Social Psychology Lecture #8 Interpersonal Attraction Overview ...
Social Psychology Lecture #8 Interpersonal Attraction Overview 1. What attracts us to another person? 2. What is love? 3. Why do we love? 4. How do we maintain relationships? 5. Why do relationships end? 6. How do relationships end? Factors that Influence Attraction 1. Proximity 2. Similarity 3. Reciprocal liking 4. Relationship rewards 5. Physical attractiveness Proximity 1. Sometimes called propinquity 2. Propinquity Effect a. The finding that the more we see and interact with people, the more likely they are to become our friends b. Ex. Festinger, Schachter & Back (1950) 3. Actual physical distance 4. Functional distance a. Certain aspects of architectural design that make it likely some people will come into contact with each other more often than others b. Ex. 5. Why Does Propinquity Effect Happen? a. Availability b. Anticipation of interaction i. Anticipatory liking 1. Expecting that someone will be pleasant and compatible 2. Can be adaptive c. Mere Exposure i. The more we see certain people around, the more familiar they become, the more familiar they are, the more we like them ii. Can occur in the absence of physical exposure 1. Ex. iii. Overexposure deceases liking if there is an initial negative attitude Similarity 1. Attraction to people who are like us
2.
3. 4. 5.
a. Similarity in terms of: i. Opinions ii. Values iii. Attitudes and preferences iv. Personality v. Interests vi. Experiences vii. Appearance Why is similarity important? a. People who are similar to us… i. Will be inclined to like us ii. Provide us with important validation for our characteristics and beliefs iii. Will be enjoyable to spend time with Note that the more attracted we are to someone, the more similar we assume that person is to us a. Actual similarity versus perceived similarity Dissimilarity can increase disliking a. False consensus bias b. Attitude alignment Can opposites ever attract? a. Complementarity
Reciprocal Liking 1. When you like someone and that person also likes you a. Can come about via a self-fulfilling prophecy i. Ex. Curtis & Miller (1986) 2. Flattery & Favours a. Depends on attributions i. Ex. b. Effects of low self-esteem Relationship Rewards 1. Reward Theory of Attraction a. The idea that we are attracted to others who reward us, who we find rewarding, and who we associate with reward i. Evaluative conditioning 1. The idea that stimuli take on the valence of the surrounding situation a. If the surrounding situation is positive, the stimulus takes on a positive valence b. If the surrounding situation is negative, the stimulus takes on a negative valence.
Physical Attractiveness 1. Women a. Feminized i. Prominent cheekbones ii. Moderately broad features b. Large eyes c. Small nose d. Small chin e. Full lips f. Prominent cheekbones g. Narrow cheeks h. WHR of 0.7 2. Men a. Masculinized i. Strong jaw ii. Broad forehead iii. Broad shoulders iv. WHR of 0.9 (only when he has sufficient resources) 3. Universality in standards of beauty a. Symmetry b. “Average” features 4. Contrast effects exist in judgments of physical attractiveness 5. Matching Phenomenon a. The tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a “good match” in attractiveness and other traits 6. “What is beautiful is good” a. Mostly applies to social competence b. Ex. Roszell et al (1990) i. For each additional unit of rated attractiveness, people earned, on average, an additional $1988 annually ii. First impressions (even just .013s exposure) 1. Attractiveness is promptly perceived and primes positive processing 7. Misattribution of Arousal a. The process whereby people make mistaken inferences about what is causing them to feel the way they do What is Love? 1. Definitions of love a. Companionate love, the feelings of intimacy and affection we feel for another person when we care deeply b. Passionate love, the feeling of intense longing accompanied by physiological arousal we feel for another person i. Biological basis (Ex. Aron et al (2005)) c. Cultural differences but good within culture agreement 2. Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
a. The idea that different kinds of love comprise varying degrees of three components: intimacy, passion and commitment i. Intimacy, feelings of being close to and bonded with a partner ii. Passion, feelings of arousal and sexual attraction iii. Commitment, consisting of two decisions: 1. The short-term one to love your partner 2. The long-term one to maintain that love and stay with your partner
Gender & Love 1. Men… a. Fall in love more quickly i. More likely to endorse romantic beliefs 2. But… a. Evidence that both men and women rate several kinds of companionate love as being more important than romantic passionate kinds of love Culture & Love 1. Eastern cultures… a. Value romantic love less than Western cultures i. In Western cultures romantic love is a highly personal experience ii. Often leads to neglect of family and friends for a time iii. In Eastern cultures emphasis is on social relationships 2. But…
3. Love is universal, the differences are in the definition and experience Why Do We Love? 1. Two major explanations a. Evolutionary Explanation of Love b. Attachment Theory Evolutionary Explanation 2. Is derived from evolutionary biology 3. States that men and women are attracted to each other’s characteristics, which maximizes reproductive success 4. Accordingly: a. Men are attracted to a woman’s appearance b. Women are attracted by men’s resources Criticisms of Evolutionary Explanation 1. Untestable 2. Oversimplified 3. Other explanations 4. Ex. Attachment Theory 1. Suggests that our behaviour in adult relationships is based on our experiences as infants with our parents or caregivers 2. Attachment styles a. The expectations people develop about relationships with others, based on the relationship they had with their primary caregiver when they were infants Adult Attachment Styles 1. Secure attachment style 2. Anxious/ambivalent (or preoccupied) attachment style 3. Fearful attachment style 4. Dismissive attachment style Adult Attachment Styles 1. Can have multiple attachment styles depending on the relationship a. Ex. 2. Are attachment styles schemas or personality traits? a. Ex. How Do We Maintain Our Relationships? Social Exchange 1. Social Exchange Theory a. Suggests that how people feel about their relationships depends on: i. Their perception of the rewards and costs of the relationship ii. The kind of relationship they think they deserve
iii. Their chances of having a better relationship with someone else b. Reward-Cost Ratio (Current Outcomes) i. The notion that there is a balance between: 1. The rewards that come from a relationship 2. The costs that come from a relationship c. Comparison Levels, CL i. People’s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they deserve in a relationship ii. Determines satisfaction 1. Ex. d. Comparison level for alternatives, CLalt i. People’s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they would receive in an alternative relationship ii. Determines dependence 1. Ex. Social Exchange: Relationship Types 1. Happy, Stable Relationship a. Likely to be content and stay in relationship b. Doesn’t matter whether CL > CLalt or CL < CLalt 2. Unhappy, Stable Relationship a. CL exceeds current outcomes and b. Current outcomes exceed CLalt c. Leads to dissatisfaction i. Feel that they are getting less than they expect and deserve d. Remain in the relationship i. Still think they are doing better than they would elsewhere 3. Happy, Unstable Relationship a. CLalt exceeds current outcomes and b. Current outcomes exceed CL c. Leads to satisfaction i. Feel that they are getting more than they expect and deserve d. More likely to leave the relationship i. Think they can do better elsewhere 4. Unhappy, Unstable Relationship a. CL and CLalt exceeds current outcomes b. Leads to dissatisfaction i. Feel that they are getting less than they expect and deserve c. More likely to leave the relationship i. Think they can do better elsewhere d. Doesn’t matter whether CL > CLalt or CL < CLalt How Do We Maintain Our Relationships: Equity Theory 1. Equity Theory a. Suggests that people are happiest with relationships in which
i. The rewards and costs that a person experiences and the contributions that s/he makes to the relationship are roughly equal to the rewards, costs, and contributions of the other person ii. Motivated to reduce inequity 1. Underbenefiting – you don’t want to continue to feel bad or be used 2. Overbenefiting – feel guilty and uncomfortable b. We trade in kind i. Casual relationships 1. Rigid tit-for-tat notion of equity 2. Ex. ii. Intimate relationships 1. Looser give-and-take notion of equity 2. Ex. c. Short Term Relationships Are Usually: i. Exchange relationships, in which people are concerned about a fair distribution of rewards and costs d. Long Term, Intimate Relationships Are Usually: i. Communal relationships, in which people are less concerned with an immediate accounting of who is contributing what and are more concerned with helping their partner when s/he is in need How Do We Maintain Our Relationships: Intimacy 1. Developing an intimate relationship a. Knowledge i. Have extensive personal knowledge of each other ii. Share information about desires, dreams, histories and preferences with each other 1. Self-disclosure b. Caring i. Care about each other ii. Share affection and support (emotional, social, instrumental) with each other c. Mutuality i. Think of themselves as ‘us’ instead of ‘me’ and ‘her’ or ‘me’ and ‘him’ ii. Recognize the overlap between their lives 1. Ex: They include the ‘other’ in the ‘self’ d. Trust i. Expect that their partner will treat them fairly and honorably ii. Expect that their partner will be responsive to their needs and be concerned for their welfare e. Interdependency i. The extent to which intimate partners need and influence each other
How Do We Maintain Our Relationships 1. Positive illusions a. Idealizations of our romantic relationships and partners in order to maintain the relationship i. Ex. Murray and colleagues 2. The more we idealize our partner: a. The greater our satisfaction with a relationship b. The more likely our relationship will endure c. The greater our partner’s satisfaction with the relationship Why Do Relationships End? 1. Factors that were responsible for the initial attraction are no longer present a. Ex. 2. Social exchange theories a. Rewards are low and costs are high b. Attractive alternatives available c. Little investment 3. Boredom a. Less socially acceptable How Do Relationships End? 1. Baxter (1982) identified four strategies for dissolution of a relationship: a. Withdrawal/avoidance b. Positive tone c. Manipulative strategies d. Open confrontation
How Do Relationships End 1. Breakdown: Dissatisfaction with relationship
Threshold: “I can’t stand this anymore”
2. Intrapersonal Phase a. Focus on partner’s behaviour b. Assess adequacy of partner’s behaviour c. Depict and evaluate negative aspects of being in the relationship d. Consider costs of withdrawal e. Assess positive aspects of alternative relationships f. Face the “express/repress my thoughts” dilemma
Threshold: “I’d be justified in withdrawing”
3. Dyadic Phase a. Face the “confront/avoid the issue” dilemma b. Confront partner c. Negotiate and discuss “our relationship” d. Attempt to repair relationship and reconciliation e. Assess costs of withdrawal and reducing intimacy for both partners
Threshold: “I mean it”
4. Social Phase a. Negotiate post-breakup state with partner b. Initiate gossip/discussion among friends, family, and others c. Create public face-saving/blame-placing stories and accounts d. Consider and face up to reactions of friends, family, and others e. Call in intervention teams
Threshold: “It’s now inevitable”
5. Intrapersonal Phase a. Engage in “getting over it” activity b. Engage in retrospection: analyze what went wrong c. Publicly distribute own version of the break-up story Relationships Dissolution 1. The role a person plays in the decision to terminate the relationship is a powerful variable, predicting the degree of distress after a breakup a. Those who play an active role suffer less Summary 1. Several factors influence whether we are attracted to others 2. While definitions and experiences of love vary by culture the need for love is universal 3. Two major theories that explain why we love 4. How we maintain a relationship depends on several factors, e.g. equity 5. Different relationships end in different ways, although there are common strategies
2.
3. 4. 5.
a. Similarity in terms of: i. Opinions ii. Values iii. Attitudes and preferences iv. Personality v. Interests vi. Experiences vii. Appearance Why is similarity important? a. People who are similar to us… i. Will be inclined to like us ii. Provide us with important validation for our characteristics and beliefs iii. Will be enjoyable to spend time with Note that the more attracted we are to someone, the more similar we assume that person is to us a. Actual similarity versus perceived similarity Dissimilarity can increase disliking a. False consensus bias b. Attitude alignment Can opposites ever attract? a. Complementarity
Reciprocal Liking 1. When you like someone and that person also likes you a. Can come about via a self-fulfilling prophecy i. Ex. Curtis & Miller (1986) 2. Flattery & Favours a. Depends on attributions i. Ex. b. Effects of low self-esteem Relationship Rewards 1. Reward Theory of Attraction a. The idea that we are attracted to others who reward us, who we find rewarding, and who we associate with reward i. Evaluative conditioning 1. The idea that stimuli take on the valence of the surrounding situation a. If the surrounding situation is positive, the stimulus takes on a positive valence b. If the surrounding situation is negative, the stimulus takes on a negative valence.
Physical Attractiveness 1. Women a. Feminized i. Prominent cheekbones ii. Moderately broad features b. Large eyes c. Small nose d. Small chin e. Full lips f. Prominent cheekbones g. Narrow cheeks h. WHR of 0.7 2. Men a. Masculinized i. Strong jaw ii. Broad forehead iii. Broad shoulders iv. WHR of 0.9 (only when he has sufficient resources) 3. Universality in standards of beauty a. Symmetry b. “Average” features 4. Contrast effects exist in judgments of physical attractiveness 5. Matching Phenomenon a. The tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a “good match” in attractiveness and other traits 6. “What is beautiful is good” a. Mostly applies to social competence b. Ex. Roszell et al (1990) i. For each additional unit of rated attractiveness, people earned, on average, an additional $1988 annually ii. First impressions (even just .013s exposure) 1. Attractiveness is promptly perceived and primes positive processing 7. Misattribution of Arousal a. The process whereby people make mistaken inferences about what is causing them to feel the way they do What is Love? 1. Definitions of love a. Companionate love, the feelings of intimacy and affection we feel for another person when we care deeply b. Passionate love, the feeling of intense longing accompanied by physiological arousal we feel for another person i. Biological basis (Ex. Aron et al (2005)) c. Cultural differences but good within culture agreement 2. Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
a. The idea that different kinds of love comprise varying degrees of three components: intimacy, passion and commitment i. Intimacy, feelings of being close to and bonded with a partner ii. Passion, feelings of arousal and sexual attraction iii. Commitment, consisting of two decisions: 1. The short-term one to love your partner 2. The long-term one to maintain that love and stay with your partner
Gender & Love 1. Men… a. Fall in love more quickly i. More likely to endorse romantic beliefs 2. But… a. Evidence that both men and women rate several kinds of companionate love as being more important than romantic passionate kinds of love Culture & Love 1. Eastern cultures… a. Value romantic love less than Western cultures i. In Western cultures romantic love is a highly personal experience ii. Often leads to neglect of family and friends for a time iii. In Eastern cultures emphasis is on social relationships 2. But…
3. Love is universal, the differences are in the definition and experience Why Do We Love? 1. Two major explanations a. Evolutionary Explanation of Love b. Attachment Theory Evolutionary Explanation 2. Is derived from evolutionary biology 3. States that men and women are attracted to each other’s characteristics, which maximizes reproductive success 4. Accordingly: a. Men are attracted to a woman’s appearance b. Women are attracted by men’s resources Criticisms of Evolutionary Explanation 1. Untestable 2. Oversimplified 3. Other explanations 4. Ex. Attachment Theory 1. Suggests that our behaviour in adult relationships is based on our experiences as infants with our parents or caregivers 2. Attachment styles a. The expectations people develop about relationships with others, based on the relationship they had with their primary caregiver when they were infants Adult Attachment Styles 1. Secure attachment style 2. Anxious/ambivalent (or preoccupied) attachment style 3. Fearful attachment style 4. Dismissive attachment style Adult Attachment Styles 1. Can have multiple attachment styles depending on the relationship a. Ex. 2. Are attachment styles schemas or personality traits? a. Ex. How Do We Maintain Our Relationships? Social Exchange 1. Social Exchange Theory a. Suggests that how people feel about their relationships depends on: i. Their perception of the rewards and costs of the relationship ii. The kind of relationship they think they deserve
iii. Their chances of having a better relationship with someone else b. Reward-Cost Ratio (Current Outcomes) i. The notion that there is a balance between: 1. The rewards that come from a relationship 2. The costs that come from a relationship c. Comparison Levels, CL i. People’s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they deserve in a relationship ii. Determines satisfaction 1. Ex. d. Comparison level for alternatives, CLalt i. People’s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they would receive in an alternative relationship ii. Determines dependence 1. Ex. Social Exchange: Relationship Types 1. Happy, Stable Relationship a. Likely to be content and stay in relationship b. Doesn’t matter whether CL > CLalt or CL < CLalt 2. Unhappy, Stable Relationship a. CL exceeds current outcomes and b. Current outcomes exceed CLalt c. Leads to dissatisfaction i. Feel that they are getting less than they expect and deserve d. Remain in the relationship i. Still think they are doing better than they would elsewhere 3. Happy, Unstable Relationship a. CLalt exceeds current outcomes and b. Current outcomes exceed CL c. Leads to satisfaction i. Feel that they are getting more than they expect and deserve d. More likely to leave the relationship i. Think they can do better elsewhere 4. Unhappy, Unstable Relationship a. CL and CLalt exceeds current outcomes b. Leads to dissatisfaction i. Feel that they are getting less than they expect and deserve c. More likely to leave the relationship i. Think they can do better elsewhere d. Doesn’t matter whether CL > CLalt or CL < CLalt How Do We Maintain Our Relationships: Equity Theory 1. Equity Theory a. Suggests that people are happiest with relationships in which
i. The rewards and costs that a person experiences and the contributions that s/he makes to the relationship are roughly equal to the rewards, costs, and contributions of the other person ii. Motivated to reduce inequity 1. Underbenefiting – you don’t want to continue to feel bad or be used 2. Overbenefiting – feel guilty and uncomfortable b. We trade in kind i. Casual relationships 1. Rigid tit-for-tat notion of equity 2. Ex. ii. Intimate relationships 1. Looser give-and-take notion of equity 2. Ex. c. Short Term Relationships Are Usually: i. Exchange relationships, in which people are concerned about a fair distribution of rewards and costs d. Long Term, Intimate Relationships Are Usually: i. Communal relationships, in which people are less concerned with an immediate accounting of who is contributing what and are more concerned with helping their partner when s/he is in need How Do We Maintain Our Relationships: Intimacy 1. Developing an intimate relationship a. Knowledge i. Have extensive personal knowledge of each other ii. Share information about desires, dreams, histories and preferences with each other 1. Self-disclosure b. Caring i. Care about each other ii. Share affection and support (emotional, social, instrumental) with each other c. Mutuality i. Think of themselves as ‘us’ instead of ‘me’ and ‘her’ or ‘me’ and ‘him’ ii. Recognize the overlap between their lives 1. Ex: They include the ‘other’ in the ‘self’ d. Trust i. Expect that their partner will treat them fairly and honorably ii. Expect that their partner will be responsive to their needs and be concerned for their welfare e. Interdependency i. The extent to which intimate partners need and influence each other
How Do We Maintain Our Relationships 1. Positive illusions a. Idealizations of our romantic relationships and partners in order to maintain the relationship i. Ex. Murray and colleagues 2. The more we idealize our partner: a. The greater our satisfaction with a relationship b. The more likely our relationship will endure c. The greater our partner’s satisfaction with the relationship Why Do Relationships End? 1. Factors that were responsible for the initial attraction are no longer present a. Ex. 2. Social exchange theories a. Rewards are low and costs are high b. Attractive alternatives available c. Little investment 3. Boredom a. Less socially acceptable How Do Relationships End? 1. Baxter (1982) identified four strategies for dissolution of a relationship: a. Withdrawal/avoidance b. Positive tone c. Manipulative strategies d. Open confrontation
How Do Relationships End 1. Breakdown: Dissatisfaction with relationship
Threshold: “I can’t stand this anymore”
2. Intrapersonal Phase a. Focus on partner’s behaviour b. Assess adequacy of partner’s behaviour c. Depict and evaluate negative aspects of being in the relationship d. Consider costs of withdrawal e. Assess positive aspects of alternative relationships f. Face the “express/repress my thoughts” dilemma
Threshold: “I’d be justified in withdrawing”
3. Dyadic Phase a. Face the “confront/avoid the issue” dilemma b. Confront partner c. Negotiate and discuss “our relationship” d. Attempt to repair relationship and reconciliation e. Assess costs of withdrawal and reducing intimacy for both partners
Threshold: “I mean it”
4. Social Phase a. Negotiate post-breakup state with partner b. Initiate gossip/discussion among friends, family, and others c. Create public face-saving/blame-placing stories and accounts d. Consider and face up to reactions of friends, family, and others e. Call in intervention teams
Threshold: “It’s now inevitable”
5. Intrapersonal Phase a. Engage in “getting over it” activity b. Engage in retrospection: analyze what went wrong c. Publicly distribute own version of the break-up story Relationships Dissolution 1. The role a person plays in the decision to terminate the relationship is a powerful variable, predicting the degree of distress after a breakup a. Those who play an active role suffer less Summary 1. Several factors influence whether we are attracted to others 2. While definitions and experiences of love vary by culture the need for love is universal 3. Two major theories that explain why we love 4. How we maintain a relationship depends on several factors, e.g. equity 5. Different relationships end in different ways, although there are common strategies
