Quieting the Inner Critic

 

Quieting the Inner Critic “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” —Henry Ford By developing the ability to become neutral about your thinking, you experience your thoughts not as reality, but as mental events that enter into your awareness and that can be allowed simply to pass by without needing to be believed. This newfound perspective can help to improve your relationship with yourself and with others. Your Own Worst Critic We have all failed; it is the nature of being human. For example, each of us knows how it feels to hurt another person, to be insensitive, impulsive and even unkind. There is a difference between taking responsibility for our past mistakes and blaming ourselves. Self-blame causes feelings of guilt and shame—showstoppers when it comes to feeling happy and connected to the present moment. Think of a bad event that happened in your life—a personal setback, divorce, job loss, injury or death of a loved one. How did you react during a major life event like this? Did you blame yourself? Did you think that if you had been smarter or more capable, it wouldn’t have happened? Did you feel ashamed? When we feel shame, we get lost in that emotion and are less able to direct our energy to righting the wrong and making new choices. Shame is a big stick we pick up and beat ourselves over the head with when we judge ourselves as failing or taking a wrong turn in life. Some of us drown in our shameful feelings, while others avoid them altogether. We find ways to numb out—by using the comfort food strategy or the TV strategy, for example. To live in the present moment, we must make peace with ourselves and let go of the past. Only then can we can move into living life today. Later this week we’ll return to the topic of healing the past.

 

If You Think You Can... A crucial step toward living fully in the present moment is developing the courage to look deeply into yourself and reveal what motivates you in life. Is your motivation based in positive self-regard? Or is it based in fear and self-doubt? All of us have components of both, but often one dominates. Mindfulness practice gives us the opportunity to become more deeply aware of our own inner dialogue—not always a welcome discovery, but essential to living in the present moment. We become aware, for example, of feeling doubtful and insecure, of blaming ourselves for our failures. If we spend our time thinking we’re not good enough or not capable enough, we limit ourselves and set ourselves up for failure. Our thoughts become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The truth is that if you think you can, then you can, and if you think you can’t, then you can’t. Not believing everything you think about yourself provides you the opportunity— maybe for the first time in your life—to question these thoughts and feelings of not being enough. During this week’s relaxation practice, you will be directed to recognize your thoughts, accept the feelings attached to those thoughts and then gently let them go. You will learn how to anchor your awareness to your breath, returning to it whenever you notice your thoughts emerging. With consistent meditative practice, you learn to stop the downward spiral of negative self-talk and to quiet your inner critic. Once you are able to distance yourself from negative self-talk, you can begin a new relationship with yourself. Instead of blaming yourself when life becomes challenging, you can respond with care and concern for yourself. Being connected with others, with the present moment and the world as a whole, begins with treating oneself with kindness and compassion.