine that this person/place/thing is equally grateful for your appreciation. The waterfall might be grateful you visited it, the garden might be grateful you watered it, a person might be grateful for your attention or love.
What is Love for You? What makes you feel loved? What kind of behaviors, thoughts, words, or energy give you that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing you are cared for? For me it’s a certain quality of touch, for others it might be words of support, good listening, being seen, or little gifts. Your loved ones want you to be feel loved. Naming it makes it easier to ask for and lets them know how to serve you. And while you’re at it—know that the more you do these things for others, the more love you are giving, creating, and sharing. Dr. Gary Chapman has developed something he calls the 5 love languages. It is important to find out which ones we tend to use to express our love, and which ones mean the most to us, when someone expresses their love. Words of Appreciation: Giving complements, acknowledgement, encouragement, recognition, saying I love you, etc. Acts of Service: Those thoughtful little things we do for each other. Doing favors for each other, taking care of the kids, washing your car, cooking your favorite meal, doing the laundry. Quality Time: Taking time to really “be” with each other without distractions, whether it’s drinking tea on the couch, taking a family vacation, or just giving someone all your attention when you are with them. Giving Gifts: Say it with flowers, buy little presents, pay for the check in a restaurant, buy something unexpected you know someone will find thoughtful.
Physical Touch: Sometimes it can be said with a little squeeze at the right moment. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, back rubs, sex, and affection in general. How was love expressed in your family of origin? Which do you most appreciate? Which do you give most easily? Do you give what your partner most appreciates? Do they even know what you appreciate or long for? Take this into your relationship. You may even find more love languages? Next week’s email will focus on the heart chakra and the body. Stay tuned! Chakra Blessings, Anodea
Artwork from Will Zero.
Dear Co-hearts, Love. It makes the world go round, draws everything into relationship, and lives at the heart of everything we do. There’s nothing more important and nothing that builds up our psychological defenses quite so quickly as the need to love and be loved. These defenses, originally formed to protect the tender heart of an innocent child, are later fortified through the common experience of rejections, betrayals, and broken love affairs. Over time, the defenses become counterproductive. They actually keep love from entering the very heart they are designed to protect. So finding our way to love is like finding our way to air, its vital element. It is always there, all around us, as we are enveloped in it, invisible though it might be. We just need to remove the blocks that keep us from receiving and expressing that love.
Childhood Development As a child, the heart chakra stage begins after we have “mastered” impulse control in the third chakra and are ready to be “socialized” into the world of preschool, kindergarten and early elementary. Now we shape our actions into behaviors that win us love and approval. Of course, these are culturally sanctioned behaviors, ones that are not always in keeping with the authentic self, so we often lose touch with our innermost being as we try to be any of these things: Nice: Helpful: Smart: Funny: Attractive: Good boy/girl: Neat:
This is also where we start to learn how to be masculine or feminine, according to what is modeled by the culture around us, our family, our big brothers and sisters, and those at school. Here boys learn they can no longer cry and be accepted; girls learn they can’t be angry. We start to separate from aspects of the authentic self and live more and more in our personas or personalities—without even realizing we are doing that. The psychological work of the heart chakra is, in part, reclaiming the authenticity beneath our desire for love. It requires loving all of oneself, even those insecure, messy places that lurk in the shadow of our shining persona.
Identifying and Understanding Parts Exercise Divide a piece of paper into 3 columns and label them this way: • Column A: Socially Acceptable Behaviors • Column B: What I Sacrificed • Column C: What I Gained Under Column A, list behaviors you developed in order to be loved, starting with the list above and adding any of your own. Include those you might have added over time (good bread winner, good mother, toned and skinny, never makes a fuss, etc.) Under Column B, next to items in Column A, write down what you had to sacrifice in order to do that behavior. For example, if it was a being a “good girl” you might have sacrificed “saying no” and being able to be spontaneous or wild. Under Column C, write down what you gained from developing the behaviors in Column A. With the above example, you might have gained approval and security. These gains were important for your psychic survival, but the behaviors and feelings you suppressed lie buried underneath your consciousness. We might call these repressed energies “rejected parts.” Though they may be rejected, these parts still have power, often rising up with vehemence. For instance, you might find yourself overreacting when you don’t get something you need or want, or receive some slight. The mature part of you might wonder, “Why was I so upset?” when it’s really a younger part that threw a tantrum. Now reflect on your list, and notice what feelings come up. Spend some time understanding the tradeoffs you made. When your choices begin to make sense to you, hold the rejected parts in your heart with understanding, forgiveness, and love.
Grief, the Demon of the Heart Ultimately, our psychological work is to return to loving ourselves and heal the hurts in our heart that we have collected through life. This means really feeling ourselves, experiencing, expressing, and releasing our grief, and practicing the ahimsa, or non-violence toward ourselves and others that is the true meaning of Anahata, meaning unstruck or unhurt. We must be good to ourselves and treat ourselves lovingly. Then we will be more likely to do so with others.
We must unhurt our hurts—which means do the healing work—to open the heart. That can be a period of therapy, self-reflection, journal writing, forgiveness, inner compassion, etc. As the heart heals of its wounds, defenses fall away, and love abounds. While grief is appropriate for any real loss, sometimes we carry a pervasive sense of grief, or sometimes we simply get stuck in it, carrying too long after the loss occurs. If this is the case, make a list of the things you miss most: the traits of the person (funny, supportive, good listener, strong, etc) and see how you can develop those traits more yourself. If it is a thing, like a job or a house, make a list of what that thing brought to you: security, status, freedom, recognition, etc. Then see how you can replace those needs appropriately, or else let go of them.
The Attitude of Gratitude What we appreciate appreciates—meaning our very appreciation increases the value of something. When we appreciate our partner, they brighten up and actually look more attractive, and improve their behavior. When we appreciate our home, we take care of it and that care improves its value. List some of the things that you love: from people to objects to experiences such as a beautiful sunrise or the taste of strawberries, or a friend’s smile. As you write each one down, take a moment to fill yourself with gratitude. Then imagine that this person/place/thing is equally grateful for your appreciation. The waterfall might be grateful you visited it, the garden might be grateful you watered it, a person might be grateful for your attention or love.
What is Love for You? What makes you feel loved? What kind of behaviors, thoughts, words, or energy give you that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing you are cared for? For me it’s a certain quality of touch, for others it might be words of support, good listening, being seen, or little gifts. Your loved ones want you to be feel loved. Naming it makes it easier to ask for and lets them know how to serve you. And while you’re at it—know that the more you do these things for others, the more love you are giving, creating, and sharing. Dr. Gary Chapman has developed something he calls the 5 love languages. It is important to find out which ones we tend to use to express our love, and which ones mean the most to us, when someone expresses their love. Words of Appreciation: Giving complements, acknowledgement, encouragement, recognition, saying I love you, etc. Acts of Service: Those thoughtful little things we do for each other. Doing favors for each other, taking care of the kids, washing your car, cooking your favorite meal, doing the laundry. Quality Time: Taking time to really “be” with each other without distractions, whether it’s drinking tea on the couch, taking a family vacation, or just giving someone all your attention when you are with them. Giving Gifts: Say it with flowers, buy little presents, pay for the check in a restaurant, buy something unexpected you know someone will find thoughtful.
Physical Touch: Sometimes it can be said with a little squeeze at the right moment. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, back rubs, sex, and affection in general. How was love expressed in your family of origin? Which do you most appreciate? Which do you give most easily? Do you give what your partner most appreciates? Do they even know what you appreciate or long for? Take this into your relationship. You may even find more love languages? Next week’s email will focus on the heart chakra and the body. Stay tuned! Chakra Blessings, Anodea
