cpfl 7CriticalSkills Lesson7DirectCandid
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Candid & Direct Communication In delivering my seminars and webinars on The 7 Deadliest Sins of Leadership & Workplace Communication to over 15,000 participants in the last four years since publishing the original white paper, audiences have overwhelmingly identified a “Lack of Directness & Candor” as the most serious and damaging of the seven in regards to what it can do over time to individual relationships and organizational culture. •
CANDID & DIRECT COMMUNICATION o o o o o
Definition Manifestations Causes Cures Caveats & Paradoxes
Definition: Dictionary.com provides this definition of candor: 1. The state or quality of being frank, open, and sincere in speech or expression; 2. Freedom from bias; fairness; impartiality: to consider an issue with candor. Manifestations: Here are just some of the ways a “lack of directness and candor” manifest to the detriment of both the victim and perpetrator: • Negative gossip around the water cooler about someone who is not around to defend themselves. • Informing of mis-behaviors or poor performance to a supervisor about another team member without telling the person first. • Sarcasm and passive-aggressive communication and behavior. • Holding a team meeting to discuss generic policies, procedures, values or behaviors that are being violated by an individual team member without addressing the individual perpetrator privately. List at least 3 situations where you’ve experienced a lack of directness and candor that damaged a relationship and or a team or organization’s culture? •
•
•
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
1
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Causes: • Low levels of _______________________ - ________________________________: causes us to build ourselves up by tearing down others • _______________________ communication habits.
• Fear of the ________________________________.
• Fear of _________________________________.
• CAPD: ______________________ ________________ _____________ ____________ or Fear of ___________________________________.
• Lack of ___________________________________ communication skills.
• Misunderstanding the meaning of confrontation, which means, “____ __________ ______ _________________ ________!”
• Low ___________________________________ status with the other individual. Not having a high enough level of ________________ and commitment to a ________________ ________________, and therefore do not have “standing” to confront them directly, or we don’t have “________________ ________________” with ________________ over them, addressing the individual directly is avoided.
• Organizational leaders/managers that ________________ it, ________________ and ________________ it. (see all other causes above for the reasons this occurs).
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
2
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Cures: • Decide that direct and candid communication must be part of your team or organization’s culture and refuse to buy into, and contribute and reinforce whatever communication comes to you that is not for you. o
Be diligent in ___________________________ that type of communication and let the individual know that you do not want to hear it because you can’t do anything about it. Tell them they must talk to the source of the issue/problem directly to resolve the issue themselves.
o
Commit yourself to going ____________________ to the _________________ in situations when necessary.
o
Build up your ___________ - __________________ to feel worthy of what you need from the other person.
o
Assess the level of __________________ with the other individual and realize you may not have the type relationship yet to have a direct and candid conversation with them until you raise the bar on the level of trust between you.
o
______________________________ every important conversation you need to have and the subjects you need to discuss. Be 100% honest with yourself to ensure you are having the “right conversation with the right person at the right time!” See diagram below:
o
Get training/coaching on how to communicate with directness and candor, with “influencing and confrontation communication skills.”
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
3
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
o
Work to build your own ______________ - __________________________ and ______________ - __________________________ so that you can _____________________________ confront issues directly and candidly.
o
Assess the level of __________________ with the other individual and realize you may not have the type relationship yet to have a direct and candid conversation with them until you raise the bar on the level of trust between you.
o
Develop the habit of being ______________________________ and _______________________, not judgmental. One of the issues with addressing issues directly and candidly is that the person with whom we are communicating feels as though they are being challenged and judged about their actions, their performance or their behaviors. The best way to approach a situation is with curiosity to understand what happened and why. Doing so without judgment and applying Stephen Covey’s communication habit of “seek first to understand” will go a long way to a positive conversation that can lead to resolution.
o
________________________ call a team meeting to address an issue being caused by just a few people on the team. All team members know who the perpetrators are. Go to them directly with your concern and ask specifically for a change in their behaviors, attitudes, performance, etc. Allow them the dignity to be confronted directly (remember Lesson #3, “at the first mot appropriate time), and to change their behavior on their own without being called out publicly, or brought into a meeting where everyone knows who is being talked about, except the perpetrator.
Caveats & Paradoxes: • Understand the _______________________ and __________________ of the relationship you have with the individual with whom you need to have a direct and candid conversation. Realize that the level of openness the individual will have will be directly related to the level of trust and commitment to a common vision you have with this person. o
Depending on the situation and the urgency, you may want to wait to have the conversation until you have developed a higher-level relationship, and have the direct/candid conversation about the relationship issue.
• Be sure you have crafted your request of the individual in terms consistent with the other communication lessons in this series, e.g., the right amount of specificity, focused the desirable behaviors, appropriate tone and body language, etc.
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
4
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Based on Lesson 7… What is the most important thing you learned about interpersonal communication in this lesson? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ What specific things will you work on to be a more effective communicator this week so you can begin to build new habits around communicating with greater clarity? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ In what specific situations can you begin to practice these learning’s this week? With whom, specifically? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ What difference do you believe it will make, personally and professionally? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
5
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Candid & Direct Communication In delivering my seminars and webinars on The 7 Deadliest Sins of Leadership & Workplace Communication to over 15,000 participants in the last four years since publishing the original white paper, audiences have overwhelmingly identified a “Lack of Directness & Candor” as the most serious and damaging of the seven in regards to what it can do over time to individual relationships and organizational culture. •
CANDID & DIRECT COMMUNICATION o o o o o
Definition Manifestations Causes Cures Caveats & Paradoxes
Definition: Dictionary.com provides this definition of candor: 1. The state or quality of being frank, open, and sincere in speech or expression; 2. Freedom from bias; fairness; impartiality: to consider an issue with candor. Manifestations: Here are just some of the ways a “lack of directness and candor” manifest to the detriment of both the victim and perpetrator: • Negative gossip around the water cooler about someone who is not around to defend themselves. • Informing of mis-behaviors or poor performance to a supervisor about another team member without telling the person first. • Sarcasm and passive-aggressive communication and behavior. • Holding a team meeting to discuss generic policies, procedures, values or behaviors that are being violated by an individual team member without addressing the individual perpetrator privately. List at least 3 situations where you’ve experienced a lack of directness and candor that damaged a relationship and or a team or organization’s culture? •
•
•
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
1
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Causes: • Low levels of _______________________ - ________________________________: causes us to build ourselves up by tearing down others • _______________________ communication habits.
• Fear of the ________________________________.
• Fear of _________________________________.
• CAPD: ______________________ ________________ _____________ ____________ or Fear of ___________________________________.
• Lack of ___________________________________ communication skills.
• Misunderstanding the meaning of confrontation, which means, “____ __________ ______ _________________ ________!”
• Low ___________________________________ status with the other individual. Not having a high enough level of ________________ and commitment to a ________________ ________________, and therefore do not have “standing” to confront them directly, or we don’t have “________________ ________________” with ________________ over them, addressing the individual directly is avoided.
• Organizational leaders/managers that ________________ it, ________________ and ________________ it. (see all other causes above for the reasons this occurs).
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
2
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Cures: • Decide that direct and candid communication must be part of your team or organization’s culture and refuse to buy into, and contribute and reinforce whatever communication comes to you that is not for you. o
Be diligent in ___________________________ that type of communication and let the individual know that you do not want to hear it because you can’t do anything about it. Tell them they must talk to the source of the issue/problem directly to resolve the issue themselves.
o
Commit yourself to going ____________________ to the _________________ in situations when necessary.
o
Build up your ___________ - __________________ to feel worthy of what you need from the other person.
o
Assess the level of __________________ with the other individual and realize you may not have the type relationship yet to have a direct and candid conversation with them until you raise the bar on the level of trust between you.
o
______________________________ every important conversation you need to have and the subjects you need to discuss. Be 100% honest with yourself to ensure you are having the “right conversation with the right person at the right time!” See diagram below:
o
Get training/coaching on how to communicate with directness and candor, with “influencing and confrontation communication skills.”
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
3
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
o
Work to build your own ______________ - __________________________ and ______________ - __________________________ so that you can _____________________________ confront issues directly and candidly.
o
Assess the level of __________________ with the other individual and realize you may not have the type relationship yet to have a direct and candid conversation with them until you raise the bar on the level of trust between you.
o
Develop the habit of being ______________________________ and _______________________, not judgmental. One of the issues with addressing issues directly and candidly is that the person with whom we are communicating feels as though they are being challenged and judged about their actions, their performance or their behaviors. The best way to approach a situation is with curiosity to understand what happened and why. Doing so without judgment and applying Stephen Covey’s communication habit of “seek first to understand” will go a long way to a positive conversation that can lead to resolution.
o
________________________ call a team meeting to address an issue being caused by just a few people on the team. All team members know who the perpetrators are. Go to them directly with your concern and ask specifically for a change in their behaviors, attitudes, performance, etc. Allow them the dignity to be confronted directly (remember Lesson #3, “at the first mot appropriate time), and to change their behavior on their own without being called out publicly, or brought into a meeting where everyone knows who is being talked about, except the perpetrator.
Caveats & Paradoxes: • Understand the _______________________ and __________________ of the relationship you have with the individual with whom you need to have a direct and candid conversation. Realize that the level of openness the individual will have will be directly related to the level of trust and commitment to a common vision you have with this person. o
Depending on the situation and the urgency, you may want to wait to have the conversation until you have developed a higher-level relationship, and have the direct/candid conversation about the relationship issue.
• Be sure you have crafted your request of the individual in terms consistent with the other communication lessons in this series, e.g., the right amount of specificity, focused the desirable behaviors, appropriate tone and body language, etc.
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
4
The 7 Critical Communication Skills of Confident & Influential Leaders
Power Communicator Critical Skill #7 Communicating With Directness & Candor
Based on Lesson 7… What is the most important thing you learned about interpersonal communication in this lesson? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ What specific things will you work on to be a more effective communicator this week so you can begin to build new habits around communicating with greater clarity? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ In what specific situations can you begin to practice these learning’s this week? With whom, specifically? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ What difference do you believe it will make, personally and professionally? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
© 2016 Weisman Success Resources, Inc. – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
www.YourChampionshipCompany.com
5
